Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin

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Paltrow ass

Possibly the dullest ever celebrity couple are splitting, but not splitting. Even their break up is about as interesting as the colour beige.

Apparently, Chris reckons he was gay and she was a beard. For some reason, he prefers a different kind of arse.

Nominated by: The Oncoming Fart & Dioclese

Gywyneth Paltrow is a cunt in many ways

First: A friend of mine was a make up artist on that pile of crap “Shakespeare In Love”: and she told me that Paltrow was such a snotty cunt to all the crew and staff on the set… Clicking her fingers instead of directly asking for things or people…

Her constant moaning about the UK: how she hates the horrible English weather, and how she can’t get a decent pizza in London (my heart fucking bleeds!) and other such shite… She can piss off back to that Hollywood craphole now…

Throwing her toys out of her luvvie pram on Iron Man 2: because a younger and better looking bird (Scarlett Johansson) was getting all the attention and press, and “Golden Girl Gwyneth” was no longer Number 1… Little Gwynypoos reacted by ostracizing and ignoring Johansson…

Her dire English accent in (more crap!) “Sliding Doors”
“You wenker! You sed, sed, forking wenker!”

This latest divorce shit: Talk about up your own arse self importance! “It isn’t easy to be married for ten years” My parents managed 49 (until my old man died).

And as for “Conscious Uncoupling”: For fuck’s sake…. Is that Hollywood twatspeak for “I’ve been shagging behind Chris’s back”?! Just say you’re finished… Don’t attach a pretentious psychobabble 2000 word essay to it, you Twatterattii cunt!

Nominated by: Norman Whiteside

14 thoughts on “Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin”

  1. I would like to nominate Des O’Connor. Not for his musical cuntistry, but for the fact he has just given a character reference in Court to that vile cunt and sleaze merchant Max Clifford. Des says he finds Clifford “charming” which leads me to wonder who else Des finds charming – Harold Shipman? Piers Morgan? Iain Duncan Smith? Heinrich Himmler? What a fucking cunt.

  2. Des OConnor falls into the same coterie of cunts which embraces Bruce Forsythe, Jim Davidson, Terry Wogan and Simon Cowell. I nominate them all for a group cunting, merely for not doing the decent thing and kill themselves

  3. What is with character references anyway? He is on trial for a crime! I could appear as character witness for oscar pistorious and say he seemed really nice when he appeared on telly, ran really fast, and I have never seen him ever murder anyone. FFS

  4. I would like to propose:

    Len Goodman

    The simpering old cockney barrow boy done good who pollutes Saturday night prime time on Strictly Come Dancing.
    He is the BBC’s answer to Simon Cowell,
    Len is fucking cunt of the highest order. you only have to see him mince about on SCDITT like he is the nations sweetheart and not many people know, his catchphrase “SEVEEEEEN” actually relates to the age of boys he likes to teach to tango.
    Inane, vapid, vacuous, cretinous, imbecilic cunt that he is!

  5. I always hated the way Des O’ Connor was such a lickarse: If someone on his chat show said something that was supposed to be funny, Des would fall over sideways: like he’d been shot and laughing his head off….

    His laugh at anything showbiz fakery came unstuck when he foolishly asked Ollie Reed where he had a tattoo… Des’s face when Ollie said his cock was priceless.

  6. More Gwyneth cuntery…

    Paltrow also claims that being a film star is a lot harder than doing a “normal” 9 to 5 job. Like she has ever had a job like that (she would probably wet herself if she had to make her own bed!)… She is of course talking shite, and would die if she had to do a proper day’s work in a working class environment…. This latest crap from her luvvie yank gob is irrefutable proof that this spoonfed, chicken necked tinsletown tart is an A1, copper bottomed, 100% cunt!

    Coldplay are also cunts: But I almost feel sorry Chris Martin for putting up with that… She’s like an Ostrich with a blonde wig… And the nagging?! I bet he’s had a lifetime of nagging…

  7. Being a film actor probably is harder, but but they get paid a hell of a lot more than 9-5 people (if such a thing as a 9-5 job still exists). A bigger problem is that she considers herself a film star. yeah I have heard of her, but can’t think of a major film where she plays a lead, well not one I was interested in watching, anyway

  8. Last thing I saw her in was Iron Man 2, and she was eclipsed in that by Scarlett Johansson’s arse in a skintight catsuit…. Well, that’s going to happen, isn’t it?

  9. Shit, I never liked Gwyneth Paltrow, Way too sanitised and corn fed for my taste. And she does have this knack of uttering pretentious gobshite. But I have to say I like that naked photo of her, Perhaps I’m just a sucker for a naked women. Yea, I know it’s probably photo shopped and all, but nice bottom all the same.

  10. Yeah, that photoshop would be great, except it has the bubble headed, hippy talking self centred paltrow head on it. If Russell Brand’s head had been photoshopped on it, the effect would still be the same

    • Mr Fart: On second look, I have to agree. Photo shopped to hell. Fucking pity. However, the bint who supplied the body has an exceedingly delectable bottom.

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