Steven Gerrard and Aston Villa FC

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s sports correspondent Ron Knee, reporting to you from Villa Park, where I’m joined by Villa’s new man at the helm. Steven Gerrard, Stephano Gerraldo, Stevie G! Wa-hey!”

“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… calm down calm down. G’wed”.

“*ahum* yes. Tell us what you know about your new club Stevie!”.

“Eeeeeeeeeeee… yes, no… Villa Aston, famous ol’ club an’ dat. Dey’re boss, but pure antwacky like-ecch. Not wun nuttin’ in an ‘undred years like-ecch”.

“So what are your priorities?”.

“Me top priority’s ta get me piccy takun ‘oldun up de new shairt like-ecch, fer de rags an’ the telly an’ dat. Den I’ll get me trabs an’ trakkies on fer a kick about with the lads”.

“So what’s your initial impression of your new charges?”.

“Eeeeeeeeeee… great bunch of lads, but dey’s playin’ like a bunch of feckin’ meffs an’ fannies at de mo. It’s an absolute show, da big girls’ blouses. I excelled meself in the finer arts of de game, an’ need to learn ’em up pronto”.

“Oh, could you elaborate for our followers?”.

“Well, rollun about like-ecch yer’ve bin shot. Windun up de oppo, gobben off at de ref, spittin’, shairt tuggun. Den dare’s me own speciality, divun in de box”.

“You’ll also be looking to apply your movitational skills straight away, no doubt”.

“I’ll be kicken’ their feckin’ kecks la, like-ecch me arl fella used ta do ta me. Did me no ‘arm”.

“Now some Villa fans of a more cynical disposition are already charging that you see this appointment as a mere intermediary step before you inevitably make your way back to Merseyside”.

“Ya wha?”.

“You’ll be on your toes to Anfield first chance”.

“Eeeeeeee… daydodatdontdaydough. Feckin’ gobshites, de lorra”.

So what’s your message to the Villa faithful?”.

“Walk-ecch on walk-ecch on, with hope in your heart, an’ you’ll never walk-ecch ah-er lone, you’ll NEH-VERER walk-ecch ah-er lone”.
*beep beep* “Aye up la, dat’s me moby pager gowun off ta let me know me bacon butties are ready. I’m feckin’ starvun me, me belly thinks me throat’s bin cut. If I don’t get me scran soon, I’ll end up in the ozzy. See ya, tra”.

“Ah, well sadly, I never got to ask that most interesting of all questions; namely, why does a multi-millionaire insist on going about looking as though he’s had a three quid haircut at a side street barber’s in Govan? Anyway, good luck Steven, something tells me that you’re going to need it at Villa Park if history is anything to go by. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.

Sky News Link

Nominated by: Ron Knee

Welcome to Policing in 21st Century Britain…….

The police no longer respond to reports of shoplifting (too minor) ….
They comfort and assist Extinction Rebellion protesters blocking motorways & gluing themselves to the tarmac …
If you report a home burglary, they might come and see within a few days…
If you get murdered, they may possibly investigate ?
If you are a mixed race LGBTQZ couple and someone has posted a ‘tweet’ that hurt your feelings – we’ll be straight round….

Darrell Meekcom is dying ( aren’t we all? ) but Darrell is Terminally ill.
He made a bucket list and one of his wishes was to moon at a speed camera. He got the opportunity and seized it, baring his bottom….

20 minutes later, 3 police cars screeched up to his home and 6 police officers wrestled the over-weight 55 year old white man to the ground.

Am I alone in suspecting that a similarly aged efnik would have received a quiet word in his shell like ?

…need I say more ?

Sky News Link

Nominated by: Lord of the Rings

(I suppose when the incident was called in, the first question plod asked before getting off their fat arses was “Is he white or black?” followed by “Is he middle class or pleb?” And this is the result – Day Admin)

Independent News Link

He’s innocent, Fuck the MSM.

CNN won’t shut up.

Cunts

@admins Please add this.

A white guy killed two white guys and injured another white guy but the knee grows are upset.

What the fucking fuck?!

Nominated by: Dark key cunt

Nomination fleshed out by OpinionatedCunt

To add to DKC’s musings on the Kyle Rittenhouse verdict:.

For cunters who don’t know, an at the time 17 year old named Kyle Rittenhouse went to Kenosha in order to help protect a friend’s business from rioters. Whilst there, he was pursued and attacked by three convicted criminals who were amongst the people rioting, and ended up shooting at them, killing two.

