A colossal, and long overdue, cunting for… The Eurovision Song Contest. Every time this drivel is on I refuse to watch it. Hardly anyone votes properly anymore, its been tactical political voting for over a decade. On top of this its meant to be a SINGING competition, which one year was won by a few people baking, yes BAKING, while music was playing. Either fix this shite so that everyone SINGS, and nobody does political voting, or scrap this useless pile of shit altogether. In fact, fuck it, just cancel the thing…along with Britain’s (with foreign people) Got Talent, The Voice and any other similar shitty ‘competitions’. Someone I know, with a great voice, was rejected by BGT because he was ‘too old’…BGT being how we got Susan Boyle and that stupid dog act! Scrap all this shite, and take crap like TOWIE with it!

Nominated by DiabloLordOfTerror

Burglars are cunts. About 8:30 am today (Saturday 11th April) I received a call from a person who lives near the archery club that I’m a member of to say that he’d found a couple of bows, a number of cases, some arrows and some quivers in the stream behind the club while on his morning walk through the park that the club sits on the edge of. So I called another committee member and we met at the club, where we found damage to the exterior of the clubhouse, presumably caused by the first attempt the little fuckers made to get in before kicking in the door.

Inside, they’d been through all the drawers and cupboards before breaking the lock on one of the equipment stores and taking a number of the cases and bows and arrows that we use for beginners courses and have a go days. It’s not particularly expensive equipment, but that’s not the point. Fortunately, they failed to get into the equipment store that contains the more expensive bows, arrows and equipment that we rent to new members while they’re getting together enough money to buy their own gear (archery can be quite expensive).

Five-0 were fucking useless. Couldn’t get through on the non-emergency number and the plod I spoke to at the local station could not have given less of a fuck. Probably would have sent armed response if I’d been reporting someone for buying a packet of hob nobs, but this was an actual crime so we were told to fill out an online complaint. My tongue is still sore from having to bite it.

Anyway, burglars, especially the scum who broke into my club, are cunts of galactic proportions.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw

I love my meds

Criticism of Greta

Well she has finally spoken. My idol. I have waited with bated- breath during this coronavus pandemic for what she had to say. Wondering all the time what would her focus be now? Her silence was so deafening I felt like writing a heartfelt letter beseeching her to break her purdah: ‘We need you to speak, the whole world needs you speak’.
Now she has released a statement appropriately enough on Earth Day. Finally it has come. And she doesn’t disappoint.
She said that this world Lockdown SHOWS we can take drastic action when it suits us, when it is required.
Now digest that cunters. What we hear on this forum a lot is we ‘can’t go back to the middle ages’. But in a sense we have. Everyone living in their homes, their vicinity. All modern transport drastically reduced, pollution. We can hear the birds singing again! The skies are clear blue. A great community spirit once thought lost has been rediscovered. Many news items showing that people are reconnecting with their local community. Neighbour speaking to neighbour.
And all because we are adhering to rules essentially set by scientists.
BUT that same science has been saying every day for years and years now that there is a climate emergency and DRASTIC action is needed. Why are we listening and acting on what Science says regarding this CV crisis and not listening and not acting on what Science says about climate change?
It has fallen to Greta to expose this contradiction. What a gal she is.

Polly Toynbee
A ‘my second home’s in Tuscany’ cunting for Groaniad commentator and utter arsehole Polly Toynbee.
I’ve long considered Twatbee to be a blot on the landscape, but I had every ‘i’ dotted and ‘t’ crossed on the subject by her recent article on Boris Johnson. ‘Johnson is the wrong man in the wrong job at the wrong time’, wails the Groaniad Grinch. In a piece overflowing with spite and bile, the sour-faced scribbler accuses the PM of being ‘shockingly complacent’ with regard to his handling of the Coronavirus emergency.
On rants the champers socialist; ‘incompetence… government singularly unsuited to the task and unfit for purpose… services shredded… NHS blown to fragments…. burble blah…’.
Now I’d be the last person to defend any government without question, but ffs, this attack is just ridiculous. Just what exactly does this harpy expect the government, any government, to do in such awful circumstances?. ‘No one elected Boris Johnson to cope with a plague’, sneers Twatbee. Well I’ve got news for you, saggy chops. No one anywhere elected anyone to deal with a plague. Of course mistakes and misjudgements have been made. This is inevitable when a disaster hits the world like an asteroid, and every country is literally in a fight for lives and economic survival. We’re all in uncharted territory. That’s not Johnson’s fault, but that doesn’t stop you pointing the finger of condemnation at him without one word of qualification or appreciation, or indeed without one word of criticism for who’s actually responsible for this shit, namely The People’s Republic of Fucking Cunta. That’s not part of your narrative, by the looks of it.
I do have my suspicions about Twatbee’s objectivity when it comes to writing such a vitriolic polemic. Mmm… she’s a long-standing member of the Labour Party and an utterly fixated Remoaner. Could these psychotic delusions underpin her purpose?. Well; ‘when the PM returns, his single most reassuring act would be to prolong immediately the Brexit extension’, raves the loony left Metrobabbler. ‘If Johnson blunders on as the economy collapses, then we shall truly know that we are in the hands of fanatics’.
Fanatics?? Oh go and have a lie down in a dark room with a cold facecloth on your forehead. That’s right loony tunes; things would be so much better if that model of moderation and competence, your belovéd Jezza, had won in 2019, wouldn’t they?. Right about now, as C-19 rages, we’d still be having a ‘debate’ about whether house lockdown restrictions discriminated against fifty to a flat effnicks, and whether obliging women to share the same queue as trannies outside Tescos violated the human rights of either group.
But it’s ok. I’m completely reassured after all about the fairness of Twatbee’s comments by statements on the Groaniad’s website, lauding its own ‘independence’ and ‘freedom from commercial and political bias’ (oh, and ‘please send money’). I say again; ‘freedom from political bias’. Yeah, in a fucking parallel universe. Polly Toynbee and the Groaniad; a match made in libtard heaven.

Nominated by Ron Knee