Restaurant Critics are cunts, aren’t they?
Why does anybody still employ these blowholes? There they sit with peremptory taste buds and haughty opinions, swilling ridiculously-priced vino whilst pitifully attempting to over-describe roast squirrel. Perhaps it’s the quaffing of so much free booze that encourages these parasites to dream up over-articulate ways to describe the sumptuous cheese sauce nestled on a sorry-looking piece of cauliflower, or boiled bollock of a butchered Lancashire pig. There they sit at their most recent free meal, with notebook and breadfruit and unctuous tongue. If I were the chef I’d have pissed into their glass of fizz and shat onto their nest of caviar.
Is it honestly worthy of a salary to boast, “Oh darling this roasted shark’s fin is to die for” or “If you haven’t dined at La Cou Grandeé then you simply haven’t lived.” Money for old cunts.
Anthony Bourdain thought he was something special, before the pompous turd shared noodles with Obama then killed himself; AA Gill was a cunt as well, even before he married the frumpy, democracy-hater Amber Rudd and Will Self is hateful turd, like an overgrown, metropolitan stary-eyed rat.
The only pricks who like or associate with restaurant critics are OTHER restaurant critics, as if they’re all sitting in a big circle having a wanking contest. “This circle jerk is to die for, glorious, my colleagues’ ballbags are super on the palate and taste simply divine. Pass the Chateau de Cunt.”
Nominated by Captain Magnanimous
They’re all a bunch of pretentious cunts! You only have to watch The Great British Bake Off, to notice how the judges bang on about “Mmmm I adore the nutmeg, and your apricot la creme is divine, darling!”
Fuck all that bollocks, just gimme sausage eggs and chips for £5.99 and I’m as happy as a pig in shit!
(Still wouldn’t mind licking the whipped cream off Nigella Lawson’s tits!)
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That gave me the horn
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With little change to the props (if anything, a reduction in the wardrobe budget), Nigella could easily produce cookery-related vignettes that would break all download records on the xxx-web.
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I’m going to sit this one out. I can’t say I’ve ever read anything, seen anything, heard anything from a restaurant critic. I actually thought they only existed in the movies.
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me too… paying hundreds to poison myself eating shite cooked by foreign cunts who still wipe their arses with their hands is not my idea of fun.
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Excellent and well deserved cunting.
Jay Rayner is another cunt.
In fact they are all utterly pretentious cunts, what superiority do their tastebuds have over mine?
Fuck all thats what, ill tell ya.
Go and shove your roasted in mint marmalade fois gras up your arse darlings.
Now wheres that kebab shop number gone.
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The Sunday Times fucker is a classic. Fucking unbelievable shite, at unbelievable prices, if not London then occasionally some provincial place that charges London prices. The food is invariably something I wouldnt want to step in let alone eat. Followed by a cheeky £90 drinky (£10 in the supermarket)
Lunch for 2 without service charge – £290. But they did see them coming as Harry Enfield would say.
It just shows the bubble these pointless cunts live in.
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Well fortunately most of the rest of England gave the London Bubble a right old kick in the bollocks at the last election; and the election before that, and the Referendum before that!
Two totally different worlds
There you go.
https://youtu.be/f2zJ8vaB5jo
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Thanks, Admin!
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Still makes me laugh, should play that on the BBC , now that would be hilarious
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The cunt’s name is Giles Coren. Thinks he’s the bee’s knees. Not just a pretentious cunt, but all the more unfunny for thinking his reviews are chock full of witty writing.
An absolute bellend.
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Is it any surprise. He’s the brother of Victoria Corin Mitchell and big mates with Gary Lineker. He’s not only a cunt in his own right but a doublecunt through association.
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Great cunting.
Urrgh, they are all cunts. Pretentious beyond belief.
They wax lyrical about the ‘zesty jus with a hint of ginger and frog spawn that compliments the Patagonian toothfish divinely’…….what utter bollocks they chat.
It always makes me laugh the way these idiots and any foodie in general bang on about what is on their plate and how crucial it is for it all to be just right….at the end of the day, what goes in their pieholes comes out the other end as SHITE so who really gives a fuck?
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I just wonder how often the chef gobs or jizzes in the cunts’ soup.
