OVO Energy

OVO Energy are a cunt, advice on keeping warm without turning the heating up.

Comedy gold from some smartarse fuckwit at OVO who gave some recommendations on a blog on keeping warm without winding up the heating

Classics like leaving the oven door open after finishing cooking (I assume they men after it has been turned off), visions of families huddled around a oven ffs.

Cuddling your pets, poor little things being abused by freezing humans, I hope my cat will understand when I shove him under the duvet.

There are others in the link

OVO have apologised and are updating advice 😂

What is wrong with these people, don’t they understand that ordinary people know how to keep warm. I get boiled piss everytime the labour twats come out with the ‘heating or eating’ choice, it’s fucking eating, in the good old days the peasants had coal, made a fire in one room and that was it, the rest of the house was a fucking fridge 😂


Nominated by: Sick of it

95 thoughts on “OVO Energy

  1. Keep warm by bathing in the blood of your enemies!
    This has been a public service announcement by Fox Energy Ltd!
    Nobody, and I mean NOBODY needs advice on heating from the first second they pay for it themselves – “get that door shut – you’re letting all the heat out”! “FFS, anyone would think I was bankrupting them” – get your first place where YOU pay the bills and? – “Get that door shut – you’re letting all the heat out”!
    Is the Country filled with imbeciles and morons who need advice on how to keep alive from a grown up?
    Oh, wait a minute..

    • Rub Deepheat® all over your body and do some star jumps.
      Sweating like a rapist in 10minutes.

      If in shared accommodation start a fire 🔥
      Blame it on a ethnic.

      Loads of ways to keep warm without fondling your pets or climbing in the oven.

      Shagging is good?
      Not the pets you degenerates!!

      • Mnc@ – getting caught in the pub instead of going to the supermarket as promised – certainly raises the temperature from my experience! 😀

  2. I’m in the office and it’s freezing. Any suggestions? I could start a fire. Nothing like a real fire..

    • You lads darn sarf feel the cold dont you?
      Like pensioners or lizards.

      Its t-shirt weather here,
      No snow just freezes over at night,

      Suppose most of you have those new fangled ‘leccy blankets’?
      Nowt like sleeping in cold sheets,

      Well, your all fucked the way prices are going.

      • Quite right, Miserable. Geordies don’t go outside with a shirt on unless it’s -10C or lower.

      • It’s not so much the cold down here in the south lands, it’s more the dreary grey sky and permanent damp that knaws into you bones and joints. That combined with a temperature that is between 6 and 8 degrees above freezing makes it fucking depressing.

      • I’m a Geordie that now lives darn sarf. Every cunt down here dresses like Scott of the Arctic while I’m out scraping the car in the old wife beater.
        Proper weird cunts.
        This explains it quite nicely : (2 mins)

  3. Burn a dinghy raider! There’s plenty to go round. They might stink a bit so throw a few wokies on top.

  4. I thought about cuddling my pet stick insect for warmth. Then I had a better idea and used it for kindling to light the fire.

  5. Invite half a dozen lefty wimminz in for the cold spell stating you’re thinking of becoming a swing voter. Their resultant hot air and musty farts will soon warm the place up. No need to feed them, they’ll complain even more thus increasing their hot air output until death.

    I suggest ear defenders as standard, for you not them.

  6. Well when the price goes silly, Cunty’s plan is to by pass the meters. Sorted. How do they know you ain’t gone away for the weekend? The cunt who came out with the star jumps idea is probably signing on at the job centre now.

  7. Visit people.
    Visit someone at dinnertime….. ” Oh go on then, bacon and egg is fine. Got any beans ? ”
    Go for a walk in the park, to get your appetite up.
    Then visit someone else at teatime.
    ” That stew smells good. What ? Oh right, a platefull would be topping. Got any best butter for that bread ? ”
    Good show.
    Bloody good show. 😀

  8. Do what pensioners do, use your free bus pass to spend the day riding the buses and trams. Sit at the back, well away from the door. Catch the one that terminates at the indoor shopping centre, so you can use the facilities and take advantage of the pensioners special in the food court.
    When returning home, go immediately to bed.

    • Obituaries in the local paper can be invaluable for researching possible wakes to gatecrash as an ‘old friend/workmate’, other benefits may include a merry widow.

      If the spread is vegan take evasive action and return home, going to bed immediately.

      • I know a cunt who actually does that-attended every funeral of I person with the smallest tenuous link.

        I imagine the pandemic has resulted in him losing a ton of weight.
        The cunt😂

    • Don’t insulate your house, insulate yourself.
      If you don’t yet have a bus pass, buy a roll of bubble wrap and duct tape. Fashion a long sleeved top and long johns with them.
      Wear under your regular clothes. Thick socks and a bobble hat are also useful.

      • We strive to be helpful, Cunty.
        If we don’t care for each other, who will?
        Not my fucking kids, that’s for sure. They’re willing me to die so they can get their hands on my assets.

      • Made a bubble wrap tux and wore it to a fancy-dress party once.

