The Matrix

On a similar theme to the Tom Hanks nom, I would like to cunt The Matrix.

Why is this film so popular? Why the fuck is it held up as a masterpiece, and a paragon of filmmaking genius? I had to watch it once for RE homework when I was a teenager and was so bored out of my skull that I haven’t seen it since.

Nominated by: General Tso’s Chiggun

105 thoughts on “The Matrix

    • Also a religion called ‘Matrixism’ born out of the film, very popular amongst 46yo virgins no doubt. Ffs, they are like those socially retarded spotty wankers who write Jediism on the census.

      • The once a decade intrusive government snoop which is the census. I despise the fucking thing.

      • I’m looking forward to filling in my census form.

        Especially the ethnicity, religion, employment, sexual orientation* and gender identity* questions. 😂

        * New for 2021 census.

      • Evening Creampuff, are you to be Portmeirion’s first gender fluid pansexual of colour?

      • Yes, I’ve seen the new questions, sadly. It makes the concept of the thing even worse than ever as far as I’m concerned!

        My last one got lost in the post 10 years ago. They sent some passive aggressive fucking granny around to try and badger me about it. Which postbox I had sent it from and what time etc. The third time she called round I politely told her to get lost and that was that.

        Nosey cunts.

      • Evening LL.

        Could be. Depends on what I’m self-identifying as on the day…

  1. I only watched it to ogle at Carrie-Anne Moss in tight leathers. Other than that it was complete wank.

    Apparently there’s a Matrix 4 in the pipeline, with the same actors as before, but I suspect it will be renamed as The Woketrix given Hollywank’s current obsession pleasing the Woke and constantly offended.

    You are the One: you are Neo.

    • Evening IY, RE has changed a lot since I was at school, that said is The Matrix any weirder than billions of people following a kiddy diddler on his magic carpet or worshipping gods in the form of monkeys and elephants?

      • Evening LL – You make a fair point my friend.

        Gosh, RE at school for me was learning about different religions and their origins. No watching a sci-fi movie for the likes of us.

      • We had to endure The Cross And The Switchblade, once the teacher actually worked out the VHS that was. Looking at it again it’s quite racy in parts for impressionable kiddies.

    • It was to do with it having philosophical themes IY. The RE my school taught was as much about philosophy as it was about the theological side of things.

    • Not denying it was visually impressive either, and that was the one aspect I enjoyed about it. But for me it wasn’t enough to make up for the dull plot and wooden acting.

  2. First one was great – great Kung Fu and unique bullet time photography. Second and third ones were a bag of shite!

  3. As a concept I’d rate it as a masterpiece, and it was released at a very poignant moment culturally just pre-911. Definitely a great film.

    Terminator 2. Now that was a sci-fi masterpiece. Concept is fantastic, the special effects were ground-breaking and still look incredible. The soundtrack was even made in a garage but still fits perfectly. Robert Patrick did a great job of portraying the T1000, genuinely menacing.

    • Happy to say I have never watched a film starring Arnie, Sylvester, Dwayne, Jason or Jean Claude.

      Over hyped predictable American shit

      • Terminator was okay, Willie. From what I remember of The Matrix it was yawn inducing pretentious bollocks.

      • How would you know if they were overhyped if you’ve not watched any of their films? Asking for a friend

    • Yes. I’ve only seen the first one and it’s style over substance and as dramatic as a documentary on pencil museums. Enjoyed by Billy No Mates if Billy No Mates is a jittery introvert who’s good at computers. It’s a bit like religion as it’s gibberish for easily-gulled imbeciles.

    • No, it’s a brilliant ground breaking movie with stunning visuals. Don’t bother with the sequels though.

  4. Google search ‘what space film was made in 1992’

    It may be better than the Matrix…

  5. In my book The Matrix is still cool. The only way it could have been better is if Philip Seymour Hoffman and Mariska Hargitay had been in it.

    • My missus likes these.
      Therefore ive seen them too.
      Theyre fuckin rubbish.
      Not a clue what it was all about,
      didn’t care watching it and still dont.
      A dire warning about the future and technology?
      Is it eck.
      Just bollocks.

