Women who take everything personally are cunts.

Not only everything in real life either. They take the hump at absolutely everything and anything that is aimed at a specific woman (fact or fiction) is also aimed at them.

Music. The Stones did Under My Thumb. Yet there really are women who think Mick is singing about all women and especially them personally. A bit fucking strange, considering they have never met the man. Never mind that they weren’t even born when the song was written and recorded.

Television. Women (the same ones as above) who will howl and gripe over characters like Del Boy and Gene Hunt. Saying how they ‘don’t like them’ because they ‘say horrible things about women’. A good job they are fucking fictional then and actors playing parts, isn’t it? Fuck me.

Politics. Any bloke who bemoans what happens when we get a woman Prime Minister (Maggie Thatcher or Theresa Iscariot) gets all the childish ‘What about all the nasty men who have been in charge?’ With Hitler at the top of the list. Only difference being I don’t see insults aimed at Hitler as personal digs at me. And also it’s ‘OK’ for women to tie all men in with Hitler. But say Maggie was a pain and they take it as a personal insult.

And the most recent classic. If anybody says they don’t like the new woke Doctor Who and how the show and the character has been ruined, it’s the automatic ‘Misogynist’ ‘Hater’ ‘Sexist’ and ‘It’s our turn now!’ bollocks. In their crazed fucked up minds, if f you don’t like Jodie Whittakunt, then you don’t like women in general.

Sir Laurence Fox was dead right. They are absolutely fucking bonkers

Nominated by: Norman

And seconded by

Mr Polly 

Women

I´ve been reading a gloomy tome by Tolstoy called “The Death of Ivan Ilyich and Other Stories” and was about to reach for the vodka bottle and a cutthroat razor when I came upon this pearl of wisdom in “The Kreuzer Sonata”. Read on then call the cops and have your wife, girlfriend, mistress, paramour, lover, whatever you call her, arrested immediately and throw into the dungeon.

“Count the factories. The greater part of them are engaged in making feminine ornaments. Millions of men, generations of slaves, die toiling like convicts simply to satisfy woman´s caprice. Women, like queens, keep nine-tenths of the human race as prisoners of war, or as prisoners at hard labor… They take revenge for our sensuality; they catch us in their nets.

Women have made of themselves such a weapon to act upon the senses that a young man, and even an old man, cannot remain tranquil in their presence. Watch a popular festival, or our receptions or ball-rooms. Woman well knows her influence there. You will see it in her triumphant smiles.

As soon as a man approaches a woman, he falls under her influence and loses his head. Long ago I felt ill at ease when I saw a woman all dressed up for a ball but now it simply terrifies me. I see in it a danger to men, something contrary to the laws; and I feel a desire to call a policeman, to appeal for defence from some quarter, to demand that this dangerous object be removed.”

ISACers of the world unite. You have nothing to lose but your chains!

Screwfix and all the other shops.

I was in screwfix the other day, and luckily for me (!) they have installed all sorts of measures to protect me from the saddest excuse for a megadeath virus of doom ever found. Hand sanitiser on the way in, penned into lanes leading to the till points and a helpful yellow square for you to stand on. Which no one sees, and the zombie behind the till has to tell everyone to stand on the yellow square.

Big signs about social distancing, even though the 2m rule was downgraded to 1m. And other signs asking us not to attack the staff who treat you like you have the plague. “we’re all in this together” bollocks.

Just to appease the idiots, we ALL get treated like idiots. If you’re one of those idiots, don’t worry about covid getting you. It’ll be at the end of a big queue of people who want to knock your block off, like that scene in airplane.

Nominated by: Paul McCuntley

This is genuinely a more in sorrow than in anger cunting for our beloved Prime Minister.

I genuinely like Boris. Prior to his recent illness,he never took himself too seriously. A bit of a rogue, perhaps, but a loveable one. He wasn’t Steptoe-Corbyn, with his hypocritical amateur Marxism, nor was he meddling incompetent old woman Keir Starmer – Starmer the charmer, who is about as charming as a floating turd in a lavatory pan.

