British Cuisine

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I would like to cunt British cuisine.

I love Britain and I am very proud to call myself British. Yes I am an Englishman but Mrs E/cunt is Welsh and generally I like all of our English speaking near neighbours; apart from the racist cunts in Plaid Cymru and the SNP fuckers.

Anyway I digress.

Sadly I my opinion our food is that it sucks. It is fucking tasteless or foul tasting shite.

Boiled Beef and carrots fuck off, Tripe and onions Yuk my wife is the only twat I know on earth that likes and eats such shit, toad in the hole a batter pudding and sausages fuck me tastes fucking ‘orrible,

The famous Barnsley meat pie butty, a meat pie in a bap!!!. Lava bread (sea weed) another one of Mrs E/cunts Welsh delights tastes like fucking sludge and probably is dredged from Cardiff bay,

Haggis how much whiskey do you need to drink before this becomes remotely edible? bread and butter pudding give over bland bland bland. Please feel free to add to this putrid disgusting list of tasteless torture.

It pains me to say this but the wops, dagos and frogs all make a far better fist of culinary delights than my own nation of which I am very proud. So it is with a heavy heart I cunt tasteless foul smelling bland British food.. Sorry…

Nominated by: Everyonesacunt 

114 thoughts on “British Cuisine”

    • Rubbish.
      Good basic British jackbit is far better than most of the garlic laden sh!te Johnny Foreigner dishes out. Besides most of Europe has essentially similar stuff when it comes to basic peasant diets, e.g. France Pot-au-feu / beef stew, Italy trippa alla romana / tripe in tomato sauce, Germany blutwurst / blackpudding, etc. Don’t mention Spain criadillas / bulls testicles.
      Only pretentious cnuts with too much money and too few brains big up foreign muck for no good reason other than Pierre, Luigi, Fritz et al serve up offal under a fancy name.

      • Sorry TBRILW. Don’t know why this ended up attached to your comment.

      • Jackbit.
        There’s a blast from the past. My mum came from Ince and we would use that term.
        Also those miners from Leigh referred to as Lobby gobblers because they’d eat their jackbit in the lobby prior to descent.
        Three cinemas in Wigan beginning with the letter T.
        Th’Odeon, Th’Empire and Th’ABC.

    • That’s why HP Sauce was invented. To cover the rotten taste of shite.

      • @Infidel. Pie eater heritage? If so, owzthisel un’ owdonabit. It wer fooer wuntit? Thamaunt forgeet King Streyt t’Cooert.
        (It has been a while since I worked with a “Wigginer” so apologies if my translation is a bit out. For non-Wiganers it roughly translates as “How are you and hold on a moment. I think you’ll find it was 4, wasn’t it? You musn’t forget The Court on King St”.)
        Pie eaters – the forgotten Neanderthals.

  3. Sounds like you’re getting your cookery ideas from the WW2 ration recipe book.

  4. Bread and butter pudding combines three of the best things known to civilised man. Fuck off.

  5. I’m with on boiled beef and carrots. But I like toad in the hole and bread and butter pudding. I think British cooking has improved down the years. And roast lamb with mint sauce is divine.

    • Best food in the world.
      Cant be beat.
      This is outrageous!!!!☹️🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

      • Quire right, MMCM, MNC. Sorry, Everyone, can’t agree. Steak and Kidney is the prince of pies. Fish and Chips, Pie and Mash, Bubble and Squeak, handsome.

        We can even teach Johnnie Frenchman a thing or tow about cheese. Stilton is a without equal. Fact.

        Greek can be a bit of a cunt.

      • MNC@ – Roast beef, onion gravy, mashed potatoes with a bit of milk and butter, roast potatoes, carrots and parsnips, green beans, Yorkshire pudding – spotted dick with vanilla custard after – this if the food of gods and kings!
        As an Englishman I feel a small part of me has died.. 😢

      • Exactly Foxy.
        The fuel that built the men that gave us the British Empire.
        Everyonesacunt while I like him,
        Should be sent to his room without any tea to consider his slanderous nom.
        Foxy make sure he doesn’t get any pudding either.
        Im taking to my sickbed.
        Its all come as a bit of a shock..

