Halloween (3)

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Halloween….

Yes that fucking “celebration” where stupid little cunts dress up as ugly fucking witches and gargoyles (or just wear Flabbott face-masks for the same effect), and go around people’s homes trick or treating!

The problem with this shit is that it has become Americanised over the years, so every cunt now has to have a massive candle-lit pumpkin in the front window, and the kids have to be fully kitted out in a witch’s costume in order to have any street cred.

Moreover, these cunts that come-a-knocking carry around big buckets, expecting you to load it up with chocolate bars (not just the odd Fox’s Glacier Mint, but fucking Kit Kats, Twix’s, Twirls and shitloads more) and if you don’t deliver, expect a brick through your window, a keyed car door, or paint splattered all over your garden.

But you tell these kids to go fuck themselves, and they go blubbing to social media and then their parents (in that order,) and scream child abuse!

Oh, and these cunts really should check their calendar – Halloween is the 31st October, and not 2 weeks before!

Cunts.

Nominated by Technocunt

127 thoughts on “Halloween (3)”

  1. This whole fucking fiasco is only Kept going by commercial interests. and the gullible public fall for it every year. I’ll be turning my lights out and ignoring any fucking idiot who knocks on my door. Fuck Halloween.

    • Why on earth these wretched little cunts and their cretinous parents think it’s okay to harass people sitting at home minding their own business is beyond comprehension!!
      Apparently there’s an unwritten understanding if your not displaying Halloween paraphernalia then you shouldn’t be troubled? , Well no cunt round here plays by those rules!!
      They say an Englishman home is his castle so Tonight I will be defending it by pouring boiling oil from my first window turret on any invaders…..
      “ There’s a treat for you cunts” …….

    • Utterly despise Halloween and all of the associated wank. Trick or treat? Why any parent would encourage this bollocks is beyond me. And as for actually parting with any hard-earned; fuck off.

  2. A far cry from the days of wandering the streets with a Turnip Lantern. (why the fuck we did that I have yet to discover )

  3. Did you know that if you divide a pumpkin’s circumference by its diameter you get pumpkin pi….

    • Decades ago, I was helping a local organbuilder finish an instrument; we were in a hell of a rush, as he was giving the opening concert the next day.
      As it was around Halloween, the laydeez of the church very kindly provided copious amounts of pumpkin soup for our lunch. Along with my farthouse cheddar and lime chilli chutney (granary bread) sarnies, I was well fed. At about 3 in the morning, I felt a violent urge to dispose of the biggest telegraph pole imaginable. Asked boss if there was a bog in the church. No, of course, it was the only one in the area that hadn’t been playgrouped / coffee-stalled &c. “Go and find a quiet corner in the churchyard”
      Fearful of triggering people’s infra-red (motion ??) detectors, I dropped a massive one outside; thank dog it didn’t touch the sides, and required no paper.
      When we finally packed up and left, to my great alarm I saw leaflets in the porch advertising guided walks around the graveyard. I pray that no-one trod in it. Norfolk once had a puma or similar roaming the cunty (allegedly); they might’ve ended up adding bears to the list.
      To this day, I have not eaten pumpkin, save for the oil on salads in Austria; it looks like Castrol.

  4. Whatever happened to Bob/ Duck apple? Anyways, always amazes me that stupid parents allow kids to collect sweets from people they don’t know or know what’s inside the sweets.There’s plenty of deranged cunts in the world who could easily spike the sweets.Complete cuntish American shite that’s found its way here.
    Gobshites

      • What do you think of mine RT? The avatar I mean. Very pleased with it.
        I look the nastiest cunt on here now.
        I wanted the famous image on the ‘Next’ album. But it wouldn’t take it as it were. Is that because it’s copyrighted?

      • Dont encourage him to be godless!
        Youll end up burning in hells furnace with him!
        Heretics.tut.

      • It’s a bit scary Miles. I had to run for my safe-space on first seeing it.

        Would have thought cunts like Byron or Keats more your speed.

