Supermarket Shoppers (3)

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I propose the death penalty for selfish cunts who putting supermarket baskets in the stack without unfolding the fucking handles.

Included in the prospective long death row are the brain-dead morons who put their baskets on top without moving the lower one’s handles and generally not unfolding their handles, so the whole fucking lot tips over, because no cunt has unfolded said handles.

This is further compounded by singularly selfish wankstains who are too fucking lazy who leave an item of shopping they decided they didn’t want, in said basket.

Lastly (for now) are those unspeakable fucksticks, who just dump their baskets, full or empty, absolutely anywhere, for us to trip over.and break our fucking necks.

There is a rich being toine on the subjects of utter, utter CUNTS, at supermarkets, sadly mainly the thick-as-pigshit customers, the worst being some bloated female asteroid, snot-hanger-nose-ring, covered in 5 acres of tattoos, greasy blonde or coloured hair, wearing a tight, tee-shirt that would cover an aircraft hangar but the rolls of underlying adipose tissue makes it look like a Michelin man, tracksuit trousers that struggle to contain an arse the size of Yorkshire with a set of thoughts that could crush your skull like a walnut.

Oh yes, and ALWAYS with a couple of sproggs in tow clearly growing prototypes for the asteroid of Ceres called a mother, stuffing their faces with unpaid for food, “coz they’re hungry”,

Fucking hell, I’m having trouble not writing even more… However, today I’ll settle for the death-penalty, no appeal, for the supermarket basket cunts.

That is my Fatwa for the day, delivered from the pulpit of the Al-Aqsaminster Kharpet mosque (Quito) Inc.

Nominated by: Sheikh_Anvakh

96 thoughts on “Supermarket Shoppers (3)”

  1. Bravo Sheik, a piss boiler for me too. Just had some dozy tart nearly ram her trolley into me three fucking times!!! Told her to get off the fucking phone, or the next time it rings she will be sticking her head up her ass. Fucking gormless spunk trumpet.

    • Cunts who don’t get their money or card ready when it’s time to pay, piss me right off.

      Some of these cunts are staring into space in the queue for 10 minutes and don’t open their purses until they hear “£76.54 please.”. Then it’s “Oh where is it…?” Followed by fumbling in handbags and then “Can I pay some on my 2 cards and some cash cash?” which confuses the fuck out of the checkout lass and the manager needs to be called.

      That’s when I go bright purple with rage and mutter “Fucking get your shit ready beforehand fuck’s sake fucking spastic cunt bitch!”

      I would gladly see them hang.

      • And the lard arses who put elbows on the trolleys and stick their fat arses out behind, lazy bastards, stand up straight and push you cow !

  2. Quite so.

    One of the reasons to get married is that you should never have to venture into these shitty places ever again.

    So many people,so many cunts.

  3. What about the wimminz who appear stunned when the checkout girls says ‘that’s £69.70 please’ and then proceed to spend an eternity rummaging for their purse. It’s like they’re amazed that they’ve been asked to pay. They then, invariably, try to pay with the wrong card or it won’t scan and they can’t remember the pin. Fucking useless bints.

    • Good one…totally agree.

      Then they say…’oh, I’ve got my loyalty card somewhere’

      Fuck me.

    • But he provided a very comic and descriptive rant!!
      It made my morning … laughed all the way to the supermarket.

  5. Go early

    Avoids screaming kids running round like it’s a park
    Avoids the bone idle benefit scroungers, you can be sure these cunts never go out early
    Avoids women with bloke in tow who just stands around looking fucking stupid and getting in the way
    Avoid the ‘middle class’ women who have to read every last word on the fucking label.

    Supermarket shoppers are cunts.

  6. The one thing that is good that came out of Covid is that my local Tesco still have sanitising spray to clean the trolley handles (and the hand gel).

    Who knows was monkey pox riddled cunt had used the trolley before me 😂

    Cleanliness is next to Godliness 👍

  7. Or the cunts that stand gassing in the middle of the aisle, trolleys next to each other. Or the cunts that won’t let you go in front, even though they’re still putting their gargantuan quantities of shopping on the belt and you have ONE fucking item – yes, you, you stuck-up tart with the sunglasses on top of your head, in Waitrose, in December, in the rain. I’ll remember your fucking face, mark my words… Or the fucking pensioner that can fucking move like Rory fucking Underwood when there’s an empty till, to get in front of you, but, refers to fucking type when it comes to packing and paying. Come on, you old fucking trout, my MOT runs out next fucking April. Or the cunts that stare at you like you’re a fucking alien when you shop for your lunch, in uniform. Or even worse, “I know you’re busy, but, could you…”

    Fuck OFF!