      • Jackbit.
        There’s a blast from the past. My mum came from Ince and we would use that term.
        Also those miners from Leigh referred to as Lobby gobblers because they’d eat their jackbit in the lobby prior to descent.
        Three cinemas in Wigan beginning with the letter T.
        Th’Odeon, Th’Empire and Th’ABC

      • Twenty Thousand Cunts – Stilton. Now your talking. I love British cheese and it’s definitely world beating.

        Cheddar, Double Gloucester, Stilton, Cornish Yarg, Lymeswold, Wensleydale and a nice piece of Stinking Bishop.

        Lovely.

      • Love Stilton but once ate far too much in one go. Was the first time I’d tried it as an adult I think (I’d tried it as a kid and hated it). A full large (ish) triangle of stilton with Ritz crackers. More-ish as fuck.

        Was vomiting it out of my nose an hour or two later with a terrible gut ache. Took me years to try it again.

        Stilton is great but don’t go overboard on it.

      • I knew you would stick up for British food.

        When it comes to breakfasts, you can’t beat the English favourite of bacon and eggs.

        As for French cuisine, it is overrated muck. Apart from their freshly baked baguettes, the only French dish I like is steak-haché frites from their motorway services. Their hollandaise and bearnaise sauces are disgusting jism imitations, and any country that enjoys snails, frogs legs and horse meat has shit cuisine. La cuisine française est merde.

  7. Depends really. British cuisine is always changing and is a melting pot of flavours and dishes. I’m sure we’ll be accused of cultural (mis)appropriation of food any day and it will be used as another guilt trip.

    Unless of course you live solely on a diet of Fray Bentos Argentinian Dog Food pies, tripe with vinegar or egg, chips and a tankard of gravy like certain esteemed members of this site.😁😁

  8. Some traditional British meals done well and fucking seasoned properly are hard to beat.
    Various pies, steak and kidney pudding, game pie, and I can eat a proper full English breakfast anytime of the day.
    British puddings and cakes are the best in the world.
    Too much of one style of food is shite though and cunts who eat the same shite generally talk the same shite and are cunts.
    Try sushi for breakfast 👍🏽.
    Go fuck yourselves.

    • Evening B&W.
      I note with interest that you only used a swarthy thumbs up emoji.
      In the interests of diversity, shouldn’t you also post a Honky one?
      😊

      • Evening Bertie and Steptoe.
        It’s actually the middle colour emoji 👍👍🏻👍🏼👍🏽👍🏾👍🏿 😁. I ain’t a yellow cunt, nor white cunt or black cunt you see, I’m in the middle. Those days are gone for now Steptoe, I’m a single man abaaaaaht town…not that there’s much going on, I’m holding aaaaht for a rich/celebrity type bitch.

      • Meghan sparkles?

        You could have “taken one for the team” and taken on Beatrice or Eugenie-put some “colour” into the royal family, without the wokeness.

        I image a decent spliff and some good rum and Old Charlie boy would be forgetting about “The Great Reset” and instead tellling everybody:

        “You will own nothing-but won’t give a face, as you will be too stoned to worry. Good grief, one is pulling a whitey….*”

        *pun intended

    • What about nutella on toast for breakfast B&WC? Given your certain (ahem) fetishes.😁

      • My account was hacked that day HS and I know naffink abaaaaaht it. 😁

    • Chips and Beans are the worst, If I got served that in a hostel Id rather do what that Russian guy in the clink is doing. Dreadful!

      • Eugenie and Beatrice are not really up to my high standards CG, however if they threw a London house and title I’d fuck either one. 😁

  9. Toad In The Hole
    Steak & Ale Pie
    Fish & Chips
    Cornish Pasties
    Sausage Rolls
    Bread Pudding
    Custard Tarts
    Eccles Cakes
    Trifle

    All very tasty and greatly missed by yours truly.

