Nosey Neighbourhood Cunts

Time to nominate yet another curtain twitching prick. I’ve probably mentioned before that the family QDM live on a street with just five other houses on it. It’s a nice street. It’s a quiet street. And most of us are friends. Excluding this year, we’ve had a street party for VE and VJ days, took it in turns hosting barbies, it’s been great. But a couple of years ago, a couple who I would say are in their sixties moved onto the street and quickly became known as “Les Miserables”. They think the fact they own a house here, means that they own the street. Literally.

The day after they moved in, the rest of us received a printed letter. It contained, a short, initial introduction and then a list of things they would not tolerate. They didn’t want schoolgirls or young women walking past their house in mini skirts (which prompted one male neighbour to buy a mini skirt and a crop top and walk up and down in front of their house for an hour, while flicking the V’s. Not a pretty sight, but fucking hilarious. They didn’t want the smell of barbecues getting in their house. They didn’t want to see people talking on the PUBLIC pavement outside their house. They didn’t want to hear music played loudly, or to hear parties. Basically, their nickname is well earned.

Those of us who have daughters have received letters of complaint, because said daughters dared to exercise their freedom to choose what clothes they wear. We’ve had solicitors letters, threatening legal action because they got the smell of barbecues in their house and could hear parties (all the parties were indoors, so unless they were spying on us, there’s no way they could have heard. Basically, they’re the biggest pains in the arse, ever. And those are only a small number of examples. The’ve even called police when we had our last street party. Unfortunately for them, the council were informed and approved it. We’re Cul-de Sac, so we weren’t disrupting traffic.

Well today Thursday 10th September they excelled themselves for cuntishness. This morning, we all came down to find printed letters stating that if we seen breaking the new Flu Manchu restrictions by meeting in groups of more than six, we will be reported to the police. I’ve just sent the one that was in our post box with my own addition, “shove it up your ass, you nosey cunts”. I’m told other neighbours have done similar. This is why I’m against the so called ‘Covid Marshalls’. You can guarantee that they’ll be cut from the same cloth as Les Miserables.

What is it with people like this? Are their lives so devoid of fun and happiness that they have to try to spoil other people’s fun? Cunts

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

86 thoughts on “Nosey Neighbourhood Cunts

  1. Well theyre not related to me!!
    I love mini skirted wimmin swanning about!
    I say hello to my neighbours but I keep them at arms lenth,
    I don’t want to sit and drink with them,
    I dont want to cook for them,
    I dont have any interest in them and any interest in my affairs by them is dissuaded.
    Its not that im anti social its just theyre not cool enough to hangaround with me, itd embarrass them.
    Oh and im anti social.

    • Afternoon MNC.
      Most of my neighbours are great apart from one miserable prick who complained about the “dreadful racket” my ancient 2-stroke 750 made (despite me pushing it to the end of the road before starting it at 6am).
      Now, he regularly gets a lovely demonstration of the internal combustion engine as I rev my 1964 big block Galaxie (with open pipes) outside his house of an afternoon if I see him cutting his lawn. Fuck me, talk about death stares!

      • The neighbours across the road from us, are very nice (as are nearly all the neighbours in our crescent). But the ones opposite are particular nice as they have two teenage daughters (16 or 17, but who knows when they slap on the make-up, but probably too old for the camel riders!)

        Very well spoken and personable. But golly gosh they know how to prick-tease, intentionally or otherwise. For instance, they were out cleaning their dad’s car yesterday – a hot day at that. Tight jeans and white t-shirts – classic combo, and everyone was happy!

        Must remember to throw more dirt & sawdust over their car tomorrow.

      • Afternoon Thomas,
        I try to be a good neighbour, dont mither, not noisey, keep my property nice, and like next door and chat.
        Even given their teenage son some work on the van.
        But the rest im not struck on if im honest,
        I was the only one not clapping of a thursday at 8pm, I didnt go the street party, or the elderley neighbours funeral.
        I just think theyre beneath me.

        • A bit harsh, and completely untrue, IMO. If it was a Kawa H2 or a Suzu TR750 I would have the utmost respect (even though mine’s a 4-stroke 998) for it and its owner. Would have a job affording the petrol for them though…

  2. Surely they’d get the message to cease and desist when their living room window had a breeze block chucked through it at 3am every single Saturday night?
    Or borrow Fiddler’s muck spreader?
    All the spiteful possibilities are dancing merrily in my head!
    Total fucking warfare!

    • Fiddler has a muck spreader? Bring it on, Dicky boy, bring it on. I’m actually thinking about buying a surplus tank. Nothing too flashy, a Challenger 1 or a Churchill will do.

