Thinning hair. (Posh for going bald – Day Admin)
I’m at Elders, and she’s lowering my ears.
“Blimey, she says. It’s like trimming a rabbit. So fine and fluffy.”
“so, am I going bald?”
“Oh no, errm, I’ve had to trim your neck a bit higher.”
“because I’m going bald”
“No, no. The texture of your hair has changed and…. I’m not going to cut the top quite as short as usual”
“because I’m going bald”
Happy days. I already look like a constipated turtle, weigh about 8 stone, couldn’t win an arse kicking contest in a room of one legged men, and now I’m going bald. Could life get any better?
Nominated by: Jeezum Priest
Could life get any better? I don’t know…do you need Viagra?
13
Love the header pic, Admin.
Thanks for not labelling it Jeezum.
3
You’re at that period of your life which ‘feel good’ adverts refer to as ‘the Golden Years’ JP.
Revel in it!
10
No Jeezum you’re not ‘bald’, you’re ‘follically challenged’. It’s an ‘illness’, which is why we should be able to get paid time off work for it. Like the wimminz and their menopause or the snowflakes with their ‘mental health issues’.
13
Exactly, threaten to go ape shit like Michael Douglas in Falling Down.
For extra dramatic effect yell “I’m taking the rest of the week off or there will be hell toupee”.
21
Why not go the Colin Crompton way and comb it from the arse.
10
I just walk into the salon next door and ask when they can fit me in for my extensions. I always wait until they get the mirror out to show me the back “ yes, thanks for that, I’m going bald you cunt. “
8
Just an aside, but I haven’t seen anything from our esteemed Cunter of the Year for a couple of days.
I wonder if Plod has finally caught up with him and arrested him for dogging.
13
He’s either got heself tangled up in his country cream gate or has fallen into a ditch whilst pursuing his lifelong passion for flashing.
A living legend.
11
He probably doesn’t want to embarrass me by referring to his flowing locks and luxurious beard.
He’s sensitive like that.
7
Or perhaps his toupee blew off in the wind and he can’t bear to show his head?
7
The unspoken has just been spoken.
5
Wonder what happened to Quick Draw McGraw?
He was a top cunter, a good lad….
9
@Norman
I’m with you on that one. I liked Kweeksdraw.
8
Plod have finally found out what is in the back of the van.
‘Those chains and restraints don’t look like they are used for securing furniture’
6
Fred West and Flaxen Saxon too.
5
@CG
Can you blame them? After all…who would want to post on a forum…or for that matter live in a society where you have to abide by the rules or…perish the thought be held accountable when you violate them?
9
Are you for the report rabbit link?
9
It seemed a bit unnecessary, after all there is the “Contact Us” page, and maybe that was what DCI was trying to get across with his comment on the Noms page.
I dunno, I’m just an easygoing thick twat who enjoys ripping the piss out of Generation Idiot, and mongs, and myself occasionally.
Sorry, OT, I apologise.
10
Not just Quick Draw.
Cunto
Trouserbulge
Birdman
Rebel Without A Cunt
Shîtcake Baker
The Empire Cunts Back
Asimplearsehole
Richard1
Willie Stroker
Cuntflap
Kendo Nag
Mecha-Rigsby
Cunts n’ Roses
Skidmark Eggfart
Bertie Blunt Tory Cunt
Robin Bastard
TBRILW
To name but a few. Great cunters all!
We will remember them.
15
The Empire Cunts Back was a good poster and who could forget B&WC?
7
Not forgetting
Kravdarf (?)
Willie Stroker
Nurse Cunty
Mince Pie Guy
5
@Jeezum
I assume that question was for me.
I actually don’t care one way or the other. The contact link could be used for routine or technical questions so for reporting Trolls (or whatever you want to call them) then the Report link probably makes sense.
As to the broader issue as a whole…I absolutely support enforcing the rules (whatever they may be) and sanctioning the violators.
10
I’m sure you are General!!
I also support the rules,
And whilst a incorrigible rogue hold and conduct myself to a strict old fashioned moral code.
I have what Cockneys call ‘ minerals’ , sand, moxy,
And like John Wayne True Grit.
I have what you Americans call ‘ spunk’.
Are you full of spunk General?
10
Slap head says, go for it.
4
Why would you assume anything?
To assume makes an ass out of you and me.
Now, off you trot.
7
General.
Respectfully suggest you remove the plank from your own eye before commenting on the specks in your fellow cunters’ eyes.
9
@Mis
Is that full of spunk remark supposed to be a double entendre?
Is that “I bet you are” remark supposed to make me feel weak?
I’ve taken more targeted abuse than any other poster on this site and I’m still here. I simply stopped trying to reason with and/or engage with the culprit(s) and went on with the business of cunting.
As you well know, many others have been driven away.
