We’re doomed! Doomed, I tell you. No, nothing to do with Coronavirus. It’s an asteroid that NASA has been tracking and it’s calculated to hit the Earth on the 29th April. It will achieve what the Russians, the Americans and the Iranians have tried, but failed to do over the years which is to wipe out mankind.

It’s 2.5 miles across and weighs…God knows what it fuckin’ weighs, it doesn’t say. However, it’s travelling at 20,000 miles per hour, so there’s going to be one fuckin’ hell of a mess when it hits! Anyone who knows how to deflect the beast, answers on a postcard before the end of March please.

Killer asteroids are a cunt! I was hoping to have got in at least one more birthday before this earth shattering news came in.

And if you don’t believe me, read for yourself:

https://www.express.co.uk/news/science/1249990/Asteroid-warning-NASA-tracks-4KM-killer-asteroid-hit-Earth-end-civilisation-asteroid-news

PS Admin: Because of the urgency of this situation, I would expect this nom to move up the pending list as we might not be around much longer to discuss it’s merits.

Nominated by Bertie Blunt Tory Cunt

Sport Relief (on yesterday), another charity fundraising thing showing the same sort of stupid videos of starving africans due to the fact that 50 percent of the money raised goes over there.

The ‘celebrities’ involved, most of who dont qualify for that word, actually are paid to be there. And we just had an update about a starving abandoned nepal kid called ‘Seed’ (stupid name) who was found a few years ago. Quite obvious this probably isnt the same kid but looks a little similar. Just another attempt to take more money that we dont have, and send it to people who dont get it.

Nominated by DiabloLordOfTerror

I would like to nominate a well-overdue cunting for one fat, black, talentless, thick cunt called Big Narstie. This guy is another Grime artist whom Channel 4 thought it would be a good idea to give his very own talk show.

Not only is his music shit, but his show is even worse and is cringe worthy from start to finish. He just sits in his chair trying to be funny in front of his guests, when he clearly isn’t. He has a sidekick on his show – a comedian called Mo Gilligan who does all the jokes while Big Narstie just talks bollocks. They have even labelled themselves the black version of Ant and Dec, when really they should be classed as ‘cunt and cunt’.

Unless you are a youth from London, you probably wouldn’t understand half of what he is saying (“Get me tho, innit blud”) and what he does come out with is total shite. His appearance on ‘The Crystal Maze’ really says it all about what this guy is actually all about. The only thing he looks good for is devouring a 20″ pizza with a side of a KFC Family Bucket.

For those of you who haven’t heard of this talentless, mouthy cunt, I suggest looking him up on YouTube and see how long you can stand his bollocks, before switching off the TV.

Nominated by Telly as it is.

Most people will not have heard of this thick bint, but she most definitely deserves an absolutely gigantic cunting. For the unaware, let me break it down:

This airhead cunt flap was crossing a road at a set of traffic lights at a time when it was green for road traffic, (therefore obviously red for pedestrians), whilst looking at her phone. An approaching cyclist then collided with her, knocking her down leaving her with busted front teeth and scars. And guess what? She sued him!!! What the absolute fuck?!

Then some cunt judge awards her over £4K in damages. Now the cyclist has been saddled with her £30K of court fees, as well as his own £25K bill. A crowdfunding page was set up for him to cover his costs.

https://metro.co.uk/2020/02/27/cyclist-hit-phone-zombie-yoga-teacher-faces-60000-court-bill-12312695/

Have we entered the fucking twilight zone without me noticing? In what fucking world does this seem right? This cunt flap is a Yoga teacher apparently. Really? Let me do some fucking poses with my gash spread out and pretend I know everything about this ancient Hindu way of life. Cunt!

I wish for a whole Peloton to run this cunt over one day.

Nominated by Bill

I’d like to give a runny-nosed cunting to all of those selfish cunts that are buying up face masks. “Why?”, you might ask. They are just trying to protect themselves from a seemingly dangerous virus.

I’ll tell you fucking why. I’m a self-employed bathroom installer and when I’m stripping out an old bathroom, the dust created can be huge. Old Victorian plaster and all the associated shit hidden in the walls and floors. Masks from the Builders’ Merchants, etc are designed to protect all of us that do this sort of work on a daily basis from contracting various respiratory diseases. As it stands, I can’t buy one anywhere because Karen has bought ten boxes of the fucking things that will be put in a cupboard and never see the light of day again. Then she’ll be moaning that the builder has had to cancel because he’s on life support in hospital.

It’s really, really fucked me off.

Nominated by Cuntsville