Yesterday the wife came back from a trawl around the charity shops with a gift for me that I much appreciate. It’s a copy of a weighty reference tome on films, of which I’m a lifelong devotee. The author’s purpose is to draw together a list of what he regards as un miss able films, and the book’s title is ‘1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die’.

People always seem to be drawing up these lists. You’ll find them them in the meeja, in magazines, and on line; ‘100 Books You Must Read Before You Die’, ’50 Places You Must Visit Before You Die’, ‘101 Foods You Must Eat Before You Die’, ‘1001 Albums you Must Listen To…’, ’50 Sporting Occasions You Must…’ and so on.

Fair Enough. But one thing irritates the life out of me. Why not just call the book ‘1001 Films You Must See’? What’s with the pointless melodrama of the ‘Before You Die’ bit? It stands to reason that I’ll see the film, or read the book, or eat the dish, or visit the place or whatever BEFORE I die. There’s a blindingly obvious reason why I won’t be doing it AFTER I die. I’ll be fucking DEAD.

Stupid cunts.

allenandunwin

Nominated by Ron Knee.

is a cunt.

Hi guys, been a while, hope your all well.
I would like to nominate Amanda Holden, you may think WTF but bare with me, I love a pretty face, there are many Kate Beckinsdale Salma Hayek to name a few, either one of which I would crawl across a hundred yards of broken glass just to shit in her handbag.

However, then you have these sad, has been plastic, taxidermied, attention seeking slags on the last gasp of a career who will say,do,pose absolutely any excuse for a like on fbook, step forward Katey price, Carol Vauderman,Cluadia Wankleman, Lilly fucking Allen, you get the idea.

The one I really take umbrage with however is this absolute skank Amanda Holden, doesn’t seem to matter if im on line, watching telly, even the radio, this spunktrumpet just keeps popping up in various states of undress, flashing her freshly put on knickers while the pair she has just taken off stink up her handbag, unless of course she keeps doggy bags ready her her next arranged/ surprise photo opportunity, honestly I have seen more of this nipped, tucked, pumped whore surgically copied from her daughters waaaaayyy younger body than i have seen of my own, it doesn’t matter how many pages i block or mark as not fucking interested, there she is again.
Nobody appreciates a pretty form more than me, but now im wishing a nasty infection on her.

Doesn’t help of course this fucker has the morals of an alley cat, has had a charisma bypass operation whenever criticised, is I total narcissist that would put that other uber cunt Me, again Sparkle to shame.
So its time for the old cougar to realise, making yourself look younger dosnt actually make you younger and no amount of gash flashing is going to change that, yes you have a gifted taxidermist, but in this day and age so what, just try and enjoy what life you have left and stop ramming your remodelled tits into everyones faces , especially mine, so fuck off, bon voyage you over exposed old attention seeking cunt, honestly im sick of the sight/sound of her…….

Daily Star

Nominated by Fuglyucker.

I’ve never liked this red skinned, yellow haired steroid swollen yank gobshite.

He says all the right things

Tells kids to take vitamins, say their prayers, be good for teacher etc

He’s conservative, being a staunch supporter of Trump and promotes American ideals.

He’s racist 😁

All fine by me.

But he says all this then shags his best mates wife and filmed it.
His best mate(!) Bubba the Love Sponge( deedpoll so real name)

Then sues his mate for invasion of privacy.

Charming.

There’s something deeply flawed with a man who sports a canary yellow handlebar moustache,
To me he always looks like he’s escaped from a San Francisco pride event.

He wouldn’t necessarily help sway my vote if I was a undecided American.

Anyway, he’s a cunt.

jacksonville.com

Nominated by Miserable northern cunt.

For someone who loves ‘movies’ as much as I do, I seem to find a lot in the American variety that really pisses me off of late. I’ve been on here in the not-too-distant cunting worn-out dialogue of the ‘we’re running out of time!’ variety. I’ve cunted the tedious scenarios, of which there are many; hero walks away from huge explosion without looking back sort of thing, in slo-mo of course. Then there’s the persistent and wearisome use of product placement…

When watching a flick last night, I was reminded of how American film-makers have even managed to make a cliché from the use of props. A character had been out to get steak for dinner. She came back carrying the obligatory plain brown paper bag, with guess what sticking out the top? You got it, a fucking baguette.

Here are a few other worn-out prop clichés to back up my point;

*coffee and doughnuts; six steaming hot plastic cups and a box of doughnuts, carried into the office in one hand by a character determined to be friendly
*napkin; so that somebody can show how sick they are by coughing blood into it
*parked car; conveniently parked for a falling body to smash into
*mobile phone; works anywhere, except when it’s most needed to work
*photograph; of loved ones, propped up by serviceman, to show he’s for the chop
*cardboard box; pic of family sticking out, carried out of office by someone just fired
*helicopter and/or black SUV; crucial for CIA, NSA or the Feds to stage arrival
*breakfast; always cooked by wife but left by husband, who’s inevitably running late
*car keys; conveniently under visor for escaping hero (car then won’t start natch; ‘come on come ON!’, cliché dialogue supplement)
*file; for buzzard female lawyer to slam shut and say ‘we’re done here’ to cops

You can even have characters as cliché props. There’s the hero with the social outcast friend, the high school lead with the nerdy but supersmart sidekick…

Throw all these various knackered tropes into the mix, and it’s hard to disagree with Ricky Gervais’s assessment that Hollywood product these days is awful. It’s lazy, tired, unimaginative, dominated by prequels and sequels and superhero crap, not to mention being infected by incessant wokery.

So if you want to see a rinse-and-repeat bore, packed with clapped out dialogue and plot lines, and yes, even worn-out props, just take a trip to your nearest multiplex, and you’ll be amply rewarded by the ‘choice’ on offer. For myself, I think I might have to stick with the ‘Golden Age’ classics and works from Europe and Latin America from now on.

youtube

Nominated by Ron Knee.

Perhaps no worse than any other member of Team Twat, surely the worst government in history, Pat McFadden, the 60 year old slapheaded Jock cunt deserves a special award for being such a vacuous looking, excuse seeking, lying turd, Starmer’s greatest apologist. He looks like an 80 year old, the sort of old man, who, if you saw him hanging around a primary school on a weekday afternoon, you would be inclined to phone the police.

If anyone remembers Nearest & Dearest, old Jockstrap could well have played “Walter” – he wouldn’t have even needed to speak:

express

Nominated by W. C. Boggs.