Just like the unflushable turds they are, the East London boy done bad, David Beckham, ex footballer, now media God and spunk donor for a family of publicity hungry scum, and his ugly scrawny wife, who looks as if she is Anal Ease Dodd’s body double, have crawled back into the limelight, sparking rumours that his long felt ambition to get knighted is paying off, here they are – gurning brainless Dave, accompanied by his “dress designer” wife, who looks like one of Henry Vlll’s doomed brides on her way to her beheading, attending the King’s banquet. Two little ignorant grifters, pretending they are somebodies, hoping that Star Fucker Starmer will reward them – you can’t polish a turd but he can try – and he probably will:

the sun

Nominated by W C Boggs.

The worlds oldest bachelor boy has only been messing around with his unique take on making Christmas gravy. The wrinkled rocker uses four different flavours of stock cube, beef, chicken, lamb and vegetable before adding fried onions, teriyaki sauce, Worcestershire sauce, gravy powder and red wine.

“Probably the greatest” gravy recipe in the world says Cliff. Oh really? I can’t see Cliff making anything in the kitchen on his own, isn’t that what houseboys are for?

Professional chefs have described it as “absolutely vile”, not that I take much notice of those cunts. Homemade recipes passed down the generations like a precious family heirloom and local takes on the brown gold are the way to go.

Stick to the wine Cliff you heathen.

Has anyone propped up Miserable and given him some smelling salts yet?

independent

Nominated by Liberal Liquidator.

Many great things have come out of the US over the years. Rock & Roll music, the beer drinking hat and Donald Trump to name three but festering cat faeces Batman, what the fuckty fuck is spray cheese all about?

The cheese comes in a spray can but is not an aerosol. It squirts out like an oily greasy orange coloured dog turd, with a thick viscous quality sticking to everything like shit to a blanket as the brave or the foolish apply it to their food. It seems a very American thing too, instant readily available and convenient, like going to the fridge to slice some proper cheese is a chore as they squirt away with something cooked up from the devils anus.

Soldiers fighting foreign wars or students studying abroad often get sent food parcels from home with their favourite comfort food in them. Imagine getting sent this abomination? I’d be lobbing it back at the towelheads in Shitholistan along with the RPG’s.

I haven’t actually tried it myself so some input from the General or any other US based cunters would be handy to confirm or refute my slurs on an American food icon.

youtube

Nominated by Liberal Liquidator.

are cunts

What, in the name all FUCK, does ANY of this SHIT mean … ?

Some time ago, I was born into this world of lovely innocent fluffiness.

Then, several decades later, it appears to have gone all `cunty-booby`*.

It`s truly a Kafkaesque metamorphosis – I went to sleep one night, then woke up the next day and discovered I was in this alternate reality.

Am I still living on the same planet as these sub-`humans`? or is the Darwinian hypothetical of Evolution truly regressing back into the `Cradle of Civilisation` ?

And this, on top of our completely sane and rational `elected` representatives across the planet trying hard determinedly kill us all.

I could go on for fucking EVER.

Perhaps one day we will regress back to amoebas and just spontaneously explode due to natural osmosis.

I am now truly fucked up.

Seriously, cunters, what the FUCK is going on?

*Bowie`s original album title of `hunky-dory`, before the drugs kicked in.

bbcnews

Nominated by Sam Beau.