Quitting smoking


Quitting smoking is a cunt…

I’m trying to quit again and its just fucking hopelessly difficult to do. I feel there’s a little satan over my shoulder going “Come on light up you know you want to, everything will be better buddy once you do” and theres a bit of truth to that.

Cigarettes does go good with music, drugs, sex,porn,coffee, relieves stress(kind of) and its a time killer when bored. If I didn’t have such terrible anxiety, depression and adhd I’m positive quitting smoking would be very easy to accomplish…

Nominated by: Titslapper

43 thoughts on “Quitting smoking

  1. Fucking cunts who do not smoke are fucking cunts. Especially the twats who complain when you spark up in the beer garden. I was in Whitby the other week and decided to drop into Wetherspoons for a quick pint. They even had a non smoking section in their beer garden ( not really a beer garden, just a bit outside ). So I sat in the smoking section and lit up a fine Cuban. Seconds later Mrs. Cunt sitting 6 feet away in the non smoking section starts ostentatious coughing and waving her hands about. This continues for a few minutes until Mr Cunt comes over and asks me, ever so politely, if I wouldn’t mind awfully putting my smoke out. And then I’m the cunt for telling the prick to fuck off and sit inside if he doesn’t like it!!

    The non smoking nazis are making life increasingly difficult for those brave enough to smoke. Why don’t they just man up and ban it all together? At least then you could have some respect for the cunts. But no, they just continue to discriminate against those who contributed 12.3 billion quid ( 2012-2013 ) to the exchequer. The cost to the NHS? Approximately 2 billion, so that’s 10.3 billion the government is making out of smoking and all the while persecuting smokers. Cunts!!

    Titslapper, keep up the good fight, fuck the lot of them.

    • Yeah I know, been a smoker for 20 odd years now, I habit I picked up whilst travelling around the country doing 60k + miles a year, fuck all else to do ! And the worst ,most judgemental cunts of all by far are the “reformed” smokers. They obviously don’t realise I’m doing my bit to reduce the national deficit, ignorant cunts.

  2. I’m a non-smoking cunt. For years I tried to smoke. I started with nicking the old boy’s Phillip Morris unfiltered. Then I tried menthol. Then I tried Sobrane. Then I tried Davidoff. None were to my liking. They made me sick, actually. But I gave it a go.
    Now I don’t give a rat’s arse who smokes. The smell never did bother me. It still doesn’t. I don’t understand the anti-smokers beef. They must be real cunce.

  3. I am just confused about the whole thing, the government have advised me to start saving money into a taxable pension because they have squandered my deducted pension on imigrants and duck houses, so there will not be enough money to see me through my twilight years.
    yet at the same time they encourage me to stop smoking because I may die younger and will not be able to enjoy the abject poverty and raiding dustbins that the government pension plan now offers me.

  4. i don’t understand how anyone can actually afford to smoke! how much is 20 fags? £10 quid ? so if you only smoke 20 a day thats £70 a week! i don’t like to but i’ve never smoked so i’ve no idea how addictive it actually is, very i suspect.
    no doubt this will get slated but how about buying some mints? tic tacs or something, everytime you get the urge for a fag have a mint instead
    i have a bit of an addiction myself, to biscuits!, especially the one with loads of calories, custard creams, choccy digestives etc. i have managed to wean myself of them by switching to rich teas, now i find those biscuits just too fuckin sickly.
    this leads me to another proposal for a cunting. the price of branded biscuits! i shop at lidls. their own brand rich teas are 23p ! MCVITIES are £1.20 ! is there any difference .? noooooooooo. how the fuck can Mcvities justify that price. be careful ! lidls packaging is very similar to mcvities and they place them very close together. imagine my consternation when i got home and found myself with a packet of mcfuckinvities. every mouthful left a very bad taste!

    • Not that easy I’m afraid. Tried many times over the years with all manner of patches, mints,sprays, even tablets from NHS didn’t work. Like Titslapper I suffer from various forms of stress related problems and I really do wish I’d never started but there really are times when only lighting up will help fill the void.