‘…and did sir enjoy the vichychoisse?’
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Frank Skinner on the “celebrity” chef/critic bulls*it – “cooking, it’s turning raw stuff into food using heat, anyone can do it – even a chef”!
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Anthony Bourdain was a food critic. Killed himself. The cunt.
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I want to apologize for not reading the whole cunting. I have just parroted what was already said.
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I have to say I enjoyed Andrew Zimmerman in Bizarre food, sampling delicacy’s like Sicilian live cheese and a few others.
https://www.thetravel.com/25-of-the-grossest-things-andrew-zimmern-ever-tried-on-bizarre-foods/
Now if you want to go bad, then watch the Japanese spin off, like they go the whole hog eating in shanty town dinners with food seasoned with KFC crumbs scavenged from the city rubbish heaps, there was also mention of eating fried human shit, (It tasted of fish because the girl had eaten sushi that night) all rather strange.
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A resteraunt near me advertised:
We guarantee to serve any dish you can think of. If not £50 is yours.
I said,’ right i’ll have gorillas bollocks on toast please’.
The waiter soon turned up with £50.
‘Haha i knew you wouldn’t have gorrilas bollocks’ i laughed.
‘No’ said the waiter,’ we’re out of bread’.
I’ll get me coat.
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I like ‘Eddie eats America” where former worlds strongest man, stoke lad Eddie Hall enters eating contests an challenges in yank land.
To me hes tbe ultimate food critic.
Not some french bumboy who doesn’t like pudding chips peas &gravy.
Im a true gourmet ! sorry gormless,
An love my dindins!
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At a quaint little bistro in the North, it’s just so twee – the chaps are all dressed as lorry drivers, now for the first course, a delightfully seductive variation of Pom Frite and full bodied sauce known by the locals as “chips an’ gravy”.
This is truly a little undiscovered gem – the next course is some delightfully steeped Darjeeling with a stunning addition of Chateau de Moo Moo 2020 and a hint of sucre with some delightfully fluffy side dish known as “bread and butter” – now if I can just get a selfie of this symphony of taste and flavour before the big chaps dressed amusingly in orange hi-viz outfits throw me through the front window..
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*restaurant cunt.
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These horrible cunts who “earn” a living from stuffing their cakeholes never look like they are enjoying the food. They should be made to eat lard sandwiches the horrible scumbags.
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IQ too high for MENSA now, somehow, too haughty for haute cuisine…
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Another sublime cunting, El Capitano.
It reminds me of that series The Trip. Those two loudmouth discharges, one a lefty millionaire, the other a Welsh oompah-loompah, would chomp on Italian grub while attempting to imitate 1970s film stars. While indulging in the sniff of their own farts, they’d comment on the freshly-cooked linguini or herb-invested ravioli as if it were their everyday nosh. These two pompous oiks wouldn’t know the difference between red and white wine.
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An open letter to all the female fans of is a cunt from your humble servant Black and White Cunt.
I know you are out there reading the cuntings and wanting to join in like Nurse Cunty and Mary Hinge but are perhaps put off by the barbarians and downright loonies on here…dont be afraid you wonderful specimens, we are not all like that.
Speaking for myself I am a most courteous and well mannered Gentleman, I had to appear to have a similar Barbarian nature to most on here and made up stories of ‘Tonguing a ladies bumhole’ and other unheard of debauched behaviour to not alert the loonies.
As a modern man and the year being 2020 I think its right we have more of the fairer sex on here to bring balance. I actually host a regular Tea and Coffee morning in my London flat and all sexy and good looking women are most welcome to pop in for a chat ‘etc etc’, although I must insist on no Gays or Trannies as they are not women and can find help via the NHS mental health department.
I understand you may feel apprehensive about commenting on is a cunt and these tea and coffee mornings are a way of speaking to an experienced cunter who has been on here for many a year and can give you some helpful advice and direction.
Yours sincerely,
Black and White cunt.
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Call me clinical,, but that reads like…..
I want a shagg!
Smart move putting it on a cunting that may appeal to the ladies, food, cooking, housework.
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I had you down as one of the more Gentleman like cunters Sick of it?
‘Smart move putting it on a cunting that may appeal to the ladies, food, cooking, housework’
I of course dont know what you mean.
