Two fucking cases that are boiling my piss
1)…New “verified by card provider” security checks when making an online purchase.
Apparently,for my safety, when I now attempt to buy something,there is a pretty fair bet that I will be asked to input some security code at checkout which my card holder will text me or I can download the “App”…fucking useful if,like me,you only get an intermittent mobile signal or no signal at all. I contacted my bank who replied that I would,when that happens, have to ring the card provider who would give me the code….so, I have to sit in a fucking phone queue while some “still being a Work From Home Hero” updates his facebook,feeds his dog and has a wank before deigning to answer.
2)….The carpark in my local town has brought in a new numberplate recognition system instead of the old Fart who wandered about checking tickets…now you can download the “App” ( whatever the fuck that actually is) or pay by debit card…what the fuck was the matter with putting coins in a machine ?…according to the local paper the nearby shops are getting hammered because a lot of the older shoppers ( Marks and Spencers customers) just won’t use it….and I can’t say that I blame them judging by the amount of folk writing in to say that they have been wrongly fined…” faulty equipment” according to the carpark owners, that will quickly be fixed….doesn’t exactly inspire confidence,I must say.
There seems to be a drive to make mobile phones the unacknowledged “Identity Card”….regardless of the fact that not all area have full coverage and some people just don’t fancy having their every movement and transaction recorded for…..whoever.
Nominated by: Dick Foxchaser-Fiddler
Digital TV is a cunt in it’s own right. When we get high atmospheric pressure here the picture and sound break up on most channels. It didn’t happen when we had the analogue signal. Progress? Regression, more like.
Well I have an old black & white set from the 60s and I can still get Z-Cars and The Black & White Minstrel Show quite clearly.
I have a 1960s set as well Sam. However I’m not having as much luck with it as you. I’m still waiting for it to warm up as I only switched it on in 1997.
Smart meters and Electric cars, both pointless.
No way would I have a smart meter in the house, there is simply no fucking way I am giving some cunt the ability to turn off my power remotely.
Right there with you, moggie.
I bought a house several years ago which had some device hooked into the air conditioning (AC) system whereby at peak hours and high demand, the electric company could shut off my AC. The previous owner had signed up for this bollocks for which he received a modest discount on the electric bill. The house changed hands and the electric company thought that little arrangement would continue – without checking with me first. Cunts!
By the time I figured out what that device was, I’d had the outside AC unit serviced. The AC tech explained what it was and offered to disable/by-pass it. I took him up on the offer. So at peak times, the electric company would send a signal to this device to tell it to shut down the AC, but nothing happened of course. And I trousered the discount too. Get in!
It gets hot. You need AC to be comfortable in your own home. The electric company decides punters are using too much electricity and turn off some people’s AC systems. And people give up that control for a few dollars? Fuck right off. Not on my watch. Cunts.
This is a microcosm of every single transaction anywhere if the counts get their way with central bank digital currencies IY.
Yep. Agree with you, BH.
I don’t think you need to work in IT like I do to understand the concept of technology for technology’s sake. It harks back to the idea of ‘just because you can does not mean you should’.
Start buttons in cars. Unnecessary. Voice activated gizmos in homes. Unnecessary. Self driving cars – fucking seriously?
On a visit to the UK a few years ago, I went into a Midland back to cash in some traveler’s cheques. I hadn’t been in a UK bank for quite some time and was shocked to see the inside was crammed with ATM type machines. Some were actual ATMs (cash point machines), some were deposit machines, others were bill pay machines. The actual staff numbered 2. Neither of them had anything to do while customers queued up to use certain machines.
When I asked about having my TCs exchanges, I had to listen to the ONE person who knows how to do that is on lunch and could I come back later. Typical fucking UK.
That’s why I won’t either. Plus the cockwombles who install them for my supplier, won’t be let into Cunty Towers either. I’ve had to remedy their fuck ups too many times.
I’ve been fitting smart meters for various companies since 2010 and they do not have the ability to turn you off remotely.
From the Citizens Advice website:
“If you have a ‘smart meter’
If you have a smart energy meter in your home, your supplier could potentially disconnect your supply remotely without needing access to your meter. However, before they do this, they must have:
contacted you to discuss options for repaying your debt, eg through a repayment plan
visited your home to assess your personal situation and whether this would affect you being disconnected, eg if you’re disabled or elderly
If they don’t do this and they try and disconnect you, make a complaint to your supplier.
A App for a fuckin car park?
I get the feeling im not the only one slowly being left behind by technical advancements?
Thing is with technology,
Its either slows things down or doesn’t work properly half the time.
Id be fucked without the missus an daughter,
Both nerdy types
Im a incurable luddite.
It seems everything is being pushed onto a mobile app. It’ll get to the stage that you can’t have a shit unless you authorise it on your phone and if you lose the cunt you are well and truly fucked.
and you have to update your phone every few years. fucking great.
Fucking infuriating. App this, app fucking that. I dont possess, neither do I want a smart phone. My bank are trying to make it impossible to use my account. Fucking on line purchase is now a fucking trial, particularly as mobile reception here is shite.
Smart phones are to track you and spy on you. Never had one.
“what the fuck was the matter with putting coins in a machine ?”
The thing is Dick none of this shit is about helping the ordinary person. It is all a Trojan horse to the global introduction of digital currencies, digital IDs and social credit system That’s what the covid track and trace and vaccine passport apps were actually about.
The problem with putting coins in a machine for the likes of Klaus Schwab and the WEF is that cash stands in the way of their totalitarian dream. Everyone should use cash as much as possible to make it harder for these cunts.
There’s been a subtle war on cash for years but they’re stepping it up now as 2030 approaches. Got to hit those Agenda 2030 goals.
Digital Currencies will be a dictators dream as they will know and control every digital penny spend:
You’ve driven x miles this week in the HiLux Mr Fiddler and emitted y grams of CO2, you’re over your quota, no more petrol for you, but we’re increasing your bus fare allowance. We’re also approving funds for a stab vest.
Then when you turn up at A&E after the inevitable encounter with an enricher you will be denied access because you bought too much booze and fags.
Seriously this is the plan.
Berkshire you are absolutely correct. This is about power and control. He who has the power controls the masses. The power to control movement, access, spending and behavior.
This is another example of the Great Reset and the Brave New World Order.
I can’t wait. This country is long overdue a Great Reset. John Major called it Back To Basics, but that sort of fizzled out when he was caught sniffing glue off Edweena Curry’s bunghole. If we could go back to 1963, that would be nice. Lots of good shit to look forward to.
I’m afraid I can’t agree with you on the need for the Great Reset.
The elitists from Davos want to rest and remake society in their own utopian image. They have adopted the term Great Reset as the name for their plans. It has a variety of pseudonyms including Build Back Better and your own Prince of Ears’ Sustainable Markets.
It’s eco-facist bullshit that includes such mantras as…social and environmental justice.
If you don’t believe me just go to the World Economic Forum website or search The Great Reset. (There you can learn all about their plan to eliminate meat for the masses by having them eat bugs.) Or Go to Chucky Big Ears’ own site and read his idiotic vision of the glorious future .
Not for me thanks
(By the way…John Major was a cunt.)
Seriously, people need to wake up about this shit fast.
The climate scam is all part of it too to terrorize the masses into believing it must be done to save the planet.
Will this Great Reset be so mighty as to lay low the mountains of the Earth?
Hey General, sir.
John Major is still a cunt
Please allow me to clarify.
If you’re talking about a return to “basics”…traditional norms and values then I completely agree with you. Back to a time when there were boys and girls…back to a time when there were clear notions of right and wrong…back to a time before you had (literally) boatloads of (peaceful) potential brain surgeons and nuclear scientists illegally invading your country…then I agree wholeheartedly.
If you’re talking about the Davos agenda…what they call the Great Reset…Build Back Better…the New Normal…Sustainable Markets etc…then I don’t agree.
And while this movement isn’t so mighty as to lay low mountains…under the guise of climate change they want you to think the mountains are sinking into the ever rising seas even as we speak.
100% on the button.
Actually – perhaps we ought to use a platform like ISAC to launch local bartering economies when coin is dead
It will resemble a British version of Bartertown in Mad Max 3, replete with thunderdome.
All part of the cashless society agenda.
Every transaction will be traceable apart from crypto which is not impossible to trace, but very difficult in most situations.
All a move towards the ‘new normal’ where you’ll own nothing, have no privacy and be happy.
Oh shit I just realised that I sound like………
If we don’t reset Capitalism we might end up with the Great Delete.
Are you a communist or a Marxist Miles?
You didn’t strike me as one.
By the way Miles I’ll admit that Capitalism isn’t perfect.
But neither are the alternatives.
“Capitalism is the worst economic system, except for all the others.” (R.T. Creampuff)
If you can’t see it at this point then you’re either ear slappingly rētardēd or a fully paid up sycophantic cunt.
“It’s for your convenience!”
Not charging for parking and fixing the potholes that fuck my suspension, that would be convenient. You cunts.
Our money is becoming increasingly worthless in value. You don’t borrow 300+ billion here, or print 1/5th of all US dollars ever in 2020, without consequences.
All by design. We walked right into the trap. Congratulations. We’re fucked. You cunts.
I don’t want to panic anyone, but I’m beginning to think we may soon be facing a severe shortage of Fray Bentos steak & Kidney pies.
Wouldn’t be surprised the way that I’ve been stock-piling…some might call it panic-buying but we epicurists mustn’t be allowed to suffer.
Evening Dick, wisdom beyond your years. 👍
Erich Honeker and Nic Ceaucescu would be pissing themselves laughing in Hell at the level of intrusion in the first world. Can’t get away with anything anymore.
I would just love to find a Visa Card right now!
Give lots of money to “charidee.”
The needy (If not the greedy)
All those ‘bottomless pits,’ that my nan warned me about, when I was a naive toddler.
Help for Whoever?
The wanted & the unwanted,
& all the other scrounging cunts.
Only to fail the latest security protocol!
Ah well, I did my bit.
and every time I make a money transfer using “the app”, I have to say what it’s for. Where is the “mind your own fucking business” option?
There’s a surge in demand for dumb phones. Even a 3g phone is workable to an extent but really, you want a non smart fucker.
Smart anything is not clever.
Tracked, watched and cancelled at the press of a key. Plus computers crash, tough shit if your freezer is on “the Internet of things” or you need to bathe.
China’s been on it for some years.
Not theory, fact.
Roll back to the 50’s pre Windrush, pre woke, pre all that is twisted and broken on the yoke of PC.
Spot on. Anything “smart” means someone else is controlling it.
Work of the devil.
Slippery slope to a social credit system.
I hope the slimy cunts don’t look at past behaviour otherwise I should have been in the gulag in 1985.
No wonder our Great Leaders despise crypto currency as they can’t find it to regulate and tax it of course.
I’m watching the World Cup draw at the minute. Well, thirty minutes in and it’s been nothing but woke and politics, nothing about the teams. Lots of excuses for Qatar hosting it, the fucking duplicitous cunts. Alan Shearer is a fucking wanker an’ all, protecting his gravy train seat by praising footballers using their platform to change government policy. He mentioned Rashford and reckons ‘so they should too’.
There was silly old me thinking sport and politics don’t mix?
But on the topic of the nom:
After getting sick of all this woke bullshit, the host said ‘press the red button to watch the pre draw ceremony instead of us’.
So I did and my TV switched off.
What a fucking disgrace.
Draw conducted by two dark keys and one honky. Two of the three are split arses.
Get to fuck.
Football is fucked.
Sport is fucked.
The halcyon days of Mexico 86, 1980s FA Cup final Saturdays or the likes of Peter Jones and Mike Ingham commentating on the radio are a very long distant memory.
Hijacked by dirty money, woke affirmative action and men competing as women.
Good Evening CB
Recently watching the 82 World cup, there was a game between Poland and USSR. It was around the time of ‘Solidarnocz’ if you remember all that?
The game itself was fucking shite, but it was interesting to see the Polish fans stage a political demonstration behind the goal during the second half (in the stand not on the pitch).
The reaction was that the cops went in and stopped it. Forcibly too.
Now, I do believe the Polish fans’ cause was just, but FIFA and the rozzers didn’t want the tournament being used for political reasons, no matter how just they may deem them. Slippery slope and all that.
Yes, once upon a time there was common sense.
Compare and contrast to now.
It’s fucking ridiculous and they can fuck off. I see Wokegate got and easy looking group, the jammy big nosed cunt.
‘Solidarnocz’ was slightly before my time CB but I have seen the YouTube highlights of that particular game and noticed the protest flags behind the goal.
(Blokhin, Boniek and Lato were top players)
Yes the cunts at FIFA could and should do all long suffering fans a favour and enforce some form of official ban on political protests.
No matter who you are or what your fabricated Twitter inspired grievance is. Simple – fuck off and get on with the game.
You could certainly argue that the Poles actually had a cause well worth protesting back then – contrast that with that piss boiling mediocre cunt Southgate’s with his band of snowflakes protests, honouring the likes of George Floyd and rainbow flags. Fucking wankers.
Yeah and another straightforward enough looking group for the knee benders to navigate whilst whipping the nation into a frenzy of optimism, Baddiel and Skinner sing songs before limping out later on hopefully.
Try buying something in certain other countries with a credit card. Now a real shitter because they want to text you back with a confirmation code, but you’ve changed SIM card so it doesn’t cost you £100 a day so it doesn’t arrive and you’re buggered. Everything they introduce is to make their lives easier, ours more complicated and in some cases almost impossible.
And you’re right, where you can, use cash. Don’t give them the option to control you.
“verified by card provider“ – this totally gets on my wick as well.
It’s worse than the “cookie law” as that is just an inconvenience, this bastard can stop you buying things or updating your online shopping that would otherwise be delivered tomorrow.
Guess where it came from? Yes, that’s right, the E fucking U that the UK is supposed to have left. The E fucking U that people voted to leave to escape shite like this being foisted on us.
Like the “cookie law” some organisations implement it better than others. PayPal, for example, give the option of having contact via WhatsApp instead of text message so you are not inconvenienced by not having a mobile signal. Others take the view that it’s “text to a mobile or fuck off”. The really annoying thing is walking up the lane, waving your mobile around in the air like a lunatic trying to catch a bit of signal, actually getting the text to drop in after 5 minutes of trying, then running back home to the computer to find the bloody thing has timed out!
Have I ever mentioned I hate the E fucking U?!
Here’s a tip for you if you use Vodafone: you can now get a service called WiFi Calling that lets you receive cell calls and texts over WiFi. It’s a lifesaver. I only wish they’d bring out a “delete the E fucking U app”.
I, for one, applaud the authorities attempts at tracking financial transactions.
Particularly in respect of the self employed, who have been known to have ‘ Tax Free Fridays ‘.
The cheeky rascals 😀
You know who you are.
And you ought to be ashamed.
It’s a fucking disgrace.
3 years ago, I almost purchased a 17th century mill house, with a wood burning biomass system, that catered for all hot water and heating-even in the coldest winter months-3x burns a week was all that was required.
It had a bank of photo voltaic panels and a bank of solar.
Its own spring water with modern filtration plant.
18 acres of woodland.
1 acre of orchard and vegetable garden.
The feed in tariffs meant the vendor was effectively being paid, to live there!
I had to withdraw from the purchase, due to personal circumstances, beyond my control😢
Not a day, maybe an hour, goes by, that I don’t regret that….
Fuck modern living-it’s a load of cunt👎
Evening, General. That’s a sad story. I always fancied living in the woods, but it never happened.
Check out a chap called Maximus Ironthumper, on You Tube.
Switched on bloke, really interesting.
Jack-I have been watching Max since the start 👍
His knives are pretty decent and would make a superb addition to The “Rookery”😀👍
The Rookery houses many blades.
My particular favourite is my take on the Assegai.
And my trusty old sheath knife, from long ago.
My favourite blades:
-a “grafting” knife I have had for 35 years.
-a folding hunting knife I have had for 40 years
-& a penknife I purchased on a school trip, aged 8👍
CG, I can’t comment on your situation but you missed the open goal there. What you describe is the perfect solution in self sufficiency and genuine off grid living.
Schools should be continuing to teach life skills such as carpentry and basic home improvement/diy/construction.
Home growing ,sewing,woodcraft, preparing wild game .
But instead we got gender studies, effnic shite and ‘how to be a fucking pansy’ dissertations.
Bye bye civilisation, there’ll be no empires of achievement any more, this is tomorrow’s world.
Have a lovely evening, I’m going to celebrate works end by having a shower and getting wankered.
Tits out for the lads.
J,C or t’other J ….?
@JTC. Bearing in mind the worst offenders are arse lifters, Friday isn’t a working day, so I suppose the cunts call it tax free MTWTSS.
Botty botherers ?
Defrauding the Treasury ?
You have a disturbing avatar.
@JTC, not botty botherers, I’ll put it another way, carpet kissers? Peacefuls? Friday prayers 5 times apparently.
Many thanks for the compliment , and a good evening to you too.
With you now. On the gin last night. Plus general decline and befuddlement. 😀
One of the most frustrating examples of this technological “progress” I feel are the voice recognition systems. As was widely reported recently Birmingham council introduced a voice recognition system for paying the rates amongst other things. It could not understand the Brummie accent! Har fucking Har! You couldn’t make it up!
I have tried parking the car where these systems were in use. Oxford and Milton Keynes come to mind as places where I found them to be completely unusable, to avoid a ticket I simply had to leave and park elsewhere. I have to admit though I was astounded when using such a system in Covent Garden. As I pessimistically read out my registration number amongst the traffic noise a Ford Transit went by with a blown exhaust. The system understood everything I said apparently without difficulty.
I’ve never even heard of these voice systems….hopefully it’ll be a while until they reach Northumberland.
Birmingham you say?
It only works if you speak Afghan.
That’s because they are filthy cunts.
Been isolating at home with the kung flu for 3 days now.Slight cold symptomns occasional hot flushes and an upset stomach.Had much worse colds though to be honest.Hardly coughing or sneezing.Can still taste but slightly altered.
Whatever you do Shaun, do NOT put yourself on your “dead pool” list🥺
Single malt is the cure👍
Somewhere in the UK, 2035:
(Presses keypad on bathroom door)
Voice: Please state the purpose of your visit. Press 1 for a piss, Press 2 for a shit, Press 3 for a bath, Press 4 for a shower, Press 5 for cleaning your teeth, Press 6 for shaving, Press 7 for cleaning or maintenance.
Voice: You have selected ‘2’, having a shit. To further help us save the planet, we need you to estimate the amount of water, paper and power needed for the duration of your shit, please tell us more about your shit.
Press 1 if you think it’ll be a small shit with no constipation. Like 2 minutes tops. Press 2 if you think it’ll be a normal shit. 5 minutes tops in and out. Press 3 if you think it’ll be a big one. Might take up to 15 minutes and half a loo roll actually. Press 4 if you’ve got the shits and might need an hour and a full loo roll. I probably should’ve put that as the first option really, now I think about it.
Voice: You have got the shits. Press 1 for let me in now, press 2 for I shat myself and also need to wash my pants now.
Voice: Before I unlock the bathroom door, do you wish to clean yourself up first or put the clothes in the washing machine first. Press 1 for…
(Bloke smashes fuck out of door)
Voice: I’m sorry, I didn’t understand that command. For security reasons your main power is now being switched off. Please hold while I connect you to our customer services operative (music plays ‘Your call is important to us…’)
Can’t fucking wait 🙂
Brilliant bit of future satire!
The truthers I listen to say this experiment is a stepping stone to having some digital ID/Blockchain thingamy inside you, without which you won’t be able to buy anything, not even your rations of insect goop:
Whatever, the experiment is gross. Mice Lives Matter.
I feel they’re correct.
Fucking mouse stutter after RAM upgrade. CPU 100%.
Agent Activation Runtime _765cc.
Windows updates are a cunt
To me most apps are shite, like the one I can turn on my heating before i arrive home with my phone. well I’ve ran out of battery power a few times and i don’t feel like fucking freezing waiting for my phone to charge. i then look at this complicated beehive of a digital display and fuck its settings up trying to turn on the heating. pointless cunting thing, when an old time clock is all i ever needed before or even just an on and off switch.
As for Siri and the like ,just fuck off im not talking to you, ill turn the light on when i feel like getting up off my hole.
Apps ? more like fucking Apes we become with each year pissing away
Will the local Ho wait patiently while you wait for your security code to be received? Will she wait patiently while you charge your phone ? Will she suck your dick for digital pay, knowing that both Tax Man and Pimp will have access? Will the £5 suck off just disappear from our streets forever?
Gentlemen, this is serious .
I went into one of these car parks years ago in Burton Upon Trent (shithole).
It was part of Asda’s car park, and not being local to the area I took the ticket and this whizz-bang barrier thingy went up.
When I went to the ticket station to pay, it hadn’t recognised my number plate because they were black and white plates on an old series 2a land rover. Why couldn’t it just work out from the ticket the duration of the stay?
Input your registration manually the machine instructed, so I did. I then drove to the out barrier where the camera was supposed to again read my number plate, – ticket insertion was not an option.
The barrier remained stationary, at which point I was tempted just to ram into it.
I reversed back and observed the time that the barrier remained raised, and thought it was long enough to tailgate the car in front.
I waited for an old shitter of a car to approach the barrier, – just incase I ran into the back of it.
I got as close as I could and followed it though hastily, – the barrier however dropped onto the back of the land rover and went with a twang and then a snap, as the pivoty end sadly fell onto the floor.
Two weeks later a bill arrived on my doormat for the damage caused to the barrier.
The cunts could read my number plate when it suited them.
I’d rather park out of town somewhere in a side street, and walk half a mile, rather than suffer this sneaky, modern parking technology.