        The birds were all over me popping my bubbles all night

  9. Here in London we havnt had a breath of wind for three week with overcast skies. . So thats no windmills, no net zero. We need to tell the green cunts in the blue and red mono party to fuck right off. Fracked gas could be online within three months. We own it, well the Crown owns it, but nowadays thats us. Carrie Antionette should fuck right off. Cunt. After that its Rolls Royce nuclear. Then we will be the richest country on Earth with a thriving industrial economy.

  10. I’ll email these cunts and demand to know how I’m supposed to keep my oven going all winter.

    Gas from Qatar?

    Did someone switch off the taps from our fields in the North Sea?

    What a load of tree hugging shit.
    Open the mines and get more rigs built,fast as you can.
    Don’t like it?
    Fuck off to a vegan retreat in Sweden and stop there.

    • All the big hydrocarbon companies like BP and Shell have been terrified of developing gas fields for fear of upsetting the green loonies and thinking it will fuck up their share price. Smaller companies can’t raise the investment need as the banks are also run by green loonies. Net result – no UK offshore or onshore oil or gas development. It’s still there in the ground, waiting to be produced (as is coal).

  11. Of course all the fucking tree huggers don’t give a toss about spiralling fuel costs because they are all posh rich cunts. Let’s ask the Royal tree huggers how much it costs to heat Buck House, Windsor, Balmoral, Sandringham etc.
    Fucking green bastards. They can all fuck off.

    • And, funny enough, the biggest loony, Charles Windsor, wants more trees planted (on his land of course and with huge payments from the tax taken from us plebs)

      • Prince Charles must realise hes the villian here.
        He needs to heat a home with 75 bedrooms whereas we only need to heat two or three.
        Ergo he has a bigger carbon footprint.
        Get your fuckin heating turned off if your worried.
        Get that old biddy you killed your missus for to knit you both some balaclavas and freeze
        You jugeared, wingnut ,plant bothering twat.

      • Charlie the Chimpboy has been a green bastard before it became fashionable and now his cunty offspring are just as bad. If they think all this shit is going to save them from the wokies they are dreaming. They should learn the lesson from Jellyfish Johnson. See where all that green bollocks has got him.

      • The Jellyfish has always been fanatical about pushing the Green agenda. Everyone blames Miss Carrie, but they’re both equally woke when it comes to environmental issues.

        And the old saying, ‘the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree’ is particularly apt in Johnson’s case:


        People were so fixated on getting their “oven ready Brexit” over the line and preventing Catweasel getting into No.10 they forgot about Johnson’s Green baggage.

  12. In the summer I drag loads of dead wood back home.

    I eye it up as I’m driving and walking around.

    Never miss a fallen branch opportunity.

    If I see tree felling work going on, I return later and collect some smaller pieces.

    If there are large pieces and I’m local, I occasionally drag them back behind my truck, if I can get the motor to them.

    The living room has a fire, the bedroom has a fire which I do buy coal ovals for overnight heat.

    The rest of the house is a freezer. The downstairs windows do still occasionally freeze on the inside.
    They haven’t this winter so far.

    Haven’t the young generation heard of coats and fingerless gloves?

    I can’t stand it when I go to folks’ houses who have that central heating blaring away.

    This HOMO heating firm can stick their advice where the sun doesn’t shine as far as I’m concerned.

    • Evening Dick,
      Hope your feeling a bit better?
      If you get offered any free wood, or large amounts of logs,
      I’ll load it in my van and drop it off for you,
      Price of a cuppa.
      Just send Admin the address for picking up and your address for delivery.

  13. And we were worried about what we were going to do with all that annoying nuclear waste .. pfft. Just reprocess it into fake coal lumps or wood logs and flog it for 50p a piece, luverly jubbly. On the other hand an entire generation born looking like Boris, the thieving cunt, small price.

  14. The weather is cold, no wind (or not much) the channel is defenceless (let’s face the only real defence is 50 mph gale blowing through the straights of Dover). Gas turbines keeping the lights on.

    Putin will turn off the gas if he doesn’t get his own way over Ukraine (or stick the price up). Every cunt complaining about the current rate of inflation, Energy price cap set to be at the average of £2K (that pisses me off! just tell us the standing charge and unit price, most people can do basic maths)

    All we see is fucking who went to a party at Downing Street, ffs.

  15. Fuck all energy companies. Apparently if they don’t double our bills they’ll all go bust. Fucking let them all go to the wall. It’s no loss to society.

  16. They could burn confiscated dinghies to generate power.
    We’d all be sat round in our shorts, sweating our bollocks off.
    For a few pence.
    Get To Fuck.

    • We’d be better burning confiscated peacefuls Jack.

      Build a big power station at that shithole Dungeness.

      1 large peaceful could heat your home for a week, (or 2 if Somalians).

      Fuck green energy, lets start investing in dark energy.

  17. Off topic, but I like to share.
    Been for lunch today with elder and hubby.
    Treble Bob, by Barlborough.
    Delightful, sunny, warm.
    Good food, too.
    Anyway, they’re thinking of emigrating, to the USA, have asked me to go with them. I’m considering it.

