An Emergency, “fuck me, it’s cold”, cunting for these total bellends:
You can just see these pricks sat in the pub drinking some blue shit and nibbling a tofu burger:-
“Yo, do you all want a climb?
“Sounds great Tarquin. Let’s pop off now”.
What an unbelievable shower of supercunts. They should have been left just a bit longer until their gonads had shrivelled up beyond active use. Utter cunts.
Nominated by Bertram Cuntatious DCO
When I used to live on the outskirts of Birmingham there were many things that used to really piss me off, not least the crime, the pollution, the noise, the rat-race, the fucking idiotic driving, the gimmecunts, the dozy, twattish pedestrians glued to their fucking phone and a whole raft of other little niggles that all proved to be the final straw, before we packed our bags and got the fuck out Dodge!
Earlier this morning I went shopping with the wife to a small little town called Egremont, just up the road from where we live in the Lake District. It’s a small town, quite busy at times, but certainly not mental compared to the manic big city.
But what was a real delight was the far more relaxed shopping experience. Parking was easy, traffic wasn’t too bad; everyone was very pleasant to each other, and the actually shopping itself was very agreeable with no dawdling goons in the aisles or waiting at the last minute to look for their fucking credit cards at the tills!
Compare and contrast that to the utter shite that was shopping in Birmingham’s city centre, and the new Bull Ring (or whatever the fuck its called these days). Driving into the city centre is a fucking experience in itself – you would probably find climbing Mount Everest an easier option quite frankly. And then there’s the hassle of finding somewhere to park (the NCP multi-storeys, are hideously expensive, dirty and a mugger’s paradise).
Then you have to walk from the car park to the shopping centre without being whacked by cunts on bikes or electric scooters, smartphone zombies, drunks, vagrants, druggies, beggars, chuggers, dawdling twats, parents pushing those double-berth prams, along with bags of shopping and four other screaming brats in tow.
And once you enter a shop you’re instantly assailed by some sales assistant cunt getting in your face wondering if you need any help. A simple “fuck off!” always helps. But conversely when you do want some help, there’s not a cunt to be seen because they’re all in the back of the story gossiping about some cunt on “Shitbook”.
You get to the till and pay for your goods, but are also asked by the spotty oik if you need a bag. You say yes, but they give you the smallest, flimsiest bag they can find and charge you 10p for the privilege, but make no attempt to put the items in the bag for you.
As soon as you step outside, you’re instantly assailed by the same cunts you tried so desperately to avoid on the way in, but this time you’re carrying something that may attract some cunt with a knife. So you hurry along to your car in the multi-storey only to find it is squashed between two big SUVs, neither of which have left you much space to open your door. And on closer inspection you notice your other cars door panels have been dinged! Then you have to find your way out of the city centre. Not an easy task even with sat nav, because it is telling you one thing, while the many road diversions littered along the planned route tell you quite another.
Throw in some tailgaters, manic cyclists with no lights, pedestrians simply walking into the middle of the road without looking, and a few boy racers giving you a hard time, is it any wonder high streets up and down the country are becoming like ghost towns.
Thank fuck I don’t have to put up with that shit any more!
Nominated by Technocunt
A nomination for Mahatma Khandi, a drag artist, and the Historic Royal Palaces, who have hired this ‘drag raven’ to lead visitors on “all singing, all-dancing” tours of the Tower of London, to show its LGBT+ history.
This creep will be clad in black PVC and a feather boa, reminiscent of the captive ravens that are said to protect the tower and the Crown. Yes, that’s definitely the best way of showing tourists around one of the most popular attractions in London.
Whoever thought this was a good idea needs a good kick in the crown jewels.
Nominated by Mystic Maven
The ex-BBC journalist and Marxist piece of crap that occupies the same rarified air as Owen Jones, Ash Sarker, and that type of cunt. Professional whingers who never have a good word for anything.
The fucking dreg is a regular on the beeb, rallying against hate and division by spouting er, hate and division. On this momentous day that we gained our independence from the EU, Mason tweeted his apology to his supporters and the continent of Europe, who are obviously hanging off every word:
“I fought to stop Brexit. At least I can look my European brothers/sisters, and the next generation in the eye. Ignore the people gathering to celebrate xenophobia, let’s have our own European internationalist sing-along… starting with 1/ La Carmagnole”, said the turnip headed cunt.
What annoys me more than the poisonous little turd saying it, is that he and his fellow Guardian-type cunts regularly spout this shite on the TV and other media without any challenge. And they call brexiteers thick! I can tell the difference between the continent and the peoples of Europe apart from the corrupt and increasingly federalist political body that calls itself the European Union. If there was some Greek, or Spanish, or Irish, or even Scottish Cunt saying they hated the Tories, would he be calling them out as racist? Of course not, he would defend them, saying they hate the politics, not the people…
…which is exactly the same as Brexit Paul, as well you know, you nasty Marxist twat.
Nominated by Gutstick Japseye
CUNT OF THE WEEK
A shoe in for this week’s prize cunt goes to Sjoerd Groeskamp. “who the fuck is he?” I hear you say. Well, read on…
“A Dutch scientist has proposed building two mega dams in the North Sea in an attempt to protect 25 million Europeans from rising sea levels.
Sjoerd Groeskamp, an oceanographer at the Royal Netherlands Institute for Sea Research, said a ‘possible solution’ to global warming’s rising effect on our oceans is to build a 300 mile dam between Scotland and Norway and an additional 100-mile barrier between France and England”
Apparently, it’s only going to cost between 250 – 500 billion and after all that’s only about 3 HS2s so an absolute bargain!
Think of all that free hydro energy that we can use to power all those electric cars.
And think of the benefits of a land bridge between the UK and Europe. Like no more immigrants dying on little rubber boats now they can just walk across.
Think of all the revenue we could raise by charging shops to use one of the busiest shipping lanes on the world. It might even be self funding.
And while we’re at it, why not drain the North Sea completely and use the land to build houses and grow food?
It’s a brilliant idea. Has anyone told Greta?
Yes, taking all of this into account, Sjoerd Groeskamp is a solid gold, grade A cunt…
Nominated by Dioclese