Wimbledon (3)

Come on Andy!

The Royal Box at Wimbledon is in sore need of a mass cunting. Apart from the Oscars and Baftas, I can’t think of an event or place where so many utter cunts are gathered together at the same time.

For a start, it’s not a box but seems to take up an entire fucking stand. I could understand if it was a little gold-plated box where Her Majesty could have a sit-down with whoever’s been anointing the royal bristols since Phillips’s demise. Perhaps a basket for a favoured corgi and kneeling space for one or two slaves.

Instead we have an embankment the size of the South Downs in which the likes of hee-hawing Prince William, Eddie ‘bearded-pedos-in-dresses-are-women’ Redmayne and whichever fucking Beckham needs a bit of camera time can sit and gloat to their heart’s content, along with an endless collection of other cunts who will never have to stand in a queue, catch a bus or pay to watch a fucking movie (or tennis match for that matter).

I could understand if the stand opposite had a small balcony for a sniper to pick the cunts off one by one, or even better a mounted great fucking sten gun to make a giant cunt-mince but no, it’s just a swathe of seats for lesser cunts.

What’s more, the fuckers are placed behind the service line so that they don’t even have to hurt their wringeable necks watching the ball being tapped from left to right.

I had more to say but I’ve wound myself up so much I’m off to have a poo and a lie-down until I feel better.


Nominated by – Galted

88 thoughts on “Wimbledon (3)

  1. Anyone for tennis?
    No, thought not.
    In London, sat next to Cliff Richard with his wandering hands eating £20 strawberries?
    Fuck that.
    Ive never watched, played, or had any interest in fuckin tennis.
    You can not be serious!???

  2. Have always hated Wimbledon with a fucking passion.

    Ooh, I say. Strawberries and cream anyone? Cameras panning in on the celebs. Cliff Richard.

    The rich at play.

    Whilst on the subject, if the women want total equality, make them fucking work for it and play best of 5 sets. Even better, make them play against the men and see how they get on.

  3. A sport for duckies and tuppence lickers. Boring as fuck.

    Although once upon a time I enjoyed watching that Anna Kournakouva and Jelena Dokic…with me cock in me hand.l that is. Phwooar!

    I caught a minute of some nice looking birds playing in this year’s tournament. Now though, the fucking spoilsports wear shorts under their skirts. The cameras no longer linger behind the server’s arse close up, so you don’t get a flash of knickers anymore. I mean, what’s the fucking point in the sport then?

    That was the the only reason to ever watch tennis.

    Bag of shite.

    I don’t think WP like the word ‘cock’. Which is a bit surprising really – DA

    • Cock?

      Hmm interesting. I really should ask the boss at some point for a list of all banned WP words – DA

      • @ DA – a few to get you started:

        Dwârf, wôg, yîd, côon, pérvert, gôllywôg, Héinz, paèdôphile, dârkiè, jüdgemént, Shîtcake, excéedîngly, nîg-nôg, nîggér, négro, râghead, fâggot, quèér, nônce, pônce, shîrtlîfter, grîstle, Müzzie…

        Well I can see why most are but Heinz? Exceedingly? Gristle?. I’ll see if we can do something about this or if it’s a forced WP filter. Thanks. – DA

      • Cheers Ruffers, I wondered why my “In Hein*sight” comment got binned on the Gary Lineker Vision Express nom.

      • I believe Héinz was added a couple of years ago to moderate comments by and references to banned cunter Héinz Hammer. Surely redundant now, as are many of the other words.

      • It sometimes does it if you 3 or more words that get underlined in red as (I think) spelling mistakes or unrecognised words.

        I have had none so far (underlined). Her come two that I know will be. I’ll add the other tennis player and see what that does next post.

        Phwooar Kournakouva Dokic cock

      • Cock? Cock cock cock

        And why doesn’t word press recognise “fuckwittery” in the spellcheck, come on I use it all the time.

    • Grîstle?

      Ha, ha; not quite sure why that is an ‘offensive’ word as it applies, generally, to bodily connective tissue and not just a male member that occasionally throbs and so provided the name behind a 1970s experimental musical group. i.e. Throbbing Grîstle.

  4. I used to be good at tennis at school, but can’t watch the middle class doing their rounds – Wimbledon, Henley Regatta, the Proms etc.
    White privilege at play.
    88f in sunny Yorkshire, I have retired indoors for the day!

  5. I would watch tennis if the top wimminz pro would face a college men’s average player. I would love to see the court wiped with her.
    Wimminz tennis is a great cure for insomnia by the way.

