I was making a salad the other week and when I was cutting up some cheddar to pimp it a bastard fly distracted me and I nearly took my thumb off.
Nominated by: Mary Hinge-Frottom
1) Buy a second hand racing bike from ebay (must have at least 10 gears). Can easily find a suitable one for minimum £70 including delivery charges.
2) Buy a plastic head-guard cycle helmet from toys are us. Cost about £5
3) Buy a pair of pooftah-gay lycra shorts and a plain coloured sweat-shirt from George at Asda. Total cost about £20
4) To stick onto your new sweat-shirt, buy a load of iron-on corporate-logo stickers from WH Smith. (Sky, Virgin or Coka-Cola ones are best). Cost: about £5
5) Become a racing cyclist amateur by joining any council-taxpayer sponsored rainbow-cycling sport club. Cost: free
6) Open an online twitter and facebook account and blog attention-seeking stuff (photos and You Tube videos of yourself} about your new sporty cycle-racing hobby.
7) If you’re the right looking cunt, the mainstream media sports hacks will notice you within a week. You will get sponsorship to be a professional cycle-racer, and race in the next Tour de France.
Nominated by: Entopy
As a veteran who suffered terrible injuries to protect fellow British subjects he argued that this would be a “repugnant surrender” which most sane people would think. But no, it seems that the PHD student and writer of a blog called Lenin`s tomb would disagree. So did he provide a counter argument in the guardian to Mr Weston`s comments as one might expect from an intellectual? No instead he posted this on Facebook:
“Who gives a shit what Simon Weston thinks about anything?If he knew anything he would still have his face”
Now I bet this Communist prick would complain if I mocked a disabled person calling me “ableist “a term many of his political persuasion would but it`s ok to say that about a war veteran. Christ, if he becomes an academic God help the poor fuckers who have to pay £9,000 a year to hear his shitty views. This was also a man who did a book putting the late Christopher Hitchens “on trial” for supporting president Bush. So you put a dead man “on trial” who can`t defend himself and mock a disfigured war veteran. What a great moral authority this cunt is (cough)!
Here is a link to his Wiki page and a Facebook group asking for an explanation. I would love to hear his response!
Nominated by: Shaun of the Dead 69
“I’m just minding this for my Arab friend…”
Walker, like his fellow Bishops, lives in a large house. A very large house. It has six bedrooms and has just benefitted from an extensive refit. Walker has announced that he won’t taking any Syrian families into the large home he enjoys, because of the “language barrier and alien culture”.
So he….wait, what? He expects Britain to take in tens of thousands more parasites at taxpayers expense, despite the language barrier and alien culture, yet he refuses to share the burden that HE wants to inflict on the UK. This twat isn’t just a hypocrite, he’s a two faced fucking cunt. Why should communities up and down the country be forced to accept even MORE foreign leeches on this cunt’s say so, when he isn’t even willing to accept any into his home. I actually thought about going to Manchester Cathedral, in the hopes of meeting the prick so I can punch in the mouth. He isn’t worth the fucking trouble though…
Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw
I’m not just talking about immigrants to UK, I’m talking about every fucker on the planet. Get with the program you stupid wog fuckers, English is the world language. Its the most used language on the planet by a very long way and if you want to have a voice in the world you have to speak English.
Worst is Johnny Foreigner who refuses to speak English even when you know very well that they can, the cheese eating surrender monkeys are particularly guilty of this, the dagos are too.
Nominated by: Fat Rich