Millennial speak is what I’m cunting, but we’ll throw millennials in the cunt ring alongside, seen as they created it.

These people are supposed to be our future leaders, our future scientists, our future teachers…….so if that’s the case humanity is fucked. I was born in the 80’s, so I’m not greatly older than these snowflake, retarded, lazy fuckabouts, but I pride myself on using correct grammar, spelling and real words (apart from fuckabouts). Some examples of millennial speak really do leave you scratching your head, especially when we already had suitable terms, phrases or words in the first place. Anyway, here goes.

Netflix and chill – for a long time I didn’t know what this meant, until my other half, who has Facebook, explained it means to put a TV programme on, that you’re not intending to watch, and then fool around.

Woke – I don’t know why I hate this one so much, but this one really gets me. It’s not about being literally awake. But to have some sort of epiphany. Like all of a sudden you realise some people are gay or Jewish. Maybe it’s because I like the word epiphany and they’ve replaced it with a less attractive word and taken ‘up’ off of the end to make a legible term.

Salty – means you’re angry.

Basic – term for someone who has middle of the road opinions, or sedate style. They use it as some kind of insult, funny how they dislike someone for being ‘basic’ but if you have right wing opinions they dislike you too.

Bae – stands for ‘before anyone else’. Awwww, makes you sound a right cunt when you say it though. I personally think they were too lazy to say babe, which I also hate, it was too long so they removed a letter.

“LB/FB” – like back / follow back, it’s to do with social media so I despise it.

Quiche – means someone is really attractive………no it’s a pastry based eggy flan, fucking idiots.

Lit – means a party is really good or some shit.

Adulting – something they will never do, term for doing grown up stuff. This doesn’t need to be a term, because it’s the default for nearly everyone. The term is instead for not being an adult, fucking ‘grow up’.

I’m losing the will to live so I’ll stop there, but believe me there’s a lot more. Homework is to go away and look up ‘goals AF’. I couldn’t even bring myself to explain that one.

I hope this proves that the future is for cunts and we’re all doomed.

Nominated by elboobio

Millennial’s. Now you would think they have properly been cunted, probably not enough and in the wrong place in my opinion.

Just to make things clear I had a shit childhood, a rather shitty career and honestly admit to myself that reproduction would be a mistake, I have walked out of two wars and some of the things I had to do disgust me ( now I am on the normal level)

Any way I have been step dad twice! Yep unlike some of you cunts I have 4 suregate children 2 nephews and 2 god sons (lets not go there)

Well Mrs B’s son (youngest) went AWOL after mrs B’s husband chose to fuck off (convenient for me) her well educated children went to uni, I have to say despite the lack of interest from their father they have done well…. except on communication.

One of their friends, another high flyer manged through the world of modern communication to release a delayed suicide note and film (yes its fucking grim)

Anyway as you can imagine Mrs B is more than worried about her children. Child 1 has done well ( If living with an eco vegan could be considered so). Child two decided to go on an information black out, they failed their first course, maybe even their second, so Mrs B and I decided to have a look, now take this into account I scaled a 3 story building with a fucked leg to look through a velux! I am almost 50! i should not be doing this shit!

So mrs B went down in force on her own ( trust me its for the best) and gets admission into the flat, checks his computer and finds suicide sites on it, as you can imagine this creates some issues, she passes out; the land lady calls me as the in case of emergency call me number. ( excuse me the dog has farted)

I end up thundering up the M3 with a game plan in place, I have already called the local plod asking about random stiffs of a certain age ethnicity and size, then get an ok call from Mrs B fucking twat has turned up alive! Hence me being turned round to prevent the eventual clash of personality’s

Fuck sake kids, when I did Granby I told my family I was a radio operator. When I was in the balkans I was a medic fuck sake.

Nominated by lord benny

Badly Fitting Bras
I find myself in an unusual situation, inasmuch as I’m making a cunting on behalf of a third party; to wit, the wife.
It goes back to this morning. I’m lying in bed, drinking my coffee. The wife’s just got out of the shower, and is back in the bedroom, muttering and fidgeting as she gets dressed.