    Fuck me, I need a lie-down…

    • ‘yes, you, you stuck-up tart with the sunglasses on top of your head, in Waitrose, in December, in the rain’.

      They are always the most entitled cunts, and plenty about in Waitrose and M&S.

  8. And what about the cunts who just leave them by the tills? They are cunt cunts surely???

  9. As I always say : “you’re never far from a cunt “.
    Worryingly I have started to say this out loud in places such as supermarkets.

  10. BT’s Premier League coverage has just started and the first ten minutes have been all about the ‘Lionesses’. It’s still going on.

    Maybe they’ll fuck the live game off?

    Good job I’m not paying for it.

    Here is the news.

    Nobody gives a fuck about wimminz ‘football’.

    • But back to the topic…

      Yes. I agree. Once had a fat bitch with piglet children in tow throwing empty sausage roll wrappers and opened cans of pop on the conveyor belt. When they threw their wrappers down, pieces of flaky pastry went all over the belt.

      If it were my shop, I’d have charged them for the stuff they’d consumed, refused to let them buy anything else and barred them, with a sign on the entrance showing their fizogs with ‘Barred for being fucking animals’ on it.

      Fucking ingrates.

      • ‘Fat bitch with piglet children in tow’ were in front of me in the queue, I hasten to add lol

    • Fulham charging £100 adults and £70 kids for their new stand. I bet it’s packed at kick off.

      Fulham are a small team.

      The best split arse teams couldn’t charge £1 and get a quarter of the attendance.

      It’s fucking shite!

  11. Add supermaket STAFF to the cunting cos they are always fat ugly gossiping slow retarded fuckwitted cunts aswell.
    Fuck off to ASDA ALDI B&M etc cunting bastards.

  12. Have you thought about shopping in Waitrose, your Sheikhness? At least you get a better class of annoying cunt in there, and one can always accidentally brush past the milfs as they bend over the organic tofu and quinoa counter. Lovely.

    • Not a fucking chance. Hoity toity bastards & being a tight fisted cunt, too bleedin’expensive.
      WORST experience, Lidl in central Harrow, an undersized Craphole that would shame a Soviet era distribution centre.
      BEST experience, Lidl in Harrow Weald, decent car park and bloody huge with loads of space, formerly a homebase.
      Won’t touch the Co-op with a barge-pole, smug, woke cunts who seem to have rather to much affinity for Palestinian Jew killers.

  13. Some middle class vegan cunts are the worst.

    You would expect to find them shuffling around in Wankrose ir Arsebury’s and not in Asda or Aldi – but clearly times are tough even for these shitehawks.

    But what is really infuriating with these cunts is their attention-seeking. Always looking at the food contents label, and the traffic light label and the calories label and the allergy label. They’ll spend ages checking and double checking (even resorting to an app on their phone just to make sure its suitable for them and their fussy brood).

    And because of their lack of self-awareness they will stand at a particular shelf doing just that, totally unaware that there’s a queue of mere plebs waiting to move in.

    Then they move onto to the bakery and fruit & veg sections, poking and prodding, squeezing, sniffing, probably even licking just to make sure the items are fresh. And if they’re not they will just put it back on the shelf for some other mug to pick up.

    Come to the check-out and they’re too busy fucking about with their phones, either chatting or texting. Or figuring how to pay with a payment app.

    Finally, they push their trolley about 10ft to the waiting SUV, which is parked right outside the supermarket doors, usually in the disabled spot. If you challenge them they’ll say “I have invisible disabilities” before telling their screaming entitled brood in the back seat to shut the fuck up!

    These cunts should be rounded up, shoved into a Hercules plane and dropped from a very great height into the battle ground of Ukraine. Putin can do us all a fucking a favour!

  14. I hate my local Co-op. It’s full of coffin dodgers. There’s one bloke that shuffles into the shop, takes ages to get to the “ casualty corner” ( discounted section) and spends at least 15 minutes picking up each item and staring at it with his teeth almost popping out of his gob. He goes through the whole lot, puts them back, and does it over and over again. The last time he did it, I was in a bad mood, so I had to say something along the lines of “ have you quite fucking finished “.
    Then there’s the cunts who block the shelves with the trolley whilst browsing. There is no end to the cuntery displayed in the not so super markets.