  6. Stop watching tennis after its inception. It’s for cunts.

    Are you claiming to be 800 years old? Hmm. – DA

  7. Now on BBC one, it’s over to Wimbledon with prune-faced Sue Barker and Andrew waxwork-head Caaarsal.

    Der der der da der da der da der der der der der derrrrrr.

    “Fucking hell, quick where’s the remote.
    Quick, change the fucking channel.”

    “Now look you stupid cow, – you’ve put Flog it on, with that super irritating cunt Paul Martin mincing about.”

    Today’s expert is Catherine Southon.

    “Yes, alright, we’ll give it a minute love, there might be something interesting on.”

      • More too. Something about her that I can’t put my finger on. She’s the Bridget Jones of antiques world.

        One memorable episode has her scaling a ladder in a shop to reach a piece on a high shelf.

        I had a weird dream years ago that I was ploughing her daft and that Anita was sitting in a rocking chair watching giving me instructions to which position next like a porno director.

  8. Wimbledon is a fine British tradition and as such should be preserved.

    Unfortunately it has been hijacked by snobs.

    Who is that royal clone?
    The bloke that looks like every other half bald, big eared royal bastard.
    He only appears once a year to hand over the winner’s trophy. The cunt.

    • Bet you’ve called

      ‘fresh balls please!’

      Eh Sicky?
      But have you ever played tennis?

      • I have been to Wimbledon twice MIS and picked up a tube of used balls, who knows where they had been, maybe inside Serena’s knickers 😂
        I applied for tickets in the public ballot and was successful two years running, Centre court during the 1st week.

        Yes I used to play tennis, not for a while now.

      • Anyone see ‘Gods of Snooker’ on BBC2? Quite rock and roll in the 70’s and 80’s.

      • Yeah I enjoyed God’s of Snooker.
        Proof that the beeb does have it’s uses.
        Higgins, Davis, Hendry and White all great players.
        Jimmy White was one hell of a talent though.
        Liked a drink, liked a smoke, liked a sniff and happened to have the most incredible technical ability did the Whirlwind.

        Still can’t believe he never managed to get over the line to win at least one world title.
        No doubt the aforementioned vices didn’t help him.

      • Yeah, but he white ball is in control and is there specifically to hit and dispatch the other balls. Occasionally it comes a cropper, like the rest of us white supremacists.

      • The only sport where a deep screw can get you out of trouble and where kissing balls can leave you near to baulk.


  9. Swap the tennis balls for hand grenades and I might tune in. Best use for a tennis ball is undoing the central locking on a range of 80s fast Fords.

  10. Some people clearly like to watch paint drying… To me Tennis is the most dull monotonous game out their, or maybe cricket, indoor bowls, darts and Golf.

    • Love most sports. Including cricket, bowls, darts and golf.

      But can’t stand tennis. Or anything to do with horses.

    • A complete babe, but I always imagined her having ringlets down to her ankles without a shave. Fuck me, the hairy years were fun, and they’re making a comeback. Grooming a tasche with you’re tongue. Man’s sport.🕺🦫🦐♋

  11. Just checked out the daily death toll involving positive Covid testing as reported by HMG, a massacre (wonder how many had been jabbed?). Millions will be dead by the end of the week if the alleged upward trend continues. But all is okay, no people who went to Wimbledon this year are included, also no pikeys. Does anyone actually believe that shit?

    Wimbledon was okay years ago (1970s) when the Duchess of Kent was hot. Now it is a cuntarama and no mistake. Pimm’s anyone? Great cunting. Fuck off.

    • Twenty@ – I am trying to get the FOI responses and facts linked for a nom I am doing on death rates.
      (With apologies for going off nom).

  12. A timely nom as I’ve just got back from the funeral of my tennis partner who died recently after getting hit on the head by a tennis ball. It was a lovely service….

  13. Just another boring sport, played by overpaid cunts and watched by cunts who are happy to pay extortionate prices for a ticket, then moan that they don’t have any money.
    A load of shite, just like football, cricket, golf, snooker, formula 1 etc…
    Ban all sport from terrestrial TV, should be pay for view only.

    Oh yeah, beach volleyball, another cunty sport.

  14. Great cunting.

    Wasn’t it at Wimbledon where Megain first revealed her complete cuntishness to the world by insisting her security detail stop the vile plebs from taking her photo (in a public place)? I always remember it as the ground zero moment, but I could be mistaken.

    • No, you’re right. The filthy commoners were taking her photo without paying. She despatched a security goon to put a stop to it. Who do these people think they are? The peasants I mean not the Duchess of Netflix.

      • Maybe be she will release a book telling the story of that. Note I didn’t say actually write it herself as I doubt the pile of cunt is capable.

