An intelligent visitor from Alpha Centauri would be forgiven for concluding the following when perusing the mainstream media (after probing the anal passages of various American yokels first):

1/ The SNP are a legitimate and non-racist political party with a detailed economic plan for their country’s future outside the United Kingdom;
2/ Nigel Farage is a plucky outsider challenging the vested interests of the political elite;
3/ Jeremy Clarkson is a gifted television presenter hounded from his job by PC-obsessed, lentil-eating BBC executives;
4/ Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian are beautiful, talented women whose numerous accomplishments mean that they deserve to live in the lap of luxury;
5/ The Premier League is the best football competition in the world;
6/ Russell Brand is an important public intellectual, whose ideas should be listened to with respect;
7/ William Shakespeare and J.R.R. Tolkien are the best writers in the English language, ever;
8/ Tom Cruise is a hunky, macho movie star, well worth $30million a film;
9/ Islam is a peaceful, non-sectarian religion, spoiled only by a few bad apples;
10/ Israel is the worst country in the world, a semi-fascist Apartheid state that gleefully oppresses its Arab citizens with impunity;
11/ Wayne Rooney is the best striker ever to play for England;
12/ Angelina Jolie is the most beautiful woman in the world;
13/ Believing in mythical, supernatural beings who only talk to semi-historical figures in backward desert shitholes is a legitimate philosophical position in the 21st Century, whereas not believing in them is arrogance personified;
14/ The Daily Mail speaks for the silent majority of the British people;
15/ The USA is responsible for all the ills in the world and should immediately respond to any problem, anywhere, anytime;
16/ Silly tarts running off to the Middle East to be sexually abused by tiny-cocked Islamists is the fault of the police, schools, everyone in the UK but not the fault of the person who took them on a sectarian demonstration and burned the flag of the world’s leading democracy in front of them;
17/ Liverpool supporters are the most knowledgeable football fans in the world;
18/ Skin-thin models are attractive not repellent;
19/ England will be a team to beat at the 2016 European Championships;
20/ Wearing a hijab is a feminist statement and that the entire concept of “Muslim feminism” is not a hilarious oxymoron and a joke played on some of the most vulnerable folks in our community by people who really should know better.

I could go on, but you get the gist.

I dispute all the above.

And the SNP are cunts.

Nominated by : Cunt’s Mate Cunt

Buiilt like a brick shithouse, looks like he’s from a western, and his agent is telling all and sundry that he and Falcao ‘cry together’ over the player’s ‘predicament’ at United…

Well, for a start, he isn’t half as upset as the fans who have to endure Falcao’s Garry Birtles impressons.. Also, is this the best we can do these days? Whatever happened to the great Denis Law, or Pancho Pearson and Jimmy Greehoff? Joe Jordan cleaning his fangs on the corner flag after persecuting the opposition? Or Sparky Hughes equalizing against the Scousers, doing a ‘bollocks’ gesture and saying ‘Pick it out, vermin!” to the baying Koppites?

Now we’ve got some foreign softarse, blubbing just because LVG told him he was shite and put him in the U-21s…. Hardly the man to lead the charge… We’d be better off with Frank Spencer up front…

Nominated by: Norman