Quitting smoking is a cunt…

I’m trying to quit again and its just fucking hopelessly difficult to do. I feel there’s a little satan over my shoulder going “Come on light up you know you want to, everything will be better buddy once you do” and theres a bit of truth to that.

Cigarettes does go good with music, drugs, sex,porn,coffee, relieves stress(kind of) and its a time killer when bored. If I didn’t have such terrible anxiety, depression and adhd I’m positive quitting smoking would be very easy to accomplish…

Nominated by: Titslapper

Congratulations to Fred West who correctly predicted the demise of uber-cunt Denis Healey. So well played, Fred. An autographed copy of Burt Bacharach’s wonderful “Living Together” album is yours to pick up at the Reception desk.

Management speak is hereby nominated for a good Cunting……

Before I saw the light it had been my great misfortune to be at some management meetings; fuck knows how I got roped in, made to wear a collar and tie, talk about a duck out of water.

Anyhoo. I thought senility had set in when I couldn’t follow some of the tossers. I understood all the words, but I’ll be fucked if I knew what they were on about. I give you some of the those that make the old eyelid twitch and the fingers long to be holding a cunting stick. Best grade one Cunting sticks are usually made from ash and are normally supplied with an optional attachment called a pick at the business end.

Prime examples of fucktard speak:

ballpark figure – Never wanted to own a ball park.
mission critical – Is it about to explode?
think outside the box- Not if you’re an opening bat facing Big Bird you don’t.
blue-sky thinking – Where I’d rather be than here.
there is no ‘I’ in team – *Mutter* “But there is in TIT!” (Which is why I don’t need to attend management meetings any more).
take it to the next level – Which apparently is not an invitation to engage in fisticuffs. (Ditto above).
put the toothpaste back in the tube – Which resulted in coffee snot and a one way ticket back to my lurry cab (showing my age there) and my card marked: ‘attitude issues’.

I’m sorry management I only speak English and a colloquial variant of Anglo Saxon at the best of times, you fuck-pig Cunts!

Nominated by: King Cnut

Guy Martin, what a monumental cunt. Fogarty is a cunt too, and Barry Sheen, in fact all limp-dicked cunts on motorbikes are wankers!

One of the neighbours up our avenue has some swanky 1000cc thing, the cunt is a pain in the arse. every morning he starts it up just after 7am and then proceeds to rev it in the red a dozen times before roaring up the avenue doing about 120mph before he even gets to the junction.

One of these days I am gonna cut the cunt’s brake lines!

Nominated by: Gormless Fuckwit

The ads that I particularly hate are the ones that imply that all woman are geniuses and men are as thick as pig shit. Fuck right off you bunch of misandrist slags.

Just because advert’s 30/40/50 years ago were somewhat sexist, doesn’t mean you have to get ‘revenge’ by turning it around. It comes across as immature, unimaginative, and pathetic. A sexist prick, is a sexist prick, regardless of gender.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw