The Met Office:
This worse-than-fucking-useless shower (haha) of excrement try to cover all the bases.
Monday- “A Spanish plume will send temperatures spiralling upwards, making it fucking redders for the next 3 months. Fire up the barbie, me hearties, and drink your own body weight in Newcy Brown”.
Tuesday- “The jet stream will suddenly move southwards this week, and it’ll be fucking freezing for the next few weeks. Put that barbie away, you silly cunts.”
I really don’t see the need for these (taxpayer-funded) fuckwits anyway- all you’ve got to do is look out of the fucking window to see what the weather’s doing.
They also predict ” a frigid pool of numbing air sinking southwards across the nation”- does this mean that fucking witch Krankie is planning to visit us?

Get fucked.

Nominated by cuntzilla

The mail is the highest selling daily in the UK and until fairly recently reflected the views of middle England to an extent, but now they have lost the plot completely. Almost unforgivable they decided to side with traitor May over Brexit, but the bales of straw that fucked this camel’s back are their hounding of Tommy Robinson and UKIP. The cunts can’t even print his name without resorting to the so called BBC trick of giving his “real” name in the same sentence.

The hatchet job on ukip candidate Carl Benjamin this Sunday was breathtakingly hypocritical, as in the preceding pages they had condemned the selective misrepresentation of Roger Scruton’s statements by the lefty media.

Count Dankula, another ukip candidate with a significant online following, has also been targeted with the sort of biased untruthful smears one would expect from the guardian. I will never purchase their pile of cunt again, but may continue to peruse the pub copy’s racing page on Saturdays. Yesterday I signed up for the Brexit Party, £25 well spent.

Nominated by Themagiccunt

Moby. The Thick Cunt.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6964877/Moby-reveals-hit-rock-bottom-attempted-suicide.html
The 53 year old musician punched himself in the face after a failed relationship. This may or may not have been after he dated/shagged Natalie Portman.

“One night, years earlier, after another relationship failed because of panic, my frustration and anger boiled over until I started punching myself in the face. I hit myself once. Then again. Then again, very hard, making myself fall backward onto the floor. For a second it felt good and even justified – I had punched myself in my worthless face. Then I was scared, because I didn’t know if I was sane. Sane people generally didn’t punch themselves in the face until they fell down.”

What a cunt. A complete and utter cunting McCunt. From Cuntsville. Money, fame and shagging a hot famous chick and he can’t get his shit together? Him and Damon Albarn should go and co-habit and twiddle each other over how hard life is.And how everyone is being nasty to ole Theresa May. Maybe they could play at the Windsor Horse show on May 8th for all the horse faced relics who claim to have met Prince Charles once. They could all start a charity. A rescue pop relics from themselves charity. Get Prince Charles as a patron. God knows on some level they all deserve each other.

Nominated by CaliAngel

Moby the bald-headed environmentalist cock-sucker, purveyor of shit music, recently revealed that he rubbed his cock on an unaware Donald Trump at a crowded party. The public reaction – zilch. The so-called anti-rapists are SILENT. Funny how none of those hyper-sensitive PC MeTooCunts are accusing Moby the uber lib of being a creepy monster. Could you imagine if the roles had been reversed or Hilary Clinton had been the ‘victim’? It seems sexual assault is only wrong if you’re a hetro-normal white male, and god help you if your politics are on the right.

And British police recently came under critisicm . actual CRITISICM, for simply mooting the idea they will want to look at the mobiles of women who cry rape! God forbid fake rape claimants should actually be discouraged in some way from making malicious claims of sexual assault, becuase everyone knows there’s no chance of them actually being prosecused if and when found out.

Nominated by MandroidZ

Interfering Incomers.

A pub in a village a few miles away from me closed a while ago. It was a shithole. The owner has now applied to convert it into a private house. Several “locals” have objected saying that it should remain as a pub as it was an amenity. It’s not the long-time locals objecting,it’s the fucking incomers. Never mind that most of them hardly ever drank in the place,they think that the owner should,apparently, run at a loss just in case they fancy making their yearly appearance.
My own local village is also plagued by the same sort. The incomers objected to a farmer converting one of his old barns into a hostel/ camping site. They even got a petition up. Although they didn’t ask me to sign it,I told the organisers that I rather hoped that the new business was hired long-term by Social Services and used to give troubled children and Pikeys a well-deserved holiday.

What really fucks me off is the way that these people have built extensions,conservatories etc. on their overpriced farm-labourers’ cottages and nobody objected….now all we hear is ” It’ll change the whole character of the village”. Well, they’ve changed the whole character of the village themselves,and not for the better. Dreadful middle-management types with social worker/teacher wives imagining that they are the guardians of the “unspoiled beauty.”….Load of utter shite. The area can not just stand still because these appalling people want to pull up the drawbridge.

Luckily I don’t live near enough to the village to have to deal with them often,and since I stopped them using a nearby field for their “family fun day”,they try not to have too much to do with me. Black+ White Cunt actually gave me an idea the other day when he suggested organising a music festival. I think that I’ll apply to have a weekend long rave in the field that they used to use,and make sure that it’s on the same weekend as their fucking family fun-day…see how they like that one up them.

Fuck them.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

Another nomination for that tiresome whinger, Mr Dynamic himself, Andy Murray. Now talking about how he might enter Wimbledon, but won’t succumb to any pressure to do so. The same tosser who wept like a baby a few months ago in front of the tv cameras when he announced his ‘retirement’ Nothing like a bit of publicity eh, you boring tosser.

Nominated by Mystic Maven