Splish splash – I might be a bit of a drip but a 100 metre cunting please for rotound podgy Olympic swimmer, Adam Peaty who at the age of twentysomething has run through every cliche’ in the book of fading sports stars of yesteryear.

He has given a wide ranging interview with the BBC, (he runs the gamut from A to B as Dorothy Parker would have said) he talks of his early success (1st ciche) his battle with the bottle (2nd cliche’) his “partying” (3rd cliche’) and his subsequent “battles with hs mental health” (4th cliche’) now Mr. P has committed the biggest cliche’ in the BBC book and got a half caste girl up the duff, and so wants to bring “diversity” – let’s say it again – DIVERSITY – into swimming, as he embraces fatherhood (poor little sod – the baby, not Adam):

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/swimming/53228364

Little Adam, who like most sportsmen who have to parade around half naked most of the time has decorated himself with tattoos resembling an early example of a roll of William Morris wallpaper (even Tom Daley sports a duckie little one these days), when he is not doing the one thing he can do fairly well, he has to spout right on bollocks. I take it Peaty is after Linekar’s job when the crisps do for him.

I wonder what swimmers of colour think of his patronage – well, thank you daddy Peaty, innit.

Nominated by: W. C. Boggs 

A slitty eyes-wide-open, stick a chopstick up the Dear Leader’s arse please for this flthy flyblown shitheap of a country.

Not content with bankrupting the Western world with their fucking Chinese flue, now they seem intent to finish us all off, physically as well as financially with bubonic plague:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-china-53303457

That country needs to be cleaned up literally, starting with the scum who lead it

Nominated by: W. C. Boggs 

A vegicunting for Animal Rebellion.

Never heard of them? Well they’re bunch of brain dead animal rights activists who dyed the waters in Travalgar Square red to show us all how wicked we are by eating meat. So what? There’s lots of cunts like these around, so what makes these cunts special?

Well, it seems that they have solved the mystery of the origins of Covid-19 and come up with the solution to a problem that has killed thousands around the world.

Animal Rebellion tweeted: ‘Animal Rebellion have now dyed the Trafalgar Square fountains red, symbolising the blood that is on the hands of the UK Government.
‘We are here today to demand that the government prevent future pandemics by ending animal farming and transitioning to a plant-based food system.
‘This crisis could have been prevented. The science tells us that 3 out of every 4 new infectious diseases originate from animals.
‘The UK Government must protect the people, not support climate-destructive and exploitative industries’.

So there you have.it – the pandemic was caused by meat eating and going vegan will prevent it happening again. Never mind that only eating veggies will probably kill have the population of the world through famine. At least we won’t die from disease.

Fucking idiots…

Nominated by: Dioclese 

Or more specifically poached eggs on crushed fucking avocado on toast.

About a year ago when this middle class idea came to my attention on one of those cooking programs that seem to be on every fucking channel my missus said “ooh that would be nice for breakfast” and being that sensitive type with a streak of cuntishness I thought as a surprise I would cook said breakfast as a Sunday surprise.

Whattamistakatomake!

I have tried the dedicated water pan thingy where you butter the receptacles before immersing half way up in water. SHIT.

The microwave method where a medium size egg in a plastic thingy this time cooked on high for 32 seconds (what the fuck 32secs!?!). SHIT.

Putting the fucking egg in some clingfilm ( literally don’t fucking bother with that one I knew that was doomed from the start) it just stuck to the cling film and went from boiling water to bin. SHIT.

And now to the last way for which I have had 3 successful poached eggs. I might it may sound impressive but that’s 3 in about 35 eggs. Boil a big pan of water add salt add wine vinegar strain an egg (FFS!!) make a vortex, drop egg in middle of spinning boiling water, making sure you don’t spin it too much then the water spills over and turns the induction hob off mid way, CUNT, and then after plopping the unfertilised chicken slowly into the swirling vortex of boiling water watch it disintegrate into a hundred bits of white and yellow.

I repeated this one 5 fucking times at which point after running out of Eggs and burning the toast I went and stood in my quiet place for the next move. Either admit defeat or kill every fucking chicken in the world so no cunt ever tries it again.

I’m up to 3.5 million Chickens ??‍♂️??

Be warned fellow cunters. The eggs are cunts.

Nominated by: Once a cunt always a cunt

A gargantuan 30-feet constrictive cunting please for exotic pet owners. I’ll endeavour to keep this short and sweet . . .

Who the fuck do these people think they are, keeping all manner of ugly, dangerous fucking animals in captivity in their own shitehole abodes?!!! I’ve seen some programmes on the idiot’s lantern featuring said pet owners, and they all had one thing in common: cuntitude.

In addition, their dwellings in which said animals were ensconced were fucking dirty hovels (no doubt they’d be dirty hovels without the pets) and came across as entities with barely double digit IQs.

I suppose these bottom feeders think they are being cool, or hope by keeping these awful, ugly things in their houses that it gives them a higher social status or something? Who the fuck knows! However, all it does is reinforce people’s opinions that they are even bigger cunts than they thought possible.

I mean, for fuck’s sake, how empty and desperate do you have to be to feel compelled to actually go out and buy one of these pets?! There are even certain individuals (here in the U.K.) who obtain special licences for animals such as boa constrictors, jaguars and alligators, for example — which I’m led to believe is very expensive and very time-consuming . . . and, unbeknownst to them, very fucking stupid and very fucking sad!

Who the fuck needs special pets, especially dangerous ones!!? Stupid, sad attention-seeking cunts. Fuck off!

Nominated by: Fanny Batter