      • Evening MNC. I like it because it has big guns, leather coats and flying. I will watch almost anything that has two or more of these elements. I watched Snakes on a Plane ffs.

      • Evening Twenty!
        I didnt have a clue what was going on?
        Yes, guns makes a film, and nudity, although not arsed about flying.
        Tell a lie- kes!
        Flying, but no guns.
        Its personal taste at the end of the day isn’t it mate?

      • A noticeable lack of gravy in it Miserable, how is a lad supposed to fight humanoid machines in a dystopian future without proper sustenance?

      • Should come with a warning LL.

        ‘This film does not contain gravy’

        Warn innocent filmgoers like myself.

      • Falconreh? Wha’s thaa know ’bout falconreh aar Billeh?

        I’m not goin’t daarn t’pit!

      • Agree, Kes is brilliant. That is not to say that a few gunfights and some leather would not have made it even better.

      • Kes is a masterpiece and the antecedent Poor Cow is good too. Something about the turn of the 1970s obviously smacked Ken Loach across the head with the curse of septic sociarseholism.

  6. I saw one of those films and it was shite, as bad and overrated as Blade Runner

  7. The key maker in Matrix Reloaded and The Professor in Matrix Revolutions went right over my head. I’m not the brightest spark but what the fuck were they talking about??? One of my favourite films is Dune but fuck me you’ve got to concentrate at the beginning. I attempted to read the book but that was 100 times harder to understand than the film. Looking forward to the new Dune film, when er can see it, whenever the fuck that may be.

    • I read and enjoyed the Dune books but found the the film (was it David Lynch?) tedious.

      • I didn’t realise there was more than one book Cunstable. Are they prequels or sequels?

      • Both I think from my failing memory. I read them in the 70s/80s I think.

      • It seems there has been the inevitable lack of ideas remake. I expect it is woke.

  8. Must say I’m a tad surprised by the negative feedback regarding The Matrix.
    I personally thought it was a cracking film and I only watched it again recently.
    Have never bothered watching the sequels.
    Certainly not a fan of most predictable, cliched, Hollywoke bollocks when it comes to films (especially anything from the last 10 years) but The Matrix stands up in my opinion.

  9. The Matrix? Very overrated and interminable sequals.
    Zombies, nazis getting a good thrashing or girls with large heaving chests.
    Night of the living dead, Dead snow or Nude Nuns With Big Guns – sorted!
    John Wick was jolly entertaining, but not the sequels.

  10. Having led a sheltered existence l have not seen this film. I think, judging by the photo that it is all about welders.

  11. I’ve never retroactively got to The Matrix. It passed me by at the time, and now when I look at those early 2000’s sci-fi/future films in general it strikes how outdated they already look, akin to a feature length version of those CUNTING anti-piracy ads on DVDs back in their infancy that you couldn’t skip or even fast-forward through, complete with the ADHD editing and blaring nu-metal.

    I was watching bits of Outland the other day, and was pleasantly reminded of a decent time in sci-fi, beyond mattes and models but pre-CGI, when you could achieve an absorbing atmosphere largely through understated lighting, and lots of banks of chrome and fluorescent tubing. But then Peter Hyams was always a keen-eyed visuals director regardless of the subject matter.

  12. It was ok at the time, and definitely should have been left as a stand-alone film, as the sequels were fucking shit.
    It was also responsible for the leather trench coat look that may have looked cool on screen, but sported by a spotty fat bellend at a bus stop, not so. It also became the uniform of what we now know as the incel, sad losers who end up doing school shootings because they have no chance of a blowjob. Ever.
    Recently I’ve seen adverts for a film that is saying we are actually living in the matrix. All I could think of was for fucks sake, as if people haven’t enough fucking nonsense rolling around in their empty heads….

    • I watched this film for the very first and only time just the other night on tv. Finally decided to watch it because I’ve seen so much written about it over the years. I’d describe it as an over-commercialized fantasy for teenagers. I fast-forwarded through some of it. Having said that, I’ve seen a lot worse.

  13. I’d watch the latest Terminator film over this Dracula looking bollocks.
    I should add the latest Terminator film is so bad it gave me the shits.
    Fuck Off.