    • JP@
      Do whatever your heart says.
      Would you like America?
      Im homesick even discussing it.

      • Dunno, might have to go on a jolly to see what I think.
        On the other hand, I need medication and health care is expensive there.
        BUT if they get good jobs and can add me to their plans, that could be OK.
        I’m also approaching 70, but I also hate where I live currently, it’s become a toilet, full of shit and unflushed.

      • Fuck me, no!
        Not in a squillion years.
        Illanois, possibly. Personally, I’d favour the coast, Maine.
        Lots of strange folk there, according to Mr. S King.
        That would suit me.

  18. And fracking and nuclear. We’ve wasted decades not becoming energy self sufficient.

  19. We can keep the world warm by taking turns, forcibly fisting Greta.

    Hang on. Global warming will take care of this surely? If not, the Ice Age I was promised as a kid will happen instead.

    It’s either too hot or too cold. But some cunts will be making money.

    The cunts who call themselves ‘right honourable’ will (allegedly) make a few quid off their ‘sponsors’.

    Instead, we could generate all the heat we need from Greta’s front bottom.

    It’s s fucking disgrace.

    • Evening CB…innapropriate as it undoubtedly is, I was wondering about the appearance of Greta’s front bottom. Judging by her mongy face, it’s lopsided, with one lip too big and the other too small, turning the whole thing into a sort of diagonal Homer Simpson’s mouth.
      Hopefully it’ll never produce any substandard-quality DNA offspring, but if it does, let’s pray the father is an enraged Harvey Price.

      • It will be smeared with runny shit-as her alky momma never taught her the right direction to wipe her arse-and the no doubt shit diet she inbibed😢

      • I bet Greta’s minge is like Savanake Forest.

        Deep and impenetrable, and full of rot and decay.

        A myriad of fungi, with sap oozing out of deep fissures.

  20. I don’t see the uproar, it’s patronising yes but after all it is advice for retarded people. They are only trying to help, after all people like cancellation of entrepreneurship and create a monolopy.

  21. If you want a good laugh just read the Tory Manifesto 2019 (see link below). And on the front page we have this declaration from Boris (oh and page 55 goes into detail regarding Going Green by 2050)..

    “Boris Johnson’s Guarantee
    We will get Brexit done in January and unleash the potential of our whole country.

    I guarantee:

    Extra funding for the NHS, with 50,000 more nurses and 50 million more GP surgery appointments a year.

    20,000 more police and tougher sentencing for criminals.

    An Australian-style points-based system to control immigration.

    Millions more invested every week in science, schools, apprenticeships and infrastructure while controlling debt.

    Reaching Net Zero by 2050 with investment in clean energy solutions and green infrastructure to reduce carbon emissions and pollution.

    We will not raise the rate of income tax, VAT or National Insurance.
    Thank you for supporting our majority Conservative Government so we can move our great country on instead of going backwards.

    So we can’t say we got stabbed in the back about the Tory’s going green when it was clearly spelled out in their election manifesto prior to us voting for the cunts.


    • There was less than a page about this subject and no details of the £trillions to be thrown at it and the privations to be suffered.

      There’s an old saying “the devil is in the detail” but there was none!

      If there had been honest statements about bringing forward a ban on ICE cars to 2030, banning gas boilers, banning wood burning stoves, ramping up ULEZs, making it illegal to sell houses with less than a C EPC rating (60% of housing stock!), etc, etc. then Brexit or no Brexit I wouldn’t have voted for the cunts!

      There’s not a day goes by when I don’t regret voting for these charlatans – we didn’t even get a proper Brexit FFS!

  22. Anyway it’s bedtime. I haven’t found anything to say today. Even though I have been clicking on news websites.

    This picture of Bono has been up for about 24 hours on the BBC website. I have seen it many times. It is seared into my brain.

    I hesitate to put a link to it on here. I can only say BE WARNED the smugness on display is truly appaling

    Once again be it on your own head if you click on it or not.



    • There’s not many* celebrities I’d wish bumhole cancer upon, but Bono is at the top of the queue.

      * There’s very many

    • What a fucking self obsessed cunt he is.
      Didn’t he fall off his pushbike a few years back?
      Regrettably he didn’t plummet down a well and break his neck.
      The little cunt.

      • Fire up your oven unkle, we can burn parking Stanley’s and other assorted immos to keep us warm.

      • Shame we can’t burn Guardian readers and 99% of cyclists. They’re simply too wet to ignite.

  23. When energy prices double over the next 12 months lots of takeaways and independent cafes, High Street shops, will all go bust chiefly because they use a shedload of gas/electric as part of their principle business.

    This will be good news for the likes of KFC, McDonald’s, Burger King, Costa and other big chains. They’ll be able to survive while waving goodbye to their small rivals.

    Another blow to the High Street, and another blow for small enterprise, another blow for the plebs; but very good news for the Establishment of course.

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