Lula
No cunters, not the old 60s cunt who sang “Shout” – admin

In case you don´t recognise the name, he´s the former Brazilian president who has just been released from prison after the corrupt supreme court altered the rules, allowing jailed politicians to walk free on a technicality. The decision has opened the floodgate and the sewer rats are being freed by the score.

This pot-bellied, slimy former union leader, who has not done an honest day´s work for about 40 years, immediately attacked the only honest judge in Brazil who sent him to the slammer and is threatening to stand in the next presidential election.

Because he´s a lefty and loved by dictators in places like Cuba, Venezuela and Bolivia, the left-wing media and politicians – including Bernie Sanders, the US version of Corbyn, and the Guardian, of course, – have hailed his release.

The lefties don´t like the current right-wing president Bolsonaro – who is an arse of the first order and makes Trump look like a statesman – but they never think that the reason the people voted for Bolsonaro was because they were sick to death of hypocrites like Lula and his mates who preach equality but exploit the poor for their own purposes.

Nominated by Mr Polly

People who wear Doo-rags are cunts, aren’t they.

Visiting your town centre nowadays is an education in 21st century fashion: the East Euro’s style is baggy grey tracky-bottoms whilst screeching at each other; for the blockades of chuggers armed with clipboards and disingenuous grins, it’s waistcoat and ubiquitous lanyard as dress sense; you’ll want to avoid touching the fashion choice of the day-tripping pîkeys/farmers, who are modelling piss-stained trousers and threadbare jumpers whilst dribbling, mesmerised, at two-storey buildings; the brown taxi-drivers prefer suits, sans tie, and trainers whilst discussing their next teenage prey in Urdu. However, lately there’s been a new trend: The doo-rag.

What fresh shit is this?

It resembles a skull cap or a head wrap. It’s a bit like the bandannas that are worn by 90s rockers or women cancer patients. Doris Day used to wear one. They are usually accompanied by an utterance of “Yo to yo” with splayed fingers giving out gang signs although these arseholes just look like they have chronic arthritis. To complement this ‘look’, they adorn themself with more jewellery than Jimmy Savile.

Why would you wrap these hankies round your noggin? You’re not a gangsta. You live in fucking Hertfordshire. As for white teenage boys who wear them, grow up, and get a life, you sorry-looking wîggers. Your name is Jeremy. Your mum’s in accountancy and you dad’s an estate agent.

Doo-rags have been the best way to advertise you’re a cunt since Ugg Boots were invented. This isn’t East L.A. or Chicago and you’re not a Crip or a Blud, you’re a cunt. For the love of fuck, have a word with yourself.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

Had to look them up myself,
Durags were originally the headgear of poor African American women labourers and slaves in the 19th century. In the 1930s, during the Harlem Renaissance and Great Depression, the durag evolved into a hairstyle preserver. After the Black Power Movement in the late 1960s, the durag became a fashion statement among African Americans, worn by rappers, athletes, and men of all ages. In the 2000s, wearing durags in public lost popularity in certain areas but maintained its popularity in others. However, because of rappers and the return of waves as a hairstyle, they have now regained their status as a fashion among the African American community.

Youth offending service department-Hillingdon

Oh deary me what a bunch of cunts this group must be. They are so misguided that they thought that getting a load of dark keys, white wannabes and peacefuls together for a chat a cup of tea and a biscuit would solve the problem of knife crime in the London Borough of Hillingdon. Nope what actually happened is that the started stabbing each other at the meeting itself. Sadly some youngster lost their life. These self serving we can fix it groups are full of such misguided cunts it’s unreal.

I can see the YOSD committee now listening to David Lammy, Doreen and Flabott and blaming themselves ‘the average white man in the street’ for the F nick knife crime instead of telling them to fuck off

Nominated by Cuntsince1066

A cunting for what passes as government in this overcrowded isle. An aspiring rapper was attending a knife awareness course at Hillingdon councils town hall in Uxbridge youth offenders section most likely. Guess what he got shanked and died. Well loved , fell in with the wrong crowd, etc etc. No one was checked at entry to see if they were carrying knives, spears, axes whatever. Fuck me what is going on!!! Stabbed to death at a local authority knife awareness course tragic but shit I laughed so much I was almost sick. Paper stated he was of Dutch Origen most likely Somalie family refugees in Netherlands then moved to uk when the lure of better benefits called

Nominated by Black Biscuit

It’s not here yet, or shouldn’t be, but festive cheer is in the air…is it fuck.

I enjoyed a drizzling Saturday of 0.005% vol mulled wine at Winchester Cathedral Christmas market where I was kettled in a small square and forced to walk clockwise past sheds of shit (hand crafted and bespoke shit, I will have you know) with the odd festive temper flare up caused by the crush and demands of spouses. All in all it was arse. Coming home, I noticed that the family who celebrated Halloween a month in advance have erected a small Christmas tree on their front patch of mud. It has also been electrified to stop my dog pissing on it (cunts).

Why? Surely extending a one day holiday to over a month destroys the joy (or misery, whichever way you look at it).

I know for a fact that my Jolly Christmas is going to involve a slap up meal at an old people’s home with a number of people who have no idea who I am, or who they are, or what the whole thing is about. Then, just to spice things up, I will go over and visit my Mrs’s extended family and chat with the men (our only thing in common being the fact we have bollocks)

Oh shit. I will probably have a couple of old ladies with parrot-like tongues try and snog me too.

I am so looking forward to the coming shit fest and the disappointment of gifts that I neither want, or need (or can store) Oh yes, and buying presents. I have to buy for two teenagers…What the fuck can I get them? I am thinking butterfly knives or crossbows, but their parents and the Mrs will veto any such present.

Nominated by lord benny

A nomination for Joanne Smith, the head teacher at the Rudyard Kipling primary school in Brighton. She has banned children from playing ‘rough’ contact games.

Joanne Smith told pupils they had to play with ‘gentle hands’ – banning traditional games like ‘it’ or ‘British Bulldog.’

Instead, children are being encouraged to hold hands or clap with each other while in the playground. Mrs Smith wrote: ”To clarify, ‘Gentle Hands’ does not mean ”no touching.”
‘The children are of course allowed to hold hands or play clapping games with a friend should they wish to. Gentle Hands simply means playing games outside that do not need to be physical.This will ensure the playground is a happy, safe and calm place where everyone can enjoy their lunchtime running around and getting the exercise we know is important to them.’

One parent said ‘I’m going to teach my son about another game instead, that’ll really scare the snowflake headteacher – kiss-chase.’

Knowing that silly cunt head teacher, she’ll probably agree to that, but only same-sex kiss chase.

What a cunt, but are we surprised, given that Brighton is the fruit loop capital of the south? Expect this policy to be adopted by Islington very soon.

Nominated by Mystic Maven