      • Hi Terry –
        Who would have thunk it, ovens can be used for things other than justice? A multi-purpose appliance and no mistake. 🙂

        It’s torture thinking of English things I loved to eat way back when. Chocolate eclairs with real fresh dairy cream inside. I have never seen those in the US. When you do see a Yank version, it’s always filled with baker’s custard. Not quite the same thing at all. Proper jam doughnuts too with real jam, not some synthetic jelly crap the Yanks seem to crave.

        Time for a lie down.

    • They tell me Scouse is very nice but you might have possibly choked on it!
      I’ve come to the conclusion that football is a divisive instrument.
      Without it, we’ve got much more in common!
      😊

      • Hello Sir Bert –

        Are you still clinging on to football? As the season has progressed, my interest has waned even more. I don’t even bother to check the 2 to 3 minute highlights on YT anymore. Can’t be bothered. I am now officially sportless. It’s odd, but I don’t miss it. I’m actually reading a lot more now, plus Mrs Yank and I like to watch old UK telly on DVD. We just finished all 9 series of Hi-De-Hi. Good laughs. So sad that quite a few of the cast have passed away. I’m sure they’d be happy to know we’re still enjoying their performances, wherever they may be. Hi-de-hi!!! Ho-de-ho!! Cheers – IY.

      • You’re right Immy. Football has to change if it is ever to really regain my interest.
        I think many people have discovered there are more interesting things out there or at least deserve our attention.

      • You are spot on, Sir Bert. The outrage of the ESL was laughable. Fans up in arms about money, corporate greed and disenfranchising the fans. Like the Premier League wasn’t guilty of that already! Hahaha.

        I don’t know if there’s going to be a big re-set in football and the game being reclaimed by the fans. I think we’re reaching the outer limits of how much the PC, woke, #metoo, easily offended, non-binary, knee taking, blah blah progressive agenda can reach. At some point it will start to shift back the other way. Maybe football will have its big re-set then?

        Anyway, be well and have a gloriously excellent weekend. Cheers – IY.

  10. Full English breakfast, fish and chips, cottage pie, did you think this through?
    And if your missus is Welsh, surely you’ve had a bit of Cawl? Fucking lovely with big chunky buttered bread…..

    • Cawl is all the bits that should go in the bin yuk. Yep the Mrs E/cunt likes this shit also.

  11. British food best in the world, far superior to any greasy wop shite. 🇬🇧🇬🇧 The Japs eat raw fucking fish, the Chinkies eat dogs and bats, the Frenchies eat horses, snails and lovely frogs and don’t get me started on the peacefuls and Africunts.
    Mr Everyone you should be horsewhipped like a dog in the street while I stuff my gob with cod and chips with mushy peas.
    🇬🇧🇬🇧🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

    • Well said Frog.
      Jesus, im in shock, like ive been hit by a car.
      Never heard the like!!
      British food is great I wont eat anything else.
      Even spaghetti hoops is banned as foreign shite in our house.

      • Apparently, there has been an explosion at the Alphabetti Spaghetti factory today.
        When that stuff falls back to earth, it could spell disaster.

      • It can’t possibly be as bad as the one at the cheese factory in France that left De- Brie everywhere.

    • Horse taste good le roast beef with garlic and mushroom sauce yum yum.

    • Foreign Bread is shite as well, taste like they all have diabetes.

  12. I`ve been known to suck on a Minstrel® or two. Can`t get more British than that. Mmmm.

  13. This cunting has given me dyspepsia.

    Good luck beating fish chips mushy peas and a few pints of Timothy Taylor Landlord.

    I will admit to curry sauce on the fish.

    Jesus.

    • Haddock hanging off both ends of the plate. Chips and Scunny guacamole. Tim Taylors or a choice of British real ales. That’s my favourite grub in my local.
      Where the fuck do you get boiled beef and carrots?
      Curry is by and large British. It is certainly different to what you get in India.
      Bad Brítish grub is the overpriced pretentious shite served up by Blumenthal and his poncy ilk.
      Chigggun is not British.

