Ellie Goulding (2) – Singer

Ellie Goulding is a fucking cunt.

Who told this old Tom that she could sing?

Fuck me pink, her Love Me Like You Do song (Link below – Day Admin) came on the car radio when driving home from work tonight. I listened to her effort carefully; she doesn’t actually sing, but she talks her way through the song in a faux-breathy style.

Utter shite. I actually prefer William Shatner’s style, which was very similar on his Transformed Man album of 1968. At least his rendition of Lucy In The Sky With Diamond had the capacity to amuse. Unlike the facile shit ladled out by that tart Goulding.

I have more talent trapped under my foreskin.

Fuck off.

You Tube Link

Nominated by: Paul Maskinback

57 thoughts on “Ellie Goulding (2) – Singer

  1. Never heard of her.
    Tried the link, lasted one minute.
    Quite correct Paul, complete drivel.

    • A minute? You are patient. I’ve heard this tripe at petrol stations, and that’s where it stayed.

  2. Who!??

    If the header pic is anything to go by, clearly this “singer” has to resort to almost getting her norks out to attract sufficient attention, which will upset the wokies but might just interest ordinary stone-deaf geezers looking for an early morning tug!

  3. I said to a friend, how is it with so much excellent live music around in pubs and clubs, that this shite is what gets on the radio and idiot box?

    • Lord C: the music industry is now a beauty contest-has been for years. Talent unnecessary☹️

  4. Well she keeps the 18-24 cost of living cunts entertained..

    Something to weep to.. poor little me..

    Nice cleavage though..cheers admin..

  5. Never heard of her, which is hardly surprising. Very expensive production values to conjure up the modern package of Cowellised anthemic Muzak.
    I imagine she is very big among the gays.

  6. I’ve heard her one hit called Love Me Like You Do. Is she referring to going into a river when she screeches, “Wha-dya wading for?” or is it just a shite Yank accent?

    • And Dido, Titless Swift, Lana Del Cunt, James Blunt, Paloma ‘Horse Face’ Faith and Harry ‘closet dweller’ Styles.

  7. Someone once said that her face looks like it’s been drawn on the sole of a foot. Fucking funny looking mare

    • She’s a pointy head from the wilds of Herefordshire. They all look like that out there – too much inbreeding.

  8. A boob enhancement would help if she is getting into the porn business.

    What ? She’s a singer ? Forget luv get your tits done and get em out.

      • I suspect RTC that the demographic on this esteemed website is not quite the target one for modern popular music ensembles.
        As for Ellie Goulding I wonder what her voice would be like without a lot of auto tuning, Stock, Aitkin and Waterman have a lot to answer for.

      • Morning Wanksock.

        Well… I’ve heard more than enough about cunts like Ed Sheercunt and fatty Adele over the last decade+, but I’m definitely not part of their target demographic either.

  9. There are few things worse than a caterwauling woman.

    Sometimes, Ethel sings in her sleep.

    I get woken up by this horrific shrieking.

    And it fucking terrifies me, momentarily.

    A pillow over her face for a minute or two usually solves the problem, albeit temporarily.

    I have a lot to put up with.

    Good morning.

  10. The CIA could have used her at the Guantanamo Bay detention centre, as a form of torture used on camel-jockey terrorists in confined cells.

  11. I clicked on the link.
    Rookie mistake.

    Never click the link.

    It’s worst crime is it’s boring.
    Snore fest.

    She’d be better off as a stripper,
    Although she struggles to get her breathe
    Probably asthmatic or a touch of the vapours.

    Nobody likes a stripper who stops to use a inhaler.

  12. In the novel, ‘Kill Your Friends’, the author refers to walking past an A&R office and seeing a young, female, pop star having an awards trophy inserted into her arse while she screamed for more. It was based on the truth and, apparently, it was Goulding.

  13. Standard bland muzak for similar window licking audience.
    I didn’t hang around long enough but I imagine there was a sea of lighters in empathy.
    A twat of a chanteuse and a twattation of gormless mouth breathers. Pretty much standard fare nowadays.

  14. The singing on the preceding Galaxy advert was better.
    Still she is infinitely better the Sam Smiff.

  15. Its the usual conjured computer crap that any philistine can do, by twiddling a few knobs. I’ve been saying this for so long, I’m sick to the back teeth with it. She’s become a success due to the Neanderthal public.

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