      • I’m afraid a mint won’t cut it. My Parents, both still with us, quit smoking 35 years ago and they both say there isn’t a day goes by that they do not think about having a fag. So why put yourself through all that? So you will live longer? There have been many non smoking, non drinking, healthy eating fitness fanatics who have just dropped dead.

    • I’m not holier than thou about smoking. I consider it a personal choice. I gave up when they hit £1 a packet as I was getting through 60 to 80 a day and the cost was ridiculous. At today’s prices that would be around £250 a week.

      It’s a no brainer really…

      • 60- 80 smokes a day? fuck me thats alot, I use to smoke alot too but I usually only smoke no more then 10-14 nowadays somedays only 4 fags I got pretty good will power. Its definitely expensive if you smoke alot though ,well I’ll be moving soon so I won’t exactly have that choice anymore its gonna be ecigs or cold turkey.

    • Sadly mints and gum just don’t cut it.

      Been smoking for nearly 30 years and only tried to give up once.
      lasted a day, everyone I worked with begged me to start again because I became a horrible cunt overnight.

      I buy my fags abroad now. The greedy government cunts want £9.30 for 20 Bensons.

      The Danes only want £4.60, so if I buy 800 when I visit my kid, the money this saves me pays for the flight, petrol and airport parking.

      • I haven’t paid full price for my smokes in years. I’m a fairly regular visitor to Spain and fags are cheap as chips here. But even when I lived in UK full time there was always some one knocking out cheap smokes.

      • Holy fucking shit, is that how much 20 Benson cost now?
        I’m glad I buy bootleg Cutters Choice at £8 for 50g, (costs £18 in the shops).
        Ok I may be funding ‘terrorism’ and ‘criminals as the government claim, but who are the real criminals in this when £7+ of the price of 20 Bensons is TAX.

        I am old enough to remember when 20 Bensons were £1.40 (72p for a pack of 10).
        I used to spend 72p on 10 Bensons (sell 2 for 15p each) and still have 58p to get my school dinner, and you could get sausage, chips and an iced bun for that!

        Fuck me, £9.30 for 20 Bensons, another 20 years and you’ll need a fucking mortgage to buy 20 ciggies.

      • A trucker mate of mine gets me cheap baccy from abroad, havn’t bought UK Duty Paid stuff for years. This “Stoptober” shit that various comedians (in every sense of the word) are endlessly plugging on TV this month is a right cunt. Do they really think that Al Murray or Bill Bailey can persuade me over to the side of sweetness, light and Third Reich health programs?. The smug self righteousness of these twats makes me want to smoke even more just to spite them. I’d bang that Shappi Kapoor though, just for the novelty {and a free curry).

  5. It is the same with manufactured goods that are built in Taiwainese slave labour factories.
    You can but a jig built machine welded bike frame for less than £20 (cost) from the factory that builds them, but some company like Carerra will use that frame, and then charge you £100 because it has the name Carerra on it.
    The amount of stuff that is m,
    ass produced in a factory for pennies then branded and marked up by 500% is a joke.
    Same applies to carbon fibre wheels, Mavic are very well known and you can buy a set of their road wheels for £1000, yet you can also buy them unbranded direct from the factory without the Mavic stickers for £400.
    Brand whores, wanna be hipsters buy in to this shit and have to have the so called original product.
    Capitalism at it’s finest, every one has to butt-in on the market to shop chain and get a cut.
    Just watch TV, every other fucking advert is for some website that brokers a cut (all these energy websites that say they save you money by switching, all these travel sites etc etc)

    • My last job before finally leaving the Consumer Electronics trade about 13 years ago was refurbishing B Grade stock (new damaged or customer returned TVs VCRs and HiFis etc) We had a load of returned VCRs in for refurb, mostly with clogged heads from eighth generation porn tapes or cheap head cleaning cassettes stuck in the mechanism. They were badged ORION (cheap Asda etc brand) or SONY (posh kit for more money) but when I took the lids off they were the same deck, mother board etc just with different “bodywork” fitted. yet the Sony cost 40 Quid more. Smaller motorcycles and cars have gone the same way, same shit, different badge.

