They don’t tell you at school about the shit you suddenly find yourself putting up with once you hit middle age.

Plenty of stuff for wimminz and kids about what comes next for them. Pubes, the change and all that shite.

For us blokes? We can fuck off.

Well, I’m ok really as I don’t want a fuss being made, but here are some of the delights I’ve found in the last couple of years.

1. Raised blood pressure. Out of fucking nowhere that one. No reason for it really, just ‘middle age’.

2. Piles. I recall waking one morning to feel like a broken bottle had been heated up to 450 degrees and shoved up my ringpiece. What a fucking joy that was.

3. Itchy arsehole. Nobody warned me that I would need at least one visit a day to the bog to wipe my arse. Nothing happened. I don’t need a shit. I’m not a fat cunt. I didn’t follow through. I just really need to wipe my arse for no fucking reason it seems.

4. Pissing like a racehorse. Two cans of lager and I’m pissing like Red Rum on his stag (nag?) do. Mind you, I get pissed quicker so that saves me money.

5. Exercise. Running a mile now feels like I’m carrying Harvey Price on my back at 14,000 feet above sea level for 60 miles.

6. Sounding like my grandad. I now like watching things ‘about the olden days’. Can’t stand modern music and say things like ‘In my day…’

7. Groaning. It’s true what Billy Connolly said about bending over and going ‘Eaaarrgggh’ for no reason when you hit middle age. I do it all the fucking time.

8. Slipping standards. I’ve always had high standards when it comes to ladies. I’m married and she’s a good un. Still, I like to look. Nowadays, I can find Anne Widdecombe appealing on a dark winter’s afternoon when the Mrs is at the hairdressers. I can definitely feel a trouser tingle when she ends her EU Parliament rant with “We’re off!”

But fuck them all. I’m older and wiser and I can now have that smug, all knowing grin my grandad had when I would talk shite as a youngster.

Fuck off.

Nominated by: Cuntybollocks

A good news Cunting for any Creepy Joe Biden fans out there….

As well as his Gender discrimination order allowing tranny’s to compete in women’s sport he has today reversed a Trump order and that now allows tranny’s in military.

He really is one creepy old deviant cunt but will be for the next four years the gift that keeps giving. Well, as long as flat back doesn’t find a way to sneak in sooner.

Fuck off!

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/biden-reverse-trump-s-transgender-military-ban-n1255522

Oh and btw….Former Trump speaker Sarah Huckabee Sanders enters political race….You can trust the BBC to put their “totally unbiased” dirty, leftist, terrorist supporting burn loot murder, Antifa, spiteful slant on the story though!

“In true Trumpian fashion, his former White House press secretary broke the news in a video posted on Twitter.”

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-55801305
And some poor deluded cunts are actually helping to fund this BBC, left-wing, pee dough file enabling ring, via their extortion tax. Not for me they fucking well aren’t ?

Ps, as I look into my crystal ball, I see…SHS….Four more years, four more years, four more years!!! ??

Nominated by: Coolforcunts

With added commentary from Uttercunt:

It’s going to be hilarious to watch as he wrecks America. I’m sure he doesn’t even know what he’s signing. Some cunt slips a folder in front of him and says sign here.

I am tired of all the London this and London that bollocks…London is the greatest city on earth and without the economy of London propping up the rest of England, Scotland and Wales you’d all be getting abaaaht on horse and carts and foraging for worms.

London. The place where any great man past or present has visited, absorbed the culture and grown culturally. The energy of the place is constant, things get done, and whether you are a whitey, black and white cunt like me or blackie there is a can do attitude. Of course if your skint cunt then it may not be that enjoyable as you need a few quid to really enjoy the place but even the poor can enjoy the place. London has pushed forward some great music like ska, punk and even drum and bass which have unified da youth and shown that the UK is a trend setter.
Yes people will say ‘its full of foreigners’ , ‘its violent’, ‘it’s menacing’ etc but most capital cities have a similar vibe and that’s the way it is.

People make an effort in London to look good whatever their style and the world is represented when it come to the fairer sex. You can make loads of money in London and you can be whoever and whatever you want to be here. London challenges you and can make you a more rounded person, more international thinking and generally more interesting to other people.

Great men from the pirate Sir Henry Morgan, King Charles II, Marcus Garvey and myself have all lived or visited here and we urge you to come and visit and stay if you want…life isn’t a rehearsal it’s fucking happening so let’s all appreciate the greatest city on earth which luckily is the capital of England as well.

Go fuck yourselves.

Nominated by: Black and White Cunt

And seconded by Dark key cunt with this heart warming tale:

Seconded. 47 years. Loved my local team (N7 always a gooner). I know that my move to the East Midlands is lovely, but London is/was (delete as appropriate) magnificent.

What was once home.

The beginning of the end of girls and women in sport is a cunt.

https://www.foxnews.com/politics/biden-executive-order-schools-transgender-athletes-girls-sports

When I studied PE at college I chose to do sociology of sport rather than the much more difficult, in my mind , psychology, Physiology or bio mechanics. Two reasons really ; it was full of fit birds and way way easier than the other ologies.

I was viewed by the other students as a bit of a chauvinist and played to the gallery.

In reality I do believe girls and women should play sport and be encouraged to do so. Though talk of parity with men’s professional sport is absolute bollocks as I mentioned regarding women’s football recently.

Reading the article above really made me angry because we seem to be led by thick cunts that think it is fine for women and girls to now have to complete with fucking men cunts that wish to identify as female.

This is unfair stupid and will put women and girls off playing sport. My blood ? is boiling writing this because women do have rights. The right to complete against women in sport and not be forced into competition against fucking transgender cunts (men) fucking wanting to play against women because they have a better chance of winning.

They also have the right to enjoy being a female without having to share a piss corner with some deviant tran cunt.

Nominated by: Everyonesacunt

Eurostar, is in financial shit-street thanks to Covid. However, despite being French owned (Cameron sold Britain’s stake in 2015 for £750m), the Frogs still want us to help bail out their problem.

Not only is it part state-owned, but there are some private investors too, most of whom enjoyed sizable profits when Eurostar was running to capacity pre-covid. But now of course its become a taxpayer’s problem and the French seem to think we should bail the fuckers out while seeing next to nothing in return!

No doubt the Jellyfish will wobble and hand over a billion or two. Not that the Frogs will be any more grateful – they still see us as a bunch of cunts, and will probably send over a few hundred dinghies by return

Cunts

https://news.sky.com/story/covid-19-uk-and-france-urged-to-lifeline-for-struggling-eurostar-12193785

Nominated by: Technocunt

And seconded by mikdys with this:

Let them go bust and buy the trains off the Administrator for €1. What we ought to do.
No doubt we’ll bail them out and put another couple of points on the new National Property Tax to pay for it (plenty of grannies out there who need their houses less than the Frogs need perpetually bailing out!).

We used to fight the Frogs but now we kowtow to them. Never mind a war we couldn’t even take our fishing rights back in a peaceful negotiation.

This country is f*cked!