        Anyway, who the fuck is it? Looks like he’s having difficulty squeezing one out.

      • Ah! Yes.
        At first I thought it was a remainer MP responding to Boris in the House.

      • Great song again. The way it builds. Yes the words. Very clever. Each song is unique. Do feel a bit evangelical about spreading the word. 40 years after their demise.

      • Im a convert Miles.
        First heard SHAB on a compilation,
        ‘Next’ it was the best thing on it,
        So dug so more out, loved it!

        ‘Hammering the anvil, firing the furnace…’😊

      • Man of taste Miserable. Linked in my mind with The Hammer Song ‘Isobel Goudie’. Same kind of atmosphere to it. I think she was accused of Witchcraft. Or the last witch in Scotland. But that can’t be because there’s Wee Jimmy up there.
        What did SAHB write songs about? The Boston Tea Party, a purported Witch, a Faith Healer, going to a.brothel (‘Next’), Teenage Idols, The Tomahawk Kid, a man in a jar, .I could go on. Wide range of subjects. They don’t have the imagination now. They can’t even think to write anything that could slightly deviate from the subject of young love. Or politically acceptable victimhood. So tame.

      • A genuine one-off Alex Harvey,
        Like beefheart, viv stanshall etc
        Way to good to be mainstream.
        Eccentric, playful & entertaining truly brilliant.

      • I havent forgot Rtc, more a case of dont know who he is!😊
        Had quick google look, is he a bit like moondog?
        Busker type songwriter/artist?

      • Plus the apples have to be in sell-by date; the water has to be mineral water from Malvern Springs; the buckets have to be a certain size and recyclable.

        Moreover, the legal guardian or parent must sign a waiver/disclaimer; and there must also be a diverse cultural mix of children taking part; and everyone is a winner, because a child may suffer PTSD if they’re called a loser.

      • I imagine the posh would bob for pink lady apples in a handmade wooden bucket filled with Perrier water.

      • Currently, I believe it’s jackfruit in a compostable bagasse bowl filled with artisanal rosewater, but I could be wrong.

    • Paedos av been looking forward to this no doubt !shouldnt take sweets from strangers whatever fucking happened to that!

    • I had to stop the other half from giving the little cunts some sweets that are about 5 years out of date,I did feel like a complete killjoy though. I said to one lot “what if I don’t give you anything,what happens then?”. We will come back and haunt you,came the reply. Go on then! I said and the daft cunts just giggled. What a pile of old cunt.

  5. Fuck Halloween. Fuck baby showers. Fuck ‘black friday’ (the proper one is the last Friday before Christmas where everyone gets fucked up and fights) and fuck “happy holidays”.

    Within 10 years we’ll probably be celebrating thanksgiving or some shit. You want to beg, go play penny for the guy (which in this day would probably set off some snowflake gender activists who believe Guy Fawkes was gender fluid or some shit).

    Halloween to me is the apex of cultural globalisation and I fucking hate it.

      • I wonder if they will ban fireworks on New Year’s Eve; or some other cultural celebrations (Diwali, for example)

      • Now, if he’d succeeded, he’d have set a Parliamentary precedent, requiring that the House of Cunts be blown up every Nov. 5th.. Awdaahhh….FOOM!

    • Baby showers? I’ve heard of raining cats and dogs, or that song of men by The Weather Girls.

    • Celebrating Thanksgiving…… very astute observation.

      That one can particularly fuck right off.

      • I just found “Birthday cards to heaven” these are cards you can buy dead people, I’m sure they must appreciate not being forgotten when they are dead.

    • I know exactly what you’re saying, but unfortunately when we see our own history and traditions being sneered at by Left-Wing politicians and academics, it’s inevitable that people will look at other countries to have fun.

  6. The same with all these 16 year old girls needing a £500 dress and to be helicoptered in (to get one up on your ‘friends’) for that other Americanised bullshit of the school prom.
    Just yet another way of bragging and bigging yourself up on social me me meja!
    All bollocks.