      • Sony used to be good kit. A mate of mine used to work for them. On his first day they took him to the now closed Sony Showroom in Regent Street where they show you the product but don’t sell it to you!?!

        He asked why their gear was more expensive and was told “The Sony name” then the arrogant cunts sat on their arses and let the opposition catch up and overtake them. Their biggest mistake was marketing a Matsushita VHS video recorder with a Sony badge on the front which was basically the same as everybody else’s and the customers knew it.

        When BetaMax (the better system) failed, they panicked. A little know fact is that the only country that stayed with Betamax instead of VHS was Brazil. All academic now of course with digital…

  6. Free choice! you want free choice, here, in England. Get real. The only free choice is your right to:

    Stick your dick in a dead pig.
    Get your moat cleaned on expenses.
    Pay for access to the Government.
    Live out of the pockets of media moguls.
    Buy a peerage.
    Employ rent boys.
    Prosecute illegal wars.

    And you pass go and do not go to jail, but you want to light up a ciggy, in the open, in a dedicated area. Psha! Shame on you. And here’s a good one:

    Use taxpayers monies to rescue a failing bank and then offer to sell the said taxpayers their own shares back on the open market. *COUGH*

  7. Millionaire Charlotte Church had a go at somebody for ‘being a comfortable millionaire with an opinion…’ Well, that makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?
    From a millionaire tart who can never shut the fuck up…

    Is she really that stupid or just an out and out cunt? Probably both…. The silly Welsh slag should go into comedy, as she’s fucking hilarious…


    • Apparently she was on Question Time last week spouting off that one of the reasons behind the rise of ISIS in Syria
      Is climate change/drought. Didn’t see it myself, but I can well believe shed talk shite

      Shut your fucking bone shute you welsh cunt

    • CAADDIF and the south wales accent is such a grinding FUCKING ACCENT
      As a kid i spent 3 months in a detention centre (usk) and jesus wept ABSOLUTE FUCKING HILLBILLYS ,dark hair a long face and telling max Boyce jokes
      ABBERFYYYN missed the that cunt

  8. She is just jealous because she was once a millionaire, adored by the media and had record deals coming out of her ears, then she married that cunt Gavin Henson and it all went wrong, she pissed it all up the wall (easy to do if you like a toot on the bolivian marching powder too).

    I remember nights when I was younger where I would spend £200 on a night out due to cocaine, get absolutely pissed to the point you would puke or pass out, do a line of cocaine and you would be back at the bar in 5 minutes!

    She is a cunt, but I would love to cum on her tits 😀

  9. Lionel Messi is a cunt… I’m not disputing the lad’s talent, but the hype he gets is absurd… Not to mention him being FIFA’s favoured child (how he won player of the 2014 World Cup, I’ll never know)… Sure, he’s good with the ball, but opposition defenders aren’t allowed to touch him, he plays on pitches that are like carpets, he plays with a lightweight ball and boots, and players are always so respectful to him (ie: they kiss his arse)…

    What Messi does not do is play on pitches that are frozen rock hard or mudbaths, play against the hardest and dirtiest players (Hunter, Yeats, Bremner, Chopper Harris etc), he doesn’t play with a heavy duty leather ball and with heavy boots, and he’s also never shagged a Miss World… Messi better than George Best? My arse…

  10. Give up fags? Fetch and carry for mi’self? I shouldn’t coco.

    FAG! FAG! Where’s mi fag?
    Cut along to Sally Harrowell’s and fetch me four stunning murphies, chop chop.