Alas, those days have gone, now his bumbling incompetence has turned into bustling self-importance, and – I hate to say it, dictatorial. He has also become cowed because Starmer and some of his backbench arselickers have been agitating like the old wimmin they are for face masks to be “compulsory” in shops, it seems Boris has caved into them – just like he did over public transport “compulsory” masks agitated for by the whacky London mayor.

Boris needs to remember that the fucking Labour party will be out of power for at least another 4 years (probably 8) and that he has a majority of 80. He should tell the Starmer chums to go and fuck themselves.

I think Boris is not only cowardly for giving into the red scum, but confused. A lot of his actions seem to have one eye on commerce, You still can’t get your teeth fixed, if you are an NHS Patient, but you can go and get your nails varnished. You can go to the pub, but not to many walk-in medical facilities. If the country has become so suddenly safe, why all this dreadful compulsion.

I never thought, throughout my decades on this planet, that I would end up living in a police state, certainly not under a tory government – it would have been a cert under Corbyn of course, but he was given a fucking good thrashing, just a few months ago.

You can cover mouths, and noses, but infections can be acquired through the eyes – perhaps Saddick Khan and some of his ilk in Parliament will provide free hijabs and burqus?

Either we are “safe” to go out or we are not. Even during the fucking war, though you had to carry your gas mask, you didn’t have to wear the bleeding thing everywhere.

Confusion everywhere – on the day Priti Patel announces “strict” immigration rules, we have the largest contingent of illegal immigrants being taxied in, on one day – and this year has been a record figure of thousands – and they are only the ones that got in undetected. You can at the very least double that figure.

Fuck the government – they are ignorant arsehole crawlers who know fuck all about anything. Self important self righteous eunochs – they know how it is done, they see it done evry day, but they can’t do it themselves. This is even more true of Starmer and his bunch. I even start to wonder if Boris will cave in to the Remainer cunts of Labour and cancel Brexit. Hilary Benn has been on manouvres again

I can’t be arsed to vote anymore – fuck the lot of them

Nominated by: W. C. Boggs

A quick cunting for the Mayor of New York –

Covid-related lockdowns of restaurants, diners, and food carts have starved the Big Crapple’s rat populations out of the sewers and subways and into the streets and homes of Manhellton.

And how has Big Bill responded to this literal plague upon his house? By painting ‘Black Lives Matter’ on the street outside Trump Tower!

He should have instead painted a nice big mural of the new, true King of New York… ROLAND!

Nominated by Chimp Licker 

This nom is a bit different from the norm in that I want to focus on those annoying little things that piss me off on a daily basis. Things like:-

• Cash Machines being out of order when you need cash in a hurry.
• Shoe laces that either come undone at the most inconvenient of times, or get knotted when you try to undo them.
• Batteries in remote controls that die on you and you’ve got no spares.
• Cunts from Amazon who send you something small and harmless like a flash drive, but decide to pack it in a cardboard box the size of a shoebox, full to the brim with millions of polystyrene chips that go all over the fucking place as soon as you open the lid!
• Tinned food that don’t have ring-pulls, and you don’t have a can opener.
• Dust.
• Grubby/sticky tables in pubs that haven’t been wiped down properly.
• Blobs of butter in the jam/marmalade jar because some cunt couldn’t be bothered to clean the knife beforehand.
• No toilet roll in the gents bogs in restaurants (but only noticing after the event!)
• Unscrewing something, but there’s always ONE screw that won’t fucking budge!
• Postmen who don’t shove letters fully through the letter box thus resulting in soggy letters due to rain.
• Electrical fuses that go pop and finding you have every spare fuse under the sun other than for the amperage you need.
• Waiting at bus queues and some cunt tries to start a conversation about the bleedin’ weather! (Always, always ALWAYS the weather, and not something more edgy like Owen Jones being a complete cunt?)
• BST & GMT – fucking about changing the clocks (and there’s always one you forget).
• Website forums that pick up on your spelling and insist on correcting you with the American spelling of the word.
• Dropping the TV remote control or your phone while your nice and comfy in your chair, and the remote is always just slightly out of easy reach.
• Dropping a £1 coin, which always seems to roll into inaccessible/awkward places.
• Shaving every day.
• Condensation on your glasses when you walk into a takeaway on a cold night.
• Long lists of pointless shite…..

Any more you would like to add?

Nominated by: Technocunt