Well they just keep flooding in don’t they? Those pesky illegal (sorry, ‘irregular’ migrants. Literally by the boat load. The latest word is that they’re even being aided and abetted by Mad Bad Vlad, in an effort to destabilise the country;
I don’t know about the rest of you, but it’s long been a source of extreme puzzlement to me as to why all these undesireables are SO anxious to get here, so I decided to do a bit of research. Imagine my utter amazement when I learned of all the things we hand out to these grifters (at the taxpayers’ expense naturally). Why, they get accommodation, money, free health and dental care, prescriptions and such. Kids get sent to school. You can get specs. Pregnant women can get a £300 maternity allowance…
How did I find all this out? Well, there’s a bloody government website that actually advertises the fact;
I’m surprised that they don’t take out full page ads in the papers (in fifty different languages, naturally) while they’re at it, or post up on soshull meeja. Come on over fast as you can. We’ll pay you to come. We’ll pick you up in the Channel and ferry you in, it’s great. We might throw in a mobile phone, a travel pass, even trips out, a free telly licence, driving lessons… To improve your prospects even more, you can easily get some tax and national insurance free folding money by peddling about delivering fast food on the fly, or try a bit of money laundering or drug dealing. You can explore the endless possibilities of going on the rob or committing sexual offences. It’s a land of opportunity. Come one, come all; you can even bring your dog, and we’ll board it for you, no worries;
And don’t worry your heads about getting sent back. The immigration industry will throw any and every spanner into the works on your behalf. Just tell the tribunal that you’re only thirteen, or that you’ll be punished back home for wanting to wear a dress and call yourself Freda, or that the chicken nuggets are shite back in the old country. It’ll work a fucking treat. Your mates still in France will be able to get here as well, no sweat. Old Sir ‘TwoTierFreeGearNeverHere’ Keir did promise to ‘smash the gangs’, but he couldn’t mash a fucking potato, the lying, hypocritical cunt.
So welcome to good old Blighty. Come and help us turn the country into the very shithole you claim to be escaping from. We’re happy to help.
Nominated by: Ron Knee