The Daleks are cunts.
They had the chance to kill the old wanker and they fucked it up.
They had the chance to kill the old wanker and they fucked it up.
Nominated by: London cunt
Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts
Panto cunts
That ghastly season is upon us. Theatres and Civic Centres up and down the land jack up their prices to fleece the punters taking part in the deadly ritual of the Pantomime Season featuring crap comics, fake celebrities and arsehole actors making their only appearances of the year. A poof’s parade of tacky costumes, apalling acting, excrable scripts and shite sets wallowing in an effluent of exhorbitant merchandise.
“Programme and a double whiskey? That’ll be £22.50 sir”.
Interesting season this year. So many of the usual suspects are either banged up, awaiting trial or under investigation. Now known as the ‘Paedomime Season’ in the business. Jim Davidson as Buttons, Russell Grant as Widow Wanky, Mathew Kelly as Captain Hook – “Now then children, is that a paedo behind me – Oh no it is’nt!…Fuck…Oh yes it is!”
I’ll be buggered if I know where theatres keep digging up ‘names’ like the Chuckle Brothers from (and why are those geriatric cunts never prosecuted under the Trades Description Act?). Have to set up me pet vulture Gristle as an agent to sniff ‘em out.
You may have thought many old luvvy cunts were long dead but if they are not queing for the Dead Cunt Pool then they are sure to be in a panto near you.
Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke
( Sorry, Limply old man – couldn’t resist using a picture of the appalling Hamilton cunts! After all, you forgot to include publicity hungry disgraced ex-politicians. )
Michael Winner [2]
Knew the cunt a few years back. Would answer the telephone pretending to be his own secretary. Had a whole string of ex lady loves he kept sweet by letting them think they were in for substantial legacies on his demise. The last one was looking after the terminal tosser in the belief that she would get the mansion in Holland Park.
He did have plenty of readies but it was all cash from multiple mortgages and loans on his properties. Did not own a bean. Fine old to-do now, m’learned friends etc etc. Warring next of kin, banks, mortgage companies all unaware of each others conflicting claims. Rather delicious actually.
Postumous cunting for old time’s sake? He would enjoy that.
Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke
Seems that I failed to notice the demise of Michael Winner back in January. What an odious little cunt he was. Went everywhere by private jet because he hated travelling with the plebs. I hear say that he used his celebrity to pay for it rather than a cheque as he was reportedly bust.
Remember his ‘Calm down, dear!’ advert? How the mighty had fallen to sink to that.
Met him once in Barbados when he was blagging his way to the best table in the restaurant at Sandy Lane. Unfortunately for him, the table he wanted was occupied by my party. ‘Do you now who I am?’ he said. ‘Yes’ I replied, ‘you’re the odious little yid that isn’t getting this table. So fuck off!’
He fucked off. Like I said, odious little cunt…
Nominated by: Dioclese
Barbados must be a much nicer place now he’s not there!
Nominated by: Mrs D.
Erick Hobsbawm
Ugly, dead, commie cunt Erick Hobsbawm – so called markist intellectual that still gives Kinnock the Pillock wet dreams.
Since he has never appeared in or on a game show, played footbalI or been sold as a cuddly toy I doubt that any of you cunts have ever heard of him.
Probably a waste of time cunting the old cunt, donchaknow? Anyway here is a photo of the old ‘never worked for a living my comrades’ cunt.
Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke
Independence referenda
This secession malarkey is addictive. I’ve always advocated the removal of Tipton from the union thus forming the ‘Tipton Independent Territory’ or what about: ‘Cede Unite Nationhood Tipton.’ Trips off the tongue doesn’t.
My first act as ‘Urbancuntbumfuhrer’ would be to annex Netherton and Stourbridge. England can keep Birmingham and Dudley. As for Smethwick- a mysterious fire will ravage the district from the Dudley Road to the marches of Ickneild Port. The devastation will be total; no change there then.
For Tiptonites there will be subsidies on Carlsberg Special Brew, hot chips and blue pop. All male children will be henceforth known as ‘Ronaldo.’ Female brats will have the choice between ‘Char’mane or Shi’anne (how’s that for democracy). Matching shell suits will be compulsory for couples. Dentistry will be abolished and public inebriation reinstated. All Council houses will be fitted with immense satellite dishes. As always Tiptonites will look to the East. Vast stretches of industrial wasteland beckons. Arise Tiptonites, arise!
The streets will resound with the refrain: ‘Hail Flaxen Saxon.’ I also intend to ally the Tipton grout with the Zimbabwe dollar. Currently one Tipton groat will buy 100 billion Zim dollars, no make that 500 billion Zim dollars……
Nominated by: Flaxen Saxon