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I would love to know how many women actually read any of the ISAC posts.
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I love quizzes – I’d say 36 – no, 7 – erm, I don’t know
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Housework can damage your health – Just say no – get a celebrity to do it and make them feel useful
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@Lana Del Cunt…are you Lana Del Rey?
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Dear Gentlemen Cunters,
I am a genuine lady (not a wannabe/medical botch up for one) and I read the cuntings all the time. So diverting! And much better than doing housework, which I don’t ever soil my delicate well-manicured donnies with. I like the characters who pop up all the time and the way they exchange ‘mornings’ etc with each other and their cute little names, such as Ruff Tuff Creampuff (or whatever) Miserable NC and the old Witch Finder General himself. But I did wonder why so much arse tonging is written about here and came to the conclusion that actual, physical cunts are so vile and horrible that you blokes won’t countenance putting your tongues or penises (or penii?) in that orifice for fear of being struck down dead on the spot. Anyway, I like the vitriol handed out to politicians (of whatever sex – pan, gay or bi or fuck me, normal, if there are any?) and other persons of a sickening luvvie or you-owe-me-I-hate-you-anyway-gimme-gimme-gimme non native variety, it is most enjoyable. Please keep it up, wherever up may be.
Kind regards, Lady Chatterley
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You give and give until it bleeds BWC, your kindness shines like a beacon to all humanity!
And of course a Man of your impeccable manners and strong moral compass is irresistible to the ladies and we at ISAC will be the first to defend you against scurrilous and wholly unfounded allegations pertaining to tonguing ladies bottoms!
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Thanks VF, its nice to see some appreciate and can spot a real Gentleman.
Of course being a big strapping lad with dashing looks always helps with the ladies but being a Gentleman is always key.
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You are welcome BWC!
To quote Will Ferrell “Women say there are no more gentlemen in the World – there are, we just don’t like sluts. Sorry”.
Wise Man, that Ferrell!
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You are the lord of the rings.
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A good fillet steak, nice chunky chips and a roast tomato, a little French mustard (as long as it’s made in England) …. perfect
Who needs a food critic
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I heard that when they run aaaaaht of chilli in an Indian restaurant they get Mr Singh to have a shit in the curry…on a good day his shit can add enough heat to feed many a cunt and give them the sweats and shits.
Go fuck yourselves.
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I had you down as one of the more Gentleman like cunters Sick of it?
‘Smart move putting it on a cunting that may appeal to the ladies, food, cooking, housework’
I of course dont know what you mean.
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Very inclusive of you BWC!👍
Yes only a few ladies on here isnt they?
All welcome, being a sensitive little blossom myself i like the ladies to have a say, refreshing after reading the depraved shite some put on here!
Hate vulgarity and dirty shite,
Some of the language! Oh my!!!
Some of these filthy fuckers need their mouths washed out wi soap.
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I agree MNC,
A lot on here probably dont have a Girlfriend/Wife etc and its obvious why.
You have to be good at conversation and have a certain level of knowledge and intelligence, to appeal to a womans mind.
Unfortunately most on here think getting pissed and shouting out ‘Oi luv, wanna a shag’ is going to get them somewhere.
They should be ashamed of themselves.
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Yes chaps an average days cunting on IsAC should be required reading for those studying a psychology degree especially if some politician or celeb has made a cunt of themselves that day. They would have a field day.
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Agreed! Most of these are ‘not good wi the fairer sex’
Go all coy and blush if talking to women, not like me n you pal, regular little Bryan Ferry types!
Most of these lads havent seen a nude lady without fuckin staples through their midriffs.
Maybe we should offer courses BWC?
‘Guide to girlfriends’?
😀
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We could make a few quid out of these shy around women types MNC.
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My mission in life Bwc, get these blushing mumbling wallflower types fixed up with a missus, while lightening their pockets!
Fiddlers first!
She needs to be able to be a whore in the bedroom a lumberjack in the woods, a tractor in the field, and cook his pidgeons regularly.
Bet most on here havent met a women they have to use a footpump for!😀
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Depends on the category of the woman too:
Aussie bloke: hey Sheila, d’ya feel like a root?
