The female orgasm…

This isn’t an invitation for all the wannabe Lotharios on is-a-c to start telling me about how I need to get more ‘experience’ or grow a bigger cock. Those things I am well aware of.

Some background—I am a 30 something guy, shockingly average sized penis but nonetheless pushing into triple digits on the lady-front. Some asians, some latinos, posh brits, chavs, some wannabee models and more than a few land-whales—a solid equal opportunities mix. Don’t pay for it, except that Filipino in Hong Kong who tricked me with a game of Connect Four, but that’s another story.

I would be the first to admit that my technique could be improved—I would never be so arrogant, a man can always work on his game. But I have experienced enough screamers and enough stiffs to realise that, unlike the glib comments by the fat slags on daytime TV, it isn’t men who are the problem—some women are just unbelievably difficult to get even the slightest murmur out of in the bedroom.

Yes I get it, every women is different. But it is the sheer lack of consistency that pisses me off. It’s like taking a nice shiny car for a test drive—it looks good from the outside, but jumping behind the wheel you find the pedals swapped, the gears in reverse and the sound system glued on Radio 4. The Ford Fiesta you had the other day was screaming her head off, but this Renault won’t get out of second gear. Why? Why am I spending my precious evenings learning a new set of controls like I am in trying a new Cessna in Microsoft Flight Simulator, or just doubling up my gym routine on some unresponsive tart—I could be doing better things, like reading or washing the dishes. I guess it comes to a point in a man’s life when bad sex just isn’t worth it anymore.

Thankfully I am getting to the age when some of these bints have the courtesy to say ‘I’m sorry but i don’t think I can cum tonight’. Thank god! It’s the equivalent of the engine warning light coming on. No need to fiddle with it anymore, finish off what you are doing, grab a beer, leave it alone until further notice, maybe have another go in the morning (their brain is less self-loathing at this point) and plan your escape to greener pastures.

We all know it is in their heads. All this chat of ‘knowing how to use it’, girth, blah blah…. It’s all just cover for the fact a shockingly high proportion of women cannot get into the right headspace to enjoy sex until you make them feel comfortable, like they are some fucking puppy moving into a new home or something. This is not going to happen—I mean, what a ludicrous investment proposition! Keep fucking me and maybe, maybe, I might enjoy it eventually. Or parachute out of that clunge and go hunting for a less damaged specimen. Easy choice in my book.

If this was men cruising around the dancefloor not sure whether they had the right mental fortitude to maintain even the limpest erection then I think we would all agree that that person was wasting their fucking time. It is just plain manners after all. I don’t pretend to know how to salsa dance so I don’t seduce women with the promise of my salsa repertoire—that would be false advertising. Why do women seem to get a free fucking pass when it comes to the bedroom? (don’t get me started about padded bras, how is that allowed in this day?)

So women of the world—sort your headspace out, find out what gets you off, produce an instruction manual, pass it to me while I am fingering you in the taxi home, and stop wasting men’s precious time with mediocre sex. Cunts.

Nominated by Dick Malone

This cunt should be banned from parliament. I wonder if anything he says is truthful. His most recent verbal bollocks was a comment he made regarding his flip flop to the Lib Dems, “This is the party I’ll be a member of, until the day I die”. Fuck off Chuka, how many times have you said that before? I bet you said that upon joining the Labour party. Let’s not forget this is the third party you’ve been a member of this year, a hooker has more commitment than you.

He also said that the lib dums gave him “A warm welcome” (£££) I bet they did you greedy little attention seeker. His constituents, because let’s not forget somehow this clown is an MP, in Streatham won’t know what the fuck this prick stands for anymore, I mean how are they supposed to hold him accountable when they don’t even know which party and manifesto he stands for. Democracy in this country has become a joke, it’s like the football manager merry go round, you can be utterly fucking useless in one position, so jump ship and start the whole process off again and be an utter shithouse somewhere else.

I hope this bastard gets his comeuppance come the next local elections. Cunt.

Nominated by elboobio

Hope not Hate – Part II

The Guardian is running an article written by a Hope Not Hate activist bragging about how they undermined Tommy Robinson’s campaign to become an MEP.

The rights and wrongs of Tommy Robinson you can decide for yourself, but this time it’s Tommy, next time who will they target?

I believe Hope not Hate received or have received government funding via a third party, so I would think Hope Not Hate would be barred from political interference. Like Milkshakes this sort of campaign is fine when directed at anyone on the right.

Guardian, written by cunts for cunts. Hope Not Hate, self appointed and self righteous guardians of freedom.

Wankers and extremists

Add Avaaz

I quote their self appreciation for their work during the EU elections.

“Working from a war room in Brussels our team of 30 uncovered what 30,000 Facebook monitors had missed — a massive web of disinformation networks churning out toxic lies in the heart of Europe. We sent over 700 pages of detailed investigation results to Facebook, showing how these networks operate, coordinate, use fake accounts, and mislead people”

“By the end, top EU politicians, journalists, and security experts were coming to our war room every single day for information and briefings, and Facebook publicly thanked us. Avaaz is now the epicenter of global efforts to combat disinformation.

“And our work made headline news all over the world, from the top story on The Guardian, to the front page of The New York Times, to Le Monde, Der Spiegel, and El Mundo — warning hundreds of millions of Europeans of the disinformation threat just before the elections. Just look at the coverage! ”

So the colluded with the EU to manipulate the electorate.

Nominated by Sixdog Vomit

Another nomination for channel 4 – this time for an hour long cuntfest, literally, called ‘100 Vaginas’ where Laura Dodsworth,whoever the fuck she is, asked 18 women about how their vagina has shaped their lives. This abomination was on on the 27th, apparently.

18 women and 100 vaginas, still trying to work that one out.
I suppose this was the TV version of Radio 4’s wimminz hour.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

Abdullah Patel is a cunt. Who is this nobody you ask? Another member of the religion of piss, this camel botherer was given the opportunity to wade into the leadership candidate debate and ask what the candidates would do to address the issue of islamophobia within the party. Have you ever heard such shite? Imagine one of us in the middle east asking such a question for the way no mudslimes are treated. Anyway, the cunt has said that he was disappointed with the response.

Well funnily enough you stinking fuck, it is a non existent problem. Disagreeing with one religions “ideals” is not phobic, it is an opinion expressed by an individual after careful weighing up of all the information available. Even if it were this country has bigger problems that need addressing.

Finally, if you don’t like it here and like many of my fellow cunter’s have suggested to you and your brethren. FUCK OFF to some middle eastern shitehole.

CUNT

Nominated by McCunterson