On the other hand you and some others were so triggered by a new feature that you ran away and sulked. Threatened and offended by a mere link.
So I ask you…who has more spunk?
2
What I generally do, is just ignore, like Gordon, an itch that just wouldn’t be scratched.
You, I thought you had some common sense.
I’m very disappointed.
6
Oh youve more spunk General, definitely!
Positively drips off you.
But why not confront Fiddler?
I would of.
Rather than squawking to Admin.
Report me if you want.
Admins that way 👉
Sorry, you know your way by now…
12
@Mis and JP
Quote from Admin on the new Reports page:
“…several contributors have reported violations of the site rules with respect to trolling and abusive intolerance of other contributors views.”
Several contributors…not 1…not 2…but several.
Quote from Admin on the Nominations page:
“Having reviewed all the evidence the ‘cry baby whinging’ was completely justified.”
Completely justified!
End of conversation.
1
You justify it any way you want.
I’m done with it.
A snidey way to deal with a situation.
Disgraceful behaviour.
Fiddler was smart enough to see it coming.
Well done General
9
Don’t include me in your pity party.
I have no idea what you are on about, nor do I want to know.
Like I’ve already said, I thought better of you, and I’m disappointed.
10
General Cuntster called me “a creep!”
I wear it as a badge of honour…
LOL
11
Funny how these rules aren’t in any way respected.
Section 19 of the Public Order Act (1986)
It’s an offence to “publish or distribute any written material, which is threatening, abusive or insulting, if you are intending to stir up racial hatred, or if, in the circumstances, racial hatred is likely to be stirred up as a consequence”
This is a difficult area so please don’t be a smartass by referring to N****** or Dark Keys because you’re just being a cunt and it pisses us off
Furthermore, a similar offence of Incitement to Religious Hatred came into force on October 1st 2007
This post will self distruct in 30 seconds, like it did the last time I brought it up.
4
Hey Jeezum,
Perhaps we have a misunderstanding.
Under a post I made there was a question asking if I supported the link. I (maybe incorrectly) thought that question was addressed to me and answered it…albeit a bit brusquely.
Another remark about common sense I also thought was directed at me. I answered in the same fashion.
If I am incorrect and/or for any reason my answers gave offense I apologize.
2
He has a classic case of ‘Garibaldi.’ Eating too many biscuits. Just like with Parkinsons Disease, eating too many Fruit Thins.
4
I knew an actual real gypsy many years ago. I asked him why at his age about 80, he still had a good head of hair, & it had not turned grey. Hedgehog shampoo was mentioned, before I said “Oh what wonderful weather we are having today.”
3
I’ve been thinking about this JP. I believe that you should go ‘woke’ on this; point out that your feelings are more important than the truth, and that you identify as a geezer with the full head eg;
https://menshaircuts.com/mullet-haircut/
We’ll all be obligated to go along with it.
8
I did wonder if that was a scalp shot of J.P. in his bathroom Ron. Just after he had got home from Elders. If it is then I would be requesting a full refund.
4
No mi’Lord.
I’m even uglier than that, but I haven’t got a hole in my hair just yet.
3
Never seen so many stupid looking cunts on one website before……
4
Now you mention it, Ron, I see you are right.
I’m not going bald, I simply have an unusual mullet, when I allow my hair to grow out of its habitual Mitchell Brothers crop.
It’s long at the sides, none existant below the occipital bone and I shall apply sculpting wax, 4 tins should do it, and sweep it up and back.
Would it be a bit girly if I finished it of with a couple of cans of superhold hair spray?
5
Nah JP go for it. You only live once!
5
👍
3
I clicked the link and thought that I’d stumbled on a twinks dating site.
0
Hair falling off my head but more grows round me balls – why is that.
7
It’s Nature’s way of compensating.
You should see the nose hair, and my eyebrows currently have their own postcode.
7
Bushier than Denis Healey’s JP?
4
Indeed there are, LL.
I venture that, if I were to dye them Neon Pink, they could probably be seen from Outer Space.
4
Indeed. Was thinking of cutting my bush and gluing it to my bald patch – but then I thought I’d be a real dick head…
9
In Manchester, slapheads are still known as ‘Tefals’.
As in the Tefal electricals commercials, featuring the egghead scientists.
8
Some 30 years out of date….. thick cunts.
5
Baldness is a cunt.
I started receding at the very tender age of 18.
I couldn’t believe it and I was devastated thinking that I was going to be a full on slap head by the time I was 20 odd years old.
Worried a bit too much at the time if I’m honest.
Turns out that my baldness was a “slow burner” and now I’m in my mid 40s, I’ve still got a reasonable amount of healthy follicle growth.
Some of my mates went bald much later and have long since surpassed me.
Seems I was worrying about fuck all really.