Sheila: I didn’t, but I do now, you sweet-talkin’ bastard
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Essex comes to mind, anything more intellectual than’Oi wanna shag’ would be a waste of time.
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If I was a restaurant critic my first assignment would be Rick ( the prick ) Stein’s restaurant in Padstow . 20 fucking quid for fish and chips you robbing bald bastard .
It’s shit and the parking is terrible!
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Rick Steins Son does the cooking at his restaurant in Padstow, my good lady went there recently when visiting relatives (I managed to slide out of that one!), apparently the food is marvellous but twenty quid for a piece of fish and a spud?
(Worth it for the selfies I suppose, luckily the other ‘alf would have given the “glare of death” had anyone suggested it!)
Short Woman syndrome!
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Grace Dent has a face like a bulldog licking the piss off a thistle but I bet she is absolutely filthy in bed .
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I thought restaurant critic is someone who checks the restaurant like a health and safety inspector. “These bins need emptying regularly.” “Make sure you use separate chopping boards when chopping raw and cooked meats” etc etc.
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These posh restaurants are overrated Spoons.
Little portions, no ketchup, no bread an butter,
Have to wear clothes etc
Utter rubbish.
I like chicken nuggets, or turkey dinosaurs something nice but classy, most of these places dont even have scooby doo pasta bites!!
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Do they still make turkey dinosaurs, MNC, or has that James Oliver can of can’t seen to their demise as well?
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The missus booked us into some swanky place for lunch on my 70th, ‘a bit upmarket’ as she put it. This, it turns out, means tiny portions at exhorbitant prices, and the cheapest wine at £45 quid a bottle.
Fair do’s, she was trying to do something nice, so I played along really enthusiastically, and to be be fair the food was good. What got me though was the superior pretentiousness of it all.
As each course was ‘presented’, a member of the ‘table attendance staff’ stood back and announced in great detail what it was; ‘…’eere we ‘ave…’ (they were all French). Felt like saying to the cunt ‘I fucking know what it is, you cunt, I just ordered it!’.
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Jamie caused the extinction of the turkeysaurus.
My son used to have them when he was little, did him no harm!
Skinny as a rake!
Childhood obesity my arse, Jamie couldnt compete!
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And use the raw meat board when preparing fucking vegan toss-shite
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I’m actually a Public Health Inspector specializing in water quality. As such I get to visit a lot of restaurants, pubs and bars etc. You would not believe some of the shite kitchens I have seen hiding behind highly respected facades. Also, a hell of a lot of so-called gastro pubs and restaurants have steam ovens only with pre prepared food in foil trays simply warmed up. Essentially airline quality food at £50 prices. Cunts! Don’t believe the hype.
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I understand ice-cubes / ice-making facilities are frequently a source of…
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I needed to go into town this week and seen that Neil Perry bucket of toss. Australia’s “celebrity chef” who restaurant critics fawn over excessively. He was caught underpaying his staff, amongst other things. He was walking along George St. with a little Asian piece. Perhaps they were together … or maybe not. Any rate she was young enough to be his granddaughter, the slimy old spiv. He also rubbed his nose constantly and suspiciously as if he had just snorted half of fucking Bolivia. Finally, the greying cunt looks like Willy bloody Nelson minus the beard.
He has made a shedload of money. Well good for him, of course. But to do so and cheat your employees sucks dog’s balls.
Neil Perry? Absolute cunt.
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Croc, thank dog it wasn’t that Grayson Perry person.
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I’d not known of that until I looked it up. Galoot looks like a moof. Definitely a cunt.
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Wetherspoons, managers special, currys, £3:99. I had chicken jalfrezi, rice, popadoms, and a naan bread. Fucking delightful and far better than the price suggests. Pretentious ‘Jus’ cunts can fuck off.
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I quite agree, myself experiencing a strong wave of pure contempt when that pretentious cunt Jay Rayner – spawn of that fat agony cunt Claire Rayner – tentatively samples a mouthful of some dish whilst contorting his stupid slab of a face in what can only be described as the look on a constipated junkies face after they squeeze the last piece of a long hard turd out of their sphincter. The subsequent launch of either over embellished nonsensical praise or flippant dismissal makes me want to retch. Fucking shit weasels, the lot of them.
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