A quick cunting for the Mayor of New York –

Covid-related lockdowns of restaurants, diners, and food carts have starved the Big Crapple’s rat populations out of the sewers and subways and into the streets and homes of Manhellton.

And how has Big Bill responded to this literal plague upon his house? By painting ‘Black Lives Matter’ on the street outside Trump Tower!

He should have instead painted a nice big mural of the new, true King of New York… ROLAND!

Nominated by Chimp Licker 

This nom is a bit different from the norm in that I want to focus on those annoying little things that piss me off on a daily basis. Things like:-

• Cash Machines being out of order when you need cash in a hurry.
• Shoe laces that either come undone at the most inconvenient of times, or get knotted when you try to undo them.
• Batteries in remote controls that die on you and you’ve got no spares.
• Cunts from Amazon who send you something small and harmless like a flash drive, but decide to pack it in a cardboard box the size of a shoebox, full to the brim with millions of polystyrene chips that go all over the fucking place as soon as you open the lid!
• Tinned food that don’t have ring-pulls, and you don’t have a can opener.
• Dust.
• Grubby/sticky tables in pubs that haven’t been wiped down properly.
• Blobs of butter in the jam/marmalade jar because some cunt couldn’t be bothered to clean the knife beforehand.
• No toilet roll in the gents bogs in restaurants (but only noticing after the event!)
• Unscrewing something, but there’s always ONE screw that won’t fucking budge!
• Postmen who don’t shove letters fully through the letter box thus resulting in soggy letters due to rain.
• Electrical fuses that go pop and finding you have every spare fuse under the sun other than for the amperage you need.
• Waiting at bus queues and some cunt tries to start a conversation about the bleedin’ weather! (Always, always ALWAYS the weather, and not something more edgy like Owen Jones being a complete cunt?)
• BST & GMT – fucking about changing the clocks (and there’s always one you forget).
• Website forums that pick up on your spelling and insist on correcting you with the American spelling of the word.
• Dropping the TV remote control or your phone while your nice and comfy in your chair, and the remote is always just slightly out of easy reach.
• Dropping a £1 coin, which always seems to roll into inaccessible/awkward places.
• Shaving every day.
• Condensation on your glasses when you walk into a takeaway on a cold night.
• Long lists of pointless shite…..

Any more you would like to add?

Nominated by: Technocunt

So the old Swedish tarte is living her life post menopause (claims to be 52) in quiet retirement in the tabloids. Not so long ago it was “Ulrica is dating again” with accompanying soft cheese shots and now this, the above. We take pause. Then we give thanks. At least it is not a grey haired open minge trout pout shot with the old titties oite.

What we have gentlemen is a presentiment orf the wife in fifty years time if we allow it too many holidays in the sun. Watch oite Dioclese and those sun-kissed cruises with ‘er Indoors. Keep a mask on ‘er.

Point is Ulrika according to the copy “worships the sun” hence the leather back turtle vibe. Word to the wise Ulrica, if sojourning in the souks and casbahs orf Morocco avoid the leather markets or the wogs will skin that old face and neck orf yours and knock up a nice handbag and a pair orf sandals.

The good news is that Ulrika remains available and so if any young cunter fancies a mature Swedish massage with truck grease and molybdenum (her speciality moisturiser) apply to a tabloid orf your choice.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/12104322/ulrika-jonsson-52-post-shower-selfie-hair-wash-8-days/

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

(The softer side of Amber. Would you kick her out of bed? – admin)

Now, I have no sympathy whatsoever for that cunt Depp. More fanny than he can cope with, yet he hooks up with a fucking psycho like that.

However, I am sick to death of seeing this self pitying manipulative demented nutjob’s ‘feel sorry for me’ face all over the web and the papers. There’s a plague and riots going on, yet they are more interested in this dribbling claws out fruitcake. She is just another Hollyweird psycho. Seen one, seen ’em all.

Nominated by: Norman 

A quick AmsterGodDamned cunting for cunt English beer boys on tour.

Now that the corona bollocks is subsiding the tourists are returning to the city and I’m glad for that, but here’s how I noticed. Fucking pasty skinned, noisy, ugly tattooed English boys. You can spot ’em a mile off.. I usually venture closer to confirm my suspicions and tragically I’m always right.

They’re a fucking embarrassment. We Brits have a reputation for holding our drink but these lot make a mockery of that. Just because you can do 8 pints of Carling or whatever piss passes for lager in Wetherspoons doesn’t mean you can repeat the act with the Belgian beers. Smoke a bit of the local and round it off with some dried out Zovirax cut with amphetamine (that’s the recipe for fake coke) and you have the recipe for making a right fucking cunting CUNT of yourself and it’s nothing short of fucking shameful.

Several locals have remarked to me that it’s odd that these types can afford a sleasyjet ticket, a few nights in a hostel, booze, drugs and food but they can’t afford a proper pair of fucking trousers! Trackie wearing shitcunts.

Nominated by: Recuntable Cunt