5
I had to succumb this year to an all over number one as my wife said when its longer it looks like a combover. Now, when i look in the mirror all i see is my dad looking back at me.
What a cunt getting older is.
Fuck me, ì’m growing hair out of places i never thought I had…..except where I want it…….god was a cunt.
14
CG, when I look in the mirror, I see an alien. I used to look like my Dad, but not now.
Even my children don’t look like me, but they both look like my Mum.
The Gradly Lass is just beautiful, as she should be.
1
The women in my life tell me that a shaved head looks better than a comb over, or the monks tonsure.
Unless you’re Isla Bryson, in which case you’d look better trying to swim in 20 feet of water with your ankles chained to breeze locks.
I’ll take their word for it, but by the Lord Harry, they make me shiver at times.
5
I saw a programme about Japan.
There were lots of very old men who had full heads of hair and not a touch of grey.
They put it down to eating the seaweed that they call Nori at almost every meal.
Indians swear by eating chillies.
They could be right.
They are very hairy people.
Unfortunately chillies will also make you stink and shit through the eye of a needle.
So the choice seems to be…..
Eat seaweed and risk getting slitty eyes.
Eat lots of curries and fucking stink.
Buy a hat.
I would buy a hat.
9
Yes, Art.
I find that I’m wearing my hat much more since my recent tonsorial operation, even indoors!
3
Treat baldness/receding hairlines/whatever, as a hate crime on social media, the BBC and the Guardian.
You’ll get lots of support from other slaphe…. oops, I mean men suffering from hair loss, and you can demonstrate in the streets just like JSO and glue your head to the tarmac.
And the good thing about being a sla… err, follicly challenged, is that you’ll get a good strong bond between road and head!
6
But no skin on your scalp when they peel you off!
I’ll stick with the hat.
3
Reading all this and sitting here with a smug smile. If I make it I’ll be 72 in May and still no sign of baldness or even any thinning. All turned grey though and heading towards white. Guess I could grow my beard and get a job as a Father Christmas later in the year.
6
Thinking about it I worked with another field engineer who had a big beard which was white as snow. We used to call him Captain Birdseye.
5
And there was a hatchet-faced middle-aged blonde PA universally known as Helga.
4
Luckily, I’ve got a good mane, flaxen and shiny. It must be all the fruit & veg I consume, although it could be the Shiraz and Malbec.
7
That’s fruit, isn’t it, Captain?
Please say yes, otherwise I’ve not been getting my 5 a day!
4
I’ve no idea, Jeez. They also say eggs, don’t they. I suppose it’s whoever finances the report.
You never see bald homeless people, do you. Not the beggars, the actual homeless ones.
Hirsute buggers.
4
It’s defensive hair growth.
They need it to keep warm, like polar bears.
Or Orangutans.
3
I’m shocked at you, Arfur, I tell you shocked!
Father Christmas! Are you insane?
Children will puke and pee on you.
They kick your shins, while Mum says “be good, Timmy”, helplessly flapping her hands about.
The Elves will get goosed by the older kids, but will blame you and you’ll eat your lunchtime sandwiches alone.
You’ll go home exhausted, after a 4 hour shift, and sleep for 16 hours, constantly waking yourself screaming from dreams of slaughter.
Don’t, just don’t.
4
Your advice sounds well considered and is appreciated Jeezum. I think I had my quota of being puked and peed upon decades ago. Maybe I’ll join the temps on the Royal Mail for the Christmas rush. Or is that still a thing? I don’t know. Maybe people send Christmas emails now rather than cards.
2
Oh, Royal Mail will welcome you.
As long as you can recite the alphabet and count to 200.
They recruit temporary staff all the time, to cover school holidays, and most of summer.
Don’t hesitate, go for it!
1
I demand a grant from the government for each hair that falls out never to be replaced. Should make a fortune. It’s my right innit? #SplapHeadsMatter.
6
#SlapHeadsMatter.
I’ll support that, are you doing a petition?
As I sit here, wearing a beanie.
Drunk.
5
Tell the Arts Council that it’s a piece of ‘living art’.They’ll throw money at you and you’ll get nominated for the Turner Prize.
6
You may well be right.
I’ll do a selfie and forward it to them.
If/ when I’m nominated, because Gawd knows any old shite will be, do you want to be included as my muse, partner, or inspiration Ron?
3
No publicity please JP; just a modest 25% of any remuneration will be appreciated.
4
Done.
2
Looks like from that shine, he’s been using Mansion Wax Polish. But as for the glasses, they look like they have been put on upside down.
3
Noticed my hair leaving me when I was 26. Been shaving my head ever since. Embrace your inner skinhead!
5
I’m in my 79th year, live alone with my shagging days long gone. The only things
I have left are my faculties and a thick head of hair. I go to the barbers in the summer for a number 8 and give myself a basin cut whenever it gets untidy.
