Urethral Sounding

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(Here’s something different for your Saturday Night entertainment! – Day Admin)

I’ll start this nom. with an admission. When it comes to pursuing the many and varied delights offered by what the tabloids coyly refer to as ‘romping’, I’ve availed myself at any opportunity which presented itself. I’m sure most people do the same; it’s normal, an essential part of what makes us human (This also includes perverts, degenerates and other associated deviants on ISAC – Day Admin).

It’s also probably the case that at some point, a potential experience brings with it a feeling of extreme trepidation. There’s a line to cross, and you have grave misgivings as to whether or not a particular pursuit is really for you.

I came to my line a short while ago. The wife passed me her laptop and said ‘have a look at these. Would you fancy giving it a go if I sent off for a set?’.

It turned out that she was looking at a site selling what are called ‘urethral sounds’. I’m sure you’ll all have a pretty good idea of what these devices are for, but anyone requiring further details might like to consult the link;  (Notice: Link shows sex aids, just in case there are people hovering over your shoulder as you read this – Day Admin)

News Link

Now here’s an opportunity to sample something new, but I’ll state that frankly, the very thought makes my eyes water. I mean, who thinks up these things in the first place? They look like medieval instruments of torture to me.

‘Moan out in harmonious pleasure’ says the ad  I’d say that there’s an equal chance of one or other of us ending up writhing about on a trolley in A and E as a result of this indulgence; and think of the humiliation to boot.(Like this poor sod  Arse Dildos   – DA)

Thanks dear, but it looks like a bit of a cunt, so I’ll give it a swerve.

(Well, at least let me think about it…)

Nominated by: Ron Knee

109 thoughts on “Urethral Sounding”

  2. Jesus!!
    Fuck that for a game of soldiers!!

    Putting stuff down your japs eye?
    Sorry, feel a bit faint,…😮😩
    Like dipping toast soldiers in a boiled egg?

    Its a dark path youve ventured down mr Knee,
    Itll lead to pierced nipples and gimp masks,
    And more than likely a embarrassing visit to A&E.

    You dont own a Buzz Lightyear do you?

  3. WHAT?
    Fuck that – the only thing that goes up there is my regular syphilis scraping umbrella!
    My word..

  4. Our elder daughter is a doctor in a big hospital in the south-west. When she is working in A&E removing foreign objects from people’s bodily orifices is a fairly regular job. I’d need some fucking kidding!

    • Arfurbrain@ – I imagine your Daughter is “acquainted” with Owen Jones and fat Reg then?
      “I was gardening dahling, slipped and got accidentally impaled on a cucumber”..

      • I’d love to be a fly on the wall in A and E when the many and varied ‘explanations’ are trotted out.
        ‘My hamster had escaped from his hutch, and when I was bent over to see if he was under the settee, he scrambled up my backside…’.

      • The stuff in the header would seem to offer the opportunities for self-mutilation that “accidentally” sitting on a strimmer would. I don’t want to be incontinent yet.
        Get to enjoy rubber sheets on the bed before they become a fact of life.
        Where’s Luscious Penny and her cane?

    • It could make excellent tv on Channel 4; they seem to cater for those with ‘a taste for the bizarre ‘ as Frank Zappa said on- here we go on our Christmas quiz section.on which album did the great man utter those words?

    • JP@ – That’s exactly what fat Reg said! “I did not want to soil my new Pwincess outfit so”..

  6. Blimey, Ron, that’s bought tears to my eyes.
    Tears of laughter, that is.
    I think I’ll be giving that a swerve, too.

    • To be fair to the wife, I think she was being facetious, but I never really know where she’s concerned.

  7. I think these urethal sound things are just for politicians?
    Type who likes to hang himself with a orange in his gob?
    Or lie under a glass coffee table while a teenage tramp shits on it.
    Bet Boris has some on expenses?

      • I heard that alledgedly Lineker likes to pay child migrants to eat smokey bacon crisps off his naked body while telling him his ears are normal.

    • What the media didn’t release, were the details about the substance(s) that orange were laced with.
      Amyl nitrate, amongst others…

      • An associate of mine was involved in that case.

        *nobody, repeat nobody, likes gossip more than serving Police officers😉

  8. That stuff is far too small for the spouse. I would have to borrow equipment from McAlpines to make the same impression – I can just imagine her wielding a drilling machine, the better to show off her rippling muscles and her tattoos. There came a point, rund about 1966 when she transformed from a woman into an Irish navy. She started drinking beer, before she discovered that it made Compact more watchable. Now she gets her knickers on prescription.

