‘Free Form’ is that style of jazz which is characterised by a rejection of traditional jazz conventions such as set chord progressions and melodic structures, opting instead for individual expression and group improvisation. It says here.

Anyway, it’s a kind of ‘music’ that puts me in a bad mood. The wife and I are not long back from lunch in a favourite café of ours, where the owners unfortunately persist in playing this tripe, no doubt under the misguided belief that it creates a bit of ambience to the place. So we sat and ate our admittedly excellent meal for an hour before I plucked up the courage to ask them to turn it down a bit.

Until that point, we had Animal from ‘The Muppets’ crashing about on drums. We had some cunt doing an endless, toneless ‘dum dum dum dum’ walk up and down the double bass. We had a collection of wassocks jangling and tootling a seemingly random collection of notes on piano, sax and trumpet. And we had some bird who fancied herself as Ella Fitzgerald occasionally chiming in with ‘yahdooby darby dooby darby do’.

In other words, a cachophonous racket of jumbled noise which constitutes nothing more than an assault against the ears. Who listens to this shit? Who actually appreciates it enough to pay to see it performed? That’s what I’d like to know. It’s a fucking atrocity.

Anyway, take it away fellas.

youtube

Erm, niiiice.

Nominated by Ron Knee.

Louis is a documentary maker.
Usually looking into cults, cranks like scientologists, porn stars etc.

He can be quite entertaining and has interviewed people such as Jimmy Savile and Paul Daniels.

He looks like he’s wearing one of those glasses and fake nose combos from a joke shop.
Know who I mean?

Anyway last night I watched his latest offering ‘ the settlers’.

It was Israeli right wingers who are settling land in Gaza previously help by Palestinians.

Fuck me, it was biased as fuck.
No attempt at impartiality.

There wasn’t much mention of the rapes, beheadings, or hostage taking.

BBC party line all the way.

Well I thought the Israelis were right to turf the murderous cunts off the land.
Especially with a bullet up the khyber.
I won’t watch Louis anymore from now on.
He can fuck right off.

youtube

Nominated by Miserable Northern Cunt.

I don’t know why Mrs Cunter likes watching this programme.
It’s not like she can grow flowers here.
It’s all palms and cactii for us.

I don’t mind Monty Don, he knows what he is talking about and his dog is obviously A Very Good Boy.

The rest of his team are a different matter altogether.

An ugly black women, a scruffy, unshaven spiv with a speach impediment, a saggy old bag lady and worse of all, a flid.

How she ever got employed as a gardener is beyond me.

She might be very clever with planting small things with her feet but she would be fucked by digging up a tree stump.

I am amazed by the soil in Monty’s garden.
Whenever he has to dig a hole for anything the soil is as soft as shit.
You never see him struggling with hard, compacted ground and finding old roof tiles and bricks buried like in the real world.

Then, like all TV gardeners they come out with the Latin names for plants.

What’s the fucking point?

Nobody is going to write them down or remember them.
I reckon the presenters have to use an autocue as well.
I don’t believe for one minute that they know the Latin for the plants they show.

So why tell us?

You go to the garden centre and say,
“Oi mate, I want half a dozen solanum lycopersicum abracazebra. And don’t try and palm me off with some lycopersicon esculentum. You dodgy cunt”.

As if the minimum wage garden center worker would have a clue what you were on about.

And at the end of the programme Monty gives you your jobs for the weekend.

Pinch out your chrysanthemums.
Pot on your geraniums.
Multch your sweet potatoes.

Yes Monty. Thanks for reminding me. I will get straight on it.

Gardener’s World.
A load of manure.

bbc

Nominated by The Artful Cunter.

Is a fucking Cunt.

This Byzantine legal case,wholly involving Africans up to nowt good,must have cost millions in “legal aid”and adds up to another excellent advertisement for Lawfare Britain..

Justice is served,all bills are paid,all rules followed and court proceedings dutifully updated..

All at vast expense whilst these lying Nigerian cunts play house and game the system..for the trillionth time.

Rules Based Britain is a Floundering Cunt.

Vote Oven.

bbcnews

Nominated by Unkle Terry.

Not Francis’s fault, poor old devil – titter ye not, but the 0500 hours news on Wireless 4 this morning led yet again with the story of the ghoulish visitors in Rome, so intent on seeing the poor old gent, they kept the museum open all night so they could shuffle past. Some of the bleeders even took photographs on their mobile phones, a cross in one hand and the iPhone in the other.

Then there is the exciting news that our atheist Prime Minister Keir Rodney will be at the funeral , no doubt crossing himself animatedly, so he looks like one of those dancers on Top Of The Pops in 1965 (or Top Of The Popes), and no doubt pleading that Anthony Blair should be the next Pope. Kweer will be “laser focused” and “crystal clear”

Those ghastly, grisly photographs of the dead Pope make me feel sick – it looks as if they didn’t put his teeth in. On Saturday it will be interesting to see who looks deader – the Pontiff or Dame Keir, with his white make-up on.

There have been hundreds of acres of newsprint, God alone how many hours of TV and radio, but perhaps the most egregious article (apart from the sentimental rubbish in the Daily Mirror and other tabloids yesterday) is this one, which fair put me off my Spotted Dick on Monday (I knew I shouldn’t have gone anywhere near Mandy!):

Daily Fail

Nominated by W C Boggs.