Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s astrologist Ron Knee reporting. Well, I think that we can all agree that 2023 was a right cunt. In order to see what will be in store for us in 2024, I’ve taken a peek into my crystal tit, and can confidently make the following predictions as to how we’ll fare;

*continuing strikes and bad weather will savage the UK, causing chaos and bringing the country to its knees. We’ll be struck by a cost of living crisis, which of course could have been avoided but for Brexit

*the Royal Family and the Markles will be sensationally rocked by a series of utterly unexpected scandals and revelations

* the normally reclusive Carol Vorderman and Amanda Holden will surprise the nation by suddenly flashing a bit of tit and thigh in the media. Katie Price will make a number of expensive trips abroad for cosmetic surgery and holidays, in between court appearances regarding bankruptcy proceedings

*the NHS will be plunged into an unforeseen crisis, with flu and Covid bringing the service to its knees

*the FA Cup and the Premier League will be won by a team wearing red. Or blue. Or possibly white. In Scotland the league will be won by a team wearing green and white. Or possibly blue

*’EastEnders’ and ‘Casualty’ will surprisingly return to our tv screens. In ‘Corrie’, octogenerian Ken Barlow will be murdered in a staggering case of poisoning in t’ Rover’s Return

*Wars will break out in the Ukraine and Middle East. And possibly elsewhere, like Africa maybe

*Nicola Sturgeon and her husband Peter ‘it wasnae me guv’ Murrell will be arrested again, as ‘Operation Branchform’ officers begin a new investigation into the loss of £6.49 from the SNP’s petty cash, and £4.25 from the tea fund

*a number of elections will occur around the world. In Russia, Vladimir Putin will poll an astonishing 99% of the popular vote after mass arrests and the sudden disappearance of a number of opponents. In Britain, a snap election will see a bunch of cunts elected, while in the USA, an elderly man will become president.

*Christmas will arrive on December 24th.Yoko Ono will discover a previously unknown demo of a John Lennon song. Macca will find a bit of Harrison guitar left over from the ‘Let It Be’ sessions, and he and Ringo will do a mash-up to produce the Christmas number one

Oh, and of course, IsAC will go from strength to strength; after all, it’s a case of so many cunts, so little time. A cuntin’ good New Year to one and all.

This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio.

Nominated by: Ron Knee

Who he?

Well young Olly has been chosen to represent the UK at the ultra camp wankfest that is the Eurovision Song Contest in Sweden next May. I’m sure that like me, you’re delighted by the fact that the lad’s not only on the other bus, but has promised to represent our nation in ‘the gayest way possible’.

Now ain’t that just wonderful? The absolute dog’s bollocks if you ask me.

But wait, the plot thickens. Auntie Beeb (who I assume chose the cunt in the first place) is now coming under pressure to drop him after his accusations that Israel is ‘an apartheid state that practises genocide’. Why oh why can’t these so-called ‘celebrity’ types just keep their opinions to themselves?

So unless something gives, Little Dolly Daydream will be sharing a stage with Israel’s representative come next May. Must be a bit of a nightmare for the show’s organisers, who claim that it’s ‘a non-political event that unites audiences worldwide through music*’. No shit.

Mmm… methinks that there could be some high-jinks in Malmo next year. What fun.

*is that what you call it?

Independent Link.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

A mother of all cuntings please for the Mother of All Cunts, Paula Vennels (no, I’m not putting that illegitimate CBE at the end of her name).

What she did to those poor postmasters is nothing short of fucking despicable, and something which even Blofeld would be sickened by.

She knew the software was faulty, yet STILL lied through her teeth and willingly ruined the lives of hundreds of people – thousands if you count their families – in order to preserve her own job.

She happily deprived children of mothers, fathers, and grandparents all because she didn’t want to face the consequences of her own incompetence. How dare she. How fucking dare she.

Sky News

Nominated by: OpinionatedCunt

And on the same topic there’s this from Cuntstable Cuntbubble

The Met Police.

Ineffective generally but they do recognise a bandwagon when it needs jumping on.

BBC News

”Post Office scandal: Met Police investigate potential fraud offences”

I have known about this for years. It has been around and in the public sphere for a decade. It should have been investigated then, but it takes a TV ‘dwama’ to finally get these timeserving cunts to act.

Perhaps there should be a ‘dwama’ about knife crime and criminality in fucking London to get them to act. It would also save producers from crowbarring black actors into historical dwamas because there would be plenty needed for actual realism.

And Guzziguy has his opinions on this Horizon disaster

Not sure where to start on the comprehensive clusterfuck that is the Post Office Horizon computer cockup. Installed in 1999 with doubts about it, a quarter of a century later we have the mother of all turd/fan interfaces.

Questions were raised by Private Eye , Computer Weekly and some MPs many years ago yet it took a fucking ITV drama to get the wretched business taken seriously by the powers that be- ie debated in Parliament at length.

Doubtless, Ed Davey, Keir Starmer and many others will claim that they were mislead but the fact remains that many ‘important’ heads must roll.

 
Now that I’ve turned 60 I have already noticed a few tram lines on my face, along with the the ubiquitous grey hair on my head (although fortunately I still have a full head of hair and far from becoming a total slap-head!).

But I have also noticed hairs up my nostrils, eye brows and inner ears. Now I always thought hairs on one’s body came during the puberty years of teenage angst. Hairs and zits were the order of the day, along with wet dreams thinking of Sally James going down on Felicity Kendall.

But it would seem nasal hair has been biding its time for an additional 40 odd years and only now has decided to sprout, along with its friends the ears!

Nasal hairs are a cunt because for me at least they tickle, as well as become quite visible to others. I usually just pluck the fuckers out, which is a bit painful,. But then after a few weeks the fuckers grow back again!

Getting old is a real cunt when things start to fail on you, but sure enough nasal hairs will just add to your angst as you poke a finger up there trying to placate your irritation while others think you’re picking your nose!

Nominated by Technocunt.

Mental health is a cunt.

A few years ago now someone, somewhere in the establishment decided to start peddling “mental health” as a good wheeze to excuse criminal, perverse, just plain stupid behaviour or any form of failure in life.

I’m not clear why this is but I suspect like most things it comes down to money, either folks building a career on this bollocks or the government saving the cost of keeping these bastards in the slammer to prevent them being a nuisance to the rest of us.

Just been a programme on the telly featuring people complaining they have low mood, depression, anxiety, panic attacks etc. One hearing voices and diagnosed as schizo but as he is a young black man then it’s in his DNA so no useful treatment available anyway.

Reminds me of my late mother’s opinion on first hearing the term post-natal depression; “We didn’t have this in my day. It hadn’t been invented.”

The Guardian

Link is to the Grauniad but remarkably appropriate I think. Worth reading.

(Umm. Due to ment’l elf we forgot to add the author to this nom! – Day Admin)