Broken Christmas Lights [6] And Christmas Crazies

Brief cunting here. Twice now I have bought new Christmas lights only to find, after much exasperating untangling, that they don’t work. I know, I know – you are supposed to plug them in and turn them on BEFORE you untangle them and hang them up, but our desire to see the new magical illuminations overrides that! 😀

I have banned the cunt that is Sellotape. I’ve used brass hooks to hang the lights this year, much better! 😀

No need for a link, just add this clip of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation…

(3 minutes)

Merry Christmas! 😀

Nominated by: Gordon

And on the subject of Christmas lights and decorations, check this out Gutstick Japseye

As soon as the imported overblown cash cow that Halloween has become is over, the Christmas cunts come out of the woodwork.

I don’t mean the corporate cunts who make a living out of it, I’m on about the balloon heads who go Christmas mental, and will drag out the festive season way beyond what is in any way reasonable.

I’m taking about those infantile cunts that tell you how many ‘sleeps’ it is until the big day, who put up the tree way before December, who cover their houses and gardens with all manner of cheap flashing tat, apparently to out Christmas anyone around them.

This is helped by having channels dedicated to showing Christmas films 24/7 from the middle of October. Who the fuck watches this shit?

And woe betide you question such behaviour, as then the patented cunt retorts of Bah humbug and Scrooge are thrown at you like you are the grumpy cunt, not the childlike mentalist.

There’s a house down the road from me, and within days it will be covered in ten foot inflatable Christmas shit, and enough lights that you could see it from fucking Pluto.
And they don’t have any kids, so what the fucking fuck?

I’m looking forward to the Christmas period, works do, time off spending it with family and friends, falling asleep on the settee after one rum too many.

There will be no glitter and tat in my house, I like it to be an oasis of respite from the commercialised tat fest that it has become, and for those cunts who think I’m a saddo or a killjoy for not behaving like a fucking imbecile, I will be enjoying myself, as I do throughout the rest of the year, as I don’t need a festival that is being dragged out as long as winter to be happy.

73 thoughts on “Broken Christmas Lights [6] And Christmas Crazies

  1. I imagine Gordon’s up at 3am Christmas morning,
    Then tires himself out around 6pm ,
    Chocolate all around his mouth and paper hat askew on his head?

    Gordon’s like Buddy the elf to Gutsticks Oliver Cromwell!

    Merry Christmas you filthy animals!!🌲

  2. Christmas is bollocks. Just one big corporate, yankee hi-jacked load of shite.
    Children aside, anyone who parades around in a Christmas jumper with fake plastic antlers and/or a Santa hat is either a gay-lord or an attention seeking cunt.

    • Got to admit I like Christmas.
      I enjoy seeing people enjoy themselves.
      Having family round.
      The lads piss up on the 23rd👍

      I like the smell of the tree,
      Excited kids,
      Turkey dinner, pigs in blankets,
      Christmas carols.

      It’s the one thing wokeys can’t stamp out.

      • Don’t bet on that Mis, there are already signs of an insidious creeping towards an Americanised “Happy Holidays”, inclusive ‘festival’.

      • Regarding that remark about the wokeys.
        Google “winter holiday” and look for the obvious spoor of their fuckwittery in the results.

        Being humourless cunts, the wokeys hate the idea of humans enjoying themselves as it’s a lot harder to persuade people in that state to obey the woke drek that they peddle, but they know that they can’t just stomp out a festival that’s as old as human knowledge of solstices.

        Wokeys, being the sociological equivalent of a sleekit festering infection of the body of humanity, will not mount a full-on frontal attack on Christmas, but just like everything else they touch with their suppurous paws they’ll pervert and corrupt it location by location, bit by bit, year by year, slowly boiling that santa hatted frog…

        …then before you know it, one fine Dec 25th there you’ll be, sitting down to your WintHol Soylent log covered in rainbow coloured unicorn puke sauce, watching TV by mandate (on pain of your social credit score getting nuked) where DragQuyn Willie dressed in one of grannies finest is on giving its WintHol Story Time to the nation…and you will be happy (or else…).

  3. Gordon.
    if you have to do that shit at the end of the year take a bit of cardboard, ram the pins from the plug through it and wind the lights on to the bit of cardboard.
    Next, after you have tested them don’t put the tree up, bring a mate round he holds the pointy end of the tree and you hold the base, and rotate the tree winding the lights on to it.
    I think Christmas is a load of shit, but those are some of my stress free Christmas tips ( the other one is say you have covid so people leave you alone)

    • Holding the lights whilst revolving the tree sounds labour saving lol.