    • Cunts who block the aisle whilst browsing need to be on the business end of a fucking flame thrower. What goes through their tiny fucking brain that makes them think it’s acceptable?

      “Ooh, I’ve stopped to look for something. Shall I move my trolley to the side or turn it forty-fucking-five degrees and block the bastard aisle because I’m alright and no one will surely want to get past me”.

      Cock-gobbling fucking arseholes and the spawn of Beelzebub.

  15. I had one of these fat, tattooed ugly birds struggling to get in her car the other day because she’d parked too close to my car. I sat behind my wheel grinning like a cunt as she finally got in and tried to give me a look of contempt but saw i found her struggles funny and looked away, humiliated at her own beastliness.

    • I’ve had that!

      “Ah, I see, it’s my fault you can’t put a vehicle between two static lines and you’re overweight! Glad we’ve cleared that up”

      The look of horror from the fat trollop fair made my day!

      Wizard,!

    • I have a shitty on mondeo I run around if for work. I deliberately park next to the cunt who can’t park between the lines OR the one that parks too far to one side on a bay. Twice last week I looked back at the car as I was walking away and both times the stupid cunts were having to traverse the passenger seat and centre console of their cars to get in. Lovely

      Cunts

  16. I shop in Aldi.
    Its marvelous.

    Cheerful staff
    Luxury goods
    Considerate shoppers.

    I help myself to grapes to eat whilst walking down the aisles.

    Truly magical.

    I wouldnt be seen dead in Fortnum & Mason .
    Or waitrose!
    Its like a fuckin soup kitchen for tramps.

    • I go to Morrisons. Its got a Market Street with butchers, delicatessen and fresh bread. Dead classy. At certain times of the day there is even authentic hobos and spice zombies, just like the real Market Street!

      • My local Morrisons ‘fresh fish’ counter stinks worse than my crab pots after a week in the blazing sun. Not right for sure.

        A land whale in front of me recently got asked for £63.50 please …. when she’d finished packing….

        She muttered that she Couldn’t pay that much so spent the next 10minutes off loading anything remotely healthy looking to reduce the cost.

        My piss was boiling as I packed my one small bag and headed out, just to notice her at the kiosk till loading up on fags and scratch cards.

        Fucking fat useless retards. Oven please Unkle.

  17. The cunts with 50 vouchers that all need to be scanned and 75% of them are invalid. Then my personal top hate target is when I need to fill up with fuel and some cunt is engaged in conversation with the plebiscite at the counter as he waits for sheets of scratch cards to be checked and then wastes another 10 minutes choosing another 20.

    Not strictly a supermarket thing but related. Not to forget the cunts who take a large trolley through the self scan. On the subject of self scan why does the cunt who’s meant to be assisting always fuck off and leave the tills with lights flashing and customers getting more and more frustrated?

      • Not all garages have it and the one I’m currently using is 174 a litre compared to the ones in town at 195…..the cunts.

      • Doesn’t matter what it is, you’ll still get behind some cunt that takes so fucking long to get the engine running and move that a fucking sprog pilot could have got a fucking Sea King off the ground from blades folded, quicker.

        Usually some jittery old knacker that I’m looking at as a potential ‘Customer’.

  18. Once in a co-op I had some shop cunt say, “You can use the self service” when no cunt was on the till.

    I said “Oh I’m working here for free now am I?”

    Cunt served me sharpish.

  19. It’s why I like the 24 hour ones. I’ve been known to go shopping at 4am, just to avoid all this cuntage.

  20. Then there’s the hipster cunts who help themselves to energy drinks and chocolate. They don’t bother putting it in the basket and paying at the checkout. Instead they eat/drink straight off the shelf and then try to hide the wrapping or empty can in a rack full of fruit or veg and deny all knowledge.

    And if someone challenges them they start screaming the house down in protest (this was more noticeable with the slightly tanned brethren in downtown Aston or Handsworth of Birmingham)

  21. I currently spend all day in the local Sainsbury’s. Not so much for the few items I might want to purchase, but for the air conditioning – it’s fucking heaven. Like during the Winter months I spend all day on the tube. Not because I want to go anywhere, but for the warmth, and occasionally I get to spunk over some unsuspecting tart whose arse happens to be pressed up against my knob.
    Agree 100% about those basket handle cunts though.

