The Death of Nicknames

I never hear people called by a nickname these days…presumably people are afraid to give each other nicknames for fear of offending someone or getting arrested for “hate-speech”.

I remember a few really clever ones over the years….There was an idle bugger whose surname was “Keane”,,,he was known as “Notso”. A landlord who had lost a limb and short-changed people when they were pissed..he was “The One-Armed Bandit”. A young ‘un called “Brown” who was known as “Strangely” due to the fact he appeared to have a touch of the tarbrush despite his parents being white. “Grizzly” who was a very plain, dumpy little woman who wore a long fake-fur coat when prowling about the village and was a maneater.

Yet none of them ever spat the dummy about their nicknames…took it all as a joke…nowadays they’d be suffering from PTSD and organising a GoFundMe appeal to send them on a holiday to get over the trauma.
(Funny nickname related link provided by Night Admin – NA)

Nominated by: Dick Foxchaser-Fiddler..Mayor of Simpleton

76 thoughts on “The Death of Nicknames

  1. Obama got the nickname, “Bath House Barry” while in Chicago because, err… it was well-known that he frequented the gay bath houses of the Windy City, often coked-up with someone balls-deep in his asshole.

    Michelle gets called, “Big Mike” because she is pretty manly-looking, much bigger build than Barack, shoulders like a quarterback and so… BIG MIKE it shall be!

    Our normal names are usually pretty dull, so a nickname can be a lifesaver for some people. But you can’t chose it – unless you are a narcissistic douchebag – so it’s it can also mean you have a lot of explaining to do to new acquaintances.

    “So… why do they call you, ‘Skidmark’?”

    • We call our mate ‘skid’, he had an horrendous RTA years ago and fancied arguing with a tree, burnt he’s face to fuck, cruel but he sees the funny side of it.

  2. ‘Ornament’ always made me laugh. A tubby kid that just stood on the football pich doing nothing. A cry would go up occasionally ‘fuckin get it Ornament’.
    Just stood there-patting his arms to keep warm

  3. Good nom.

    The things that gets my piss warm is when someone, usually in a sporting context is referred to a ‘the badger’… I.e Dave the Badger, or the other favourite… Mr Cricket, Rugby, Squash… whatever due to the fact that he/she/it has an encyclopaedic knowledge of their ‘subject’ e.g the history of non-league footballists during the Great War, or some such shite.

    Boring cunts, to a tee. Stupid nickname.

    Years back I worked with a bloke called ‘Scratch’. Surname was Headitch.

  4. Back in the 80’s and 90’s we had some good ones for people in my local pub, many of them came from crossword clues.
    Drill – he was a boring tool
    Thrombosis – a slow moving clot
    Twitch – an involuntary jerk.
    Others were Auntie (cos he always got involved in peoples problems like s agony aunt)
    Juggernaut- he was massive.
    We also had ‘the one armed bandit’ – bloke with a withered arm, who was notoriously tight.

  5. I watched an old edition (well aren’t they all) of Minder the other week.

    One of the characters played by Ron Fraser went by the nickname of ‘Self Inflicted Sid’.


    The character had apparently once taken a Stanley to his own face so he would appear a bit more nasty to the villains he wanted to hang around with hence ‘self inflicted Sid’.

    I couldn’t help but think that back in the day there’d be a plethora of real life characters with such Monica’s.

  6. We’ve got a mate called Ze German because he’s tall, blond and a bit racist. It really winds him up because he’s from Shropshire.

  7. I laughed off that ‘conspirary theory ‘ about ‘Big Mike’…

    …until I saw a video of ‘her’ running. Either she has an eight inch ‘man in the boat’ or a small rodent was scrabbling around inside her pants.

    • And Joan Rivers told the world Obama’s wife was really a man and everyone in showbiz and politics knows about it.

      Coincidence she died shortly after?

      Fucking hell, I’ll be saying Obama is a Seventh Lord, Jewish, lizard hologram next.

      Still, that video was fucking weird and Rivers did die shortly after those comments.

      (Twilight Zone music)

      • We haven’t seen the last of the Obama – we never will – he’s bucking for UN leader and Big Mike will take a run at the White House again. They are the black Clintons (shudder!) a power-couple, as they say. Obama’s $830 million Presidential Library looks like something out of Logan’s Run. $830 million! Trump will never have one. They are kind of pointless, aren’t they? Only scholars pore through that stuff. Obama could have built quality housing for poor people in Chicago and satisfied himself with a rickety old shack filled with his voluminous copies of Golf Digest and Latino Twinkz as his Presidential Library.

  8. When I was a lad, a local kid was being called ‘eeffie’ by some other kids. I asked why he was being called that.

    Skinny cunt, it was short for ‘Ethiopian’.

    A more disgusting one was a lad at secondary who would come in smelling of spunk at around aged 14 or 15. Must’ve been wanking all night (I think we all were at that age) but he’d obviously not clean up afterwards.

    His nickname? ‘Spunky’.

  9. At school we had a deputy headmaster called Mr Baccars, we called him Front Knob, but not to his face I hasten to add.

    • Our deputy head was nicknamed, “Banjo” because he had this habit of un-zipping and zipping-up his fly on his trousers reminiscent of someone playing the banjo, like a pervy George Formby. Heaven help the kid who got caught calling him, “Banjo”. He hated smokers and would try to nab the sly suffers at lunchtime. Sad cunt, dead now, probably hassling the imps down in Hades!

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