  14. I’ve travelled and lived in various other countries and nothing in the world beats a good British sunday dinner.

  15. I’m always confused by the nationality being used as an adjective. Chinese food, British food, Italian food. When I make pasta, the onions are English, the sauce is made here, the cheese is from England, the herbs are from my garden, the tomatoes are from down the road in Kent….how the fuck is this “Italian”? Those fuckers stole spaghetti from the Chînks anyway pandas for pizza, were they the first to make cheese on toast with some cherry tomatoes? Psh.

    As usual, everybody overlooks England even though we invented it. Somebody is eating British food in every house in every country in the world; The Sandwich ©️ 1754. Culturally appropriated by foreign cunts the world over.

    • Having travelled in China quite a lot I can tell you the Chinese haven’t got a clue how to make a decent sandwich. They try but it tastes like crap.

    • Japanese sandwiches are the worst. They have no idea. They tend to sell sweet bread (normal loaves are sweetened). Bung spaghetti in them, strawberries and cream anything really.

      Not to mention their idea of German cuisine is a hogdog baked into a finger roll with scrambled egg marketed as a frankfurter.

      • They’re all culturally appropriating of course. Every country that makes sandwiches should pay tax to HM’s government, even the hot dog in China. If Champagne can be copy written, so can the English sarnie.

  16. Sticky Toffee Pudding or Eton Mess any day; Rice Pudding looks like the goop they ate in The Matrix.

    British food was good if you were rich. Seemed to be endlessly bland for the poor, at least until the 1980s when an explosion happened.

    • The ‘explosion’ was the after effects of people trying curry for the first time.😊

      • Evening IY. Can you get many British goodies stateside? I know when in Sydney they had a ‘British Shop’ selling PG Tips, Marmite etc to homesick Poms.

      • Evening LL.
        Short answer is yes, you can get a limited number of British stuff in the US. British shops, often run by ex-pats, tend to gravitate towards large cities or population centres where there’s a sizeable British population. Most offer online order and shipping too. It’s amazing how much things have changed in the almost 20 years I’ve lived here. When I first moved to Houston, it was very difficult to find an electric kettle even. Essential for a cuppa as you know. Nowadays, most big box outlets offer a range of kettles.

        Living near Dallas, means we do have a British Shop in the areas. Two actually, although the one in Grapevine is a fair trek from where we live. Here’s a link to their store so you can see the kinds of things you can get:

        https://www.british-emporium.com/

        Predictably, they’ll stock the well known major brands. Anything specialist is difficult to get. Often forcing you to order from the UK. For example, I’m addicted to BBQ Beef Hula Hoops. Very difficult to get in the US. There’s a British shop in Florida which stocks them from time to time, so we shop from there as well when we can stomach the prices and shipping costs.

        So there you have it. There’s much that can be had from the old country. Nothing beats a proper English country pub with proper beer and proper atmosphere. Can’t get that in the US. Cheers – IY.

      • Bertie-those awful Vesta curry kits, from the 70’s😢

        I remember first sampling curry sauce, from a Chippy, whilst visiting my older cousins in Cheshire. The type you got in a styrofoam cup with a plastic lid-had sultana’s in it.
        It looked and smelt wonderful to my 11 year old eyes, on a tray of chips, eaten by the park.

        It didn’t taste so good a few hours later, exiting my stomach in my Aunties back garden, after the fuckers had plied me with bottles of string cider 😢

        Happy days🤔

      • All part of life’s “rich tapestry”, as Forrest Cunt’s momma might of said.

        I generally eat only wholesome, home cooked fayre-lots of veg.
        This thread has given me a hankering for a plateful of chips with gravy, a bottle of Newcastle Broon and a classic “Match of the Day” from the late 70’s.
        👍

      • Looks like curried food was a thing for richer folk in Britain donkeys before the 80s because of our links to India. Just been looking at Titanic menus – 2nd class passengers had Curried Chicken on the menu the night it went down. I can see there is a joke here but I’m avoiding it and being all foody historical.

