I would like to cunt sourdough.

Firstly it’s a cunt of a name. Instead of sounding appetising it reminds me of the time I worked shift work at a large commercial bakery.

Every night local dossers would loiter around the back gate until we shot ’em a bit of free bread. They’d have to take what they were given, but weren’t too fussy anyway. It was usually rubbish looking loaves that somehow didn’t survive the conveyor belt production and couldn’t be sold to the supermarkets.

I mean we didn’t poison them … that’d be a cunt of a thing to do, but sometimes these seconds loaves were also unusable because the ingredients mixture was inconsistent.

They might well have tasted sour as fuck. I reckon the cunt bakery probably intentionally produces such loaves nowadays to flog to cunt “foodies”.

Any rate sourdough, on its own and not buttered or spread with condiment, leaves an almost astringent taste in my mouth. Is this what they mean by sour? If so it’s bloody unappealing. Plus, after eating such a slice I reckon my breath stinks.

Mark my words sourdough is a cunt.

Nominated by: Crocacunt Dundee

Dear Cunters, I’m a first time cunter and hoping to pop my cunting cherry so please indulge and be gentle with me.

I’ve been an on and off lurker at ISAC since discovering it while researching the timeless existential question ‘am I alone in thinking Lenny Henry is a colossal, un-funny, race-baiting cunt?’. But I digress… (You’re not alone and welcome aboard. Sit down, have a cup of tea. Carry on… – NA)

I nominate US patriots.

Those of us that grew up in the cold war era of US hegemony will no doubt remember some irritation at being lorded over by jingoistic, superior yet myopic septics crowing about being the ‘greatest country the world has ever known’, how they ‘saved our asses in WWII’, and hearing slogans like ‘give me liberty or give me death’, ‘don’t tread on me’ and ‘they can have my gun when they take it from my cold dead hands’.

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Lot’s of puffed up bluster and bravado I’m sure you would agree.

Further they crow about how there are 300 million guns in the us and how any invader will encounter a patriot with a rifle behind every ‘blade of grass’. Hmm.

We’ve put up with their whooping, their boorish, oafish chanting ‘yooo-esss-ayyy’ at every international sporting event and anywhere you turn in America you see the star spangled banner.

I actually admire and envy their patriotism and love of country but when the Marxist cunts lead by Obama actually did steal the country without barely a shot being fired by infiltrating the institutions over decades, indoctrinating generations and ensuring techno-Stalinesque voting practices, where were these oath-keepers and protectors of the republic? Have they formed up militias and marched on Washington? Have they fuck. They’ve sat in their basements electronically sabre rattling. Is all this been bluster and ritual all this time?

It makes me all the more proud that my fellow freedom loving Britons quietly but implacably voted Brexit, and had the foresight to not allow Marxist controlled voting machines so that we might achieve a kind of independence.

Don’t get me wrong, they are up against a powerful tyranny, so we don’t need a futile charge of the light brigade like gesture here. But nonetheless, shit or get off the pot as the saying goes. I’m not advocating for civil war here and the question on the outcome of that would be the balance of who are the rank and file military behind vs who are the Rothschilds backing (or backing the most, as they always hedge and back both sides)? But for fucks-sake put up or shut up.

There is of course the possibility that I’ve read them wrong, they are biding their time and organizing a counter revolution. That will be a trouser clips moment should it happen.

Nominated by: Berkshire Huntmaster

(Butler told to leave the House by the Speaker after calling Boris a liar – Day Admin)

Since we have recently welcomed to these pages one dusky maiden of democracy at Westminster, Claudia Webbe, I humbly suggest, like Uriah Heep on an especially humble day, we visit another purveyor of truth and decency, Brent MP Dawn Butler, who looks just as skanky as the Webb tart.

You know Dawn? – as honest as the day is long – and the shortest day is not that far into the future. Her second home fibs saw her leave Westminster for five years 2010-2015 and earlier this year, or last – time flies when you’re having fun – she engineered an encounter with a nasty, white, racist policeman (sadly her fantasy was discovered), but Butler is nothing if not thick skinned. She has now met with Lindsay Hoyle, Speaker, to “discuss” her views on Boris “lying” to the House.

This isn’t Butler assures us “political point scoring” (of course not, as she admitted back in July her getting slung out was a “publicity stunt”), but to guarantee the “sanctity” of Parliament:

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The best way to do that would be to throw the old trollop out o Westminster for ever for gross hypocrisy and having a face like Corbyn’s ballsack.

Nominated by: W. C. Boggs

(We have a similar nomination due to be scheduled, covering parliamentary sleaze in general (and Tory MP Owen Paterson in particular). So please keep this nom focused on Butler. Thanks – Day Admin)

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This excellent reaction by Wiltshire Council caught my eye.
I hate fly tipping. We get a lot of it where I live, and not just in parks and other green spaces.

Dear me no. Apparently, anything you no longer use or want, you simply put out on the grass verge, and the rubbish fairy will take it away, and I mean anything. Old suitcases, broken TV screens, damaged furniture to get rid of? No problem, dump it on the side of the road.

Nominated by: Jeezum Priest

The Earthshot Prize and other forms of Greenwashing Bullshit

My lefty neighbour came round to dinner last night and, miraculously, it didn’t descend into an argument as usual. Mainly due to my use of facts and figures to destroy her latest piece of hogwash. She was getting herself in a lather about a 14 year old Indian girl who has just won the “Earthshot Prize”. I have no idea what it is and can’t even be bothered to find out. In a nutshell, she has “invented” a pedal cart that uses solar panels to power irons (not gays in this instance) rather than women using charcoal.

I feigned interest for a while, then asked said neighbour if she knew how much power an iron drew? She didn’t – I told her it was about 2000W. I then asked her if she knew how much power a solar panel produced? She didn’t – I told her it was about 250kW per m2. So, either this little girl has on iron operating at about 200W (good for fuck all) or she has 8m2 of panels on her ickle cart (she doesn’t).

So, the gullible just like to hear the greenwashed headlines, no matter that scientifically it is bollocks. Same for most of the green horseshit. The lefties would soon complain if Gupta didn’t do their ironing properly

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Nominated by: Lord Cuntingford