    • That Charlie Mullins from Pimlico plumbers is on GB news at the moment,
      Jesus!! What a weird looking cunt!!
      Cross between Rod Stewart and a ventriloquist dummy.
      I screamed in shock when he came on screen.
      Truly horrifying.

      • ‘No jab no job’ Mullin’s is a cunt of epic proportions.
        He also looks like Shirley from Eastenders.

      • Mullins is a total cunt who has become a multi millionaire on the back of cheap Eastern European labour. No wonder he loves the EU so much.

      • Evening, all.

        In hindsight Charlie Mullet sums up Brexit voting to me (or some/most Remainers); vote for what serves you best, rather than what serves the country best.

      • Is it a Peter Stringfellow dummy?

        I had hoped the cunt would choke on that pint as I have him on my Deadpool. But no, the cunt sipped on it like it was Pimm’s O’clock or was he suspicious that it was spiked with sumfing?

        Roofy the cunt then into the Thames to have him check the the flow rate.

  15. I like the men’s Wimbledon final on the telly, that’s it, though this year I couldn’t be arsed with it. The women’s tennis is a bore fest.

    • The men’s final was pretty good, Novak Djokovic against Matteo Berrettini, the women’s final wasn’t too bad Barty v Pliskova, at least it went the distance 😂

  16. Most of the cunts in the Royal Box are like the B-listers and hangers-on who frequent matchday boxes at the football. There to hoover up free booze, expensive food and network with other knob ends while posting shit on Instagram. You can’t say that tennis has been stolen from the working man like football because its always been elitist but maybe just a lower class of freeloading nonentities.

    • In Stockport as kids we was constantly reminded about Stockport lad Fred Perry.
      And fairs fair,
      While he played a pōofter sport
      I was a big fan of his polo shirts.

      • Oh aye, MNC. The Perry shirt was part of the look in those days. I also remember going to Italy and Holland and coming back with loads of Tacchini and Fila. Flogged most of it to my mates. The Adidas trainers were also essential. We got up to some shit in the 80s, but we looked the part.😎

  17. I remember when Megain Mantis was larging it at Wimbledon with all her ‘friends’. Making sure she was seen in the royal enclosure. A perfect place for such a perfect cunt. The headline could have been ‘Locust spotted on Wimbledon lawn!’

  18. I enjoyed playing tennis with the other lads and girls who went to our local comp,
    Once you get good at it, it can be quite fun esp after 3 pints.
    Unlike the snotty girls and nancies who dressed up in all the fancy gear at the local tennis “clab” and who had lessons from some simpering ineffectual p0nce we were self taught and hit the ball really fucking hard.
    I certainly couldn’t be arsed to play it competitively or watch it unless it had some badly behaved players in it like John McEnroe.
    Some of the MEN’S finals were worth watching apart from the Billie Jean King or that Serena Williams bloke.

  19. Royal box! What a joke, a couple of token inbred’s there then in spill this arse liking brigade headed up by Beckham followed by the narrow shouldered dwarf Tom Thumb.! The Totty started to disappear when the Williams creatures turned up, who can forget Gabriela Sabbatini and Martina Hingis’s panties! They were always good for a wedgie. I do enjoy watching Serena having a ch!mp out and trashing her racket though.

  20. I bet old scrotum-neck Cliff loves to get his bony fingers deep in those soft and juicy strawberries as he closes his eyes, smiles gently and imagines that…

    • Cliff’s neck was actually modelled off my scrotum. Well spotted Paul.

      It’s an exact replica. They took a plaster cast of my sack and perineum.

      All the work was done by a very reputable clinic in Accrington.

      I’ve got the number if anyone else is interested in sporting a neck like Cliff’s?

  21. They are a bit too clean cut tennis player for my liking. I mean Tim in the head pic not a hair out of place. And the starched ironed shorts. Am I being unfair?

    Billy Eilish really makes the best of herself doesnt she? Well she is a role model for the girls now and she must make herself look as good as she can when she’s out and about-

    45499851-9793273-image-a-64_1626387073267.jpg (306×709)

  22. Roger Federast always cleans up well.
    Boris (ginger-pubed) Fecker has let himself go.
    Never liked Pat Cash …long-haired hippie.
    Don’t know why but I also had a “thing” for Justine Henin for some reason.

    Maybe because I thought that she had the potential to be dirty.
    Hate these (usually) female players who grunt every time they hit the ball.
    Don’t really like these “double handed ” drives….It’s tennis you cunts, not cricket or baseball. If you can’t mange with one hand fuck off!

  23. A sport of toffs and middleclass wankers.

    Enforced dress code. Child labour fondling balls. Crowd etiquette. What a regulated pile of pretentious shite.

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