4
Yes, I no longer need a Brazilian. Every hair is heading north, either sticking out of my ears, nose and head.
2
Never lived alone Sammy and I don’t think I’d get on well. I’m hoping I die first. As regards not needing a Brazilian, over recent times my pubes have grown with such vigour I’m afraid I’ll be tripping over them soon.
3
trimmed mine over the weekend, Arfur.
The shower tray looked like someone had fleeced a wooly mammoth.
3
60 in 3 weeks time and still have a full head of (nearly white) hair, yet my once hairy legs and arse are smooth and shiny. I think the hairs that once grew there migrated and are now growing out of my ears.
I hate getting old…
6
As I said earlier, Baron, It’s Nature’s way of compensating.
If you think hair ears are bad ( which currently seem exclusive to dark haired people), wait for the nose hair.
Then trim it.
It frightens dogs and small children.
It also looks vile.
3
Prince William seems to be turning into his uncle Edward with his rapid hair loss but at least he isn’t morphing into Prince Andrew. I can’t believe we are the same age. Whenever Kate stops finding bald spots and tweed sexy, my door is always open.
5
I could never quite work out if Eddy is in the vagina business or not. Apparently, he sired a child, but he seems a tad light on his feet.
4
Bless him.
Funny how King Charles and Prince Philip, along with Prince Gingermong have a reasonable head of hair, but William is going slapsies really quickly.
Anyone know of another member of the family went Baldilocks?
4
I believe hair loss skips a generation and lots of you unlucky chaps on here must’ve had relatives resembling the wild men of Borneo.
3
Actually Sammy, that’s right.
My dear Dad had a full head of hair right up to the day he died.
He did have the Widows Peak, something I’ve managed to avoid.
4
I was hideously afflicted by baldness in my mid 40s.
I refused to believe it .
My mate who I was working with at the time said
” Why don’t you shave your head?
That fuckin barmcake on the back of your nuts got bigger”
I told him to get fucked.
But when I checked in the mirror…he was right.
Weeping into my pillow that night I wondered what to do.
Run away from home and live in a cave?
A large wig?
Never take off my cap?
But I shaved my head.
Luckily I’m incredibly good looking and can pull it off.
Nowadays I prefer it and I’m fastidious about being smoothly shaven uptop,
And it contrasts well with my massive ZZ top style beard.
I’m happily bald.👍
Dunno what to do in your case JP?
Assume YOU look like sheffields answer to Phil Spector?
7
Somewhere in Sheffield…
https://images.app.goo.gl/zc4ibckmqpZ3FXV18
2
Close, Mis.
No hole in the hair yet, and Ron Knee has provided me with a great solution to utter baldness.
He’s a mench!
4
Mench?
What’s that JP?
I’ve heard it before but dunno what it means.
3
Top bloke, Mis.
3
My father the same. Full head to the end. I’ve surpassed him in age and still have the hair. With a bit of luck, I’ll be an octogenarian next year.
4
Mensch just means a human being, a man.
“Be a mensch, Shlomo!” means that Abe wants Shlomo to be a good person and stop firing missiles into Palestine.
2
Mis when facial recognition replaces passwords and PINs the software will have a problem with you. It will think you have your head on upside down.
2
Hello Arfur👍
Technology is racist against me anyway.
Those robots on the phone?
“Say yes if you want to continue..”
They can’t understand my perfectly understandable northern accent.
And I have a lovely voice!
Like Cary Grant or summat.
And the deaf can’t understand me either!
Can’t see my lips.
3
Yet again I’ve been there Mis. Tried to use such a system in a car park in Oxford.Fucking thing couldn’t understand a word I said. I gave up and left. Famously, Birmingham City Council recently installed a voice recognition system which couldn’t understand the Brummie accent!
You couldn’t make it up.
3
I’m in my late 50s and still have a full head of hair, even though 70% has gone grey with some receding here and there.
But come the time when everything starts to thin out I intend to lob the lot off and go slaphead and get it over with. Fuck what others think. And quite frankly I don’t think anyone cares anymore.
Of course it must be tougher for the wimminz – just another thing for them to moan about along with the menopause nom from earlier this morning
4
Do what you want but shaving it off or number 1 all over looks cool imho and is way more attractive than a comb over or a 3” plus Tonsure.
Not sure what’s lurking under Michael Fabricant’s syrup, modern mystery. Elephant aka wig in the room! Cringe.
6
Oh god yes MrsC. It’s the way he persists with it that amazes me. Even Ted Heath used to take the piss out of him for that ghastly wig and I think he died in about 2005.
5
Fabricant an alien, which is why he wears a wig.
Where’s a Man in Black when you need one.
3