The Death of Nicknames

I never hear people called by a nickname these days…presumably people are afraid to give each other nicknames for fear of offending someone or getting arrested for “hate-speech”.

I remember a few really clever ones over the years….There was an idle bugger whose surname was “Keane”,,,he was known as “Notso”. A landlord who had lost a limb and short-changed people when they were pissed..he was “The One-Armed Bandit”. A young ‘un called “Brown” who was known as “Strangely” due to the fact he appeared to have a touch of the tarbrush despite his parents being white. “Grizzly” who was a very plain, dumpy little woman who wore a long fake-fur coat when prowling about the village and was a maneater.

Yet none of them ever spat the dummy about their nicknames…took it all as a joke…nowadays they’d be suffering from PTSD and organising a GoFundMe appeal to send them on a holiday to get over the trauma.
(Funny nickname related link provided by Night Admin – NA)

Nominated by: Dick Foxchaser-Fiddler..Mayor of Simpleton

76 thoughts on “The Death of Nicknames

  1. Hey ginner whose the spas with the bins. ? Have you seen who’s moved in next street ? Fac king family of spoons. Well I say family one big lard arse bitch and a dozen sprogs. Man gorilla 🦍 nowhere. Seen Barry the bum bandit lately. Five finger Lilly was in the park last night on the prowl for fresh sausages. Ah free speech nick names and name calling. We was all names. Onestly

  2. I once knew a pub landlord who was a Thalidomide victim. His nickname amongst the regulars was ‘Flipper’ and he didn’t give a shite about it.

  3. I have a few knicknames for the honoury Liverpudlians this week: Keir “Slummer” Starmer, Wes “Bender” Streeting , Angela “Knickerless” Rayner, Angela “Butch” Eagle and Eddie Izzard is known as “Daisy” – because he keeps throwing himself at constituency Labour parties, and is in such a hirry he says “give me your answer, do”

  4. Don’t hear many nicknames nowadays,
    I always liked them ,
    Some of the ones off our estate were callous but funny.

    Skydiver-had tried to commit suicide jumping from a tower block

    Boston- had tried to strangle his younger brother

    Jap- had slightly oriental eyes

    Annie – a bloke . who was adopted.

    Mavis- another bloke.
    A reference to Mavis Riley from coronation Street,
    (He was always flapping)

    Maybe you just get a certain age and nicknames don’t seem appropriate?

    Dunno, always liked
    them , good nom👍

    • Funky Feet – guy named Chris (RIP) who had turned-in feet and farted a lot
      Póófy Billy – unhygienic gay guy who handed out cigarettes to kids
      Dinghys – mentally-retárded guy who had big, Mick Jagger lips
      Teabag – kid who had an incredibly freckled face
      Chublix – fat kid who was obnoxious as fuck
      Spázzy Stu – he had a hearing-aid that worked intermittently, also obnoxious
      Spázzy Irene – fat woman who was mentally-retárded who screamed at kids
      Tubbs – fat guy who now lives in Thailand (no, he’s not a diddler)
      Jojo – stubble-faced tránsvestite hooker ex-convict diddler who got loads of abuse.

      I’m sure you have stories of the local ‘done-up-as-a-woman’ weirdo from the 1970s-90s! Now it’s, “spot the normal person” on the high street, as the freaky-deakies and nutjobs have taken over. We even let them have political high office, not just high street!
      We need a new beginning.

  5. Me and my friends still do it but without letting the recipient know.
    There’s a woman in HR that wears these very tight around the crotch leggings.
    Not many people know her real name , we just call her “Camel toe”

  6. Spleen – beacause you can live without him.

    The Fly – small, black and annoying.

    Barry Chocolate – that much in love with himself, he’d eat himself if he could.

    Just a few crackers.

  7. An ugly Chinese girl was always known as Pang.

    Grown ups and even her teachers called her Pang.

    It wasn’t her real name.

    It was the sound that the shovel made when it hit her in the face.

    • A mate’s Dad was called Spang.

      his missus’ found out he was having an affair and twatted him square in the face with a frying pan.

    • When Peterson flew out to join up with the England team once the headline read, The Ego has landed.

  8. Profesional golfers often have nicknames.

    Ernie Els was known as ‘Thirsty’ due to his liking for beer.

    Nick Faldo was ‘The Parcel’ because he was so wrapped up in himself.

    • I just tried googling for more golfers’ nicknames, but all you get is their affectionate nicknames, not the behind-their-back nicknames. Any more, Artful?

  9. Squadron nicknames were great, but, you’d never see ’em painted on the side of the aircraft as in ‘Maverick’ in Top Gun! ‘Date Rape’ doesn’t have the same edge.

  10. Elisabeth Schwarzkopf the famous soprano was fondly known as Betty Blackhead (English translation) to we opera lovers. It was also a dig at her being full of herself, for choosing all 8 recordings on Desert Island Discs with her taking part.