  7. hmm, I think I will be lucky this year, my neighbours (downstairs) vary from gargoyle look a likes to a rather worrying version of clary’s mother.
    The upstairs flats well let not go there, so living in a no go area may have an upside who knows, I am tempted to go out and smear dog shit over anything that might be movable as a little insurance policy.
    oh and happy Halloween.

  8. There are some calls from the usual suspects to have Halloween banned due to causing anxiety, depression, trauma etc etc.

    Moreover they say such things do not set a good example to children by more or less bribing private citizens with a trick or a treat.

    Personally I wouldn’t mind seeing it banned completely: it really has got out of hand – no longer is it just a case of knocking on someone’s door and running away. Nowadays the intimidation is far more threatening, and the accompanying parents (should there be any), just don’t seem to give a shit because they’ll just say it’s a bit of fun!

    Yeah, so enjoy being stalked on the way home, or finding someone inside your home on your way back from trick or treating!

  9. Halloween is a great night for me, I like to get involved. Same every year.
    Put on the scarey clown mask, get the chainsaw and head for the cabin down by the lake where some students hang out….

    • Could you take a wander down to the Palace of Westminster and trick or treat some of the traitorous MPs who wouldn’t know true democracy if it smacked them in the face!

      I think a chainsaw and a Flabbott face mask will do the trick!

      Cheers

      • They can stick Halloween up the same place as Christmas and Easter and all the rest of it. I hate being told what I have to do because it’s this date or this time of year. Fuck off you cunts, I’m not interested.

    • There’s a film plot in there somewhere…

      Friday the 13th Part XI
      Jason takes Wesminister… 😁

      • Jesus LL if that doesn’t give make them shit their pants nothing will. For the sake of authenticity, do you wear one of those inflatable fat suits wot like that Eddie Murphy wore in The Nutty Professor?

      • I keep it authentic Ron, by having a meltdown when having to divvy up the number of sweets to the little cretins then blaming my Type 2 diabetes.

      • If you want the trick or treat kids to stop coming just say “theyre in my pants pockets kids help yourself!”
        Fold yer hands behind yer head and thrust out yer hips!
        Guarantee word ‘ll get round and no mither on Halloween ever again!
        (Might get a bit of graffiti and odd brick but lifes never simple…)

      • I haven’t got any sweets in my pocket for you munchkins but I do have a stick of rock for your mother, go fetch

  12. In my part of the Country we have ‘Hop-tu-naa’, a proper pagan night out, with proper turnip lanterns and an undercurrent of the old Celtic gods, that simply refuses to be assimilated into that commercial bollocks.
    Any brats who do call at my door with trick or treat shite – standing there in anticipation with an open goodie-bag, gets toffee onions, and any fucker who’s not Celtic looking is given a lecture on ‘cultural appropriation’.

    It’s certainly a treat for me.

    • Best night of the year!
      We’re traditional, don our robes off to the woods, dance naked round a cheery bonfire,
      Small sacrifice to the old gods,
      Oh yes, its a lovely family night.🌙🌠

  13. John Carpenter’s original film was great but the sequels and knock-offs were shite.
    Or have I got the wrong end of the stick…

    • The 1978 original was quite excellent – and I would definitely take Jamie Lee Curtis up the arse back then!

      But now she’s flogging a dead horse with that tired old franchise. Isn’t there another Halloween sequel/reboot doing the rounds now?

      • There was a remake, directed by that talentless arsehole Rob Zombie.
        Hmmm, a possible cunting in there somewhere…

    • You fuckin old misers!
      Give the little kids some sweets!
      Only a tenner, gives the little cunts some happiness,
      I wave them off with “Hail Satan!”
      All about the message isnt it?

      • Off to the shop later to buy some sweeties, a few families where I live do the rounds with the kids.
        I don’t really give a fuck about Halloween but if the kids like to dress up it’s fine by me.
        Agree that it is a money spinner for business and shops!

        Just watched the Corbyn speech, I’m in balls and all

        I’ll get mi coat!!