      I’m afraid I disagree in part with this nom. Christmas lights that don’t work are great, unlike the majority of people who don’t work who seem obsessed with them.

  4. Week 1 (of December): Advent candle and advent calendar.
    Week 2: Lights (just a strip of nice, warm white ones across the front of the house)
    Week 3: Tree
    Week 4: Drinkathon and lots of food.
    Week 5: Fantasise about how the woke NYE firework display will somehow destroy London. Bah humbug.

  5. I thought everyone was supposed to be skint and can’t afford to buy even a tin of baked beans?

    I suspect we will see lots of selfies on Facebook of people showing off all their brand new presents iPads ps5s and Nike trainers and then claim they are skint and demand more money from the taxpayer

    • Mate, I cashed in on a Black Friday deal and bought myself a wheelchair!
      if any cunt had of bought me a wheelchair for Christmas I would have been very pissed off.

  6. The Hounds and I make no concession to Christmas…no tacky decorations,no cards,no spirit of goodwill to any Cunt,no fucking uninvited visitors. Our only Christmas tradition is flicking onto the Queen’s Speech and muttering ” Fuck’s Sake,will that grasping old Bag never fucking die”…now even that has been ruined by the selfish behaviour of the Old Trout in finally turning up her toes.

    Shove yer Christmas shite up yer arse.

    • Dick, it is with great regret that I have to inform you that she is dead, No queens speech this year old chap.

      • It’s nice to start new family traditions though,isn’t it ?….perhaps ” It’s the fucking guillotine for you,ya jug-eared Wanker” bellowed at King Charles will fill the aching void caused by the untimely loss of dear,dear Betty Windsor…..perhaps the Hounds and I will have a drive to whichever lair Charles and his moll have holed up in this year to deliver our Christmas greeting in person.

      • I would,of course, love to have a party but the fact that I know no Coloureds ( and even if I did,I wouldn’t let them in) means,according to the telly ads, that there can be no ” My lot know how to party” gathering at Fiddler Towers….well.that and the fact that I’m a right Cunt who can’t stand his family and actually rather dislikes his few “friends”

      • The Gays use Christmas as an excuse to inveigle their way into people’s houses in order to bott them.

      • Mr Fiddler,

        Totally agree on the exclusion of coloured and fruity gentlemen. You’ll either have no silver left or dreadful stains all over the sofa.

        Mongs are ok though. They are dead friendly and clean the windows up lovely with their slobbering and licking.

      • This is more for DF than you JTC or RTCP and i wonder where dci gene hunt has gone?
        Any way good to see you are still here and holding the line.
        Gene hunt, if you work at st Georges I would like to take your attention to st James wing lifts, second one from the left leading to vascular surgery ( 5 floor)…… someone wrote “you are fucked” on the ceiling and guess what they were right!
        so that is about it, free morphine is fun, but so is a shit.

  7. All annual events that involves gatherings and noise, I try to avoid. Wish there was a tablet of some sort, or other ways and means to magically wave them away.

  8. There’s one down the road who’s had the outdoor lights on since just after the 5th November.
    The number of people who have also got trees with lights in their front rooms already is gobsmacking!
    Power crisis, what power crisis. Idiots, one and all.

  9. Energy price crisis my arse..

    Cunts with more lights than Blackpool..

    Crying about the nasty government when January’s bill hits the doormat.

  10. Christmas?? Fuck right off. The only thing I like about Christmas is the fact I can get my Grinch costume/mentality going! Shame I won’t be able to see the look on disappointed bastard kids faces when all the money that would be wasted on absolute fucking tat for the ungrateful little cunts goes in the electric/gas metre! Oh, and as for the festival of gluttony that goes with it, I preferred Covid bang up when we all had an excuse not to invite friends and relatives round to be back stabbing, two faced, hypocrites pretending to like each other while they emulate starving pigs at a fucking trough! There, I’ve said it!

    • The enforced politeness with family members you loathe is very entertaining.

      After a few Tia Maria’s my mother used to start banging on about all sorts of provocative stuff; blacks, gays, trollops, dole scroungers, feigning surprise at the room’s reaction as it was full of the aforementioned. Almost always descended into a fight, bit like weddings and funerals, with shouts of “This is why Tracey doesn’t come anymore”, after she steadfastly refused to attend these shit-shows after a previous year’s debacle.

