An early spring cunting for the formally-useful, EU idiot, Steve “ donkey” bray.

Somebody needs to buy this ridiculous cunt a fucking calendar. Apparently, this sentinel shit-for-brains, sponsored fool is still hanging around Parliament Square making a nuisance of himself. How utterly devoid of any content is this daft cunts life? He reminds me of one of those WW2 Japanese soldiers who jumped out of the forests on remote islands a good 20 years after the end of WW2 screaming “BANZAI”, Much to the shock of holidaymakers ambling down to the beach with lilos under their arms!

This utter cunt has been exposed as a sponsored cunt for hire who really needs to buy a train ticket back to Wales, and go polish his precious coin collection.

Daft, annoying, irrelevant, out-of-date, out-of-touch CUNT!

Nominated by Quislings

Coronavirus fears spark shopping frenzy leaving empty shelves across UK – as hand gel, loo roll and cleaning sprays top Amazon’s best-seller list.

Foods such as pasta, rice and couscous selling out fast as are tinned foods. Empty shelves for many of these products.Experts predict that a major UK Coronavirus outbreak in Britain could cause ‘food riots’.

The same pathetic, desperate, lowlife fuck heads undoubtedly will be the same selfish twats that go to the sales, queue up and fight one another for the low end model big TV screens.

Absolute cunts.

Nominated by Willie Stroker

Panic buying cunts…

We have all heard about the virus, so what do these cunts do? Think about their community, their neighbours, their colleagues? No, they plough head first into the nearest supermarket and buy the fucking lot. I am soon expecting to see some twat with a trolley full of boot polish (just in case).

https://twitter.com/9newsaus/status/1236088663093608448?s=21

The cunts in this clip are from ‘The Land Down Under’ and are very civilised local folk indeed!!!! Panic buying tons of anything is a proper cunty thing to do, especially if you’re young and healthy, as those in genuine need will just get fucked over. But my point is this: It’s not the cunts with forty hand sanitizers that you have to worry about, it’s the cunts who couldn’t buy any hand sanitizer at all because they will spread this virus to you even if you have a million sanitizers. So a bit of calm in the shops, a bit less me, me, me, and a lot less cuntishness all round.

Meanwhile, I’m just off to do a stock take in my garage of the pallet of baked beans and spaghetti hoops I bought.

Nominated by Cuntsince1066

A massive, Coronaviral cunting for panic buying stockpilers.

What’s the fucking point? Let’s assume that we’re going to catch the dreaded bug and need to lock ourselves away from the dregs of humanity for a couple of weeks. Why exactly do we need a years supply of bog roll and baked beans?

I went shopping yesterday and found the shelves empty. No beans, no bog roll. Also no lemonade, no tea bags, no paracetamol. Now as far as I know, viral infections are impervious to paracetamol. I can understand not wanting to go without a cuppa. After all, the Empire depended on it, but lemonade? What the fuck is that all about?

I’ve had the misfortune to have to visit three supermarkets in the last couple of days. Due to Mrs D’s allergies, we can’t get all we want in one. Everywhere was heaving. Trolleys were bulging. My favourite was the woman filling her trolley with bottled water. Don’t be a cunt, dear – turn on the tap.

Mrs D doesn’t understand the logic behind it all. I keep trying to explain it’s because people are stupid. Take for example the two Aussies caught on camera yesterday, literally fighting over the last pack of bog roll. I rest my case.

Ironically it’s all a self-fulfilling prophecy. Shortages are caused by people bulk buying because they think there are going to be shortages.

Frankly, I hope these cunts catch the virus and it removes them from the gene pool…

Nominated by Dioclese

You heard it here first from the IsAC News team.

Buckingham Palace have announced the Her Majesty The Queen (aged 93) and Prince Philip (aged 98) are to be moved to Windsor castle in the first of many moves to isolate them from the virus spread.

Prince Charles and Camille have also postponed their proposed overseas engagements in light of the expanding crisis.

However with any luck Harry and Meghan’s tour of Italy will go ahead as planned.

You heard it here first.

The Admin team.

(anyone got any bog roll?)

Green Laners…”Green laning is typically the mildest, least technical type of off-roading. It involves driving anywhere without a paved road — usually forest trails, the countryside or on roads that have fallen into disrepair.”

My local paper has recently reported on the Emergency Services having to turn out to rescue Kayakers (fishing-disturbing Cunts), Hikers (game-bird disturbing Cunts) and Green Laners, the latest bunch of trespassers who believe that they have the right to invade other people’s land.

Now, I’m aware that there is at least one ex (?) green laner on this site and, of course, I would never write a piece which deliberately offended, but feel in this case that more people should be made aware of this threat to our Green and Pleasant Land.

Only last year while on a shooting day at a local grouse moor, we found that our Range Rovers were struggling on some of the tracks. This was because the old routes had been chewed up by idiots in gas-guzzling, Frankenstein 4x4s, who fancied destroying someone else’s land. Would they be so keen if I were to drive my Hilux over their artificial turf and decking, postage stamp garden, I wonder? Unless people own at least 500 acres of land they should be banned from owning a 4×4…they have no legitimate need for one.These fucking people pollute the environment and destroy habitat. No self-respecting game is going to stay in an area where “Wayne and Baz” are screeching about pretending that they are Jeremy fucking Clarkson (another complete bellend).

I have suggested that if these dreadful people must be allowed to continue their vandalism that the local Army ranges should be made available. Thousands of acres of “challenging terrain” for the Cunts, plus the chance that some American drone-operator will call in a missile strike : ” Target Wanker located…Destroy with extreme prejudice”.

Fuck Off.

Nominated by Dick de Pfeffel Foxchaser-Fiddler

We’re doomed! Doomed, I tell you. No, nothing to do with Coronavirus. It’s an asteroid that NASA has been tracking and it’s calculated to hit the Earth on the 29th April. It will achieve what the Russians, the Americans and the Iranians have tried, but failed to do over the years which is to wipe out mankind.

It’s 2.5 miles across and weighs…God knows what it fuckin’ weighs, it doesn’t say. However, it’s travelling at 20,000 miles per hour, so there’s going to be one fuckin’ hell of a mess when it hits! Anyone who knows how to deflect the beast, answers on a postcard before the end of March please.

Killer asteroids are a cunt! I was hoping to have got in at least one more birthday before this earth shattering news came in.

And if you don’t believe me, read for yourself:

https://www.express.co.uk/news/science/1249990/Asteroid-warning-NASA-tracks-4KM-killer-asteroid-hit-Earth-end-civilisation-asteroid-news

PS Admin: Because of the urgency of this situation, I would expect this nom to move up the pending list as we might not be around much longer to discuss it’s merits.

Nominated by Bertie Blunt Tory Cunt