    These sex aids should only be used by people without a light touch – if you have the misfortune to be married to a heavyweight wrestler, my advice would be to proceed with caution.

  9. Well that’s put me right off any idea of stuffing the Christmas Turkey next week.

    Cheers, Ron!

  10. Thanks for sharing, Ron.

    My dad had something similar to those things attached to his knob when he was in hospital with pancreatic cancer. Didn’t appear to be enjoying it much. Think I’ll pass.

    • RTC, truly sorry. I think hospitals need to rethink their care regarding end of life patients. My lovely Mum took 19 days to die, but the nurses treated her like a slab of meat from day 1.
      Angels of mercy?
      Disinterested cunts, more like.

      • Thanks Jeezum. And sorry to hear about your mother, I fear it’s an all too common experience in recent decades. A very different story when my mother was a nurse during the 1940s/50s.

  12. Surely blocking off your cock stops spunk leaping out of it, which is, presumably, the end goal?
    Although it’s not obvious what pleasure could be gained from this peculiar activity…surely a chap’s urethra contains nerve endings to conduct pain and/or pressure and not pleasure?
    What a perplexing peccadillo!

    • Well these things stimulate nerve endings in the urethra, which can lead to incredibly pleasurable sensations and more powerful ejaculations in men, and more powerful orgasms in women.

      So I’m told.

      • David Furnish has managed to successfully insert an unlubricated barracuda into Elton’s jap’s eye.

      • Jeremy Wade, the river monster angler followed up the Brazil story, interviewed the fella and took him to the university to see the exhibit, they have the fish preserved in formaldehyde and also endoscope imagery of the removal procedure.

        Dear dog. It looked a tad painful. Why the fuck, unless it for medical reason would you want anything up the japs eye. I got soap in it once giving it a thorough wash following a dirty episode, by christ it stung,

  13. Imagine carefully inserting such a device, I would imagine it takes considerable time to do it safely, then realising that you in urgent need of a piss!
    Because, surely, you would only do such a thing after consuming at least 15 pints of strong ale?

    • Evening CG, you haven’t read any of the Marquis de Sade’s literary output? He wrote “The 120 Days of Sodom” in 1785 and it’s still the most evil and depraved work of fiction ever!

      • Ron@
        Presumably you have to keep these ‘winkle dippers’ sterile?
        In alcohol or something?
        Because everything I own smells of diesel and has a coating of akita fur and toast crumbs on it?

        I know a bloke who had a pearl sewed under his foreskin in Thailand,
        And a mate says hes got a prince Albert piercing.

        Shudder.

      • Its cat fur and toast crumbs here, at Chez Priest. Mind, I have made an effort to tidy as I’m hosting the Christmas Dinner ( there, I said the C word again, still no lightning strike), for my kids. Probably my last.

      • Aye up Miserable.
        You boil them in water to sterilise them.
        As for the piercings thing, a woman I used to work with had a clit piercing. She was weird; she fantasised about Gordon Brown and told me that she wanted to be reincarnated as his underpants (I genuinely kid you not).
        We both used to stay late in the office on Friday to make up our flexitime, and had some very interesting conversations over coffee once everyone else had fucked off.

      • Evening Thomas👍

        I had the Passolini film, “ Salo” in my collection. I gave it away to a gay relative. One viewing was sufficient🤢

      • The worse scene Ron, is where all the prisoners have taken a shit in a bowl, then they pass them around are made to eat them.
        Very graphic🤢

        No wonder religious fanatics, murdered Pasolini.

        Another scene is an elderly prostitute, describing the time she was abused, as a young girl, by a nobleman. I seem to remember that after she describes “being covered head to foot in cum”, a soldier grabs a prisoner and tapes her.

        Not a Disney film, Ron😢

    • @CG;
      Blimey, that sounds like a barrel of laughs. Maybe they’ll release a 3D version in due course, that’ll pack ’em in.

