Luke Cowan-Dickie is a cunt …

… for this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daENvINcn90

I’m quite a fan of the egg-chasing game and look forward to the 6 Nations each year. Yesterday we were coasting to a win (17-10 up with 15 mins to play) and then the Scots launch a daring cross-field ball. Cowan-Dickie could have caught it or palmed it backwards off the pitch but, no, he decides to palm it forwards off the pitch. The deliberate knock-on got him a yellow card but, worst of all, he gave away a penalty try. In rugby that’s basically handing your opponents 7 free points. Cue a 20-17 defeat.

Eddie Jones and the England team deserve a secondary cunting for choosing to go for a try in the final minutes instead of setting up a drop goal to tie the game. That said, they wouldn’t have had to if it weren’t for Luke Cunt-and-Dick.­

Nominated by Dark key cunt

The Winter Olympics

The only good thing about the Winter Olympics is that you get hours of television without seeing a black person, and as it is on the BBC you do not have to suffer adverts showing Pakistanis landing airplanes in their living room.

Other than that it is a wankfest.

What the fuck is curling all about?

I can understand the principles of the game but why have people with brooms?

What next?

Lawn green bowls with a team that has a couple of guys with hover mowers?

The ski jumping is nonsense.

Camera angles make it look a lot more dangerous than it actually is.

It’s not even about who can jump the farthest.

It’s marked on style and technique.

There is also something called a telemark that has to be ‘hit’.

The rules seem to have been made up by a committee.

The skiing race where the competitors have to stop now and then to shoot at a target.

Two totally unrelated disciplines.

You may as well have a 10,000 meter race at the Summer Olympics where the runners have to stop after every lap and throw 101 with 3 darts.

Ice dancing.

Triple lutz, double salco, one and a half axel.

It’s all the fucking same.

Nobody can tell the difference.

But how did ice dancing originate?

A young couple looking over a frozen lake in Scandinavia.

“Do you fancy a dance?”

“On the fucking ice? Don’t be a cunt, it’s slippy. I will go arse over tit”

Padding out the games by dreaming up unlikely things you can do on snow and ice.

Going down an icy slope head first on a tea tray.

Going down an icy slope feet first on a tea tray.

Coming next……

Going down an icy slope on all fours with a tulip stuck up your arse, on a tea tray.

Downhill skiing on a short course, then a medium course, then a long course and now a GIANT course.

And why ski through gates that easily collapse when hit?

Make it more realistic and introduce the possibility of serious injury by having them ski around big pine trees.

Fuck the Winter Olympics and fuck the stupid cunts that turn up to watch it with their cow bells.

Nominated by The Artful Cunter…

And here’s ElDiablo666 with some thoughts on the summer edition:

Can I add the summer Olympics into this too? Both are pointless and stupid. Opening ceremony costs a fortune, the whole torch-relay we had as stupid. On top of that, try getting a ticket to see anything if you didnt buy it 25 years in advance. Half the teams are full of people who arent even from their country too. And with the rule against amateurs, theres no Eddie The Eagle or Jamaican Bobsleigh team anymore. Whats more, they want to add in new shit like breakdancing and other non-sports. Fuck the whole thing.

SNP pensions fairyland.

Yet another cunting for the Scottish Nazi Party, this time for their delusion that post independence their gold plated pensions will continue to be paid for by the UK (English, Welsh and Northern Irish) taxpayer simply because Scotland won’t be able to afford them.

Despite a slip up from a minister at the time of the Independence Referendum, which was quickly rectified, the UK government has been quite clear that pensions in Scotland will be the responsibility of the Scottish government in the unlikely event they become independent. How could it be otherwise?

To expect a country to pay the pensions of a foreign country is pure fantasy. But this past week both Fishy Sturgeon and Fatty Blackford have asserted that this will be the case. All of which demonstrates their economic incompetence and brings in to stark relief the fact that an independent Scotland won’t be able to afford the benefits they get as as part of the Union. Bit of a home goal, really.

Morons.

https://www.heraldscotland.com/politics/19898395.sturgeon-insists-state-pensions-will-not-shrink-independence/

Nominated by MMCM

Serial Killer Groupies

I like watching true crime documentaries and there is always the strange spectre of women falling for murdering cunts on these shows.

What is it with these mad tarts? Ted Bundy had them and so did the utterly evil Richard Ramirez. Some of Bundy’s female fans turned up to his trial dressed as his victims, the sick cunts. Nevermind too, that Ramirez would violently murder and rape his victims with iron bars. And laugh while they begged for mercy. Or that Bundy would beat them to death with metal bars or his fists before or after violently raping them. Or that he’d cut their heads off and keep them at home, before returning to the woods to have it away with their headless corpses, until there were too many maggots.

No, these silly tarts don’t care it seems.

My solution is to give these mad tarts a dose of reality. You’re fans of serial killers are you? Oh, you can ‘change him’? Maybe you just like ‘bad’ boys?

Well, get in a cell with one of these cunts and see how that goes for you, you mad fuckers.

https://www.oxygen.com/snapped/crime-time/groupies-loved-serial-killer-ted-bundy

Nominated by Cuntybollocks

General Sir Mark Carleton-Smith

Who feels* that the Army needs to be more woke:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10468001/Tens-thousands-troops-ordered-spend-DAY-reflecting-inclusivity.html

“An Army spokesman told MailOnline: ‘It is not the army being woke, it is the army addressing some of its unacceptable behaviours.’

‘Unacceptable behaviours’ refers to anything that falls short of the Army’s values and standards, including drug and alcohol abuse, sexual harassment, bullying and racism.”

Arguably these “behaviours” (check the plural: always a sign that a social worker or cod psychologist has been involved) are exactly what an effective fighting force needs in its ranks – tough brutal cunts who don’t ask too many questions and know how to entertain themselves on a Friday night in Colly.

General Sir Mark Alexander Popham Carleton-Smith (Eton, unsurprisingly, but failed Oxbridge – 2:2 BA at Durham) seems to have forgotten anything he learned in Bosnia in the 90’s, in the euphoria of his subsequent glittering ascent of the staff ladder. He was in the SAS once, ffs. Maybe it’s dementia. Brasshatted cunt.

*I can’t believe thought was involved.

Nominated by Komodo