All through the trial, the usual suspects have effectively carried out a witch hunt on the guy, painting him as a cold blooded murderer with intent to kill. And yet, despite that, the verdict is in: NOT GUILTY ON ALL COUNTS. As an addendum the reason the verdict is so significant is because a conviction would’ve effectively meant the beginning of the end of the right to self defence in the USA.

Paul McCartney is still a cunt.

Does this cunt ever shut up about John Lennon? No, he doesn’t. The thumbs aloft knobhead never fails to name drop his old songwriting partner. Macca also still seems obsessed with his ‘who was the coolest Beatle’ pissing contest. even fifty years after they fucking disbanded. McCuntney is now carping about how he was more ‘grown up’ than Lennon, and how he felt like he was Lennon’s ‘priest’ as he gave him advice.

Funny, how Macca has come up with yet more revisionism on the Beatles. More grown up? Many accounts depict McCartney as being a childish and spiteful cunt towards both Stuart Sutcliffe and Pete Best. While other eyewitnesses recall how he belittled George Harrison in the studio. But now the cunt is making out he was some sort of mentor and Jiminy Cricket to the ‘idiot’ Lennon when John isn’t here to say otherwise? He can’t just say they were mates and then they weren’t. Nah, the smug cunt has to say he was like Lennon’s priest. 50 years since they split, 40 since Lennon’s death. Yet Macca still thinks it matters and that he has to be the most credible Beatle? Change the record, you daft old cunt.

Liverpool Echo News Link

Nominated by: Norman

IsAC aficionados may possibly recall previous occasions when I’ve had a go at some ‘category’ of song which has pissed me off. I’ll have heard ‘Yesterday’ or ‘My Way’ on the radio, and gone off on one about ‘done to death’ songs. ‘Release Me’ will get me ranting about boring songs. ‘Honey’ or ‘Escape (the Pina fucking Colada Song)’ will start my motor running on the subject of nauseating or irritating songs.

Well today I added a new category to my ‘hate’ list collection; depressing songs. I was doing a bit of decorating in the kitchen, and an ‘oldies’ channel was belting them out; the Fabs, the Four Tops, Fleetwood Mac… great stuff. Then flaming arseholes, on came this right old pile of cunt; ‘in the year 6565 won’t need no husband won’t need no wife, pick your son and your daughter too, from the bottom of a long glass tube woe woe’.

Woe woe indeed. It was an effort called ‘In The Year 2525’ by a couple of cunts named Zager and Evans, which got to no.1 in 1969 I think. The wife, who was making coffee, did her Nan Taylor impersonation and opined “what a depressing load of old shit!”.

Indeed. Which begs the question, who forked out good money to listen to such a morbid sack of cack? Naturally this got us started on other miserablist tunes which have dampened our enthusiasm over the years. “Sinead O’Connor, ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’ ” said the wife. “Or what about Clapton’s ‘Tears In Heaven’, or ‘Famous Blue Raincoat’ by Leonard Cohen? In fact, just about anything by Leonard Cohen…”.

I quickly added ‘Alone Again (Naturally)’ from Gilbert O’Sullivan. Who could resist such inspiring lyrics as ‘I promise myself to treat myself and visit a nearby tower, and climbing to the top, will throw myself off…’. Or what about Michael Andrews’ heart-warming rendition of ‘Mad World’, you know, ‘the dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had’. Wasn’t that a Christmas no.1, along with that seasonally uplifting ditty ‘Another Brick In The Wall’ from Pink Floyd?

“Don’t forget The Verve’s ‘the drugs don’t work they just make you worse’ ” chimed in the missus again. “Oh, and ‘Mother Of Mine’ from that twat Neil Reid, and ‘I wasn’t there when my father passed away, I didn’t get to tell him all the things I had to say’. Mike and the bloody Mechanics”.

And on it went, listing all those songs which when played, can suck all the warmth and joy out of the sunniest summer day. I think we came up with enough choices to get us well on the way to a ‘Now That’s What I Call Depressing Music’ compilation.

So fellow cunters, if there’s a song which makes you want to lie in a warm bath and open a vein when you hear it, please feel free to add it to the collection. The more the merrier, and with a bit of luck, we could get it into the shops in time for Christmas…

Nominated by: Ron Knee