    • I hate the serious tone that Desert Island Dicks has. Now again, they were fun, like when Oliver Reed showed up with his drunken garden staff swigging gin and in muddy boots at BBC House!

  11. I recall a few years back there was a footballer in the premier league and his surname was Fitzhall. The crowed nicknamed him ‘one size’

  12. Chopper



    Some gentlemen from the past. Forty years do pass quick.

    LOL 😀

    Good nom this.
    Been having a good chuckle.
    Good morning.

  13. My mate had an apprentice who was a lazy porky git I named him Fubs, short for fat useless bastard. My mate is known as Nod by everyone cos he looks like hes about to fall asleep and another mate is called Chucky cos she got pissed and spent night puking.
    And obviously the most popular nickname is CUNT cos most modern people are.

    • My mate nicknamed his wife fanny when I asked him why he said it was because he couldn’t call her a cunt in public.

  14. The footballer Burnt Arse. What can you call him? Nicknaming him Nicky Butt would only confuse things.

  15. True story.
    I worked with a fella we nicknamed Ben (after B Turpin) and after a few years he took me to one side and discreetly asked me why people called him Ben?
    I gently explained and left it there.
    He charged off to see the head man and was told to sit down and wait.
    The head honcho returned, walked up to him and asked ” What can I do for you Ben?”

    • Wow! That was one hell of a report which highlights how utterly fucking useless our politicians are. Personally, I would wait until it was fully occupied before setting it all alight. Cremation far better than assimilation.

    • Brand new facility….. And all free courtesy of the UK tax payer, it’s no wonder the cunts keep coming.

      Those 42 dwelling could and should have been offered to British people, don’t we have a housing shortage!

      • But not I imagine to the Cotswolds and places like that where the money lives….

        Just the poor working class towns that are already shitholes..💩

  16. Minder was great for nicknames, Self-inflicted ( scarred his own face to look hard), The Syrup (wore a Roger Moore wig), Barrel (fat guy), Scooter (“must scoot”) and so many more.

  17. We had a bloke in my trade whose surname was Bacon, Streaky to his friends , Greasy to those who did business with him. He screwed me over a couple of times. The last I heard of him was after he retired there was an article in The News Of The Screws about him making porn films on his kitchen table. I kept it in the car glovebox to read whenever I was feeling a bit low.

    • I’ve had a few that haven’t stuck
      Lurch obviously,
      And ‘blanket’ after whacko Jacko’s kid Blanket Jackson.

      But the only one we still use is for my best mate who’s a car dealer.
      He had a go at running a antique/vintage furniture shop.

      We immediately nicknamed him “Ducky”
      As in ‘ducky darling’.😄

    • Only in the press Uncle Terry. When I started work all the guys in their mid-’50s and over had served, many in aircrew. He was known as Butch to them and not because he was a bit camp, it is short for Butcher. There is a great YouTube video of him, about an hour’s interview and he comes across as utterly ruthless. I guess wars are not won by nice chaps.

  18. A mate at football was known as ‘clock’ because one hand was bigger than the other. A Jeremy Beadle.

  19. Got a young ECA, ink’s still wet on his number, we call him ‘The Black Cat’ because if you’ve got a black cat, his is blacker than yours. If you’ve been to Tenarife, he’s been to Twelvearife. You name it, he’s done it. Cunt’s applying for his Long Service medal after nine months. He wonders why every fucker goes sick when they’re crewed with him…

  20. You reminded me of a work college who had seen every film I’d seen. Then I decided to make up film titles and choose my own cast list. You’ve guessed it. Called him simply a lying cunt, simple.

  21. Forgot the lad who came back from a couple of weeks in America and took to wearing a cowboy hat and boots ….he was known as Cunt Eastwood.

  22. Wally was one that a friend hated being called, so that stuck for life.
    Weasel was another from youth an untrustworthy fucker, so not a friend.
    there were plenty of Japs
    Also plenty of abbreviations of surnames became the nicknames.
    One mad cunt was known as Moon_day and when the kids used to shout it across the street to him, they quickly learned how to run as fast as Ben Johnson

  23. It’ because schools and workplaces are full of purple haired, po-faced, speccy, gender-bending autists looking to be offended.

    I’m not surprised nicknames are on the decline; they’re probably classed as acts of violence.

  24. Well, ‘Merse’ is a fucking cunt, isn’t he?

    Not only does he talk endless shit on Sky Sports (which gets worse by the day), the attention seeking self pitying cunt is still – fucking still – blubbering about his drinking and gambling ‘problems’. We have heard it all before a million fucking times, and nobody bloody cares. This cunt’s self importance and media whoring is staggering. Why doesn’t he just fuck off?

  25. David Crosby (of Byrds and CSNY fame) once created one of the greatset nicknames ever.

    He used to call John Lennon’s old lady ‘Yoko Fucking Ono’. In other words, he thought she was a cunt, and he was right.

Comments are closed.