    • Bagpipes.
      Take them up QD!
      Nowt like the sound of bagpipes at 4am to endear you to the neighbours.
      Wear a miniskirt while you practise in the garden.
      If the council investigate say it’s cultural and level accusations of racism at your neighbours.

      • I have an electric guitar and an amplifier. I have used it before, at my old terraced house, to teach the ignorant fuckers next door a lesson about recreating Glastonbury every Friday night/Saturday morning. Bagpipes are an interesting idea though.

    • Sorry, CC, but I was Royal Artillery, it’s genetically impossible for me to keep the noise down. My bangs have to be loud.

  3. It will only get worse.

    You get covertly monitored whenever you’re online (IP,GDPR, apps (Cortana, social media, banking/supermarkets/bookings))
    You get monitored with domestic products (IoT – smartphones, Alexa, TVs, fridges, Fitbit etc)
    You get monitored by government (Council Tax, Income Tax, NICs, Benefits, Census)
    You get monitored by nosey neighbours because they’re sad/embittered bastards.
    You get monitored by the plastic Covid Marshalls, who will be very selective who they pick on no doubt.

    Basically, short of having a barcode on your arm or a microchip in your head, you are completely owned by some cunt or other!

  4. I would organise a letter from all the neighbours telling the cantankerous old cunts that their demands are ridiculous, Signed the entire street.

    I am sure B&WC would add ‘go fuck yourselves’.

    • Its obvious to me that there must be some genetic material in there from before ww2 /im wondering specifically if they had been brainwashed by a certain regime of around the same era.Rest assured something is not right there sounds like something out of tom hanks film the burbs!

  5. I wonder why they have a problem with mini skirts, maybe at their previous home there were some horny bits of stuff hanging around on the street and the old fella was getting a bit excited, my neighbours are fine, one even has a tight little arse, which is nice.

  6. A sorry situation QDM,
    You should pay a tramp/illegal refugee to shit out their doorstep every week, if that fails some cat shit on their car, if that’s fails blast some Drum and Bass out loud at 3am.
    If that fails give me a shout and for a fee I’ll have a ‘word’.
    That sound like proper cunts who are acting like they were there before everyone else.
    Let’s hope they get Covid 19.

    • It is no laughing matter Techno! When the Mrs and I got our first house BOTH sides complained of Dogs, children, and every other fucking thing. That was until i kicked down the door of one of them. She called the police, but we’d ALREADY called them, so were on file, way before.

  7. Be thankful QDM that your neighbours aren’t trying to break your doors down with pangas, while screaming “go honky” back to your land, these cunts need a good sjamboking by the sounds of it, get a longer one, you must keep your distance, utter cunts

  8. I would nip round, have a word – “don’t take the piss mate, and if I want to sashay past your house in a short skirt I will – I am transitioning and will report you for hate crimes”, whilst getting someone to film it – this will deal with the situation admirably when the coppers get a tearful phone call about what brutes they are, 300 hideous trans beasts and wimminz stand outside THEIR home all day and clap and cheer as these monsters are dragged out to the Police van! 😁👍
    And they would stop taking the piss – this kind of nonsense needs to be “nipped firmly in the bud” or these sour little bullies will just get worse.
    Outmanoeuvre them I say Q! – these fuckers show all the signs of psychopathic behaviour.

    • I actually told the neighbour who walked up and down their house in a miniskirt to report them to police for transphobia if they complained. They did complain, loudly, but I don’t know if my neighbour called Five-0.

  9. Seriously? There is ONLY one answer to this, you must all get together and organise a double-suicide. Given their history EVERYONE would be believe it!

  10. Of course my Notting Hill neighbors are all very courteous and of a very high pedigree.
    As you can imagine I lower the tone quite badly…
    Go fuck yourselves. 😁

    • They haven’t asked you to get the shopping from the taxi or tipped you at the front door yet B&WC? The well-off honkeys are some of the worst.

      • They aren’t that bad to be honest LL, it’s like the United Nations though.
        We are mostly in our 30s and 40s…and as I have been there longer than most they can all go fuck themselves. 😁

    • I heard you’d been asked to remake a classic British Sitcom B&WC.
      Giving it a modern twist. They’ve changed the title a bit too as far as I can tell…

      …’Only tongues & arseholes’

      • Funnily enough HS Only fools and Horses has been filmed right near my flat, saw it on am old episode.
        Your right though a modern remake called ‘Only tongues and Arseholes’ would work, I could play a refugee who tongues a lesbian so well she starts identifying as a normal woman.

  11. I’m despise these people. I would love to join your neighbourhood resistance to defeat them!!! My head is simply awash with ideas.