      • The wife’s dad (a jocular Scot) used to give trick or treaters a swig of beer. That was before things came over all fucking pc of course.
        Afternoon Miserable.

    • I’ve just watched the original and have jumped to my favourite Halloween 3 Season of the Witch.
      It takes all sorts with these pumpkin fuckers and whatnot!

  14. There are moments when I feel like being The Terminator whenever I open the door to these Halloween cunts.

    “I’ll be back, and fuck you, assholes!” in my best Arnie voice, and then blast them with an Uzi 9mm.

    (But I guess that might get me into trouble with the Old Bill)

  15. Last year my Welsh neighbour who was out trick-or-treating with his kid’s had a long stick poked up his arse.

    I said “That’s not much of a costume, what’s it supposed to be?”

    “Taffy apple”….

  17. It’s brilliant as a kid as an excuse to stuff your face but when you grow up it certainly does lose a lot of its appeal. I tend to look forward to it nowadays as one of the last big holidays before the usual NYE pub crawl.

  19. Mate once put hard boiled cold sprouts in sweet wrappers and gave them to the annoying little turds knocking on his door. Toss up to which I detest more, Halloween, Bonfire Night, Last night of the Proms, Christmas Day or New Year’s Eve.

    • Delia Smith rabbiting on inanely about Festerval of Nein Lessons & Carole’s, whilst cooking mince pies, drinking sherry &c. is the biggest bs ever. The old pissflap probably buys manky pies from the supermarket. She used to invite friends round for dinner, and they’d all end up going to the chippy. Stephen Cleobury, though now retired, I believe, deserves a massive cunting; frequently described as the most arrogant man in Cambridge. Sometimes, his brother Nicholas posts on Lebrecht’s “Slipped Disc” blog, and also displays cuntitude. Cleobury sr. must’ve had poisonous sperm.

  20. When I was a kid the local Gypos used it as an excuse to go around begging and case people’s houses to see if there was anything worth stealing.

  21. Off piste, but this just popped up in my Yahoo account:

    “Paul Maskinback —

    Britain was built on the backs of enslaved people. Black History Month has almost passed. Filled with celebration and remembrance, for me it is a stark reminder of how this painful history is not remembered beyond these 4 weeks.

    Millions of enslaved people were brought to the UK and sold around the world by British traders. The wrecks of slave ships speak of African resistance, of remarkable rebellions on the high seas. The money made on the backs of enslaved labour built the country we know today.

    This is a part of all our history, but despite that there is no major memorial on British soil for the enslaved Africans – why?

    I’m backing Oku’s campaign for the Government to build Britain’s first large memorial for people who were victims of the transatlantic slave trade.

    Will you join us by signing?”

    There is about as much chance of me signing this as there is of Harriet Harperson declaring “Peaches” by the Stranglers on her Desert Island Discs playlist.

    Ergo, if the Italians are prepared to erect a giant memorial in the centre of Rome (next to the Trevi Fountain) to all of the ancient Britons they enslaved or if the Norwegians are prepared to erect a giant remembrance in Oslo to all the poor Anglo Saxons that their Vikings raped and pillaged then I might considering signing. But until then:

    Afua Hirsch – FUCK OFF, YOU CUNT.

  22. It’s commercialised to fuck but i like the old reason for celebrating, remembering dead loved ones.
    Also i prefer watching Dracula films to Christmas ones.

    Any kids that manage to walk to my old crypt will get a manky old dog treat. I doubt any will because I live on the outskirts of a village, the sort Hammer wouldve filmed in, and I look like Igor/uncle fester without make up.

  23. Well at least we’re fnally leaving the European Union at the Witching Hour tonight.

    Oh no we’re not. I forgot.

    Must be Witchcraft involved.

    • “Do or die. Come what may. No ifs or buts!”

      Don’t worry Miles, Boris always keeps his word. 🙄

      • The Dwyfor Meirionnydd constituency is strong Plaid isn’t it with a 5,000 majority? So would it be a waste of time you voting?(aside from the fact there’s probably no one you’d vote for anyway.)
        Afternoon Ruffy.

