Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin

Paltrow ass

Possibly the dullest ever celebrity couple are splitting, but not splitting. Even their break up is about as interesting as the colour beige.

Apparently, Chris reckons he was gay and she was a beard. For some reason, he prefers a different kind of arse.

Nominated by: The Oncoming Fart & Dioclese

Gywyneth Paltrow is a cunt in many ways

First: A friend of mine was a make up artist on that pile of crap “Shakespeare In Love”: and she told me that Paltrow was such a snotty cunt to all the crew and staff on the set… Clicking her fingers instead of directly asking for things or people…

Her constant moaning about the UK: how she hates the horrible English weather, and how she can’t get a decent pizza in London (my heart fucking bleeds!) and other such shite… She can piss off back to that Hollywood craphole now…

Throwing her toys out of her luvvie pram on Iron Man 2: because a younger and better looking bird (Scarlett Johansson) was getting all the attention and press, and “Golden Girl Gwyneth” was no longer Number 1… Little Gwynypoos reacted by ostracizing and ignoring Johansson…

Her dire English accent in (more crap!) “Sliding Doors”
“You wenker! You sed, sed, forking wenker!”

This latest divorce shit: Talk about up your own arse self importance! “It isn’t easy to be married for ten years” My parents managed 49 (until my old man died).

And as for “Conscious Uncoupling”: For fuck’s sake…. Is that Hollywood twatspeak for “I’ve been shagging behind Chris’s back”?! Just say you’re finished… Don’t attach a pretentious psychobabble 2000 word essay to it, you Twatterattii cunt!

Nominated by: Norman Whiteside

Chris Martin

That hippy, tinnitus inducing cunt Chris Martin from Cuntplay.

Fancy calling your poor kid ‘Apple’ for cunts sake! What kind of barnstorming, grandstanding mung bean munching Alfalfa wearing pasty wey faced cunt of person does that?

Good God man, do you have no boundaries of cuntishness?

Nominated by HurlingDervish