    • ‘Not because I want to go anywhere, but for the warmth, and occasionally I get to spunk over some unsuspecting tart whose arse happens to be pressed up against my knob’

      Wow…and I thought I was a perv. Nice one.

  22. I saw the most revolting sight at the supermarket this morning. Some old hag bought a bag of sausage rolls and she took one from the bag and continued her shopping the while hunched over trolly. The dirty old tart had no teeth and to see her ugly mug as she masticated the thing was completely off-putting. It made the spouse, stuffing her face with Bounty bars look like she had the manners of Lady Isobell Barnett. It is very rare for the spouse to compare with other women these days, but this old bag helped her manage it. The number of people who buy bags of things and start consuming them before reaching the check out seems to be increasing. Apart from anything else, who has been touching the trolley before them, and who knows how dirty they were.

    • I am of the understanding the class of clientele and quality of supermarket staff are directly related to it’s location. We have a Morrisons near where I work which I sometime frequent during me lunch hour. It is very close to a golden triangle of council estates. Fuck me there’s some dregs in there- not just the customers either. Even the managers are knuckle draggers no doubt recruited from the closest council estate area where this place is the closest to work without having to drive.

      • Had a dicky tummy and once shat myself in Morrison’s car park. Was desperately trying to make it to the bog and filled my pants.

        I causally sauntered in with my shit filled pants and found the spacca bog. Took my bottom half clothing off and wiped my arse and are cheeks first, then I filled the sink with soapy water and sat in it. Dried off and and repeated. Used all the bog roll and paper towels. I cleaned my jeans as best I could (luckily, my undies caught most of the shite) and threw my shit filled undies in the bin.

        I thought about buying some new undies and going back to the bog to out them on, but I thought I’d be taking the piss. Went home, cleaned up properly, changed and went to Sainsbury’s in case I was on some banned list lol.

    • I was onn a Thunderbird 16 going up to Kilburn a few days ago. There was some old camel-woman shovelling some STINKY salad into her gob, gumming away frantically. Nauseating sight.
      As for shopping, the worst cunts are the fucking bastards that deposit their half-filled basket in the queue, then maunder off for another 10 min to carry on shopping. I just shove the basket out of my way. If challenged, “I queue behind people, not baskets!” finish your shopping before going to till. One forgotten item is reasonable; pushing off with a list is CUNTITUDE.

  23. I like to lurk in the fruit/veg. section and tell Sooties that the bananas are easier gathered here than having to climb a tree….The Gays that cucumbers and marrows are not “marital aids”…. Fat people that the cream-cake section is the next aisle over….handicapped people that just because the sign says “vegetable”,it doesn’t mean they live here….old people not to buy strawberries because the berries have an even shorter shelf-life than they themselves appear to have…. vegans that the very sight and smell of them is enough to make even a fucking rabbit reconsider his dietary choices…. Muslims that the sign saying “juicy cherries” doesn’t mean what they think…and Prince Andrew that I think he’s a Cunt.

  24. With regards to the shopping baskets. I just take my own that I acquired from somewhere, (Kwik Save I think?)

    At the till I just reload it and throw it on the back seat of the motor.

    No faffing about packing bag/s, holding up the queue.

    It’s surprising how long it takes to pack two bags of shopping.

    The cunts that waft those watches around to pay at the till really boil my piss. They never work properly. It’s not cool, and you just look like a cunt.

    I feel as though I want to pin their arm down to the till ramp, and pull out a 1/2lb hammer, and smash the fuck out of the device and black one of their thumbnails.

  25. Good nom.

    Now, I’m not sure on supermarket etiquette when it come to the dividers between peoples shopping on the conveyor belt and the checkout, but I have always though it should be the person in front who puts a divider on the belt once they have finished loading it, and not the person waiting (me) to put one on. I do quite enjoy adding my items on the belt if the lazy cunt in front of me hasn’t bothered putting a divider on, and then waiting for the bint on the till to start scanning my stuff on to their bill, then then very quickly shout ‘that’s not mine’ and therefore hopefully they will get the hint and next time they can put a fucking divider up.

    I may be wrong……and maybe etiquette dictates it should be me putting a divider on before I load the belt? Fucked if I know.

    Enlighten me.

    • Fuck me, Chuff, I forgot about that in my above rant. You’re right, it’s the cunt in front’s job, and, like you, I do the same.