  14. And Keanu Reeves is a cunt.
    I’ve seen blocks of wood with more acting ability. And he’s responsible for the thousands of little cunts who were christened Keanu by thicko chav parents.

    • I have to agree with that Norman.
      It wouldn’t be unfair to accuse him of being Ted from Bill & Ted in nearly every role.
      Even as Jonathan Harker in Bram Stoker’s Dracula he was more surf dude than a Victorian era Londoner.

    • Kee-ah-noo sounds sensible compared to some names i’ve heard for the zoomer generation.
      I know of one named Neo by his thicko chav mum.

      How cheap. If you’re going for a sci-fi name go for a classic like Klaatu or, if it’s a bit ugly, Kuato.

  15. Machines using humans as battery power? People permanently attached to technology? People influenced by every suggestion or recommendations flashed in front of there eyes? Mobile phone the last thing people check before sleep/the first thing they check upon waking?


    Then maybe you are plugged into the fucking Matrix’


  16. Talking of RE.

    I once suffered from RE (retarded Ejaculation) in my early twenties. Sometimes I would bang away for three or four hours at a time- often resulting in the young lady begging me to stop.

    Not sure what caused it-it rectified itself eventually. Perhaps all men go through something similar?
    It didn’t do my reputation with the laydees any harm😉
    Much better than bring a two-pump-chump👍

    Sorry to crash another nom with the lowest common denominator. Again.

  17. I hate filums. Perhaps it’s a result of being overexposed to that cunt Mark Kermode
    who reviews them.
    I hate filums with the passion others hate football.
    Fuck Filums.

    • Bertie@
      Only the other day you posted a link all nostalgic about going the pictures as a kid!!
      Or did you play football in the aisles?

      • I think I grew out of it Mis. Basically, I can’t settle to concentrate for a few hours at a time. I’m sure I’m missing out on some good stuff however.

      • Always admired Keith Harris for how he fired back at that cunt Mark Lamarr. On some show or other Lamarr thought he was being smart, and he asked Harris if his puppet, Orville knew the word ‘cunt’.

        Harris, with the aforementioned talking duck in tow, got Orville to say to Lamarr ‘I’m looking at one!’


    • Not even Pirates of the Caribbean with Percy, or Doctor Doolittle 😢

    • I wouldnt say I hate them but i’ve definitely lost interest in the medium over the last decade.

      Perhaps its because what passes for films nowadays are just CG cartoons for neckbeard cunts.

  18. My all time favourite sci-film is Blade Runner. The lost tears in the rain scene with Rutger Hauer brings a lump to my throat every time I see it. I was so looking forward to seeing Rutger Hauer at Comic Con a couple of years ago but he couldn’t make it, nobody really knew he was terminally ill. Totally gutted when he died. RIP Rutger.

    • Haven’t seen the film in years, but I listen to the soundtrack regularly. Classic.

    • Bob, that scene is ace!!👍👍👍
      It has a name but cant remember it.
      Brilliant stuff.

      • It’s the Tears in the Rain scene Miserable. Rutger wrote it himself! How can you write something like that from scratch?? Brilliant.

      • Bob@
        Aye,just googled and watched it again.
        Truly brilliant.👍

    • Hi Bob, Agree about Blade Runner, magnificent. Rutger Hauer was also in two other great films – Hitcher (the original, not the remake cunt), and The Osterman Weekend. The latter was Sam Pekinpah’s last film, love it.

  19. Yes it does still hold up, in fact, it’s one of the best films of all time.

    The freeway chase in Reloaded is still fantastic.

    • It’s a pity RATM are hardcore commies because some of their music is brilliant.

  20. And another thing, Agent Smith looks like fucking Matt Hancock…both are un-flushable turds…Smith in the film, Hancock in real life.

  21. I liked the original with Kenneth Williams and Hattie Jacques…

    “Ooh! Matrix”….

  22. “Do not try and bend the spoon. That’s impossible. Instead try to realise the truth. There is no spoon. Then you’ll see it’s not the spoon that bends, only yourself.”

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