Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Alicia Keys

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Alicia Keys is a cunt…

This morning they played a song called ‘Empire State Of Mind’ on the radio… Obviously a rip-off of Billy Joel’s 1976 song ‘New York State Of Mind’, Keys has a voice that could peel paint off Blackpool Tower, and the words? Rhyming Brooklyn Bridge with ’empty fridge’ and shouting ‘Noo Yawk!’ over and fucking over…

How does this substandard sixth form shite ever get to be recorded and distributed?! I defy anyone to listen to this wank and not be irritated by the song and her awful fucking voice…

Apparently that arrogant jigaboo Jay Zed cunt was also involved in this pile of audio cack, so I hate it even more now…

Didn’t have anything against Keys until now but the tuneless squawking cunt shouldn’t annoy me in the morning when it’s pissing down and I’m a in a bad mood… So, bollocks to her…

Nominated by: Norman

Drivers not giving a fuck

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I would like to cunt the cunt who rubbed the paint off my front bumper with their car when I was staying at a hotel recently, and to also cunt the cunt who stacked into my rear bumper and shattered it while my car was parked in a hospital carpark visiting someone very recently. My message to these fucks is LEARN THE WIDTH OF YOUR OWN CAR, YOU CUNTS. For blueberry fucks sakes it’s not quantum physics?

It must be hard for some of these fuckers to drive when they’re checking their wankbook status with one hand and wanking with the other. Fucking idiots. Car body repairs are not cheap.

Also just this week, I was sitting in my car waiting in the town carpark reading the paper, and some fucking cunt slammed his door up against my passenger side, trying to get out of his car. Even winding down my passenger window and shouting at him “Oi fucking watch what you’re doing, you dozy cunt”, he looked at me like I’d just shit through his letterbox. One of these affluent retired old boy cunts who has “Me Myself Fucking I” stamped on his forehead. Having a long fulfilling life clearly hasn’t stopped him being a cunt.

I’m not bothering taking the repairs through my insurance. Less hassle to pay for it directly to have it fixed. Paying-out for other people’s cuntitude is the way things are these days. Like pretty much all of us here, I work my cock and balls off to have a decent car, and these damaging pricks just sail through life being a cunt. Fucking not right.

Nominated by: Twatvarnish

Fiver protesters

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People moaning about the new £5 note containing some Animal product in them are cunts,

Been listening to some soppy cunt on LBC whinging about the new fivers containing animal product in them. He was saying that some Hindus are complaining now, I ain’t got a problem with vegetarians as it’s their choice but these vegan cunts are the taking the piss. I’ve said on here before they are pale as fuck (due to lack of protein) and that’s the Black vegan cunts the White vegan cunts are paler than delux pure brilliant white.

Seriously this cunt was saying he refused to accept some change from someone because it had a new fiver in it. He definitely needs a kick in the bollocks, and a bit of beef for dessert. As for those Hindus, I bet they’ll accept it in their shops, if it’s their religion that’s offended then fine I respect that but what if these cunts walk past a fried chicken shop do they hold their breath and then have a shower, and what about touching a door handle some cunt has touched after eating pork scratchings. They are probably touching meat residue many times a day the dumb cunts.

We need an uprising against these cunts, they are getting out of hand. With all the poor cunts struggling to heat their fucking houses and putting food on the table you get these cunts who are offended by anything.

We need to set up an educational facility for these snowflake cunts, it would begin with a kick in the bollocks for breakfast, beard shaving for dinner and a Twatter and Cuntbook ban all day. What the fuck is going on with these Vegan cunts. The fucking cunts.

I need a Bacon sandwich.

Nominated by: Black and White Cunt

(Any offended people, please send your plastic fivers to me and I’ll give you a quid for them. Ed.)

Emmerdale

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I would like to cunt Emmerdale

More specifically the character called “Kerry Whyatt”. The character is pretty much your average chav slag you get in this sort of programme, loose morals and an even looser vagina.

The difference here being the character played is a Type 1 diabetic, which means you must inject insulin to be able to function.

I’ve been diabetic for over 50 years now, and it’s no trivial matter to deal with. I must be very careful what I eat, monitor my blood sugar and take injections. If you keep your blood sugars within a normal range, you can lead a normal, productive life.

If your blood sugars go too high, it fucks your kidneys, eyes and feet up.

If it goes really high, you go into a coma and die. If it goes too low, you go into a coma and die. This can happen on any given day. So, nothing trivial about this condition.

This character eats all day fucking long all day long (sweets,cakes etc) , drinks like a fucking fish and never ever checks her sugar levels, . Oh, she went blind in one episode, but the Sainted NHS managed to sort it all out of course

Recent episode, she broke into a sweet factory, downed a bottle of whiskey and eat 10 chocolate bunnies, all with no ill effect.

To trivialise type 1 diabetes in this manner is fucking unacceptable. Cunts

Nominated by: AndyC

The racist card

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I want to cunt anyone who plays the racist card.

I’ve had all I can stand of these fucking morons whose sole argument is “that’s racist”

Any debate would show these cunts up for the fuckwits they are. I no longer pay any attention to matters of racism, because thanks to these twats it has lost all its meaning and become a bad joke.

Change the fucking record you boring bunch of shits.

Nominated by: Duke of Cuntshire