  17. Fore-rib of roast beef, big fuck-off Yorkie puds, carrots, parsnips, goose fat roasties, crinkly savoy cabbage and finished off with some rich beef gravy and some head-blasting horseradish sauce. My idea of heaven.

    Toad in the hole – fucking delicious and quick. Use good quality sausages like Porky Whites, not those fucking red Oirish Richmond shitty things.

    Bread and butter pudding with lemon cheese and fresh cream.

    Sorry, didn’t quite catch what the nominator was saying…

  18. A few of us went for a chinkie meal once and while we’re tucking into our starters the big silver dish centre with a lid on started to lift slightly. A pair of eyes were visible under the lid as it lifted.
    My mate called the waiter over.
    “Wtf is this, the platter is lifting.”
    What you order?
    “Chicken” he told him.
    Waiter has a quick look underneath and says.
    Velly solly sir chef has given you the Peking duck.

    Apologies to any daft cunt who read that.

    • It’s better than the sauce at my local dinky dink’s: Wan King special cream.

      • On a similar theme, those cockle pickers that drowned in Morecambe bay years back were told to keep collecting until the water reached knee high.

        Unfortunately Nee Hi was sat in the van on the prom.

  19. Bizarrely, there’s a bloke in my street that teaches Chinese cookery courses, who’s actually from Cairo.
    Wok like an Egyptian….

    • I know him, he can’t speak Engrish.
      He can wok de wok.
      But he can’t tok de tok.

  22. Thought I might get a bit of a kicking with this but, Whilst I am a proud English/British bloke I much prefer the garlic, chilli, onions, Mediterranean sea food sun dried meats etc to the British blandness. Hey ho.. I can take it. Mrs E/cunt is actually a good cook but if she is indulging in tripe and sludge then I put the apron on myself for my own tea.

  23. Fucking hell-all I have eaten today was a sandwich at 1.00.
    My mouth is watering, reading some of these replies😋

    Ou chaos have missed off casseroles and beef stews-served up by living Mums, to hungry kids, in the 70’s and 80’s.

    A winters day outside running wild on fields or hills with your chums, then home to a lovely steaming plate of stew, served with thickly buttered bread🥰

    Wholsime grub that made us strong and put lead in our pencils😀👍

    • You chaps*
      “Loving” Mums*

      An 🍎 a day, fucks up what I am trying to say😢

      • I get tearful remembering my grans tater hash, bread & butter, jesus, id happily die 10yrs early just to sit an eat that with her again.
        Proper food .
        Posh cunts pay good money for caviar, french cunts are happy in a pond eating tadpoles,
        But for me its good honest British food.

      • Damn you, my grans roast chicken would have made Angels cry for more.

        I wish she could have met her great grandchildren, they are all shining stars.

        She would have been so proud.

  24. Blasphemy!

    Once you’ve spent enough time away from the UK you realise how good our food is.

    Italian food is all tomatoes and pasta. Chinese and Thai is all pan fried shit with rice or noodles. German is all sausages. French is all sticky small portioned smelly shit. Mexican is all beef with chillies and rubbish bread (tortillas, wraps or whatever). Eastern European food is canned pickled cabbage with boiled ham and stale onions, washed down with vodka or cheap cider if in blighty. Indian/Pakistani food is leftovers shoved in a pot with curry powder to take the rotting taste and smell away. Spanish is all donkey balls with rice and African is monkey brains, lion meat or they just eat each other.

    Our food is rich, diverse and tasty.

    Chippy. Shepherd’s pie. Hot pot. Sunday roasts. Sandwiches (we invented those), tripe and onions, black pudding, a proper fry up, the list goes on and on.

    I’ll have a meat and potato pie, chips and gravy, while others can eat their goat’s bollocks in curry powder then.

