The first rule of medicine is do no harm, now for some reason this has gone over the head of our esteemed NHS.

A number of years ago I was diagnosed with PADs (PAD Terminology – Day Admin) which if you check on lower limb you will find it is inoperable, bit of a bastard but fuck it that’s life.

So to add to it I was hit with a DVT (DVT Terminology – Day Admin) in the same limb, given a paracetamol by the nice chap at AE and told to fuck off.

Obviously things got worse and I ended up being referred to a consultant who said that they could do better. A bypass he said!

Now I am thinking fuck me, NICE guidelines say that this is not possible, but as the man says “things have moved on” and I went for it.

So after a rather extreme operation where spare parts were stripped from one leg and put in the other, I woke to have a pulse in my leg, first time in 4 years, truly a miracle of modern science!

it lasted 3 days, next thing you know I am writhing in agony as the transplant fails, they tap pencils on their teeth and decide whether to re intervene or not, decide they will go for it and then cancel at the last minuet saying that the chances of the graph blocking again is too high so they wont do it.

Now for the fucking punch line, the consultant (some twatty hospital one) says, well we have tried and I am afraid there has been no change, you are back where you are.

At this point I am supposed to say “Well thank you doctor I know you tried your best” apart from I didn’t.

Now I have just r-eread Nice guidelines, and it has been updated in 2020 so things have changed, stents are ok and bypass is ok, where as they were not before.

Thing is I was not the only one, there were 3 of us who failed last week, so that is 3 of us who now have two fucked legs each, we have lost mobility to these actions.

Stop playing god and sort your shit out.

Nominated by: lord benny(not quite deceased, but close)

PROJECT FEAR – Doom, Gloom and the Mainstream Media

A massive ‘WTF’ Cunting for Television and Radio media, Newspaper editors, online bloggers, pundits and Westminster politicians who incessantly feed us endless predictions of doom, gloom and tales of woe.

“It’s a crisis”, “It’s another crisis”, “the Migrant Crisis”, “the cost of living crisis that’s affecting families”, “we’re in the middle of an energy crisis”, “the climate crisis must be adressed by the UK” …. etc … etc

• The Covid Pandemic
• Brexit crisis as lorries queue for miles in Kent
• Constitutional crisis over Northern Ireland border issue
• Downing street broke covid rules
• Tory leadership crisis
• Scottish Independance referendum plagues Wrstminster
• New bird flu outbreak
• Major shortage of turkeys for christmas
• minimal egg production as birds are culled
• Drought risks as global warming causes reservoirs to dry up
• Energy cost rises out of control
• Gas shortages as Russia limits pipeline flow
• High risk of powercuts during winter
• Age concern warns of risk of pensioners freezing this winter
• Families forced to choose between heating or eating
• 400% rise in food bank usage
• Truss growth policies causes markets meltdown
• Kwarteng sacked and Truss ousted after worst 3 weeks for country
• Northern Ireland government crisis as parties fail to compromise
• Albanian criminal gangs flooding into UK
• Immigration out of control
• Victims fleeing persecution forced to wait over a year to be assessed in unacceptably poor 4 star hotel temporary accomodation
• Motorways gridlocked as ponces glue themselves to gantries
• Morons throw custard over works of art
• Russia threatens nuclear strikes if West continues supporting Ukraine
• Civil servants living in mortal fear of harsh words as ministers ‘bully’ them
• Inflation spitalling out of control / xxxxx (insert organisation here) out on strike over pay …..

(Consider yourself very fortunate I could be bothered to turn this lump of text into a bulleted list for readability. See Nomination Rule #4. Grrr – NA)

I remember when news readers read facts out, impartially, in-passionately, calmly, whether good news or bad. Today, it’s all panic, scare mongoring, too busy calling for heads to roll or pushing agendas.

I went to sleep before the pandemic – woke up and found I was back in the 1970’s. I want a refund. I want rationality back. I want optimism back. I want my country back …

Nominated by: Lord of the Rings

For anyone expecting a parcel to be delivered by this bunch of cunts, I wouldn’t bother waiting in.

Having ordered a brand new pair of trainers from Converse at the beginning of the month, I waited with much excitement for the delivery guy to show himself on my doorbell camera. The alloted time slot came and went and then I received an email stating that my parcel had been delivered.

I checked the doorbell camera again. nope, no sign of any delivery. The email was accompanied by a photo of the delivery cunt allegedly delivering my parcel…to someone else’s address. The fucking useless twat.

Refund sought and duly paid by Converse, I reorder my trainers. They are meant to be delivered today between 12:00 – 14:00. It is now 18:00 and still no sign of the Evri delivery cunt. That’s two pairs of trainers that some thieving Evri driver has fucked off with and another from Australia that was meant to be delivered at the same time.

Go fuck yourselves Evri! I would advise every online retailer to avoid these cunts like the plague. Unless you want to be sending numerous replacements at your own cost, because Evri simply couldn’t give a shit.

Nominated by : Odin

One for the ISAC horn section.

Ladies, gentlemen and indeterminate fuckwits, I bring you Brian Nguyen…

https://www.spiked-online.com/2022/11/11/an-overweight-bloke-just-won-a-miss-america-beauty-pageant/

Apparently this fat, ugly cunt is a model. As foulmouthed Scottish comedian Jerry Sadowitz would say, fuck my pubic hair. If that gives you the horn, then you need extensive BBT.*

It’s bad enough mediocre blokes stealing women’s sporting medals. But this was a beauty contest. By no objective standard is fat Brian the best looking one in that group. This is about the judges being ‘inclusive’ and ‘on the right side of History.’ Wankers. Worse, fat Brian has nicked a $7500 scholarship from an actual female teenager.

FYI – the redhead on the right of the photo in the link would swallow that much of my spunk she’d be the same size as fat Brian in six months.

* BBT = Baseball Bat Therapy.

Nominated by: Emperor of East Anglia

I was taking to an old friend today who reminded me of the night I pulled ‘Pamela Anderson.’

He was taking the piss, as for a reason I can’t recall, I’d mentioned beer goggles. I’d told every cunt at the time way back that I’d had a (prime) Pamela Anderson lookalike wanting my cock.

Yes, years ago I’d pulled what I thought was a Baywatch standard bint in a club. I was steaming drunk at the time. I’d probably done 10 -12 pints by that point and a few shots.

Anyway, she gave me her number and said she’d like to meet me when I was sober. I agreed (despite wanting to have my way that very night).

Next afternoon I called her. She seemed surprised but was happy I’d called. We agreed to meet up in a bar the next evening.

I was buzzing and told me mate. I kept saying how fit she was. He laughed and said I must’ve had beer goggles on.

Got to the point where he asked how old I thought she was. My reply? About 22 or 23. He was pissing himself.

I just said he was jealous and went to meet her. I was about 27 at the time.

She was 42 and rank. (And I’m thinking you’re a Brad Pitt lookalike, right? – NA)

I felt fucking awful as I’d got her moist in a bit of text sex.

Upshot was I made some crap excuse about my (long dead) nan having a heart attack and left. And then never replying to her calls and messages until she got the hint.

Beer goggles are a cunt.

Or a boon, short term I suppose!

No link admin, they don’t really exist for this.

Nominated by: Cuntybollocks