    – Get everyone in the street to have a bbq at the same time and stink them out to high heaven.
    – Ask the school children in your neighbourhood to put their finger up to their nose and goose step whenever walking by their house
    – Professionally print out all the Rule of 6 exceptions on an A2 sheet of paper and put it through their letterbox.
    – Send the letters they sent you to the Daily Mail and/or local paper and hopefully they’ll print it as a human interest story. But a copy of the paper and put it though their letterbox.
    – Slap an anti-harassment order on them
    – Send them a postcard with a Russian flag on it and put that through their letterbox signed ‘wishing you were there’
    – Ask families to pause for a few moments when walking by their house and start singing and perhaps do a spontaneous dance of joy

  12. QDM You have my sympathy. I have fairly good neighbours considering, but years ago we did have one like yours. I think give them enough rope and they willhang themselves. If they constantly bombard the police (most of whom loathe Covid marshalls like we all do) and arrange solicitors letters, they will be seen to be vexacious litigants, I think the legal term is, and though the solictor will gladly write letters at £40 a time, both the solicitor and the police will just ignore their complaints. I daresay each time the nosy cunts make a complaint at the local station it immeiately gets filed in the rubbish bin. I could offer to let you borrow one of my neighbours, a nubile girl of about 25 with lovely bouncing knockers, who likes to display them, and all her other assets in a very low plunge blouse and shorts so miniscule, B&WC would need to remove them to apply that tongue. She is as coarse as cow cake when she opens her gob, but when silent quite attractive in a rough and ready way.

    • “Vexatious litigation” – that’s the one WC – very useful that one is, and every solicitors letter they send will cost them around £200, their malice will bleed them dry and any third party legal costs reasonably incurred by neighbours can be recouped by issuing proceedings in the Small Claims Court – if they have a VL issued against them they have no legal defence and are liable by default.
      I love taking people like this apart.

  13. The fact they have the nerve to turn up and list petty demands of their new neighbours shows a rare form of cuntishness.
    The only thing these cunts will understand is a neighborhood beating, as in you and all the neighbours get together and give them a good beating and tell them to stay in and shut up.
    The cunts.

  14. I’ve mentioned before the incomers who bought the cottage a couple of fields across from me…the snooty bitch was rude to me so I turned their water supply off…the Cunts hadn’t realised that the spring and holding-tank for their private water supply is on my land…left it off for a couple of days until a plumber told them what the problem was and the man of the house came and apologised to me for the woman’s behaviour.

    They are my nearest neighbours and to be fair to them aren’t a bit of bother to me anymore.

    • Some of the newcomers in the village set up one of those speed- watch schemes a couple of years ago…I fucking near crashed my good jeep one day while accelerating, shouting abuse and flicking the v-sign at the Cunts…fucking Mentals.

      • We seem to have acquired some speedwatch cunts lately. Not content with plastering the town with signs which would require and fail to get planning permission if I proposed to install them, and hanging around in groups with a speed gun at rush hour, they’re agitating for speed bumps. They’re all 60ish, male and obviously have nothing better to do: most are I think recent refugees from London or Essex.

    • A quality response Sir Fiddler – there’s nothing better than watching a cnt grovel for a situation they have caused themselves!
      And have at those speed camera types – in their spare time they are probably members of the vegan cycling club and spend their nights releasing mink!

  15. Now cunts like this are empowered by the latest stasi esque bullshit of grass up your neighbours that has been suggested by government this week. Only too well it has been enthusiastically applied by the sad cunts who have no life, and wish to condemn others to wallow in the same misery they inhabit.
    The only reason I wear a fucking pointless mask is to avoid conflict with these turds, as I have had a shite couple of years, now topped of with watching my father succumbing to dementia, is that I fear I will focus that misery into my fist and drive it through the face of some snydey nobody cunt who would challenge me on not wearing one.

  16. We used to have a next door neighbour who was as nosey as hell. I’ll never forget when my daughter was little and he saw her filling in a hole in our garden. He asked her what she was doing to which she replied “I’m burying my budgerigar.”
    I’ll never forget the look on his face when he asked “why is the hole so big?”
    To which she replied “it’s inside your cat.”

  17. The fact that they moved in and sent a letter round with their ‘demands’ suggests a level of entitlement way up there with some twat like Lewis Hamilton.

    I’m generally polite to my neighbours, but keep myself to myself. Seen too many of these programmes where people start out friendly and then end up trying to batter each other over trivial nonsense.
    Priti Patel has now all given people like this even more of an excuse to act like pricks.

    • Growing we had the best neighbours ever.
      They mind me after school till my parents got back from work.
      Our dog would go sit in the garden with them, theyd come over Christmas eve, they were like grandparents to me, and I cried like a little girl 2 years ago when she died.
      You have neighbours like that your very lucky.
      But they were a different generation, decent & honest.