      • I might become the producer and director of the next Carry On Film, 30 years after Carry On Columbus , Boggs Enterprises (Taiwan) bring you Carry On Perving, with Chris Bryant’s Y Fronts, bespattered with excrement as he commits acts of appalling depravity with Eddie Izzard, who, in turn, takes it in turns with AnalEase Dodds to sit on Kweer Starmer’s face (the one moment of pathos in the film is when they eventually kill him)., Yvette Cooper being anally raped by Kate Green’s giant butt plug, her baritone voice enhanced on the soundtrack, Hilary Benn, the well known Charlie Hawtrey impersonator (“well, hell-ooo”) goes camping on Hampstead Heath and meets up with Lord Adonis, who just happens to be looking for boy scouts to sign his “rejoin” campaign, and as a finale a desperate for money Angela Rayner prostitutes herself with the few straight MPs she can find. Diane Abbott plays her maid.

  15. Quite right Ron, it does sound like an instrument of medieval torture. Along with the rack, the iron chair, thumbscrews, the cat o’ nine tails and Izal bog paper.

  16. I bet the Germans love it 😂

    When I read the nom my winkle shrivelled and is still hiding somewhere 🤨

  20. For a moment there I thought I was looking at the fixings and fasteners section of the ScrewFux catalogue.

    • That was a typo, should’ve read ScrewFix catalogue. If there is such a thing as the ScrewFux catalogue I can only imagine the horrors it might contain.

  21. If you are poking stuff up your Japseye, you probably need psychiatric help.
    Soft cunts.

      • It would take a bit of explaining how it got there, like how a 57mm anti tank round found its way up your hoop. I think the best explanation would be none.😎

      • It’s on record that objects such as crayons, pens, and even snakes have had to be surgically removed from urethral tracts.

        ‘and I say to myself, it’s a wonderful world’.

    • I never thought of myself as a prude.
      I thought I was hip
      That I’m groovy.

      But this stuff has shocked me.
      And I once did it without my socks on.
      Christ,
      I hope my missus doesn’t discover this stuff!!
      My idea of being sexually adventurous is leaving the big light on.

  23. FFS.
    After two flexible cystoscopy’s and two rigid cystoscopy’s, you can fuck right off with this shit.
    Anyone who would voluntarily insert something in their winkle, other than for medical reasons, must be clinically insane.
    🤪😜😝
    Get To Fuck.

    • When I had a cancer scare a few years back, one of the tests I had to get done was a flexible cystoscopy.
      For days beforehand, I was absolutely bricking it. To my great surprise and relief, I experienced nothing other than a mild sensation of warmth and tingling.
      I knew somebody who had a rigid cystoscopy under general anasthetic in the 80s, and he was fucked up for days. Couldn’t pass urine, and ended up back in A and E next morning and was admitted. He swore that he’d never endure it again. Didn’t know that they even did these anymore.

      • I had a health scare about 7 years ago and needed a cystoscopy, like you Ron I was bricking it because I had seen a drama on the TV where one was done and the guy was screaming. Imagine my relief when I was told it would be done under general anaesthetic. I had another 2 under a general and then about 30 flexible ones with some anaesthetic squirted down my winkie. I now regard it as a social occasion, it is not often I am able to get my winkie out in front of 3 reasonably good looking ladies.
        They is nothing to worry about if anyone on here has to have one.

  25. Once heard about a hippy couple who got a bit frisky (and probably stoned). The young girl decided to place a daisy in the the young man’s japseye. Apparently the stalk went in easily. The problem was that there are tiny barbs on a daisy stalk which prevented it’s removal and hence the above was relayed to me by a Doctor who had much experience of A&E.

    • Honestly, there’s a great telly ‘after the watershed’ documentary in this stuff for some enterprising film-maker.
      A lot of viewers would pretend to be horrified, but you know they’d lap it up as a guilty pleasure and watch it until the end, then do a Mary Whitehouse.

  27. Off topic,sorry, but are the wankers In the premium league still taking the knee? I gave up watching when chiggin George kicked off. Can’t bring myself to tune into the lineker cunt to find out

  28. Fuck me Ron. Never had you down as some sort of prevert. My experience was a cather in hospital. Fucking horrible but with a sense of relief as the piss flowed.

    • Catheters are as much fun as a funeral. Had to get one for a couple of days after an op once, and boy, was I glad to get rid of the fucker.

  29. Slap your cock on a marshall amp and play Iron Maidens Run to the hills, for some true uretha sounding, it will make you shoot like a sniper or blow your balls off! You won’t find that on love honey.

  30. 27,000 plus dinghy riders aided and abetted by our own border farce and others have arrived this year to date. Surely this countries descent into the lower circles of hell are in part due to certain people being more interested in sticking things in their bellends than attempting to do the job they are paid for. For fucks sake!!!

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