Blasphemy is a cunt, isn’t it.

It’s IAC Gameshow time again with a fun question:

Tahir Achmed Naseem, from Pakistan, was arrested and imprisoned in 2018 after claiming he was a prophet. What recently happened to him:
1.) Sent to gaol for five years for insulting Íslam?
2.) Referred to a mental health specialist then given psychological treatment and therapy?
3.) Shot dead in court during the actual hearing by an angry muslím?

Blasphemy is showing disrespect or lack of reverence for a deity. What is this medieval bollocks? Are we still in the Dark Ages? Wouldn’t prohibiting an “insult” mean prohibiting all manner of enquiry and critique in relation to religion? How convenient. Being offended by everything. England finally abolished this flapdoodle nonsense in 2008 though it’s still on the statute laws of 69 countries, including Scotland.

The answer to the IAC Gameshow is 3. Ironically, the murderer who “smuggled” a gun into the court room will probably receive a less severe sentence than the murdered Naseem would have received. Wow. God is indeed Great.

If people want to believe in talking donkeys, flying horses, whispering snakes, magic tricks, lecturing zombies or similar poppycock that’s fine, but lets not have Sharia-type laws preventing others from criticising or laughing at this gobbledygook.

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous

This story is about a week old now (it’s Tuesday 4th August as I type), but I think it worth doing.

The Taliban are a bunch of cunts. Two of these shit wipes walked into a village in Afghanistan and demanded that the village chief assist them with some nefarious bullshit. The chief refused, so the Two Taliban shit weasels dragged him and wife outside and shot them dead.

Their daughter, who was described in the paper as being between 14-16 years old (that’s not uncommon over there, because only Kabul and big towns keep records), grabbed her dad’s AK and came running out blasting away and killed the two pricks who had just murdered her parents.

The story doesn’t end there though. When the other Taliban found out, they went back to the village mob handed, with the intention of causing much death. Except the Taliban are pretty predictable and the girl along with a number of other villagers, were waiting for them. In the ensuing firefight, several Taliban were wounded, and this prompted to make a hasty retreat (so much for them all being ready for martyrdom).

The girl and her brother have now been moved to a safe location, but there was a photo of her in the paper. It’s pretty clear that either her dad or someone else had taught her the correct way to use a firearm because she had something that a lot of people who own a firearm do not, trigger discipline. Her trigger finger was lying flush against the weapon, above the trigger. Few things anger me more than seeing some fucking cumper holding a rifle or a pistol with their finger on the trigger.

Incidentally, it get worse for the two dead Taliban. According to the followers of Allan’s Snackbar, you don’t get into heaven if you’re killed by a female. So at this very moment, those two are taking it in turns to be ass fucked by Satan and his fiery dong. So there is some good news to come out of this story.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

An early morning Vorsprung der technik cunting for Audi.

Now when I thought about this cunting I wasn’t sure who to cunt but I decided Audi were the biggest cunts for apologising. A certain group decided that they didn’t like their latest advert for the RS 4 Avant, so instead of saying fuck off they have apologised and are investigating how the advert was allowed to be published.

Oh what a fucking woke world we live in, just in case the link doesn’t work it shows a little girl leaning on the front grill of the car with a banana in her hand.

To be honest, I was pretty angry, firstly, Lack of Diversity and secondly, and most important, the Banana looks pretty piss poor.

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/uk-news/audi-car-girl-banana-advert-18714918?utm_source=linkCopy&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=sharebar

Nominated by: Sick of it 

Having yet some connection with the theatre dodge after a lifetime presenting productions in celebration orf the female form (me last production “Yes it’s nude, Yes it’s rude”), Yours Truly is on occasion emailed or FB’d invitations to support the profession.

Thus in these trying times – theatres closed across the country, refused a performance license by the fucking council for me discreet supper club, boraccic thesps trying to touch me for a sub – nobody can afford a hand cart to go to hell in. Last resort prostitute me butler’s old arse orn the street but no cunt will come near – social fucking distancing!

So lots orf time to give back to the profession (not that it’s ever given me anything the cunts) so joined the group Creative Performance Protest as invited in order to give the resting cunts the benefit orf me experiences.

Noted in passing most orf the posts were orf the woke right on workers solidarity schtick. No fool like an old fool so assumed the unemployed luvvies (most orf the cunts have never been employed) would appreciate a light hearted piss take orf the chinko cunts who have put us all orn queer street.

Posted the below and within seconds was echo chambered as a waycist and banned by admin. May I humbly request that cunters who have FaceBook please join Creative Performance Protest if so minded and give it the benefit.

PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF CHINA RESTAURANT
SELL YOUR SOUL FOR FREE FOOD EVENT
Lock Down Special Menu for the Indigent Thesp

Bats Bollocks Wuhan Style or Fried Monkey Chuff Peking Style
(Served with Non Sustainable Bottom Trawled Sea Slug Sauce)

Pangolin Penis Special Soup or Fresh Uyghur Body Parts Pottage
(note all Uyghur ingredients sourced from our own farms)

Galapagos Islands Chinese Big Fleet Weird and Wonderful Rare Species Fish Platter

Rat Fuck Ice Cream

500ml Tiger Bones Lager

Food Safety Declaration: Cuisine may contain trace quantities of nuts and strange meats and fluids.

Ts & Cs. To win free one way flight and Covid test in Hong Kong Scan Barcode with your Haiwei 5G device and enter personal data as prompted. Note our partner network will harvest data automatically. All such intellectual property thus harvested may be sold or transferred to approved entities World Wide. For your security in any event it remains the sole property of PROC (THE PROPRIETOR) and Haiwei (THE MANAGEMENT), the Chinese Peoples Army (CUSTOMER RELATIONS) and Xi Jinping (THE DICTATOR). We do not recognize Equity Contracts or English Law.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Nominated because she’s a cunt with an annoying voice, tone, surname and face… not ideal given her vocation. No wonder she never made it to the national news.

Nominated by: Johnson Johnson Sr.

(I’ve never heard of her, but she’s been reading an autocue for 30 years with Granada Reports – admin)