      Good times 😊

  11. Good nom fellas.

    As Gutstick mentioned – time off work and falling asleep on the sofa during the day is what I look forward to the most.
    My annual church visit on Christmas Eve with the Mrs is something else that I don’t mind about the festive period as well.

    Adults who get excited about Christmas and love nothing more than ‘Christmas shopping’ squandering a fortune on Chinese tat are usually the types of cunt I’d avoid for most of the year anyway. So fuck em

  12. I bet the UK won’t have daft cunts putting lights all over their fucking council houses this year. Airline Pilots will have no problem finding the fucking runway this year as every scratter home will be in fucking darkness!

  13. You know if you are a Proper Cunt when you have a Inflatable Homer Simpson Santa on your front Garden

    A Few Years ago I think Birmingham Council Called Christmas ‘Winterville’ so not to offend the Muzzers

    Council Cunts

  14. All those cunts with their Christmas lights will cause a fucking blackout,which in turn means there may not be any ice for my scotch.

    Safety first,oven the selfish beggars.

  15. When I was a kid we didn’t have electric Christmas lights on the tree, we had little coloured candles. Not the safest combination, highly combustible foliage and naked flames, but the look and the smell was pure Christmas.
    Another Christmas memory is of the milk float, making it’s last pre Christmas delivery, the horse ( Toby ) with a sprig of Holly in his bridle.
    Modern Christmas is shite and contrary to what young MNC said, is definitely under threat. Many organisations and individuals refer to it as ‘ Winter Festival ‘ so as not to offend cunts of other faiths.
    If you want a winter festival, we’ve had one for thousands of years, it’s called Yule and I say may the God’s bless it.
    An aged relative of mine celebrates it over Christmas.
    The other thing you see these days is telly adverts with Muzzers celebrating Christmas, with their faux mixed race families.
    Modern Christmas is shite, we should go back to the ’50’s template.
    The 1850’s.
    Good morning.

  16. I have just two words to say about the so-called “festive” season:


    Good morning.

    • I actually saw him once.

      He was in the local Tesco, trying to get small children to sit on his knee.

      Looked like a pædo to me.

  17. Santa is a person of colour
    Snow white apart from the red whiskey nose an cheeks.
    Wouldn’t recommend sitting on his lap though even if he is a jolly good fellow.

  18. Time of the year for this nonsense ” its better to give than receive ” and the other saying beloved of the tight fisted ” its the thought that counts” NO ÌTS FUCKING NÒT.

    • I actually received a wooden spoon with a green ribbon attached to it from an Aunty one year.



  19. Oh and as far as the Christmas lights go, an hour or more of frustration as decorations fall off the tree and then only to find out they don’t work.
    The effort that is Christmas makes one smile

  20. I started saying happy holidays instead of Christmas last year, not for cultural sensitivity, but because it annoys both Christians and the Christmas crazies at the same time.
    It makes sense, as it’s having time off work to spend with family and friends so fuck it.

  21. Mrs Bastard watches that shit. Smoozie American tat, all comes good in the end.
    Preferred Xmas in the 70’s, WINE, WIMMIN AND SONG.

  22. It’s time we took back control and cut the Christian crap and revert to our indigenous celebration of Yule. Christianity is a Middle Eastern belief system culturally appropriated by the Roman Empire and introduced to Britain to undermine indigenous cultural beliefs for the benefit of our foreign colonial rulers and subsequent governments.

  23. Bunches of cunt kids singing carols in the fucking supermarket and collecting for charidee. Probably for the “poor refugees” if their bastard teachers have anything to do with it.
    Stick it up your arse!

  24. Mrs Norman puts a nice tree up. That’s about it for us, and it’s all we need.🌲

    These cunts that make the outside of their house look like Las Vegas? Well, they’re just wankers, aren’t they? The worst ones are the ones that don’t even have any kids. Grown adults doing the who’s got the best Christmas lights competition? Fuck off….🙄

    • I don’t do outdoor lights. Good some tasteful (poofy) snowflake ones on my inside window. Not lights, actual snowflake students nailed to the frame. Kidnapped them from the local university. I’ll return them, of course.

  25. And the deluge of ‘charidee’ junk mail you get at this time of year….

    Mithering us to help the Somalifilth (surely, they are all over here now?), help fucking Afghanistan and those Taliban scum (again!), help Shamia Bigbum get back into the UK, those mealy mouthed Amnesty International cunts, and I dare say a wreath for Chicken Floyd George.

    Bollocks to all of it. Burn ’em all and fuck them off. Cunts….

Comments are closed.