  25. Apparently this is a menu for 1st class passengers on the doomed Titanic, which went down as you know in 1912:

    Hors D’oeuvres
    – Oysters, consomme Olga, cream of barley
    – Salmon, mousseline sauce, cucumber

    Main Courses and Vegetables
    – Filet mignons Lili
    – Saute of chicken, Lyonnaise
    – Vegetable marrow Farcie (Farsi)
    – Lamb, mint sauce
    – Roast duckling, applesauce
    – Sirloin of beef, chateau potatoes
    – Green peas, creamed carrots, boiled rice, Parmentier or boiled new potatoes
    – Punch romaine
    – Roast squab and cress
    – Cold asparagus vinaigrette
    – Pate de foie gras
    – Celery

    Dessert
    – Waldorf pudding
    – Peaches in chartreuse jelly
    – Chocolate vanilla eclairs
    – French ice cream

    In third class they had boiled beef and potatoes! Nowadays third class lives on a diet of KFC, McDonalds and stuff from Iceland. I’m a snobby cunt, yes.

    • Yuk.
      Id of sat in a lifeboat with a bag of pork scratchings.
      No way Englishmen should eat horse doovers.

      • An oysters are for deviant’s like the romans, marquis de sade, and prince Andrew.

        Like licking snot of a tortoises back.

      • Fiddler would have been a skeletal corpse in his first class cabin with no Fray Bentos or pigeon to dine on.

      • Naw, Dick would of been on a lifeboat in full skirt, a wig, and 2 bottles of port wrapped in blankets to look like babies.

      • Oysters are snot in a shell. And who eats snails or insects or drinks that rotten coffee made from cat poop and likes it?

        I watched some channel called Jolly on YouTube the other day where they tried, wait for it… Earthworm Jerky made in Thailand. Actual worms turned into jerky fgs!!!

      • Half shell oysters on a bed of ice are perfect as a starter before venison. After the oysters I have a pink champagne sorbet as a palate freshener 15 minutes before the main course.

        You are obviously all serfs, oiks and peasants!

        Fuck off!

  26. Fuck off

    I don’t care where I am in the world and what fine cuisine I am eating

    I can’t wait to get back to Blighty for egg n chips

  27. Menu
    ———-
    Draught bitter, in bulk.
    Steak pudding,chips, peas and gravy.
    Copious amounts of salt and vinegar.

    The End
    ————-

    • Cuntybollocks@
      Told the missus that when I joss it not to bother with a coffin.
      Put me in one of those styrofoam chippy trays and sprinkle me in salt n vinegar.😀
      Pop a little wooden fork in me hand….

      • The smell of a chippy too. Heaven.

        Glade should make an air freshener (or maybe women’s perfume – even the ugly ones could then attract the blokes).

  29. You can’t beat a succulent joint of beef seved rare with all the trimmings.
    Used to watch the Great British Menu although I couldn’t stand the judges:
    Oliver (I’m not an alkie so why was I in The Priory) Peyton,
    Matthew Fart, Old Etonian and graduate of Lancaster University (where’s that?) who reminds me of a smug sarcastic koala bear,
    and that highly annoying demented and withered Prune Queef.
    Now the programme is completely unwatchable since they appointed some hideous bald buck-toothed dark key nonentity, namely Andi Oliver.
    https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=Andi+Oliver&stick=H4sIAAAAAAAAAOPgE-LUz9U3SI4vy8lW4gIxjYpM0zLMtBQzyq30k_NzclKTSzLz8_RLyuILivLTixJzi62ySlPSU4sXsXI75qVkKvjnZJalFu1gZQQA1clArE0AAAA&tbm=isch&prmd=inv&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjXjp-onsrwAhUMrhQKHbLCC2EQ_AUIFCgB&biw=375&bih=544&dpr=3#imgrc=xOdWT9QK4wykrM
    Pass the fucking sick bag.
    Fuck the BBC

  30. I like what I call a deconstructed toad in the hole. It’s one hundred percent pure sausage, Yorkshire pudding, mash and maybe some veg. I am english and to be honest that meal satisfies me so fuck off. Full English breakfast with onehundred percent pure sausage, if you cunt it, you are a cunt. Or you worship a god other than gravity, either way go fuck yourselves. It’s been a long time since I have been so angry. Maybe Wednesday.

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