Me; ‘what’s wrong, dear?’
Her; ‘this bloody bra’s what’s wrong. In fact, it’s every bloody bra. These days I can’t find one which fits without nipping and pinching’
Me; ‘well you know my absolute stipulation in this regard. Your underwear must be silky and extremely scanty and revealing, my sweet. Beyond that, I’m not sure what practical advice I can offer you’
Her; (fiddling with strap) ‘you’re about as much use as a chocolate fireguard. It’s all right for you taking the micky, you don’t have to wear this stuff’
Me; ‘I will if it would make you happy, my sweet. Anyway, I know just what you’re going through, after wearing that Chippendales’ posing pouch you got me that Christmas’
Her; (pouts) ‘posing pouch? What are you on about? It’s all just a big joke to you, isn’t it?’
Me; ‘on the contrary, my petal, sniffing your skimpies is one of the few things that gives meaning to my otherwise bleakly nihilistic existence, so I take your underwear well-being extremely seriously. By the way, you look amazing in it. For a woman of your age’
Her; (sticks tongue out) ‘you cheeky sod. But I suppose I don’t look too bad at that’ (sways in front of mirror, hands on hips)
Me; ‘you’re every man’s fantasy, my little butterfly; my ultimate milf’
Her; (girlish giggle) ‘you’re a lost cause!’
Me; (ostentatious leer) ‘but you lap it up. Tell you what, dear. Go to Ann Summers. My treat. In fact I’ll come with you and, er, assist in the changing room’
Her; ‘my mother was right about you. I should’ve taken you to the vet and had you seen to. But it’s not funny. I’m fed up with these M and S bras. They’re a pain. For two pins, I’d go on to that “Is A Cunt” and give them a right bollocking’
Me; ‘you’d better go or you’ll be late. I’ll do it for you and it’ll get it off your chest, no pun intended. You can read it when you come back from the hairdressers’

So here it is, a cunting for all ill fitting bras (Marks and Sparks and otherwise) on behalf of the wife, and indeed, on behalf of women everywhere who are beset with the same problem. Ladies, know that your menfolk give you 100% support, even if your bra doesn’t.

Nominated by Ron Knee

An immigrant woman has complained of racism after her son was found dead in a Welsh river:-

The mother of a 13-year-old boy whose body was found in a river has complained about how South Wales Police handled his death.

‘A discrimination complaint against the force has been lodged by anti-racism charity The Monitoring Group on behalf of Christopher Kapessa’s mother, Alina Joseph.

Christopher’s body was found in a river in Fernhill, Mountain Ash, on 1 July.’

What did these racist Welsh bastards do? Well, they issued a statement saying that the death looked like an unfortunate accident. The cunts.
However, I see compensation setting in. The house, benefits , NHS etc provided to this family is obviously insufficient. GoFundMe has only raised a paltry few grand.

The Monitoring Group are a charity that sees racism everywhere, particularly Brexit related. It is of course invariably whitey’s fault as all others are incapable of racism.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

-‘Hi! Not sure I can make it tonight ?! So much work?. Have a good one??!”
-‘Thank you for your feedback!????’
-‘My dad died today?’

What the fuck, cunts?
For some insane reason, the world has become a vast nursery where, instead of using the alphabet, people apply retarded yellow faces to express anything from joy to lust ?. Defined as the ‘new digital form of communication’, apparently we should all now celebrate the 17th of july not as the glorious Battle of Castillon but as the world emoji day (https://worldemojiday.com/). Utterly braindead.
Maybe the usual ISaC reader will not have suffered too much from this growing plague, but for some interacting with ‘millenials’, every day has become a maze of cuntishness splattered with ?, ? and ??. A joke now necessarily needs to be accompanied by five laugh-cry faces and work emails look like a five-year old has been playing with an overpriced phone. How about mustering the energy to write decent sentences, tap into the centuries of literary refinement and let your sense of humour ooze from your dry prose?
Also, apparently John McWhorter, a linguist who teaches at Columbia University, said that some men shy away from emojis because, as he put it, “Women use them more.”

Well let’s keep it that way, because EMOJIS ARE CUNTS ???! !

Nominated by MademoiselleG

I was born in the early 60s – which makes me a Generation X cunt. So my childhood mostly revolved around the 1970s.

Now everyone of a similar age always wax lyrical about the 70s – usually saying it was the best decade ever etc. And will then endorse that with all the usual positives that affirm what a great decade it was (for the record, you could include, heavy metal, punk rock, long hair, flares, Suzi Quatro, Chopper Bikes, TisWas, Old Grey Whistle Test, and other bollocks!)

So when us 70s cunts become old cunts in the here and now, you can bet your bottom dollar we will always bang on about the good old days! “Oh yeah, when I was a lad …. blah blah bleedin’ blah. Kids of today don’t know… blah blah blah….”

But when you look closely those so-called good old days weren’t so fucking good after all, and here’s why:-

militant unions, 3 day week and power cuts
sideburns and perms
platform shoes
pubs shutting at 10:30
shops closing on a Wednesday afternoon, and not at all on a Sunday
Shit TVs with just 3 channels and no remote controls
shocking tastes in fashion and interior design
British Leyland and their godawful rustbuckets and deathmobiles
double digit inflation and interest rates
Glam rock
Vesta ready made meals, that were fucking awful
Unsuspecting perverts and kiddy fiddlers galore
Joining the EEC

In fact the 70s was a pretty shit decade all in all; and yet we look back on it with some fondness. And I would guess older cunts would say similar for the 50s and 60s, and younger cunts for the 80s and 90s

But in truth, the “Good Old Days” never existed – only the best bits, and they were few and far between at that – just like Suzi Quatro’s tits.

Nominated by Technocunt