Jeremy Kyle, probably one of the easiest nominations to make.

You may remember this smug prick had a TV show that had all the enticement of dried dog turd. It basically involved him belittling a bunch of council estate chavs whilst parading their dirty laundry in public.

Well, all was great for creepy face until he gave the same demeaning act to a bloke called Steve Dymond. Clearly vulnerable, Kyle and his production team didn’t care one jot about his welfare – this is how they made sacks full of cash after all. After being on the show, Steve sadly killed himself and the self-centred fuck Jeremy, rightly had his show canned.

Although now, his new agent (the same agent as Peter André) has said that Jeremy will be making a comeback to ITV with a new show, one where he will “get his say”. Fucking brilliant, that’s all we need. There are enough fucking wankers already given platforms to have their say. The last thing we need is this punchable, self-righteous cunt let loose on TV again.

Why do we crave this reality TV shite? It’s the lowest form of entertainment, watching a bunch of LGBT, Leftie, snowflake cunts do everyday shit. And it isn’t fucking reality because there’s nothing real about it. It is all staged to keep the mindless viewers ‘entertained’. Fuck off Kyle, we don’t need you back.

Nominated by elcuntio

An extra special, ‘Fuck off and die’ cunting, for Tim Martin. Who?, I hear you ask. Well, this selfish prick is the boss of J.D.Wetherspoons.

His opening gambit was to tell the meejia, that this ‘Coronavirus’ was getting blown up all out of proportion. “You’re more likely to catch it in crowded supermarkets – no need to avoid pubs”…

No, of course not. Drag your family down to your friendly neighbourhood Wetherspoons. Sit closely round a sticky, beer-stained table. Thumb through the unwiped, touched by thousands menu. Order a shitty burger and chips, drink heavily and for God’s sake, keep your money rolling into this fucking cunt’s pockets. Having witnessed this wanker’s appeal to the great unwashed, the Govt. quickly moved from, ‘we advise you not to gather in pubs’, to ‘All pubs, bars and restaurants must close’.

So, not getting his way, and despite the Gov’t guaranteeing to pay 80% of workers wages provided businesses don’t sack them, this turd throws his toys out the pram. Refuses to pay his staff for hours they’ve already done, and tells them “that govt money will take too long to come through. Go get a job at Tesco. When we re-open, we’ll consider you when recruiting!”

What a fucking Uber Cunt!

Well now, what if your pubs never re-open? Because I suggest everyone boycotts this cunts pubs and drink anywhere but. Nail the fucking bastard to one of his pub signs and place beer mats over his eyes. If I knew where the wanker lived, I’d burn his fucking house down, with him still in it.

Nominated by Lord of the Rings

A self-important, ‘it’s all about me’ cunting, to the world of celebrity during the apocalypse.

Despite the rest of us worrying about our loved ones, jobs, homes and sanity, these fuckers just can’t handle not being the centre of attention for five minutes.

We then get ‘treated’ to their ‘self-isolating’ videos. Some worrying that they or a family member has got a cough/loss of smell (Lineker). Others tell us how to manage our mental health (Stephen Fry).

Well you bellends, it’s easier to manage your mental state throughout this with £20 million in the bank, isn’t it? Not so much when you’re living month to month, or can last about 2 or 3 months more of this before losing your business.

I’m not saying celebs don’t have a right to be concerned. They are humans and have families too. However, they do not have the financial, or career worries that the rest of us have.

Therefore, these cunts need to keep their gobs shut during this bollocks (well, perhaps apart from Arnold Schwarzenegger, who has produced some amusing videos). It’s as if these self entitled cunts think they have a duty to ‘inform’ us. We’ve got more problems thanks, so unless you can come up with a vaccine, stick your attention-seeking attitudes up your arses.

Nominated by Cuntybollocks

Celebrity Coronavirus.

Yet again we Plebs are getting the thin end of the wedge. The Coronavirus that attacks “ordinary” people can kill…Celebrity Coronavirus, which only attacks the famous, does not.

Indeed, Celebrity Coronavirus seems to be fairly innocuous. Famous people who have oh-so-kindly reported their symptoms via Facebook report that they have virtually no symptoms at all. A slight cough perhaps, or maybe a headache at the worst….certainly nothing serious enough to prevent them using their celebrity insider knowledge to self-diagnose and tell us how they are bravely battling on as an example to us lesser mortals.

We really are lucky that we live in an age of social media where our betters from the world of reality shows, soap-operas and pop singers can tell us mere mortals of their struggles….it really is inspiring to read about these selfless heroes.

Perhaps we could have a Wankathon where we all stand at our front doors, or open windows and furiously wank ourselves stupid, just to show our gratitude to the real heroes of this emergency….THE CELEBRITIES.

Nominated by Dick de Pfeffel Foxchaser-Fiddler

Scaremongers are cunts.

In almost every situation, whether its a vote, a referendum, Brexit, the environment, or a deadly virus outbreak – there are scaremongers. They say bad things will happen if you pick a choice they don’t want, or choose to do what they don’t want you to do. They’re everywhere, literally, saying things like ‘Britain leaving the EU will destroy our economy’ and ‘smoking causes cancer’. They cant provide any PROOF of any of the shit they claim, but they know that the gullible masses among the people will believe them.

These guys (and girls) are the reason why certain decisions aren’t made, certain scientific breakthroughs aren’t found, people don’t vote for change, we don’t already explore space…and many other great things. Scaremongers should fuck off and keep their unsubstantiated bullshit to themselves. Have a go at them, fellow cunters, they deserve it!

Nominated by DiabloLordOfTerror

In this time of national crisis it’s good to know that we’re all in it together – unless, of course, your name is Stephen Kinnock, a Member of Parliament, and arrogant fucker who thinks that the law is beneath him and only for other people.

Not only was this idiot breaking the rules on essential travel during a health emergency that is killing people all over the planet, but he was stupid enough to post it on social media and them bleat that he was being ‘targeted’ by the police for having audacity to reply thus to his rather inappropriate tweet :

“Hello @SKinnock we know celebrating your Dad’s birthday is a lovely thing to do, however this is not essential travel. We all have our part to play in this, we urge you to comply with @GOVUK restrictions, they are in place to keep us all safe. Thank you.”

Pretty fucking mild targeting in my opinion. This arsehole drove 200 miles to visit his father on his birthday. This is not essential travel. It contravenes the government rules. I can’t even drive a mile up the road to visit my grandchildren, yet this fucker thinks none of this applies to him.

Predictably, that well know left wing arsewipe, The Guardian, had this to say : “Critics said the police were overzealous in publicly criticising the MP, as others warned they could could lose the respect of the public.”

No, no, no!!!! If anything, people like this should be setting an example to the rest of us. He’s an MP for Chrisake! If criticism is due, it should be levied on the police for not slapping a £60 fine on him. I’m sure they would have slapped one on me if I’d behaved like this.

I would not wish this disease on anyone – but wouldn’t it be a poetic irony if the Kinnick family now succumbed to it?

Mr Kinnock, you are not above the law, but you are my candidate of choice for “Cunt of the Week”. Congratulations…

Nominated by Dioclese