      • Beware! “Their promises ring richly in your ears.”

        As true today as it was then!
        😊

  24. The rule is ‘trick or treat’. They even say it, bucket in hand.

    That’s when I say, “OK, trick!”, grab their bucket and empty the contents of the cat’s litter tray into it. For added effect, you can headbutt any adults begging at your doorstep too.

  25. I shall celebrate Oct. 31st as the date on which Bercow stepped down, henceforth. Burning an effigy stuffed with bullshit will form the core of the proceedings.

  26. Never understood peoples unwillingness to give few kids a handful of sweets, seems churlish.
    As for threatening? Few 6yr olds in asda witch costumes?..live on yer nerves an easily Frit!
    Few signs up round here ‘no trick or treaters’
    Tight bastards, be crying in 8yrs when same kids burgal them!
    “Never your house Miserable!” Sob.
    No never mine luv.😊

  27. Have an awful feeling halloween may happen the day after the election this year and it is Friday the 13th as well, spooky what

  28. I wouldn’t give the little Cunts the skin off my shite. I’m already robbed to pay benefits for the idle little spongers and their feckless parents. Most kids today are fat,spoiled,whiny brats who will benefit far more by being told to “Fuck Off” than they will by being given sweets. Their parents can Piss Off too if they don’t fancy a kick up the Cunt…teaching their whelps to beg instead of working…fucking Wasters.

    The bastards have more sense than come knocking on my door.

    Fuck them.

    • You should host a Halloween party for the local kids Dick.
      Stop being shy, might find you enjoy it?!!
      Kindly uncle Dick bobbing for apples,
      Carving pumpkins with little minty and Henry,
      Itll mellow you, might find you want some of your own!

      Hey, owe you one, perked my interest you talking about Border reivers,
      Fascinating! Spent couple hours reading about them, and ‘sleuth hounds’!👍

      • The trick-or-treaters would have been welcome company for the Christmas carollers from last year and the elderly pair of Jehovah’s Witness’s who are currently on the breaking wheel and stretching rack in the cellar of Fiddler Towers.

      • Not seen any Christmas carollers in years!
        Used to like that, Jehovah’s witnesses?
        Moved one to Stoke on Trent other day, and some of their church came to help, weird thing was nearly all of them had had a cleft palate!
        Couldnt stop staring!
        Wonder why?
        One, fair enough, but five of em had a harelip.

      • Maybe it is a religious thing Miserable; hare-lippers attracted to the JWs. I know Catholic priests have the stigmata. No not the wounds of Christ on their body. Stigmatism of the eyes. One eye looking one way the other the other way. 3 of them I’ve known.
        Come to think- the famous preacher with the hook, had a sleepy eye. Rabbis are warty.

      • Ten to two, dip n dazzle, wall eyed.
        Yeah my mates got a eye that over the years has started wandering off.
        Rather that Miles than the cleft palate though.
        Maybe theyre a hard core sect of the Jehovah’s, your only allowed in if got the hare lip?
        Maybe they believe Christ had a cleft palate?
        Or its a symbol of faith?
        Think id opt for a moustache.

  29. It’s been the scariest Halloween I can remember, as all day I’ve been hearing how cuntbag Corbyn and his commie cronies are going to send us back to the dark ages, never mind the seventies. Photos of them at their manifesto launch, where steptoe himself is flanked by Lady Nudgee, who is absolutely not rich, and Baroness Chickenfriedrice, who’s peerage, and subsequent rise to labours upper echelons, was definitely not a reward for covering up their dislike of a certain religion. I laugh at the childlike shit they are proposing, as it is stark raving bonkers, straight from the mind of the Abbott, but it scares me that there are so many stupid cunts in this country that will buy into it.

  30. I had a couple turn up in masks while the mothers were standing back on the road. Having no sweets and even less inclination to join in the frivolities I offered them a cigarette, disappointingly, they declined.
    Pansies.

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