Well there’s good news of sorts, and there’s er, uncertain news.

After years of war and genocide, the blood-soaked reign of Syrian dictator Bashar al-Assad has ended, with his regime suddenly collapsing like the proverbial pack of cards. The erstwhile ‘Butcher of Damascus’ has, it appears, folded his tent and fled to the sheltering bosom of his long-term backer ‘Mad Bad Vlad’ Putin, no doubt taking along a shed load of swag with him.

I suppose that the downfall of any cunt like Assad is good news in itself, but this is tempered by the fact that so far at least, he’s managed to dodge being strung up from a lamp post.

And this brings me to the uncertainty part. Assad’s fall is bound to create a power vacuum the size of a black hole in an area already beset by war, terrorism and chaos. The vultures are no doubt ready to circle. What will be the next move on the part of a humiliated Putin? The Yanks apparently have ‘special forces’ on the ground in the country, and fearing another ISIS relaunch, have started lobbing missiles at the ‘rebels’ who’ve taken over. I’m no expert on the subject, but I’d bet that it won’t be long before factionalism and in-fighting start to occur where the ‘liberation’ forces are concerned. At the same time, Turkey, Iran and Israel will no doubt be readying themselves to join the party. Meanwhile, as more trouble develops, we can look forward to more hoards packing up and heading our way.

The Middle East. What a festering sack of shit

Mirror

Nominated by Ron Knee.

I usually cunt with alacrity, but I hope you will believe me when I say I have thought long and hard about this nomination, but I feel after several long newspaper articles and interviews, I have to cunt this poor woman, for making such a career out of her dreadful illness.

Like most people I have lost friends and relatives to this unspeakable illness, and I know the distress it can cause, but ever since that ghastly bull dyke Kim Leadbitter announced her wretched “right to die” bill in Parliament (and may I remind fellow cunters Dykie Kim shouldn’t really be in Parliament, as labour broke the rules in allowing her to stand as an MP when she had been in ze party for less than six months – another occasion when “Mr. Rules” Kweer broke the rules to suit himself).

Ms Rantzen has been going on and on about the right to die. She has the money, if she so wishes, to perform this frightful act herself by going to Dignitas, but she chooses not to. I can’t help feeling, with all due respect, that it is one word for “the public” and many sentences for herself.

bbcnews

Nominated by W C Boggs.

Yesterday the wife came back from a trawl around the charity shops with a gift for me that I much appreciate. It’s a copy of a weighty reference tome on films, of which I’m a lifelong devotee. The author’s purpose is to draw together a list of what he regards as un miss able films, and the book’s title is ‘1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die’.

People always seem to be drawing up these lists. You’ll find them them in the meeja, in magazines, and on line; ‘100 Books You Must Read Before You Die’, ’50 Places You Must Visit Before You Die’, ‘101 Foods You Must Eat Before You Die’, ‘1001 Albums you Must Listen To…’, ’50 Sporting Occasions You Must…’ and so on.

Fair Enough. But one thing irritates the life out of me. Why not just call the book ‘1001 Films You Must See’? What’s with the pointless melodrama of the ‘Before You Die’ bit? It stands to reason that I’ll see the film, or read the book, or eat the dish, or visit the place or whatever BEFORE I die. There’s a blindingly obvious reason why I won’t be doing it AFTER I die. I’ll be fucking DEAD.

Stupid cunts.

allenandunwin

Nominated by Ron Knee.

I love collecting music. It’s my thing. I have way over 2,000 CDs at this point and well over 3,000 titles in all formats overall. It’s a great hobby. Relatively inexpensive and provides hours of pleasure. I’ll even go as far as saying my collection is akin to a time machine. I can play a given album and I’m immediately transported back to the time when I first played it and re-live the emotional highs and lows of what was happening in my life at that time. Music is truly a wonderful and powerful thing.

The other day I was browsing in my local used record/CD store. A guy who works there (Dave – who I didn’t know) happened to stroll past and noticed I was wearing a Gary Numan tour T-shirt. He made some comment about the ‘Holy One’ and engaged me in conversation. During our chat I learned our musical tastes overlapped to quite a degree and he mentioned a few bands I might like none of which I’d ever heard of before. Quick as you like, Dave whipped out his ‘phone and played me some clips and one in particular sounded very interesting to my ears. As luck would have it, the store had new copies of that band’s 2nd and 3rd albums in the rack. I decided to take a punt (that’s how you end up with a ton of CDs in your collection) and asked Dave of those two, which would he recommend. He suggested their third album.

An hour or so later I’m back home and ready to give my new purchase a spin. First track and I’m absolutely blown away. It’s dark, heavy, atmospheric, jangling guitar, swathes of electronics with a haunting male vocal line that repeats:

Don’t say you love
If I don’t say I love who you are now
Who are you now?

The whole album is quite exceptional. It’s a rare treat to be this mesmerised so quickly by something completely new to me. I’ve since ordered their entire back catalogue (another way you end up with a ton of CDs in your collection). Yeah, I think they’re THAT good.

My point is, I just happened to be wearing a Numan shirt, Dave the store guy just happened to walk past, noticed it and had sufficient time on his hands to stop for a chat. All of which lead to me discovering a new band I now absolutely love. If I’d worn a different shirt that day or Dave wasn’t working that day or hadn’t walked past or …. none of this would have happened. How many other bands am I not going to discover who I’d love if I heard them? I suppose it’s silly and irrational, but I find that thought sad and depressing and a bit of a cunt. Dave has over 8,000 CDs in his collection which is also a bit of a cunt. I’ll never get close to that before I peg it.

The Band: Drab Majesty
The Album: Modern Mirror
The Song: A Dialogue

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Nominated by Imitation Yank.

is a cunt.

Just got back from La Belle (Supposedly) France. Cunts pulling out from a give way situation. E.G. Roundabouts side turnings etc. Cunts trying to get in the back of your car with theirs whilst yours is in motion, even though I am indicating to go around a round about to head in the opposite direction to the one I am travelling in.
Yesterday I saw the epitome of cuntish driving where a tart with mother in the passenger seat and French mini cunts in the back seat was texting whilst driving.

I just shook my head in disbelief at the utter stupidity of her actions. Mother saw me must have tipped the daughter off, said blowjob vendor waved, yours truly responded with a bandeleur and a gesture held sacred in British hearts since Agincourt. E.G two fingered salute.

having done a road safety course where a father and child were wiped out by a text saying don’t forget the milk. Fucking unbelievable.

Nominated by CuntyMort.