Back in the day, manufacturers tried to encourage us to buy their products by promotioning them as ‘new!’ and ‘improved!’, better than the other guy’s ‘ordinary’ whatever-it-is.

They still do this of course, but in these times of social and environmental awareness, it’s no longer enough to push your product as merely superior to others. No, these days you’ve also got to demonstrate your virtue as a ‘responsible’ supplier.

This was brought home to me the other day as I unloaded the shopping when the wife and I got back from the supermarket. Take our Kleenex tissues for instance. The packaging assured us that ‘we want to do our bit to reduce our impact on the planet; our pack is 100% recyclable and we are looking to reduce and reuse as much plastic as we can’. Didn’t stop you from wrapping the twin pack in plastic film though did it?

Then there was our surface cleanser. These days it doesn’t just kill 99.9% of all bacteria, but ‘contains no bleach, no dyes, and is pH neutral’ (whatever the fuck that is’). To top things off, the ‘bottle is made with 50% recycled plastic’. The floor cleaner has its own angle. The container certifies it to be ‘cruelty free’ and ‘vegan’, as does that of the bathroom cleaner, which has the bonus of only containing ‘natural oils’.

Foodstuffs are just the same as well. I was pleased to learn that our ice cream contains ‘sustainably grown, handpicked bourbon vanilla; the container being ‘made with 93% less plastic’. Our ketchup contains ‘no artificial colourings, flavourings, preservatives or thickeners’, and is ‘gluten free, and suitable for vegetarians and vegans’. Well of course.

It turned out that just about every item had some blurb on the front which promoted it on the basis of one or another aspect of ‘responsible’ production. I’m heartened to see that manufacturers are now taking their obligations to both the consumer and to the planet seriously.

Of course, they might actually not give a toss. This could all be just another marketing ploy to make us feel better and more at ease psychologically, and therefore more inclined to buy. It could all be just about that bottom line. No… they couldn’t possibly be THAT cynical.

Could they?

Cheeky Panda Products.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

Daily Fail.

A full on cunting for Rachel Reeves our so called fucking chancellor. Not only has this cunt cancelled the WFA, she is tinkering with the thought of going medieval with tax rises on guess who.

I do not believe for a minute that there is a £22 billion black hole. She seems to forget the there is no money left note left in 2010 when Brown’s bunch of cunts were evicted from power.
Mystic Cunty has gazed into his crystal bollock and the results are not good. Bus passes going fuel prices rising by fuck knows how much, a 10% increase in council tax, the list will go on.

IF it worries you that much chancellor, why don’t all the MP’s forego their winter fuel allowance, on expenses (natch). Put expenses off being paid. While you are at it get the 1.6 million immigrants who are not in employment a start working or get fucking deported notice.

Fuck two tier Keir and fuck the entire Labour party to hell and back.

Nominated by : CuntyMort

Let’s have a “pieces be blown off you” Cunting for the carpet kissing scum known as Hezbollah.

It is true that one man’s cowardly terrorist scum is another man’s target. So in order to keep from being targeted, the cowards of Hezbollah ditched their cellphones and started carrying old school, low tech pagers.

Makes sense right? If you need to coordinate the killing of innocent Jews with your comrades in Jihad and must also stay in touch with the Mullahs of Iran you need a way to communicate. However, if you don’t want a drone dropped on your cowardly ass you need to find a way to stay off the radar.

The solution was the old fashioned, low tech, ubiquitous pager used so effectively by the 1980s drug dealers here in the States.

Or at least they thought it was.

The counter-solution was kosher. Yes once again those pesky bagel snappers have outsmarted the followers of the Prophet and figured out a way to blow the balls off of the Faithful….literally…

Associated Press.

Across Lebanon thousands of peaceful terrorists were going about their degenerate business when…BAM!..their hands and pockets exploded and pieces of them flew off into the air.

A few have been killed but early news reports indicated most were just maimed.

Bummer.

And while these so-called freedom fighters whine about the “attack” I feel confident that thousands of goats across the Middle East are feeling quite relieved.

With regards to our big nosed friends. Well done! I’m glad you’re on our side. Although to be sure if Herr Starmer and Comrade Kammi have anything to do with it you won’t be for long.

As for the cowards in Hezbollah? It’s really quite simple. Quit murdering innocent Israelis and the Jews won’t have to blow your balls off. Then we won’t have to listen to you whine in soprano.

Nominated by : General Cuntster

Harvey Wankstain

As a former poster boy of serial abusers and middle aged perversions old Harv is rather letting the side down. No longer the doyen of male sexual aggression he has bagged and sagged and taken to tottering around on a zimmer frame.

Now the more cynical may say he has taken acting lessons to appear aged and pathetic before the judge but we would not be that unkind now would we. Pathetic comes to mind as does a waste of Viagra. Wankstain shared with his contemporary Jeffrey Epstain a love of massages but the best one of his frightened young actresses could get out of him now is a brief discharge of weak wet wank.

How the mighty have fallen. Seems to have worked though.

Sly News.

Nominated by : Official Suspect

Judge Paul Goldspring, Chief Magistrate, and Sir Kweer lookalike, is a total cunt.

Today he proved beyond reasonable doubt that he is a full on establishment toady as he handed down a six month suspended sentence to the revolting BBC presenter Huw Edwards:

Whitchurch Herald.

As microscopic violins played, Goldspring sympathised with the obscenely paid BBC flagship anchor Edwards. The filth connoisseur was, after all, ‘of previously good character’. What the fuck! So that’s all right then.

Apparently the leering purrvertist’s career is ‘in tatters’. Boo fucking Hoo.

Will the fragrant Yvette be reviewing the appropriateness of the sentence? Will she fuck. Establishment cunts stick closer together than the pages of a wanker’s well used jizz mag. Fuck the lot of them.

Nominated by : Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea