Shot Bullies

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Forcing shots on you cunts

People (usually annoying female bosses in my experience) who force shots like tequila on you are cunts.

I’m a simple man, with simple tastes. A pint of ale and none of this fancy muck, thank you very much.

However, I sometimes end up in unavoidable situations where some cunt brings over a tray of shots.

“I’m sorry, but everyone must have at least 3. You must and that’s it! I won’t accept no for an answer, tee hee!”

Well, fuck right off. I fucking hate tequila. Or Jaigermaister. Or that fucking lethal absinthe.

Tequila involves sucking on fruit (lime, not a gay) and arranging salt on your hand. I can’t be fucking arsed with that bollocks. Leave me alone, you twats. And it’s fucking rank. And I’ve had supposed ‘high quality’ tequila too.

If someone said, here’s a great sandwich, but you need to balance a pickle on your forearm, quickly eat some peppercorns with the other hand, take a bite of the sandwich then swiftly gobble up the pickle from your other arm; would you bother?

Would you fuck.

No, fuck off with your shots. I don’t like them, never have and you don’t look ‘cool’ doing them. I just think ‘cunts’ when I see people whooping and doing them in pubs.

A drink goes from a glass into my gob. I’m not doing food and condement gmynastics because you want to pretend it’s an episode of ‘Friends’ or ‘Sex in the City’, you fucking twat.

Fuck off.

Nominated by: Cuntybollocks

81 thoughts on “Shot Bullies”

  1. Sorry, but if that ass as portrayed in that picture was in front of my face, I’d drink anything – particularly if she poured it down that lovely crack and let me lick it off…

  2. Any man who gives in to peer pressure is a limp-wristed pansy.
    Just state “nope, not doing that” when encouraged to join in the frivolities.
    Then, if they try and insist, you’ve got a perfect excuse to be cunt to them for the rest of the night, thereby increasing your enjoyment and taking a steaming dump on theirs.

  3. Not a problem for me…my appalling behaviour when drunk means that anyone who knows me would most certainly not encourage me to drink…and my absolute lack of charm ensures that no stranger ever offers to buy me a drink.

    • I’d most assuredly buy you a drink, Mr F…it would be hand delivered to your table by the minciest transbumder in the north of England who would do his very best to sit on your lap whilst pulling playfully (and saucily) at your velvet-lined cape.

      • I hope you have recovered from the vicious bullying on Facebook following your innocent post about housing Somalian asylum seekers, Fiddler. “Miserable bigoted gammon cunt” was totally uncalled for as was the fat shaming of Fanny that followed for such a kindly and gentle soul such as yourself.

  4. Give me a nice pint of English bitter and I’m happy. Or a scotch, possibly a rum or a brandy. The rest is shite, except very cold lager when it’s boiling hot. Shots are a relatively new phenomenon, like transsexuals, and should be treated the same. Just don’t.

  5. As a proper pisshead, I concur with you for the most part, Cuntbollocks. Plus the shots offered by the “bubbly” types are usually loaded with sugar. A head banging like a shithouse door in the breeze the next day is more or less guaranteed.

    However, a shot of chilled, good quality vodka or five with a side of pickled cucumbers spaced out over a period is one of life’s great-yet-simple pleasures. To avoid turning this into a debate over Ukraine, let’s call this “Slav’s Delight”.

    Neat gin does the trick too. Especially if you’ve run out of beer/wine/tonic water and you’re still thirsty.

  6. My Uncle landed in the Bahamas in the merchant navy in the 1960s and stayed. My cousin came here when he was 18 to find a job. Drinking pints of Bacardi (a rum from the Bahamas) and coke down the pub after his first day as an estate agent he was fired after calling his boss a cunt. How we laughed.

    • Grenada sounds like a boozebag’s paradise. The amount of booze sold there is not commensurate with a population of 110,000 people!

  7. Good nomination. I always refuse, despite some pissed up cunt with more money than sense insisting.
    Sambuca
    Aftershock
    Tequila
    Absinthe
    Jägermeister ( translates to “hunt master. Fiddler must have imbibed at some point)
    Schnapps
    All the above are cuntish drinks for cunts.
    Give me a pint of Directors you cunts, I’ll bollock that down my neck quick time.

  8. “Hi, guys! Who wants a absinthe enema! You’ll love it! Woo-hoo!”

    Er… no, thanks, we just buried out mother.

    • Absinthe is fucking lethal.

      I’ve seen it destroy a few nights out.

      86% pure, the shite a few of us had one night in my younger years.

      Never again. Let’s just say I woke up 24 hours later at about 10pm and missed work completely. I had about 25 missed calls, followed by a verbal warning lol.

      • As a student back in the early 90’s, one of my housemates organized an absinthe bender with some of his mates. Me and the rest of my housemates were invited to join in but we decided to pass. We sat there drinking Hoffmeister or whatever cheap piss we could afford while he and his mates channeled their internal Vincent Van Gogh and Toulouse Lautrec.. it was a ritual that involved dissolving sugar in neat absinthe over a candle flame. The house resembled some kind of bizarre opium den and how the fuck it never burned down is beyond me.

        Watching the psychedelic effects of wormwood get a grip of these cunts was fascinating. When they decided it was time to head out on the town one of the cunts who had a Van Gogh like beard decided he needed to shave if he was going to pul. So he wandered off to the bathroom, borrowed an ancient used bic razor and shaved off his beard, dry. He lacerated his face in the process so much he looked like one of Sweeney Todd’s victims but he was so off his tits he didn’t realize and we just let him go out like that anyway. Never saw the cunt again, no idea what became of him. Probably a high court Judge or something now.

  9. Tasted tequila once. Diesel oil tempered with lemon and salt. Shite.
    I am a real ale twat.

      • I well mind the time we quaffed Old Gusset in the murderers arms in Sutton Coldfield. A pale ale with a hint of fuggles hops and stale minge.

      • Absolute fucking quality! However, I’d like to see them encounter Raffles, the Gentleman Thug in one of the esteemed Whitechapel drinking dens.

      • I’d like to see Raffles encounter Jack the Ripper, or has that already been doon?

  10. I once won a contest drinking tequila shots.
    As a younger man,
    How great I felt to beat other lads and be clapped by my peers!

    Like heavyweight champion 👍

    Not so happy the next morning when I felt like someone had buried a axe in my head,
    Guts rumbling, the trots,
    Spewed up a few times.

    No, then I was like Oscar Wilde on his deathbed.
    Fuck tequila.
    Never drank the shite since.

    Few pints of bitter or mild for me.
    Feeling up for it, whisky.

    • Had it on my 18th and haven’t touched it since, I had to stop before I illegally crossed the U.S southern border with 3kg of cocaine and started a lawncare business opposite Imitation Yank. Even the smell gets me retching a bit.

      Fucking snow today! Couldn’t believe it.

      • Best steared clear of LL.
        Daft shite.
        Nowadays id just refuse the crap as ‘foreign shite’.
        But as a young bloke you try these things.

        I enjoyed the snow today👍

    • I’ve had tequila 3 times in my life and threw up each and every time. Same with sambucca and saki. Revolting shite that I’m sure we used to make at A’ level in organic chemistry.

      • The reason I don’t drink is because I think all alcohol tastes terrible. Also no good has ever come from I for me. Looking back I could have gotten laid a lot more sober-Driving drunk girls home and all. Could perform better and feel more too.

      • The saki was a great one. There were 4 of us out on the piss and after a good session of bitter we retired to a Chinese restaurant where we filled up on lots of food. They were grateful at the amount we spent and gave us each a complimentary saki shot which we were told to just knock back. I knew almost the moment it hit the back of my throat that this was a massive mistake on their part and ran for the toilet, which turned out to be across the restaurant and down a flight of stairs. I just made it to the top before the whole flight of stairs was liberally covered in 98% of everything that I’d had that day. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth, not mine I hasten to add, but a decent tip placated them. Oddly enough, I never went there again.

    • Then there’s that mescal shit from Mexico. Peter O’Toole once met a man in Mexico who offered him mescal in his house and O’Toole says that he found himself staggering home in the wilderness where he encountered himself, a doppelganger, which was 12 inches high and they conversed for hours. O’Toole’s stories, whether real or fantasy are amazing.

    • Similar experience MNC.

      Mine was a JD drinking contest.

      I ‘won’ (you know what I mean I’m sure).

      Never touched it since. Projectile nose vomit makes you never want to try it again.

  12. A well made margarita is the only way to drink tequila

    Don’t see the point of shots, unless served as above (header pic) 😉

    • Right there with you, SOI.

      I make a mean ‘rita on the rocks and an awesome frozen strawberry ‘rita. Weapon on choice when frequenting a Tex Mex restaurant is a Sangria swirl frozen margarita.

      Texas summer heat & humidity + frozen margatitas = one happy Brit

      Shots are solely intended to get you drunk, quickly. What’s the point of that? If you’re going to get drunk, at least take your time and enjoy your drinks.

      Went to a city fair a few years ago. Fairground rides, games, trashy food options, you get the picture. One attraction I thought quite novel was, for a fee you could slurp a Tequila shot from the navel of a scantily clad nubile female. No, I did not indulge but it would have been fun to try.

  13. Luckily I’m such an awful cunt this sort of trap could never be sprung on me as I only associate with other mean spirited bastards.

    Tequila?
    Stick a sombrero on the mithering fuckers then oven.

  14. I do my shots the way Chevy Chase did it on Caddyshack. Snort the salt, bite the lime, and toss the shot over the shoulder.

  15. Cunters might find that a very fine arse, but just remember, she shits out of that.

  16. I’ve been to office parties and had shots thrust upon me . By the time they turn up i’m half pissed on ale anyway , so down they go and i always end up getting frisky with some bird whose pissed as well but not so drunk to realise what an ugly old perv i’ve become

  17. Great nomination.
    Older I get the more I enjoy my drink, but subsequently drink less.
    Quality over quantity.
    A good strong ale or stout is all I want.
    Shots are for idiots.

  18. Get your own back on these cunts( mostly wimminz) by substituting the jäger or whatever for night nurse or cough medicine. They won’t taste the fucking difference and will soon be comatose in the back of an Asians cab ready for a gang raping. Meanwhile you can carry on enjoying your ale till late in the evening with your arsehole intact, whereas theirs won’t be. Result!

  19. Who invented this crap?
    A nice few ales slowly imbibed is fine ( 20 mins a pint).
    But slamming down something that makes you gurn is not my idea of fun.
    #GrumpyOldGit

  20. In Thailand at the Full Moon Parties they give you a little plastic kids bucket like you see at the beach and a 250ml bottle of spirit and mixer all for a few quid. Then introduce any drug of your choice and shit like fire rope skipping and night time beach swimming…what could go wrong?

  21. Almost as annoying as those cunts who used to drink Sol puss water with a slice of lime on it😂👎

    I used to refer to such cunts as “arse-sol’s”😉

    • That stuff tastes like watered down piss. Corono, too. Only Mexican beer have enjoyed is Negra Modelo (5.3%), which you can find in some British shops. Mexicans love their beer, you just say, “cerveza!” and smile and they say, “cerveza!” back to you and smile. Just ignore the decapitated heads in the gutter, all is well.

      • Corona is revolting shite. Two bottles will result in dodgy guts and arsehole incontinence 😝😝😝

      • Corona seems to affect people that way. Either no reaction at all or runny bottom. Weird.

        Tecate is OK too. I’ve tried the regular Modelo and thought it nothing special.

    • I was working in London when Sol was the “in” drink. As larger goes, it’s a bit piss water, but refreshing in its day.

      Still can’t beat a pint of Harvey’s Old Ale. I pine for a pint of that on a regular basis.

    • Ruffers has got his hands full (he wishes) with his neighbours hot Japanese wife.

  24. I once bought myself a bottle of absinthe, from Asda of all places, and I got to the point where I couldn’t force it down. The only way I could drink it was to mix it with lemonade. So I’m claiming to be the inventor of the absinthe shandy.

    • You’re susposed to drink it with burnt sugar that’s why. If you just end up necking it’s not good. Freeky shit that is.

    • I’ve had absinthe neat, sometime in the 70’s, I think. For obvious reasons I can’t quite recall when.

      • I’ve drank it neat too, Spain is well renound for it. It’s fucking leathal. End up in a bush in no time.

    • Neat absinthe, if the really ferocious type is a no no. During the heyday of absinthe ‘‘twas considered very bad form to imbibe the “Green Fairy” neat. One would add a serving to a glass often a specially shaped glass, one would then place an absinthe spoon across the opening of the glass onto which is placed a sugar cube. Then trickle iced water over the sugar lump which will dissolve and fall into the absinthe. When the level of liquid in the glass is to your satisfaction stop trickling. The liquid in the glass becomes opaque when you have finished admiring the product of your labours (the French have a word for this watching, begins with an l). Get stuck in. Some of the movers behind the banning of absinthe in France, a collection of wine magnets who were pissed off that wine sales fell as absinthe became a favoured tipple.
      From my interpretation of the information that absinthe made you mad the conclusion I came to was that the huge number of persons with tertiary syphilis wandering around at the time was the most likely cause of the numbers of persons non compus mentis .
      Not a good idea for me to indulge in a shorts session.

      • As a working class person, it was a few shots of absynthe in the local town shithole, then see where you wake up. Me being a sensible person would always wake up in bed at home. I’ve had a few calls from people in the morning saying what happened last night? ‘ I’m on top of a multistorey car park, but I don’t know where’. ‘ I just woke up on a wall with cars driving past’. ‘ I’ve just woke up next to a swimming pool, a man is offering me breakfast, he looks like Michael Barrymore ‘.

      • Pre-1910 absinthe contained thujone derived from wormwood and some brands contained high amounts which could cause hallucinations, seizures. That wasn’t the main reason it was banned, it was also banned because it was encroaching on the wine market of France. The same thing happened with cannabis, it was banned in America because the hemp market was burgeoning and may have ruined the paper industry. William Randolph Heart (whom Citizen Kane was based on) who owned many newspapers and paper mills was a key figure in the banning of cannabis and hemp in America and that was brought into law in 1937. Up until then, no one give a shit about, “Mexican cigarettes”. And in 1970, Nixon banned pretty much everything in America, even DMT, an almost impossible substance to find in 1970. Smoke that stuff and your mind is transported to another dimension. It cured Mike Tyson of his anger, say no more!

  25. It’s usually one of the junior team members who gets a round of this crap in after everyone has had 4 or 5 pints.

    I love the look on their face when I tell them I have a stomach ulcer and can’t drink spirits.

  26. Good nom.

    The last time i did shots was a new years eve party 8 years ago and since then i’ve not touched tequila, sambuca, ‘So-Co’ , Jaegerbollocks or any other syrup in a thimble.

    *retch*
    *heave*

  27. Stella, weed, brandy and sticking your tongue in a clean showered, up herselfs posh arsehole whilst pulling her hair is enough for me.

    Simple pleasures.

  28. I like a cocktail but neat shots are gross; always were, even when I was 20. They might as well be asking you to drink petrol.

    I like the suggestion about saying you have a medical condition. I could always say I’ve had some of my colon removed, then leave claiming I need to go home ‘to change my bag’. Could I do it with a straight face I wonder.

      • Or alternatively tell them “Go take yer fuckin’ head for a shite you massive homosexualist”. Always works!

  29. Great nom

    I hate these twats who think because they want to get drunk via floor cleaner then so should everyone else !

    I drink stuff I like and getting drunk is a result not an aim

    Off for some real ale tonight and I will chin any twat who tries to give me a shot.

  30. Try saying “give me the money. You’ve offered me a shot I don’t want, so I’ll take the money instead.”

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