This is a piece from the BBC website newspaper review this morning (10th May):

“The Daily Telegraph says a new apprenticeship scheme is being launched to allow school leavers to work as doctors without a traditional medical degree. They would get training straight after their A-Levels. The paper says the scheme will begin this autumn in a bid to tackle NHS staff shortages. The chief executive of NHS England describes it as a “radical new approach”.”

Can you imagine it?. In addition to having pharmacies over-prescribing antibiotics, instead of GPs, meaning they become less effective, and Lady Nugee will have to take three courses of the things to deal with the boil on her arse, now they want keen young amateurs to practice, straight out of school, to be amateur medics.

At one time playing doctors and nurses was something most kids got over as toddlers, now it seems little Jemima, who loves watching Casualty with mummy and daddy on Saturday nights in Islington, so wants to be a doctor that she will be given the opportunity for the laying on of hands before she has gained any sort of medical qualification. The mnd boggles! Is Sunak deliberately trying to make himself unemployed?

telegraph

Nominated by W. C. Boggs.

A nomination for rubbish ‘life hack/how to’ videos.

I used to see these on Facebook and still see them on Youtube.

You’ve probably seen them; they usually have a title or caption in pidgin English; New techniqe take Construcion industries by storm’, or Recipe saves you time. You will eat this every day!’ and it’s always the same 5 ingredients: mince/ground berf, onion, potato, cheese, bacon. Nothing green then, cunts?

For the construction ones its usually dangerous, or nothing a machine you could hire could achieve in a quarter of the time, saving you paying some time-wasting wallah over just the space of a week, or something for which tools have excited for centuries. a guy carrying a bucket on his head on a ladder.
Ever heard of a hod, son?

They’re the sort of video only ever shared by the most basic of cunts without any common sense or practical skills and who live in squalor.

‘This is cool *gurgle*’

No it’s dogshit, you thick cunt. McDonslds uses more variation than that pile of shit and the bloke doing that on a building site or his own home will end up burning the skin from his hands/hurting his neck/twisting ankle/ electricuted/with lung problems/poisoned/blind/braking his fingers.

The trouble is they wouldnt know this because they don’t have the capability to do anything beyond talking on the phone or tapping on a keyboard, the fucking slugs.

Life hack? Start by Licking that window clean, you cunt.

Youtube

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime link provided by Jeezum Priest.

A deserted, fully-lit council office in Bodmin, Cornwall. What could be going on here? Have the staff all walked out in disgust because someone put the jam on top of the cream on his scone in the staff canteen?

Are they hiding smuggled contraband and had to scarper fast when they saw the Excise Officer approaching? Is Rick ‘Mr Padstow’ Stein outside making another boring programme about how fucking marvellous Cornwall is and they’re all trying to be filmed in the background?

No, none of these. In fact it’s 9.30pm and the lights are all on because nobody has been trained to switch them off. It’s not the first time either, and apparently County Hall in Truro is just as bad.

Anyway, Management are on top of it now. After training in how to switch off a light, staff will receive training in how to tie their shoelaces and how to wipe their arses after a shit.

Cornwall live

Nominated by Geordie Twatt.

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s culture, media and entertainment correspondent Ron Knee reporting. Followers of the site will be well aware of ‘EastEnders’, the BBC series renowned for its gritty yet realistic depiction of East End life. I’m delighted to be joined by the show’s executive producer Josephine Bloggs, who is going to tell us about a couple of stunningly original plot developments”.

“Hi Ron! Hi everybody! Please call me Joe. All my chums at Auntie do. So let me
start by revealing our new 2023 Christmas storyline. Are you ready? There’s *gasp* going to be a murder in the square on Christmas Day!”.

“Huh? We only gave you this interview because you promised some ‘original’ content. There have been over thirty murders in ‘EastEnders’ to date!”.

“Yes but this is a first. A murder on Christmas Day. At least I think it’s a first; I’ll have to get back to you on that one. Anyway that’s irrelevant. What matters is we’re giving the punters what they want. The fans like nothing more than a whopping dose of despondency and misery during the festive season”.

“Er, right. So what else have you got for us?”.

“Well now this really is sensational. I’m letting the cat out of the bag *snigger* but just between us, I can reveal that Michelle Collins is returning to the show as Cindy Beale!”.

“But hang on. I thought that the character died in prison sometime in the 1980s. That’s hardly true to life is it?”.

“Oh don’t be a grumpy old crosspatch. It’s a real first for the show, just like when we killed off Dirty Den, then resurrected him, then killed him off again. People do ‘die’ and come back in real life you know. Cindy might’ve been in a coma or something for 25 years”.

“Cosmic. Well thanks for joining us Joe. I’m sure that our followers are reassured to learn of the BBC’s on-going commitment to realism in drama. You can rest assured that on the basis of these revelations, they’ll be flocking to renew their licence payments in their thousands. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.

Ok.co.uk

Metro

Nominated by Ron Knee.

 

The resignation of Phillip Schofield made me realise just how much I despise television now. The fakery of it. Thr facade of bonhomie on shite like This Morning hiding bullying and venomous sniping. I wonder if something about Nasty Munchetty will be divulged.

These presenters and producers are not quite human; lying reptiles gas lighting the public, using weasel words- ‘some people might say/argue, ‘so-called Islamic State’. These sociopaths hiding their hatred of their viewers behind smiles and make up. Their bogus, ostentatious ‘fact checkers’, their disdain for history, their participation in dangerous lies about gender.

The flea-brained gotcha interviews, the predictable panel shows and comedy (Orange maaaannn baaaad! Daily Mail! Brexit Boris Bumbly Boo!)
Audiences of clapping braying seals, laughing on command.

the blatant propaganda in soaps and dramas, the ubiquity of finger wagging in historical settings.
The bait and switch of undermining the legend of established male characters, their strength and resourcefulness mocked by cheap sass, sophomore snark and obnoxious attitudes in physically, psychologically and demographicallyunrealistic worlds created by emotionally incontinent adult-children who have no experience of anywhere or anyone beyond London, New York or Los Angeles and whose knowledge of the world doesnt go much further in space or in time.

Modern television offers nothing to anybody with an IQ higher than that of a house cat, or with any moral courage or pride in themselves or the nation.

It has truly become the idiot lantern.

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime.
A great cunting in my opinion as I don’t watch telly and haven’t done for a few years now, C.A.