  11. Oh the anti smoking brigade are cunts.Loads that moan at me for lighting up in the street are fat cunts so can hardly criticise anyone`s health.The anti-smoking groups also are pretty ignorant when it comes to get people to quit .As the anti Smoking activist Allen Carr said people will only quit if they really want to and that shock tactics and condemnation are about as useful as Stephen Hawking`s running machine.They have now put giant doors in front of fags in shops meaning that when some gormless cunt doesn`t know where your brand is you have to lean right over the desk to tell him.Seriously don`t these cunts realise rthat the more devious you make smoking look the more impressionable teens will use it to symbolize rebellion.Also warnings on Fag packets are cunts.They say things like “Smoking Kills” and “Smoking Causes lung cancer” as if this is something we all don`t know!The way they word it is ridiculous also as they make claims like “Smokers die younger” when that is not always the case.The funniest warning I saw though was a picture of a Syringe with a cigarette inside it saying “Smoking Is highly addictive :Don`t Start” well I am going into a shop buying a pack so it is a bit fucking late:Stupid Cunts!!!!!

    • You could call your brand of cigs “Death” and put a skull and crossed bones on the front and people would still buy them. Oh, somebody already did that……

  12. ‘They’ are putting even more chemical shit in cigarettes to make them more addictive.

    Get a pipe and smoke some shag. You only need 3 bowls a day.

    • I smoke cigars, depending on the size between 1 and 5 a day. I often go several weeks without a smoke, smoking to me is a hobby not an addiction. The trigger is booze, have a drink and you got to have a smoke.

    • Yes they do, they add formaldehyde so the things continue to burn, light a cigarette and leave it in the ashtray, it will burn down to the filter.
      Do that with a roll-up and it will go out in seconds.

  13. Tab ends And firing one up !
    My mother smoked wild woodbines and my dad capstan full strength and i myself roll my own since i was a kid (half ounce of old holbourn)but as i got older i smoke milder !
    But when some cunt tells me to put my cig out on an open air at a
    concrete trainstation at 5o´clock in the morning
    I stick my index finger in my mouth and tell emto get up wind and leave me alone or if it is a woman “lets have a kid and call it bastard”or a office twat with his HMSO (her majesty´s sandwich office)and when them cunts pipe up “WHAT ARE YOU MY DOCTOR OR WHAT”?
    Cig ,newspaper and coffee and a good shit

  14. I smoked 20 a day for over 20 years, mainly because I fucking enjoyed smoking. Half-hearted attempts to give up resulted in failure and extreme cuntishness every time. Last year I decided to give it a proper go, mainly because I was fed up with the coughing and so on. Champix on prescription, within a month I was off them. I have fuck-all will power and drink as much as I can, yet these miracle pills did it for me.This isn’t me being a smug ex-smoker prick, I’ve promised myself that if I ever get to holier-than-thou ex-smoker exaggerated coughing twat-dom I’ll start smoking again. Also, I used to smoke Mayfair, which were a pound cheaper than normal fags. Leaves me with far more cash for kiddy porn etc etc etc

    • I have been a smoker since my teens (over 25 years) and used to suffer with awful smokers coughs and coughing up phlegm constantly.
      It was not until I switched to tobacco & rolling my own that I now never have a smokers cough at all, go figure.
      It’s those boxed cigarettes full of shit that give you cancer, not tobacco, in my opinion of course.

      • I get through about ten filtered rollups a day now. In my motorcycle rallying Party-Til-Dawn times it was three packs of Marlboro Cowboy-Killers per day on average. Plus numerous other pleasurable substances not available from the local tobacconist….
        ” I smoke…. If this offends you I suggest you take a good look around you at the world in which we live and….. SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!!!!!” (Bill Hicks)

  15. Been cracking the old fellas up since i was nine years old (not boasting)but when my brothers came home on leave (RN) I had a tresure chest of tabs no end and not forgeting WD&HO WILLS
    Embassy ,No6 ,5 park drive and i pride myself as a building worker of sticking a newspaper and a empty packet of tabs under the floor boards as a time line LOL
    Found loads and but fucking empty fag packets TIGHT CUNTS

  16. Update on my smoking is a positive, 6 and a half months without a puff. Which is bloody great I can now buy things without worrying how much dosh I have for left for fags/smokes.

    Having a toothache was a plus+ it probably helped give me the boost I needed to quit, Who the fuck wants to smoke when your in agony? Not I dear lads, Not I

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