      Feckless wastrels.

  26. And those cunts who let their kids sit inside the trolley with their shitty feet all over the metal base.

    Also,I especially like to put a large cucumber and jar of Vaseline on the checkout conveyer only, and leer at the Saturday girl! 😁

    • There is a flaw in your ‘courtship routine.’

      Even if she did fancy you, she’d probably think you’re a raving woofter with those items on the belt.

      Put some boxing gloves, a copy of Town and County magazine and a few meals for one on the belt, and she’ll attack your face with her fanny before you empty your basket.

    • Your dream till girl would say ‘ i suggest you use ky instead of veseline ans it’s easier to clean up’

      Would snap her up right away.

  27. My only abiding memory of a good trip to the supermarket took place back in 76 during the 2 month summer heatwave (a real heatwave and not the 9 bob note of a heatwave we had a couple of weeks ago!)

    I was about 13 at the time and had to tag along to the local Fine Fare (now long gone) for the supplies including ice cream and fizzy drinks. The shop was heaving with other shoppers, but because of the heat all the older cunts (40 year olds and above) were back home dehydrating, leaving just the younger shopper to wander around the aisles.

    And the amount of scantily clad wimminz and young girlies of about my age stretching, bending, reaching and leaning over racks and shelves, revealing all sorts of hidden delights was enough to make me walk around carrying the shopping basket with my stiff dick!

    Happy days (and we had Green Shield stamps back then too!)

    • Fine Fare? Fuck me I thought I was old.
      Everything was white and a shitty orange colour. It changed it’s name to Shopper’s Paradise before its demise.

      • Our Fine Fare super store was opened by Patrick Mower it’s now a decrepit Asda riddled with concrete cancer as its a Vick Hallam building only supposed to last 25 years it’s been up 46.

  28. Another piss boiler is the cunt who leaves their trolly right by some cunt stacking the shelves and then goes walkabout. Leaving said trolly fucking everyone else up. CUNTS.

  29. The cunts in my local Spar get on my onions, rapid.

    It’s well handy if you want something quick. But there’s always some cunt in front of you in the queue. And they buy shitloads of lottery and scratchcards and they take ages. They are always cunts.

    Or some dithering daft tart, who can’t decide if she wants to buy something or not. Then the dizzy bitch leaves the checkout and fucks off to the magazine shelf to get her gossip rag. But the thick slag should have got the magazine before she got in the queue and before she got to the till.

    Then there was the cheeky bitch who didn’t buy anything, but she had the nerve to ask the cashier to change a fifty into five tens for her grandson’s birthday (Grandson? She was about 35!). And her face when the girl behind the till said no ‘This isn’t a bank’. The trollop wasn’t best pleased.

    And it’s to be avoided after 5pm on a Friday. All the local dregs come out of the woodwork to get their crappy cheap lager and gut rot cider. An array of not rights that would put the extras in Creepo Jacko’s ‘Thriller’ to shame.

    • Oh, and two of our African friends (male and female) were shoplifting in said Spar the other day. They did the Bogo Bogo ‘No speaky English’ thing like they all do when it suits them. They mildly got told off by the staff and told not to do it again. In other words, they got away with it. A young and very attractive white lady spoke out and said ‘Had it been me or him (pointing at me), we’d have been arrested and prosecuted. But they don’t. That’s unacceptable.’ And she was right. What these cunts get away with. Fuck me… Cunts.

  30. And why do these Parking Stan Lee personages treat supermarkets like a cash and carry? They will buy about 100 bottles of coke or water and they’re allowed to. Not giving a second fuck about any other customer who might want to buy some themselves? Some poor sod asks the staff if there’s any Pepsi left… ‘Oh no, some Sabu has hoovered up the lot!’

    Seen it with my own eyes. Unbelievable….

      • There were some 4x2s in our local Tesco once, and they got a trolley full of Colgate toothpaste. Fuck knows why, already….

    • They were the worst during the COVID panic buying nonsense.

      Taking multiple vehicles and charging the entrances at opening time along with the Dooshkas. Would strip shelves bare with a family of six with a trolley each.

      Then, the dakis would sell the bog rolls as single rolls for about £3 each. Once saw one cunt selling 500ml hand sanitizer for £25.

      They actually lost a lot of custom round my way due to this, even from woke types, and have struggled to get it back. One local daki shop closed in recent times.

      How did ripping off the local community work out for you, you fucking cunt!

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