  18. Neighbours
    Everybody needs good neighbours
    A well aimed cunting every morning
    Helps to make a better day….

    They sound like the life and soul of the party. Remember QDM, the pen is mightier than the sword.
    Do they have children? If so, I bet they never fucking visit the miserable pair of twats.
    I actually feel sorry for people like this-joyless nerks who live under a permanent dark cloud.

    Try a new approach, smile sweetly and wish them good morning every time you see them😀
    Then thank whatever gods you follow that you are not like them.


  19. Shit through their letterbox every Friday evening.
    Pay tramps to have a piss up in their front garden.
    Film a gangbang in their car.
    Build a life size replica of a Stuka in your front garden and fire up its Jericho Trumpet prior to your BBQs.
    Gas them.

  20. The Swiss have to be the most intolerant neighbours in the world. Parties are routinely broken up the police because of complaints about the noise, so most people invite their neighbours even though they can´t stand them. Even then, it is common for the neighbours, after downing some free booze, to go back to their place then call the police and complain about the racket.

  21. If you’re ever lonely, buy an old ambulance and stick it outside your house. The nosy fucking neighbours’ll be out quick enough, mowing the lawn and washing the car, looking over and then asking ‘Is everything all right’? as if it’s their divine right to know what’s going on. The nosey, curtain-twitching cunts.

    Good cunting.

    • Evening DCI. I’ve been meaning to ask you if you’ve been affected by these fuckin’ useless local authorities which have been receiving government money for Covid and have been closing roads and pedestrianising or turning them into cycle routes. It’s been shown to affect response times for stroke or heart attack cases.
      Fuckin’ madness!

      • Evening, Bertie. Yep, you bet your arse I have. The cunts at Big Town council have narrowed the road outside and leading up to Big Town Infirmary and getting down there with blues on is a fucking nightmare as I found out the other day whilst blueing in an 11 month old, struggling to breathe, tracheal tug, the works. Poor fucking motorists had nowhere to go. Road so fucking narrow so that cyclists can get to the red traffic lights and ignore the fuckers quicker. One day they’ll meet me coming out of the hospital, on blues with the green light in my favour and we’ll see who wins that particular game of ‘Chicken’.

  22. They do sound like absolute cunts. Rest assured there will come a day when they will need some sort of help, you can all then stick two fingers up and tell them to get fucked. If one of the cunts snuffs it I would hold a massive celebration and all cheer when the hearse pulls up outside thier house.

  23. I’m almost envying you for having such neighbours. There are few things that delight me as much as winding up stupid people. Really brightens my day. My neighbours are nice and tolerant.

  24. …….and make sure that this Christmas, Griswold family Christmas the fuck, the outside of all your houses-loud music the works.
    Do it for a local hospice and advertise it in the local news.
    That’ll do it👍👍👍👍👍😀

  25. A good caption /and or suggestions for the above image should have been
    Look at this nosy bastard.
    Its them peacefulls love theym at it again .
    Look at that fat old windbag thinks owns the fucking place.

    Coppers am here again love 3rd time this week /told ya that old bloke was a paedo (headteacher my arse!).

  26. On the flip side, the arrogant fuckers who just bought the house next door told us they were knocking down a couple of internal walls and fitting a new kitchen. They said it would take a month or so but after the first two when they were knocking out, the disruption would be minimal.

    That was 9 weeks ago. They seem to have defined internal as including knocking 6 metre wide hole in the rear wall and fitting a 570Kg RSJ. The back of the house has had a bloody great hole in it for the last 7 weeks. Result : it acts like a megaphone.

    This week they were using a disc cutter to cut bricks, drilling holes, hammering and digging up bits of a concrete floor. The foremen reckons it’ll take another 4 weeks yet.

    And where are the lying shits that own the place? They’ve fucked off to their second home in France!

    I really do hope when they come back they break their 14 quarantine as I’m sure they will as they had several friends around for lunch during lockdown.

    I will report the cunts and make no apology for doing so because the fuckers deserve it for the aggravation they’ve inflicted in us.

    Last Wednesday Wren delivered 20k kitchen including appliances. It’s stacked in boxes easily accessible by the back gate and a 6 metre wide hole in the rear wall. There’s no security and I sincerely hope some pikey steals it…

  27. Are these cunts for real? This is what pitch forks and tiki torches were invented for. Burn the pretentious cunts while they sleep. Why the fuck didn’t they move to the middle of nowhere if they don’t like people?

    Anyone, anywhere coming across some cock smoker calling themselves a ‘covid marshall’ should kick the living fuck out of said person. That teach the Stasi spying cockstains.

    This is straight out of the Nu Labour Government control playbook. I simply can’t believe the Tories are letting unexacting parasite doctor cunts hijack this whole bag of bollocks saga.

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